[INTP] "My Stormy and Painful Relationship with an INTP Man"

[Starry]

You guys can , but his behavior doesn't suggest otherwise. Maybe even to the ISFJ chick!

I thought this too. I was thinking...wouldn't it be weird if those two stories were connected?

 

[Tigerlily]

I don't think anyone's using it as an excuse.

I think it's a recognition of a tendency (of course, this is the same boring argument that recurs ad nauseam on this forum).

I know you've been posting more lately, but I don't think you've been around too much for the last year; these threads really have been an epidemic.

They are so disproportionally represented that one would have to be willfully blind to deny that fact if one were presented with all the evidence.

That may be, but that's assuming these people in fact are "INTP" and the OP is an "INFJ". I don't totally disregard typology, it's just not always that black and white. I just don't believe that, that many people are archetypal types, where they can assume how a person (based on type) should, could, would and IS going to act. It's like if I say, "All INTP's are lazy shits", but that isn't necessarily true! Perhaps someone uses the "excuse" of being an INTP to be a lazy shit, though.

This sort of thinking reminds me of an old thread where a member swore he could tell someone's type, just by looking at their eyes! So, I collected a bunch of forum members pics, cropped and posted the eyes, to see if people could guess the type. If memory serves, it was a flop and he couldn't "type" his way out of a paper bag!

 

[Zarathustra]

That may be, but that's assuming these people in fact "INTP" and the OP is an "INFJ". I don't totally disregard typology, it's just not always that black and white. I just don't believe that, that many people are archetypal types, where they can assume how a person (based on type) should, could, would and IS going to act. It's like if I say, "All INTP's are lazy shits", but that isn't necessarily true! Perhaps someone uses the "excuse" of being an INTP to be a lazy shit, though.

This sort of thinking reminds me of an old thread where a member swore he could tell someone's type, just by looking at their eyes! So, I collected a bunch of forum members pics, cropped and posted the eyes, to see if people could guess the type. If memory serves, it was a flop and he couldn't "type" his way out of a paper bag!

Well, I don't think that's the kind of thinking being engaged in here.

I also find it hard to imagine why these women who come to the forum to complain about a relationship issue would wrongly flock to INTPs as the type they're having the issue with.

 

[Spamtar]

As an INTP I have tend to understand his mindset and it transcends beyond whether he is married. We (INTP men) can give a lot into the fantasy of long distance romances. Its like all the depth of a real in person romance (which can take its toll) without a lot of the hassles.

On the flip side the deficiency in this model is that it doesn't include the element of physical contact and additionally how a person portrays themself over the internet (or wishes to portray themselves) is not the same as how they are perceived in the real world.

Take it for an interesting experience and find a person who lives close by. If you are into that kind of thing and you are good at it see if you can have an internet romance with an INTP who lives close by (that scenario would be more plausible as long as the INTP got enough space to tie his imagination with his reality).

Thus occasional physical contact for grounding in reality and alternative non invasive internet romancing could just be the ideal fetish for an available INTP.

 

[RaptorWizard]

I would think INTPs are more reluctant than any other type to enter any kind of intimate relationship with another person.

 

[Darya]

Thanks all. I have omited perhaps an important piece of info. He was married before which ended 2 years ago. He sounded rather regretful about his part in divorce that " she was a good beautiful woman who underestood me but we had a Major disagreement when despite her wishes , I accepted a job contract which placed much more responsiblities on my shoulder so she began to seperate her bed... And maybe the Divorce was my fault". That's all I know about his previous marriage. In response to being" dramatic", perhaps I am that's why in all my 2 serious relationships, I loved whole heartedly and even though they didn't work out, ( one had a different religion), I don't regret much as the two men still tell me they respect and care for me because I was this "rare" woman who taught them "women can be trusted.". That we are not just nagging beings who want to cru sh their souls!! That its possible to have unconditional love for someone without having expectations!. Maybe I'm too idealistic . But don't we all have had expriences which were so ( not sure about right adjective!) Amazing that we tend to put our usual skeptism on the side and follow our heart, intution or divine plan? Thinking perhaps there is a soul connex here...OR Maybe that's just me and my irrational romance seeking mind.. not sure. Certainly not defending myself otherwise wouldn't have sought help from others any thoughts? (FYI don't for a second deny the unfair treatment of my INTP, we all deserve at least a more respectful treatment).

 

[Fluffywolf]

Seriously, an INTP declaring love within 2 months, there has to be more to that. Seems like he 'rushed' into the relationship with you in order to fill in the void of his previous marriage. Which practically is the same as being married. He hasn't been able to allow himself to grow to you and commit to you fully, and probably combining work load and lots of Si depression bouts makes him act irratic, to the point where he knows he is, and knows he can't explain it. Pushing himself away from you.

Sidenote, the concept of missing someone is an irrational one for INTP's in these situations. We can feel it, we can feel it really badly, but we can't justify it. Even if there are 1000 miles seperating me from someone else. As long as I know where that person is, I don't see the reason for missing that person. But I may still experience the emotion, and it will annoy me. I try to reserve the emotion for missing people for people that go missing.

 

[Darya]

 

[The Great One]

The first thing I thought of when I read this thread is this photo...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/life-wharton/4383357948/in/set-72157623371656775/

 

[Fluffywolf]

The first thing I thought of when I read this thread is this photo...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/life-wharton/4383357948/in/set-72157623371656775/

! I love it.

 

[The Great One]

! I love it.

LMFAO! It's funny as hell isn't it?

 

[Darya]

The first thing I thought of when I read this thread is this photo...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/life-wharton/4383357948/in/set-72157623371656775/

Do you guys really think that INTPS dont feel love? and they are all dead inside????.

 

[Salomé]

I have proposed this idea before, but it really should be listened to.

A single forum dedicated to people dealing with INTP men in a relationship situation. But the forum is locked and there is just one thread with one post and that post says "He dun like you. Stop wasting your time."

It's called INTPCentral.

OP,
As an INTP involved with an INFx who was a bit full-on too soon, I can understand his (panicky) need to withdraw. It doesn't mean he's married.
The whole waiting 20 days to call you was an attempt to slow things down. I'm guessing (from your posting style) that you aren't great at giving people space.
I wouldn't rule out a reconciliation. But you need to chill out a bit.

 

[Darya]

 

[Darya]

It's called INTPCentral.

OP,
As an INTP involved with an INFx who was a bit full-on too soon, I can understand his (panicky) need to withdraw. It doesn't mean he's married.
The whole waiting 20 days to call you was an attempt to slow things down. I'm guessing (from your posting style) that you aren't great at giving people space.
I wouldn't rule out a reconciliation. But you need to chill out a bit.

well you maybe right, but he was the one who intiated the relationship and was calling me day and night, some times even at appropriate times... So how can anyone establish such way of communication and then come to me saying " Ook, now its too much. I need space.. Also I would have appreciated if he said so then I promise you i would have chilled out! ... Instead he communicated : " I cant... I cant.. I am such an asshole.. Bye....?? what do you think?

 

[Salomé]

well you maybe right, but he was the one who intiated the relationship and was calling me day and night, some times even at appropriate times... So how can anyone establish such way of communication anf then tell me" Ook, now its too much. I need space..

It's not unheard of for INTPs to do the hot/cold thing. I've done it myself. We are hard work and not usually worth it.

Also I would have appreciate if he said so then I promise you i would have chilled out! ... Instead he communicated : " I cant... I cant.. I am such as asshole.. Bye....?? what do you think?

As I said - the 20 days thing was probably his attempt to pump the brakes.
I think he freaked out. I'm not saying he treated you well, I just doubt he felt he had other options. Especially considering his stress levels/heart condition.

 

[The Great One]

Do you guys really think that INTPS dont feel love? and they are all dead inside????
I like the poster btw but it makes me sad...

It makes me laugh my ass off.

 

[Salomé]

It is very funny. Send it to him. He'll probably appreciate it.

 

[The Great One]

[MENTION=15833]Darya[/MENTION]

This one is even funnier though....

 

[Darya]

Thank you Salome'.... It was really an insightful and helpful comment....

BTW, I am sure there are many INTPS who are WORTH working hard for As they have amazing minds, are honest , sincere...