I have such an idealistic notion of friendship that it's nearly impossible for me to be friends with anyone. I've started just calling anyone who I've hung out with a few times and can stand to be around my "friend" for convenience. My idea of a friend is someone who:

- Respects me and has earned my respect
- Can hold an interesting conversation for at least half an hour
- Is fun to be around most of the time
- Has enough values in common with mine that we don't piss each other off
- Doesn't judge me or compare me to other people
- Can be patient and understanding when I'm down
- Constantly tries to improve themselves

I've narrowed it down to about four or five people in the entire world, none of whom live nearby enough to hang out with.