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[NT] Do you have trouble making eye contact?

LEGERdeMAIN

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Aug 16, 2009
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Eye contact from others is interpreted different ways by different people. For some, eye contact means you are listening to them; for others, it's weird. I rarely bother making eye contact, but when I do, it means I want you to attend closely to some serious matter.

I expect more from an INTP. You claim that eye contact is interpreted in different ways by different people, but you only give one example of how it can be interpreted: "For some, eye contact means you are listening to them". The second "example" is so vague that it could mean anything. What do you mean by your "eye contact is weird" statement? If you're too lazy to give a second example, why give any at all? Why not say "For some, eye contact is not weird; for others, it's weird"? I suspect you are actually an INFP, which would make sense considering your Enneagram type.

Sincerely,
Leger
 

LEGERdeMAIN

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Aug 16, 2009
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I do. I noticed the other night when I saw some friends I was meeting up with across the parking lot. I waved to them and then averted my eyes until we were close enough to speak. When I talk to people I'll either look up or look at my hands while I'm gesturing. When I listen I'll look down and lean in. When I do catch people's eye I feel like I'm being offensive. If I try to do It It feels like I'm intruding on them. Plus it's sort of difficult to look at both eyes. Really you have to look someone in one of their eyes.


Do you have the same experience or a different one?

How do you feel when someone doesn't make eye contact with you? :happy2::happy2::happy2::happy2::happy2::happy2:

I do not have trouble making eye contact. Eye contact is a useful tool for commanding attention while speaking and showing interest when others are speaking. It can be used to show romantic interest, boredom, aggression, fear. It's usefulness has deteriorated as newer generations run away from face-to-face interactions and into the arms of new communication technology. When I speak to a young savage I see very little of their eyes, they cannot hold a conversation on any significant topic without the use of an electronic medium, they fidget, get nervous, stumble, run away. I hope one day that all electronic devices will cease to operate for a period of weeks so that I can take a walk outside on an open, rural road and watch young people, startled by the sight of a human, scurry off into the woods. I'll take my bright orange hat off and look through a scope, hoping to make a special kind of long-distance eye contact. There will be feasts.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
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Mar 4, 2009
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3,900
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I have trouble with eye contact, but not in the way you might think. People think I'm implying things when I maintain eye contact, so I often don't; I mean, waiters think I want attention, men think I'm trying to provoke them (at a bar or on the street, for instance), women think I'm interested in them...so I tend to glance and look away, then look again later, if looking was my agenda and had a purpose to me.
But I've always done this 'scanning the room' thing. I don't know if it's a constant looking out for possible danger (because of some bad experiences, like mugging and being beat up in college) or that I want to make contact with others in a positive way. It's just a habit I have.
 

kyli_ryan

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Jul 16, 2010
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INFJ
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Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I usually don't have trouble making eye contact.... but I went to a concert on Sunday and was VERY close to the stage, and I noticed the whole night, I didn't want to look at the singers' faces because I felt very awesome when they looked at me while singing. It was strange :blush:
 

Mal12345

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I expect more from an INTP. You claim that eye contact is interpreted in different ways by different people, but you only give one example of how it can be interpreted: "For some, eye contact means you are listening to them". The second "example" is so vague that it could mean anything. What do you mean by your "eye contact is weird" statement? If you're too lazy to give a second example, why give any at all? Why not say "For some, eye contact is not weird; for others, it's weird"? I suspect you are actually an INFP, which would make sense considering your Enneagram type.

Sincerely,
Leger

You were right the first time. I'm lazy.
 

Within

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Do you have the same experience or a different one?
I used to avoid making eye contact with other people, I never gave it much thought until I had it pointed out to me. I changed it over a period of time, my experience with habits is that they tend to change gradually if not enough force of will is put in place to back it up. Now a days I have no problem gazing into peoples eyes, if anything they add lanes of communication between two people. I still find myself disliking the sense of intimacy that eye contact bring, but it's a small price to pay.

How do you feel when someone doesn't make eye contact with you?
When disregarding culture, state of health and emotional predisposition. I size people up that avoid eye contact as being dismissive or having low self confidence depending on their body language as a whole.
 

INTP

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How do you feel when someone doesn't make eye contact with you?

I dont feel anything different in that situation, i think. What i think is trying to figure out the reasons why this person avoids eye contact, which usually is shyness.
 

Grublet

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Sep 11, 2012
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Eye contact to me tells me someone is interested or emotionally invested.
 

Trunks

I'm not Trunks
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Feb 1, 2012
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333
If I'm busy into something yes, I can stare for a very long time into things and people too..
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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I have two primary social gears I interact in - one is a professional gear in which I know what I'm supposed to do and say and the other is personal. I can make eye contact when I am in control, or the person I'm interacting with is more vulnerable than me because I make eye contact to reassure people.

I have incredible trouble with eye contact when I feel vulnerable or the situation is potentially more personal.
 

Cimarron

IRL is not real
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Yes, at this point, I just have accepted it and said, "Who needs eye contact?" (rolling eyes at self) I know people appreciate being "listened" to, so I face them and glance every few seconds to look them in the eyes, then stare "near" them or "past" them for a few seconds to break direct contact, then shift back again to reaffirm contact, and so on. That's my current thing based on gut-comfort-level, it may change in the future. Staring into someone's eyes feels it would be very penetrating and invasive to them, (I don't worry as much when it's directed at me) so it's only done if intentional to provoke strong emotion, or because of being genuinely lost in something interesting.

And actually, I assume/feel someone's not paying full attention to me when they're not looking at me when we're talking. Double standard! :ninja:
 
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