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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2012

    Default Stuttering, Poor Self-Image and Resultant Lack of Confidence in an INTJ?

    Hey everyone. I've new here. I am making this post because I am having difficulties typing myself - I know I am an INxJ, but I can't figure out whether I am a T or an F. I know about the functions and all that (I have been studying this stuff as a hobby since about March of this year). My current theory is that I am an INTJ, but may appear to be INFJ due to my upbringing and a speech disfluency (a stammer).

    I have always loved science and I have always liked logic. I almost look down on people who make decisions based on value (and of course, there is nothing wrong with that in and of itself) but don't seem to take into account the facts. Religious fanatics of all shapes and sizes seem to exhibit this, although I personally don't have anything against religion myself.

    Actually, quite the opposite, I am a practicing Muslim myself, and one of the things I learned form my religious upbringing was that I should be nice to other people and considerate their feelings. I follow this, and I taper everything I want to say with how it might affect others. Because of this, I used to think I am an INFJ, but now I wander if it isn't more of my tertiary Fi - since being nice is a personal value I have, rather than a need to create harmony. I key reason why I think it's Fi is because I usually first have a logical response ("I need to tell him that sounds retarded.") but then I have to restrain myself and edit what I will say ("I don't want to be a jerk, so I will tell him that there is room for improvement.")

    Now, I have had a stutter since I was 7, so it has made making friends very hard for me (it's already hard enough seeing as that I am an INXJ as it is). As such, I get very nervous around people and am incredibly un-confident about my social skills. I rather not say anything than say something and stutter, and I am a little eager to please people and make them laugh in order to get them to like me. I am afraid to talk to people because I am afraid they won't like me. I cannot understate that last sentence enough.

    So my theory is that I am an INTJ with a tertiary Ni/Fi loop. I do sometimes get into these ruts where I feel that certain people don't like me and are talking about me, or even that certain people are sabotaging my social life. I guess my problem is that I don't know if I am using a secondary Fe or Fi.

    I don't feel like I show much facial expression at all when I talk, but that is partially because I feel I have an ugly smile
    However, I am beginning to smile more now because I realize that I look unfriendly at times. When I talk, I tend to talk rather fast and tend to go off on tangents or just loose my train of thought. I do not talk in a monotone voice, but I use my tone more for accentuating points rather than making emotional undertones. I use gestures a lot, too.

    I do have a gf (who is terrible at helping me with this). I think she is an ISFP. We clash a lot because she doesn't like to compromise. For the longest time I thought I was too accommodating to her - thus I would be an Fe. But now I think I am just an Fi who has a strong desire to please his beloved. We are kind of a weird match - we hardly have any similar interests. But we have been through so much and have been there for each other, so that's why we get a long the way we do. Other than anime and movies, there isn't much we like, but we enjoy each other's company even in silence.

    I get annoyed when she asked me value-driven questions, especially about our own future together, because (1) she usually asked them to me before and (2) I feel a lot of them are pointless and have obvious logical answers and (3) I am unsure about our future so I don't like talking about it (it just makes me upset).

    I have more things to type, but I would be annoyed if I had to read all this, so I will be considerate and stop (Fe being considerate? or perhaps Te being logical and trying to make sure people actually read all of this and answer back?)

    Any advice is appreciated.

  2. #2
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    6w7 so/sx
    EII Ne


    Welcome to the forum.

    I'm not really a fan of the woman who writes this page, but here is a decent run-down of some INFJ/INTJ differences, if you haven't wandered across it before. Perhaps it can be helpful.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014

    Default Hey Friend

    Hey Friend,

    I can see that you find the INTJ label appealing, and I can't blame you. Before I took the test, and before I came to some important bits of self-knowledge, I would not have labeled myself as an f-type either, but the more I know myself, and the more I understand the mbti system, the more it makes sense.
    Logic and Truth have always been incredibly important to me. I don't value emotional appeals, I value rational ones. However, the comments you made about social anxiety, sensitivity, paranoia and etc. are definitely Fe feelings. I went through a period as well when I was very suspicious of people socially. Part of that is because I'm really sensitive to emotions, stress, tensions and etc. in a room, and I can't always tell where it's coming from, or who it is directed at. So I make assumptions, and then I think people around me are acting inauthentically with me, i.e. feeling one thing about me, saying another. Most of that turns out to be wrong, and now that I've changed jobs and am in a much healthier, more supportive social environment, I don't struggle with it anymore.
    Also, INFJs often mistype as INTJs because, although INFJs have secondary Fe, we're not all balls of emotions and wishy-washy-ness. Some of us have very well-developed Ti working with our Ni, only softened by our Fe social intelligence. Ni and Ti both have one main desire: find the truth. Ni is the dominant function, and therefore takes precedence over Fe. Sometimes, sharing the truth is more important that social harmony. Those times tend to be the only times I speak up about anything serious. Hope that helps.


  4. #4
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008


    ok a few dicotomies....

    How easy is it to make hard decisions? Like dumping someone, or firing someone - is it a question of you can know you want shot of someone but you then cringe having to them, would it be a question of months before you ever get around to the conversation if ever?

    if the family want to need piece of technology/car/equipment.... do you research online with evaluations, or do you ask each member of the family what they want.....

    If you can make the decision to get shot of someone, and research tech online rather than ask the family.... your more likely a T.

    If the thought of dumping someone or firing them would give you sleepless night or not gaining full approval by everyone on a purchase you are probably more like an F.

    I can see how a stammerer may present as an F type instead of a T, but I can also see how and F type stammerer wants to be a T type.... before I opened this post and read I wondered if this was about INTJs.... the whole listening to yourself talking making you stumble seems very INTJ.. who seem to aim for perfection in everything

    PS - ultimately you know who you are so the MBTI thing is just addes value, think in terms of are you a rationalist or an idealist... that kinda answers the question outright

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