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[INTJ] INTJs, what makes you feel insecure?

A

A_priori

Guest
I know two INTJs through work and I have to say they both display a tremendous amount of confidence and security. There are so many good qualities I see INTJs and actually find the older I get the better I gel with them. I find I'm almost a bit jelious of some of the qualities they posses and was wondering, just out of curiosity what makes you guys feel insecure?

Cheers
 

Usehername

On a mission
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May 30, 2007
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I have this terrible assumption that everyone else is trying as hard as I am to be accurate and fair and take all perspectives into account, which not everyone cares to do. Some people simply care to remain comfortable. So when someone critiques me, I assume they've gone through the dozens of chains of thinking, when not everyone has. I end up putting too much weight into their perspective, and its dissonance with my own perspective (compiled from the dozens of people who have genuinely taken the time to speak truth into my life) makes me lose confidence in myself.

Though maybe this is not an INTJ thing so much as a thoughtful and caring person thing.
 
A

A_priori

Guest
I have this terrible assumption that everyone else is trying as hard as I am to be accurate and fair and take all perspectives into account, which not everyone cares to do. Some people simply care to remain comfortable. So when someone critiques me, I assume they've gone through the dozens of chains of thinking, when not everyone has. I end up putting too much weight into their perspective, and its dissonance with my own perspective (compiled from the dozens of people who have genuinely taken the time to speak truth into my life) makes me lose confidence in myself.

Though maybe this is not an INTJ thing so much as a thoughtful and caring person thing.

Wow, intresting response.. Very insightful indeed!!
 

Owlesque

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Dec 17, 2010
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sp/sx
When hyper-sociability, ass-kissing, and general lack of substance are rewarded or acknowledged over quiet diligence, efficiency, and actual results. On the flip side, this also indicates to me that my superior is incompetent and I can best target my efforts elsewhere...

Relationships in general often have me feeling insecure, but that may be a reflection of my inexperience as much as my type.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
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Apr 22, 2008
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15,906
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I have this terrible assumption that everyone else is trying as hard as I am to be accurate and fair and take all perspectives into account, which not everyone cares to do. Some people simply care to remain comfortable. So when someone critiques me, I assume they've gone through the dozens of chains of thinking, when not everyone has. I end up putting too much weight into their perspective, and its dissonance with my own perspective (compiled from the dozens of people who have genuinely taken the time to speak truth into my life) makes me lose confidence in myself.

Though maybe this is not an INTJ thing so much as a thoughtful and caring person thing.

I think it is an INTJ thing. I agree with you somewhat but I don't give people anywhere near that much credit anymore. That is likely age/life experience more than how I actually feel. When questioned, I usually say - this is the data I have accumulated and it shows me that people generally do what is easiest, not necessarily what is right and what is fair. It's a refreshing change to see it and automatically ups the respect I have for that rare person. My relationship choices were the one thing that made me most insecure but even that has decreased quite a bit.
 

FireShield98

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Oct 17, 2011
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455
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sp
I have this terrible assumption that everyone else is trying as hard as I am to be accurate and fair and take all perspectives into account, which not everyone cares to do. Some people simply care to remain comfortable. So when someone critiques me, I assume they've gone through the dozens of chains of thinking, when not everyone has. I end up putting too much weight into their perspective, and its dissonance with my own perspective (compiled from the dozens of people who have genuinely taken the time to speak truth into my life) makes me lose confidence in myself.

Though maybe this is not an INTJ thing so much as a thoughtful and caring person thing.

This.

When hyper-sociability, ass-kissing, and general lack of substance are rewarded or acknowledged over quiet diligence, efficiency, and actual results. On the flip side, this also indicates to me that my superior is incompetent and I can best target my efforts elsewhere...

Relationships in general often have me feeling insecure, but that may be a reflection of my inexperience as much as my type.

And this.
 

kyuuei

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enfp
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Fear of failing in something you set your eyes on/got ambitious about? Is there a sense of insecurity there if things start to cut close on the border of success and failure for you INTJs?
 

dobages

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Fear of failing in something you set your eyes on/got ambitious about? Is there a sense of insecurity there if things start to cut close on the border of success and failure for you INTJs?

Right on the money.(Atleast for me)
 
W

WhoCares

Guest
The constant and pervasive belief that I am unlovable. So every little nuance of behaviour in others that confirms my belief makes me lose faith in humanity. I live in a hostile world in which I have no useful place.
 

highlander

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When hyper-sociability, ass-kissing, and general lack of substance are rewarded or acknowledged over quiet diligence, efficiency, and actual results.

That would do it. Standing up in front of a lot of people and having to facilitate or present has always caused me some stress, though I have done a fair bit of it.
 

Trunks

I'm not Trunks
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Feb 1, 2012
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333
Anything which I don't see, being ignored, when others try to analyze me, needles..
 

Froody Blue Gem

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I have quite a bit of insecurities. I would say when someone has a similar talent or niche to me and they are just as good at it or better, I get insecure. It is an opportunity to make a new friend, and talk about how we have the same interests, but off the bat, I may think of how they are stealing my spot in the group. I am aware it's not intentional on their part.

Or when people perceive me to be not as competent as I truly am.

Also, I am a very academic person, and if a lot is going on one semester and my grades or I struggle, that makes me insecure. I put a lot of focus on how i do in my courses. I am in the honor society so that adds a little extra layer.
 

cascadeco

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I have this terrible assumption that everyone else is trying as hard as I am to be accurate and fair and take all perspectives into account, which not everyone cares to do. Some people simply care to remain comfortable. So when someone critiques me, I assume they've gone through the dozens of chains of thinking, when not everyone has. I end up putting too much weight into their perspective, and its dissonance with my own perspective (compiled from the dozens of people who have genuinely taken the time to speak truth into my life) makes me lose confidence in myself.

Though maybe this is not an INTJ thing so much as a thoughtful and caring person thing.

The bolded is something I have faced a handful of times in my more recent adult life and I can say it's been a really big learning experience for me - to have taken these things so to heart when in the end they're the opinion of one or two or three people and many others feel or view things differently. They have shaken me to the core and really undermined my confidence/ sense of self, but in retrospect it's been a good learning experience.

It's funny, throughout life I have never really been insecure about my abilities - tasks, accomplishments, getting things done, any *deliverables* tied to work have been super easy for me. I don't have doubts about my ability to be able to do almost anything asked of me. However the judgments thrown my way around my character traits in terms of how I come across to people/interact have been the harshest pills to swallow and can honestly really grate on me - so I am insecure when held up to any expectations around exuberance, being really talkative/engaging, 'warmth', 'vulnerable', and a lot of extroverted/nurturing sorts of things, and can be resentful towards any expectations around that. I think this aligns too with the comment in this thread around ass-kissing in contrast to efficiency/performance.

(for the record, before I knew anything about mbti I first tested as intj; years later I decided infj was a better fit (this was almost twenty years ago). I think whichever it is, I'm a weaker version of the f/t and am pretty balanced in terms of this dichotomy - thus I'm posting in this thread. I also could relate to several of the comments. :)).
 

INTJMom

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Fear of failing in something you set your eyes on/got ambitious about? Is there a sense of insecurity there if things start to cut close on the border of success and failure for you INTJs?

I used to suffer very badly from the fear of not being perfect.
I wasn't afraid of getting a D; I was afraid of not getting an A.
Thank goodness those days are gone!

One thing that still makes me insecure is when my supervisor begins describing something new that he wants me to do, that I have never done before.
On the outside I look calm, but on the inside I am panicking, afraid I won't be able to do what's expected of me.

Over time, I have learned that no matter what has ever been asked, I always perform that task to everyone's satisfaction, so there's no real need to panic.
I think it's a natural response because I know INTJs like to be COMPETENT at what they do, so in my mind, my fears and insecurities are playing out because I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE.
Once I've done a thing once, I am much less anxious the next time.
 

Sacrophagus

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Fear of failing in something you set your eyes on/got ambitious about? Is there a sense of insecurity there if things start to cut close on the border of success and failure for you INTJs?

Although they will still seem secure and confident in their competence, that insecurity turns into a subconscious overestimation of the risks that renders the next step very far away or obsolete. That's a catalyst for procrastination and overthinking, not making the perfect move.







I used to suffer very badly from the fear of not being perfect.
I wasn't afraid of getting a D; I was afraid of not getting an A.
Thank goodness those days are gone!

One thing that still makes me insecure is when my supervisor begins describing something new that he wants me to do, that I have never done before.
On the outside I look calm, but on the inside I am panicking, afraid I won't be able to do what's expected of me.

Over time, I have learned that no matter what has ever been asked, I always perform that task to everyone's satisfaction, so there's no real need to panic.
I think it's a natural response because I know INTJs like to be COMPETENT at what they do, so in my mind, my fears and insecurities are playing out because I'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE.
Once I've done a thing once, I am much less anxious the next time.

I was exactly like that. Especially the "I was afraid of not getting an A" part. *laughs*


Concerning the work ethics, I found that the next step to my growth is to let go of that attachment to perfection that only creates performance blockages is to do the task while having in mind that it's okay to fuck it up. As in "It doesn't matter if my work is not as satisfying now. I will learn and make it better."
It's then more about the opportunity to learn, than the end result.

It is counter-intuitive, but the more relaxed you are, performing without a care but with intended sagacity, the better results you lock-in, and the faster your savoir-faire grows.
 

Connoisseur

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How I am perceived by other people. Performance anxiety.
 

Magnus

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INTJ
Instinctual Variant
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Looking stupid. It's fine to not know something. It's even okay to admit not knowing something. Because you can always learn about it.

But I've lost actual sleep over being wrongly perceived by others as incompetent.
 

nerdy anthropoid

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Aug 29, 2019
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Security is an illusion when there is so much uncertainty. It is said that doubt increases with knowledge.
 
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