[INTP] INTP - married, infidelity, cheating, emo. affair

[Poser]

Oops. There's someone for everyone though, don't take it personally.

Maybe she was just clashing over something you said?

 

[Jack Flak]

Maybe she was just clashing over something you said?

Good point. Unless every SJ in my life has been pretending, they don't fully understand me. Everything I say means something to them other than what was intended. This is what I would call...Problematic.

 

[MacGuffin]

Somehow I missed this thread the first time around.

 

[Poser]

I read an article recently that mentioned how an emotional affair was considered by some to be worse than a physical affair. I didn't really consider them to even be in the same ballpark. What even constitutes an emotional affair? Is it intent or would it also relate to flirting or sharing something personal with someone other than your SO?

 

[MacGuffin]

I read an article recently that mentioned how an emotional affair was considered by some to be worse than a physical affair. I didn't really consider them to even be in the same ballpark. What even constitutes an emotional affair? Is it intent or would it also relate to flirting or sharing something personal with someone other than your SO?

Ever had a one night stand?

Sex can be a physical thing, the betrayal will hurt. Emotional intimacy on the other hand is very personal. Developing that with someone else can cut deeper.

Emotional affairs aren't flirting or sharing personal things. It's when the other relationship begins to threaten the primary one. When the other person becomes as or more important than the romantic partner. Sex at that point is a trivial detail.

 

[Poser]

I don't know if your definition fits? It would be a good sign of when you would know it yourself. But I think my wife would think of me being in an affair way before it started to threaten our relationship.

So which is worse? I know this is analogous to "Which would you rather lose? An arm or a leg?". But if you had to rank them.

 

[MacGuffin]

I don't know if your definition fits? It would be a good sign of when you would know it yourself. But I think my wife would think of me being in an affair way before it started to threaten our relationship.

So which is worse? I know this is analogous to "Which would you rather lose? An arm or a leg?". But if you had to rank them.

She probably would cause she sees where it could end.

In terms of cheating I'd rank them (going to worst):

One night stand
Purely physical affair
Emotional affair
Physical + Emotional affair

Purely physical affairs are a rarity. You can't continue to fuck on a regular basis without emotions getting involved when there is deception involved. At least for one of the parties. Sexuality is a powerful thing.

 

[Nighthawk]

Any insight related to the above example or general viewpoints into the matter of married INTPs "searching elsewhere" is welcome. Afterthought - do you think INTPs can actively be in love with multiple people at the same time?

Yes ... I used to be very bad in younger years. Cheated, played the field, caroused, whatevery you'd like to call it. I've been married three times. I don't cheat any more. Not sure if it is learning, wisdom, or I just became tired of it ... or perhaps I realized some of the pain and turmoil I caused and put an end to it. When I was younger, I did not see any legitimacy attached to relationships, marriage, etc. I've learned since then that it is a bit more complex. I'm not the only person involved in the equation and I have to take others into account as well.

 

[Poser]

In terms of cheating I'd rank them (going to worst):

One night stand
Purely physical affair
Emotional affair
Physical + Emotional affair

Wow. See, I would rank anything physical as worse than emotional. I don't know. It seems that in order to make it physical, a line has to be crossed. After someone made that kind of decision, I would have a hard time ever trusting them again. But an emotional affair doesn't have as clear cut of a line.

Emotional
One night stand
Purely physical
Physical + Emotional

 

[Jack Flak]

Wow. See, I would rank anything physical as worse than emotional. I don't know. It seems that in order to make it physical, a line has to be crossed. After someone made that kind of decision, I would have a hard time ever trusting them again. But an emotional affair doesn't have as clear cut of a line.

I think I agree, if I understand everyone. Physical action would usually be the result of conscious intent, while getting led around by ones heart wouldn't be.

 

[nottaprettygal]

Wow. See, I would rank anything physical as worse than emotional.

I think that men tend to have this view. Women tend to see the emotional aspects as a lot more important than the physical.

 

[Poser]

I think I agree, if I understand everyone. Physical action would usually be the result of conscious intent, while getting led around by ones heart wouldn't be.

That is the way I would see it.

I think that men tend to have this view. Women tend to see the emotional aspects as a lot more important than the physical.

But something emotional could be an accident that just happened without intent where anything physical would require a choice.

 

[MacGuffin]

Wow. See, I would rank anything physical as worse than emotional. I don't know. It seems that in order to make it physical, a line has to be crossed. After someone made that kind of decision, I would have a hard time ever trusting them again. But an emotional affair doesn't have as clear cut of a line.

Emotional
One night stand
Purely physical
Physical + Emotional

Yes, most men think similar. For us, physical betrayal ("she's mine!") is worse than emotional.

I think I agree, if I understand everyone. Physical action would usually be the result of conscious intent, while getting led around by ones heart wouldn't be.

Yes, but at some point you'd have to realize what's going on.

 

[Salomé]

Yes, most men think similar. For us, physical betrayal ("she's mine!") is worse than emotional.

The gender bias is just evolution talking.

 

[MacGuffin]

The gender bias is just evolution talking.

Right, we have to make sure our offspring carry our DNA. The woman needs to make sure her offspring aren't usurped by some hussy.

 

[Salomé]

Right, we have to make sure our offspring carry our DNA. The woman needs to make sure her offspring aren't usurped by some hussy.

Half-right.
The female needs to make sure her offspring are defended/provided for. A physical infidelity presents less of a risk to this than an emotional one.

A woman needs no such assurance. But her genes haven't caught up with reality yet.

 

[miss fortune]

Half-right.
The female needs to make sure her offspring are defended/provided for. A physical infidelity presents less of a risk to this than an emotional one.

A woman needs no such assurance. But her genes haven't caught up with reality yet.

so I'm guessing you're more in the nature than nurture camp of things then

Women cheat just the same as men do, both physically and emotionally. Surveys say that they'd rather someone physically than emotionally cheat, but that's how most of us are raised isn't it?

 

[MacGuffin]

Half-right.
The female needs to make sure her offspring are defended/provided for. A physical infidelity presents less of a risk to this than an emotional one.

'Ats what I said!

 

[Jack Flak]

Half-right.
The female needs to make sure her offspring are defended/provided for. A physical infidelity presents less of a risk to this than an emotional one.

A woman needs no such assurance. But her genes haven't caught up with reality yet.

Thanks for putting that in crystal clear perspective. I understand it now.

 

[Salomé]

so I'm guessing you're more in the nature than nurture camp of things then

Women cheat just the same as men do, both physically and emotionally. Surveys say that they'd rather someone physically than emotionally cheat, but that's how most of us are raised isn't it?

Most nurture has its roots in nature.