[ENTJ] ENTJs: When you really like someone, how do you express it?

[Quay]

I am very much looking sideways at an ENTJ guy that has expressed much interest in me. Maybe because at the same time, he seems to be irritated by my moodiness and other qualities deemed imperfect by him, lol. He's a nice enough guy but questions my motives though he approached me.

Tell me your actions when you really like someone. Please and thanks.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

I am very much looking sideways at an ENTJ guy that has expressed much interest in me. Maybe because at the same time, he seems to be irritated by my moodiness and other qualities deemed imperfect by him, lol. He's a nice enough guy but questions my motives though he approached me.

Tell me your actions when you really like someone. Please and thanks.

The last time I really liked someone, I couldn't keep from throwing myself at her and I scared her off.

That was several years ago. Haven't met anyone that's blown my skirt up since.

I do slow play it much more than I used to now a days.

 

[rav3n]

I do nothing, observing them.

 

[Quay]

The last time I really liked someone, I couldn't keep from throwing myself at her and I scared her off.

That was several years ago. Haven't met anyone that's blown my skirt up since.

I do slow play it much more than I used to now a days.

I noticed this part. Quite persistent.

I do nothing, observing them.

How long to approach???

 

[jcloudz]

i think they show you their gun collection....no wait, that might be the intj`s. im going to go with, they share what they are passionate about with you.

 

[Amargith]

@Op I aint no ENTJ, and I ve never dated one (but I have some ENTJ friends and do date the introverted brother), but from my interactions with ENTJs, even in just friendship, what you see is what you get. They are very open and down to earth about what they like and do not like. What I found hard to wrap my brain around as an NF was that although they had no qualms telling you they didn't like trait X about you, it didn't mean they judged your entire person for it. They make a cost benefit analysis in the end, and if your positive traits outweigh those few nuisances, they will deal with it the way they deal with obstacles standing in the way of their mission: by either ignoring them, resolving them or trying to annihilate them (most realize this is not a good tactic when used on people ). Usually though, they seem to just find a practical solution to the problem and be done with it.

Last night, my INTJ was a bit...more rough around the edges than usual, and he said throughout the course of the evening at least 7 things that made me cringe and feel insecure about myself, as his partner. Then we got home and he seemed to forget all about those things that apparently irk him about me if you catch my drift. I have to remind myself that to him, those traits are an acceptable cost to the benefits he gets from me, and he mentions them occasionally as a matter of fact, not because he wants to torment me, or judge me, but simply because they are there and occasionally impact him in some way that he doesn't necessarily like. Its like..a random sort of musing on them, that he does. And Ive seen ENTJs be even more prone to doing this

They are ok with and too realistic to expect their partner to be perfect. They will encourage you to improve, of course, and preferably to their vision..but they will also love and accept you just as you are, in this moment.

 

[Litvyak]

The last time I really liked someone, I couldn't keep from throwing myself at her

This. There's a force driving me towards the other person, mostly lust and the joy of the hunt, but there might be another force (deep interest, usually) that keeps me away from instantly engaging her and motivates me to observe. This latter one is usually not as strong as the former one, I have to find her really exquisite to simply lay back and listen. It just doesn't happen, I think my expectations are too high.

I also believe that many ENTJs behave this way, they touch first and ask later, which has its advantages and disadvantages.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

This. There's a force driving me towards the other person, mostly lust and the joy of the hunt, but there might be another force (deep interest, usually) that keeps me away from instantly engaging her and motivates me to observe. This latter one is usually not as strong as the former one, I have to find her really exquisite to simply lay back and listen. It just doesn't happen, I think my expectations are too high.

I also believe that many ENTJs behave this way, they touch first and ask later, which has its advantages and disadvantages.

The older and more experienced I become, the easier it is to keep a cool head despite intense attraction.

 

[Cellmold]

"Oi you...maggot!"

"Mm..me?"

"Who else?!"

"Oh...tha...t's nice im glad you l...lll....ike me."

"Quiet you, ive lathered up the whip....NOW! get on the rack!"

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

I no longer know, tbh.the degree in which I like someone does not influence my ability to interact with them. Interaction is smooth and light, no matter how much I am flipping out on the inside due to excitement.
I try to never become attached or show attachment. Interest is alright, so long as I know that they know I have control of what is going on.
I tend to be wary of people, curious, and always questioning their motives, but this maybe a personal thng than an entj thing.

When I genuinely like someone and am interested in them in a relationship. The first stages are always showing enough interest to keep them feeling enough security while learning things about them as much as possible. Testing boundaries is usually the biggest thing for me. Testing how they react to things, what their instincts are, etc. I know people generally find testing to be game play, but I find it useful for gauging individuals, their reactions, and decision making. This may involve odd or even mean behaviour, or doing uncommon things( not referring to sexual deeds)

Expression of interest in it's most basic level is banter; and an increase in interactions, even for things that may not be very relevant.
Serious expression of feelings is not something to be expected unless one is deeply in a serious relationship.
"I like you" is only said when entj is in control of themselves and know that detachment is a easy possibility to deal with.


We're usually questioning you as much as you're questioning us, if not more!



Then again this could just be me!

 

[Sinmara]

The last time I really liked someone, I couldn't keep from throwing myself at her and I scared her off.

Yeeeeah, this.

When I became interested in my boyfriend, I detached and observed for a couple of months to get a critical look at what he was about (which he noticed and he thought he had done something to offend me because I inexplicably got quiet)...and then one day I pretty much just started petting his face affectionately during conversation. And I cozied up to him and draped my legs across his lap. And I put his hair in pigtails.

He was rather confused about the sudden behavior shift, but he didn't complain because I might have stopped.

ENTJ: "Hey so yah, I want you, k?"
INTP: "Holy crap, girl attention!"

He still teases me about it.

In my last relationship, I decided I liked him but I didn't know where to find him (met him at a public event, didn't have a chance to get contact info), so I pretty much tracked him down through mutual acquaintances. I learned that he was attending another public event, coincidentally showed up, flirted heavily the entire time, and then asked him out on a date.

You call it throwing yourself at them...I call it aggressive courting.

 

[Quay]

When I genuinely like someone and am interested in them in a relationship. The first stages are always showing enough interest to keep them feeling enough security while learning things about them as much as possible. Testing boundaries is usually the biggest thing for me. Testing how they react to things, what their instincts are, etc. I know people generally find testing to be game play, but I find it useful for gauging individuals, their reactions, and decision making. This may involve odd or even mean behaviour, or doing uncommon things( not referring to sexual deeds)

Expression of interest in it's most basic level is banter; and an increase in interactions, even for things that may not be very relevant.
Serious expression of feelings is not something to be expected unless one is deeply in a serious relationship.
"I like you" is only said when entj is in control of themselves and know that detachment is a easy possibility to deal with.


We're usually questioning you as much as you're questioning us, if not more!



Then again this could just be me!

Hm. Could be, but it's a good description of him too.

I've found myself in these weird situations with him where I felt I was being tested, but didn't want to assume anything. Now that you say this, I recall a couple instances when we were out on dates and he did some rude shit and I checked him about it. It seems the sassier I am, the more he enjoys my company, so I can understand what you say about banter.

I'm not really sure what his "requirements" are, as I know you guys can be fickle. I just want to be aware so I don't start liking this dude too much, and then he starts writing ENTJ commandments that I can't/won't live up to.

Thanks for the knowledge folks.

 

[Lori]

I no longer know, tbh.the degree in which I like someone does not influence my ability to interact with them. Interaction is smooth and light, no matter how much I am flipping out on the inside due to excitement.
I try to never become attached or show attachment. Interest is alright, so long as I know that they know I have control of what is going on.
I tend to be wary of people, curious, and always questioning their motives, but this maybe a personal thng than an entj thing.

When I genuinely like someone and am interested in them in a relationship. The first stages are always showing enough interest to keep them feeling enough security while learning things about them as much as possible. Testing boundaries is usually the biggest thing for me. Testing how they react to things, what their instincts are, etc. I know people generally find testing to be game play, but I find it useful for gauging individuals, their reactions, and decision making. This may involve odd or even mean behaviour, or doing uncommon things( not referring to sexual deeds)

Expression of interest in it's most basic level is banter; and an increase in interactions, even for things that may not be very relevant.
Serious expression of feelings is not something to be expected unless one is deeply in a serious relationship.
"I like you" is only said when entj is in control of themselves and know that detachment is a easy possibility to deal with.


We're usually questioning you as much as you're questioning us, if not more!



Then again this could just be me!

I have always found ENTJ's to be an interesting type and I enjoy learning more about them. As an ENTJ, when you say as a way of getting to know someone you are interested in you test that person's boundaries what types of boundaries are you referring to? What are you trying to learn about that person?

Someone else mentioned that they like to first observe the person they are interested in. What things are you looking for?

Also, what qualities do you find attractive in someone?

 

[sulfit]

ENTJs are pseudo-aggressors/victims according to these erotic attitudes. They usually make contact first, but have trouble providing relationship with stability and need someone else to re-affirm their interest in them, post by ENTJ guy.

 

[Ism]

The last time I really liked someone, I couldn't keep from throwing myself at her

Lol, so I guess this is a common thing. The ENTJ I know went all out the second a mutual friend of ours and he decided to date. You wanna have dinner?

MIX TAPE THE NEXT DAY.

The good news is, she's a total cheeseball who loves that kind of over-the-top lovey dovey stuff. They're still together now after a couple of months, so I think it's working well.

But, yeah, ENTJs are definitely very forward, rofl.

 

[violet_crown]

I'm not terribly smooth when it comes to people I'm genuinely attracted to. They get my full attention when they're around to pretty much the exclusion of anyone/anything else. This is primarily because it's fairly rare for me to be really into someone. Strong attraction is very much a matter of first impression, and I know pretty immediately whether that connection is there or not.

In terms of how all of this is expressed, where the relationship with the other person is is a major factor. If I don't really know them too well, then I make my interest obvious (short of asking the guy out myself) and see how things develop from there. If things are a bit further along, and I'm really into the person I can be immensely circumspect about what feelings I express to maintain control and avoid getting hurt. Regardless of what I may or may not express, though, the person is still a priority to me, and I'll demonstrate that through my actions. Sometimes in ways the other person may never be aware of. I always make time for them. I keep track of what they tell me so I know what's important to them. I try to be helpful to them in whatever ways I can. These things are not always as obvious as someone who's willing to emote all over the damn place, but if you know us, we tend to be tyrannical with our time and resources. If we're investing either in you in a genuine way, then that's a strong indication of interest and possibly commitment.

I have always found ENTJ's to be an interesting type and I enjoy learning more about them. As an ENTJ, when you say as a way of getting to know someone you are interested in you test that person's boundaries what types of boundaries are you referring to? What are you trying to learn about that person?

I dont know if this was just to YWIR, or if you wouldn't mind if other ENTJ took a stab at your questions.

Boundary testing is about figuring out that person's thresholds. Everyone has the polite face that they present to the world, but what's underneath that? What is this person really made of? What frightens them? What makes them angry? How do they react to pressure? Boundary testing doesn't usually take place until we're at least somewhat comfortable with the person. We don't necessarily want them to walk. We just want to poke at them a little to see how they function. We do this for a couple of reasons. A) Empathy's not really our strong suit, so it's nice to have an object lesson tucked away somewhere so we can know where the person's lines are so we don't accidentally cross them in the future. B) We need to know we can trust the person. And C) we need to know that the person can deal with us. Most ENTJs tend to be fairly extreme personalities, so we need to know that our prospective mate can hang when the going gets rough.

Someone else mentioned that they like to first observe the person they are interested in. What things are you looking for? Also, what qualities do you find attractive in someone?

I dont want to speak for [MENTION=10808]andante[/MENTION], but usually when I'm researching someone I'm interested in I'm not necessarily looking for anything in particular. I just want to know what their deal is. I want to get a better sense of the person, and I don't want to have any surprises.

Getting into specific qualities that are nice to find, I think that varies from person to person. But for me, point C) on boundary testing is a big one. I need to know that they're someone I can truly be myself with, and if I'm lucky they'll be able to keep up. Intelligence also ranks pretty high. Integrity is important...There are all kinds of things really, but the bottom line is someone who will be a good friend and a partner I can trust. While I acknowledge my shortcomings, I feel like I have a lot to offer as a mate, and it would be nice to find someone who not only appreciated those things but had as much to offer in return.

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

@ Lori. I'm with [MENTION=7254]Wind-Up Rex[/MENTION] on this, pretty much what she said:

ENTJs are pseudo-aggressors/victims according to these erotic attitudes. They usually make contact first, but have trouble providing relationship with stability and need someone else to re-affirm their interest in them, post by ENTJ guy.

These are types who exhibit aggressive tendencies in their everyday life, and as a result tend to carry over these notions and temperaments into their romantic life. They typically are not comfortable with connotations of the word "victim" - implying a certain weakness, effeteness, and lack of dignity. In searching for a partner, they are looking for a worthy opponent - someone who is strong enough to withstand their quirks without "breaking" so to speak.

Good post. I don't know about the others, but definitely true for me.

 

[Totenkindly]

Lol, so I guess this is a common thing. The ENTJ I know went all out the second a mutual friend of ours and he decided to date. You wanna have dinner?

MIX TAPE THE NEXT DAY.

The good news is, she's a total cheeseball who loves that kind of over-the-top lovey dovey stuff. They're still together now after a couple of months, so I think it's working well.

But, yeah, ENTJs are definitely very forward, rofl.

Yeah, I had an ENTJ chase me on OKC, and he was very direct and persistent to the point where I finally did go out with him once. (There was a huge age difference, so I didn't think it was going to work in the first place, but he was so persistent and eloquent in his approach that I just finally thought, "what the heck," and did it... it was kind of flattering regardless.)

While we got along fine and talked for a few hours, my feeling was that he was too structured for me and I wasn't really seeing it going anywhere; and while he was polite and we had a good time talking, he just never even bothered to contact me again. It was kind of ironic, after how hard he chased me.

It was the same thing with another ENTJ, this one older than me. We were texting, and I accidentally (honestly) rang him, so we talked for a little bit and it seemed to be fine (although he seemed far more awkward in person on the phone), and then he just stopped communicating. It was kind of perplexing because I actually didn't get any kind of ending articulated by either of them, it was just a lot of intense scrutiny where he was initiating, and then complete disappearance without any explanation.

 

[Amargith]

^That be baby Fi, ime. I do that as well but this seems the more..streamlined version

It is that 'must know NOW, must feel COMPLETELY right, must ponder on this' thing. Curiosity causes the aggressive pursuit for knowledge about the other person, followed by pretty intensive bonding/getting to know the other, followed by a yes/no on follow-through after careful introspection on compatibility, though that careful inspection may just be a gut feeling unless actively mulled on, making it hard to explain to another.