Dear andante,
I'm an INFP in love with a weird INTP. In some ways I find us very similar, the only difference being that I study Literature and he is into Physics, I'm aware of my feelings but he's so detached and confused that it pains me. We met on holidays and started travel-dating (yeah, that thing exists). We've been mailing each other for almost a year now but we have met only few times IRL. He has done everything in his power to make me go away. Literaly, he has tried every possible turn-off method. He even disappeared completely once and a common friend told me that he had hooked up with an old friend of his but that it wasn't serious. However, when he was dumped sortly after he re-appeared... He has made it clear that he wants no strings attached, he is very aloof and writes one mail every fifteen days. That's all the contact we have. When we meet though, it's an explosion of chemistry: sharing the same bed is great, communication is great, it all feels like the "real thing". But don't get fooled, it is NOT, at least not from his viewpoint.
I'd say INTPs are wonderful, honest people. I believe it's worth giving them a chance. They have amazing depth, brilliant minds and a great capacity for affection. They just prefer to lock themselves up and play the lonely drifters. My F/T is pretty balanced (most tests rank me as intp but I know I'm Fi dom) so I can understand them and in many ways I feel similar. I'm usually depressed, avoidant and alone. I'm not a happy-go-lucky person. But inside, I feel the need for a deeper connection with another human being, I believe in the value of love and intimacy. When I decide to let myself in the hands of love, after having made sure that the person is worthy of my feelings, I accept the risk of getting hurt and just hope for the best. INTPs don't do that. They are opportunists and they put their own emotional comfort and safety above all. They won't get out of their way to love you, even if they might be having strong feelings for you. They will choose convenience over feeling, logic over emotion. They'll never say "I love you" because they know they cannot accept this statement as true. If they don't know how to trust those feelings, they will fear and avoid them. They will shun you too, because you are the source of turbulence. It's a paradox how their "rational love" prevents them from making promises they cannot keep, mainly because they know they are selfish and that they will eventually hurt you, so they do not want you to get attached to them. And they usually do hurt you.... One day they may disappear, leaving no traces of blood behind. They will assume you'll be fine, you'll just move on and forget about them as they will easily forget about you. They have no guilt because they made no promise. But your heart will have been murdered.
So if you were unlucky enough to fall for one those guys, stop day-dreaming, brace yourself with patience and prepare for impact....
xx,
an INFP in love
PS I don't mean to sound so terribly pessimistic, in you case, not being LDR above all, it could work out
