[MBTI General] My Friendship Enigma

[GYRODUDE]

I have a predicament. I wish to have at least one friend, but lack strong social skills and have been described as eccentric and aloof.
I wish to be enlightened by both those who have been in situations and succeeded in attaining friendship, and those who have superior social skills and many friends.http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/images/smilies/sad[1].gif

 

[xisnotx]

It's not too hard to find a friend.
Keeping them is impossible. They typically want to do stuff...with or without you.

 

[Rasofy]

I realized a while ago that I only keep friends when I have regular activities to do with them. If I don't do that, I just lose interest, and everything collapses. Currently there is just one guy I'd really call friend in rl. We swim 3 times a week and sometimes jog. We often go to the cinema together, and he is usually calling me to go to parties, but the latter invitations are always rejected. heh

 

[Coriolis]

My social skills are probaby no more than marginal, but I do have a few friends, so I will tell you how I got them. I got involved in activities I wish to pursue for their own sake (work, school, hobbies, volunteering). This gave me occasion to interact with people with whom I had at least something in common. Most of these folks remained just polite acquaintances, but with one or two, we found we really hit it off, and started doing things together outside of the original activity group. This was the slow but painless way I made my friends, some of whom I have known now for ~20 years. The key to all this is to be yourself. It won't work otherwise.

 

[funkadelik]

Just, instead of turning that eccentricity inward (which invariably creates and aura of aloofness), radiate it outward, making it accessible to others, so people are either too scared of you to say "no" to being friends or they're so attracted by your weirdness that they would die for you.

Want a happy medium?

Just show people you care for them. People like to feel special. If you give them that and display a kind of invested interest in their lives, they will generally give you the time of day to develop a friendship with them.

Practise selflessness. Fake it till you make it if you have to.

On the surface, most people aren't that complex. It's later on that they get unpredictable. The key is to never let them get that close.

 

[Spurgeon]

Just, instead of turning that eccentricity inward (which invariably creates and aura of aloofness), radiate it outward, making it accessible to others, so people are either too scared of you to say "no" to being friends or they're so attracted by your weirdness that they would die for you.

Want a happy medium?

Just show people you care for them. People like to feel special. If you give them that and display a kind of invested interest in their lives, they will generally give you the time of day to develop a friendship with them.

Practise selflessness. Fake it till you make it if you have to.

On the surface, most people aren't that complex. It's later on that they get unpredictable. The key is to never let them get that close.

I dunno. Sounds too much like an ENTP approach.

I don't think it will work for GYRODUDE.

I would recommend what CORIOLIS said. It's more practical in this case.

 

[funkadelik]

I dunno. Sounds too much like an ENTP approach.

I don't think it will work for GYRODUDE.

I would recommend what CORIOLIS said. It's more practical in this case.

Haha...well at least my advice was congruent with what I could provide given my personality type.

 

[Spurgeon]

Haha...well at least my advice was congruent with what I could provide given my personality type.

Yeah, it's funny how much your advice reflects what I naturally do!

I'm not sure it's totally healthy though. And picturing an INTP doing it is just...weird.

i dunno...I could be wrong, but I just want to see GYRODUDE succeed.

 

[funkadelik]

I'm not sure it's totally healthy though. And picturing an INTP doing it is just...weird.

i dunno...I could be wrong, but I just want to see GYRODUDE succeed.

Ha...yes. I was mainly being glib, but I think the whole part of treating people like they're special and showing an invested interest in their lives is pretty important for forming and maintaining good friendships.

You just...kind of have to wade through the fluff of my post. </not helpful, really>

 

[thisGuy]

Its alright. Go do things that you enjoy but in a multiplayer setting. Whoever you meet there will at least have that in common. Do this with a few activities. (try, fail, try, fail, try fail, try, possibly succeed)

Pretty soon you'll have friends.

 

[sculpting]

THISGUY!!!!!! Where have you been??????? Jesus my soap bubble parties have been lonely without you....

To the INTP OP-I have made my INTP friends in the workplace since we see each other every day for a bit. I can say they were friendships in which I think the INTP did care for me, but I did not meet the intp's need for intellectual stimulation, so outside of work, I am uncertain how long lived the friendships would last. I am weird thus have not had tons of friends, but I find that INTPs can exhibit a very sweet Fe vibe if they choose- a bit like clever, sweet kids but without the entp naughtiness. Perhaps you can try exploring your Fe a bit?