A few days ago an ENTP guy asked me out. We've known each other as acquaintances in graduate school for 2 years, but a month ago ended up hanging out and chatting as part of a small group of friends quite intensively over the course of a week. I could feel some sort of special interest from him in that week, and in the way he communicated with me afterwards. Thought I'd wait and see if anything happened.
We've both been variously sick and busy in the last month, and have only caught up briefly the last couple of weeks.
So this last time we hung out he told me he liked me, that he thinks I'm a very strong and interesting person, that we have a surprising amount in common and that he thinks that it'd be good to be together because we'd let each other be individuals and do our own thing while encouraging each other. He said he hadn't been aware of his feelings during that week of increased interaction but that in the month since then it's been all he can think about, it'd been eating away at him.
He made it clear that he had been quite happy being single and that the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about his interest and couldn't find ways to shoot it down meant that it was a genuine, "not silly" interest and that he had to let me know. So essentially he asked if there was a possibility that this could be more than friends. He said he'd just like to get to know me better and see how things go. He cast it all in a very open-ended light and said that he only had the one stipulation of exclusivity.
I asked him some questions. Went on a bit of a ramble. Then asked him if I could have some time to think about it - he replied very positively, saying that he'd prefer that I take time to think about it.
So, what's the problem? I'm unsure of my reply. We do have a surprising amount in common when it comes to things we've spent time thinking about and where our thinking leads us.
But I've never felt anything other than friend vibes between us. In the past what has motivated me to get closer to someone, in the direction of coupleness, is a sense of some underlying emotional connection. Even when he asked me out it was all very interesting to talk about and we made it easy for each other to speak quite openly and straightforwardly, which helped reduce the awkwardness, but it was almost too civilised and rational?
I'm curious about what he's been experiencing too because while I've felt a sort of increased friendliness from him, I haven't really felt longing or a palpable sense of physical attraction from him. I haven't felt desire, whether it comes from emotional closeness or physical arousal. I've only felt excitement and happiness over the chats that we have.
This leaves me wondering.... couldn't we simply continue as friends having good chats? I'm not quite seeing how the romantic/sexual ( and or /emotional/spiritual) side comes into play here. Then again, perhaps it's early days. But this is a new thing for me, being asked out by someone who I can tell likes me a lot as a person but from whom I can't feel any desire. And I'm not sure if there is room for my own feelings to grow, as I haven't yet caught a glimpse of any emotionality. My dating past has only been with IxTx types, but even though they weren't particularly outwardly emotional I could sense what was beneath (and time bore this out.)
To sum it up, I'm sort of curious but not compelled, so I'm not sure how to reply. I'm happy to have friends and to have sex with people I like, but for me going out with someone is about having a supportive emotional connection - closeness and cuddliness and freedom to be vulnerable. However I would say that my past relationships probably lacked a firm foundation of friendship first, and went forward on the power of emotional interest - physical attraction at first. They did grow into friendships eventually, but I still think it is better to really be friends before getting deep in with the hormones.
We've both been variously sick and busy in the last month, and have only caught up briefly the last couple of weeks.
So this last time we hung out he told me he liked me, that he thinks I'm a very strong and interesting person, that we have a surprising amount in common and that he thinks that it'd be good to be together because we'd let each other be individuals and do our own thing while encouraging each other. He said he hadn't been aware of his feelings during that week of increased interaction but that in the month since then it's been all he can think about, it'd been eating away at him.
He made it clear that he had been quite happy being single and that the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about his interest and couldn't find ways to shoot it down meant that it was a genuine, "not silly" interest and that he had to let me know. So essentially he asked if there was a possibility that this could be more than friends. He said he'd just like to get to know me better and see how things go. He cast it all in a very open-ended light and said that he only had the one stipulation of exclusivity.
I asked him some questions. Went on a bit of a ramble. Then asked him if I could have some time to think about it - he replied very positively, saying that he'd prefer that I take time to think about it.
So, what's the problem? I'm unsure of my reply. We do have a surprising amount in common when it comes to things we've spent time thinking about and where our thinking leads us.
But I've never felt anything other than friend vibes between us. In the past what has motivated me to get closer to someone, in the direction of coupleness, is a sense of some underlying emotional connection. Even when he asked me out it was all very interesting to talk about and we made it easy for each other to speak quite openly and straightforwardly, which helped reduce the awkwardness, but it was almost too civilised and rational?
I'm curious about what he's been experiencing too because while I've felt a sort of increased friendliness from him, I haven't really felt longing or a palpable sense of physical attraction from him. I haven't felt desire, whether it comes from emotional closeness or physical arousal. I've only felt excitement and happiness over the chats that we have.
This leaves me wondering.... couldn't we simply continue as friends having good chats? I'm not quite seeing how the romantic/sexual ( and or /emotional/spiritual) side comes into play here. Then again, perhaps it's early days. But this is a new thing for me, being asked out by someone who I can tell likes me a lot as a person but from whom I can't feel any desire. And I'm not sure if there is room for my own feelings to grow, as I haven't yet caught a glimpse of any emotionality. My dating past has only been with IxTx types, but even though they weren't particularly outwardly emotional I could sense what was beneath (and time bore this out.)
To sum it up, I'm sort of curious but not compelled, so I'm not sure how to reply. I'm happy to have friends and to have sex with people I like, but for me going out with someone is about having a supportive emotional connection - closeness and cuddliness and freedom to be vulnerable. However I would say that my past relationships probably lacked a firm foundation of friendship first, and went forward on the power of emotional interest - physical attraction at first. They did grow into friendships eventually, but I still think it is better to really be friends before getting deep in with the hormones.
