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[MBTI General] INTJ relationship with ISTP

lauranna

Member
Joined
Sep 23, 2008
Messages
764
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
OK i could do some INTJ points of view here!

Basically, I am a lesbian ISTP. I have been friends with the INTJ girl in question for 4 years. We have always been attracted to each other but haven't acted on it (well maybe a little) but mostly we haven't because one or other of us has been with someone else.

Mostly we haven't spent that much time alone together (because i don't trust myself) until lately, we have spent time alone. I feel a lot of emotions for her which is scary because i normally dont feel emotions.

She says she wants to be with me. I'm all she thinks about. She wants to leave her girlfriend for me.

Now i am finding this difficult as first and foremost she is my friend. And i think maybe i love her because she is my friend and i just fancy her too.

And i also think we must be the two most incompatible personality types ever. She is an intellectual who reads big newspapers and cooks crab risotto and appreciates a nice wine. Her girlfriend is very similar to her. Me on the other hand- I sometimes look at naked women in lowgrade newspapers, drink vodka and am obsessed with sex.

I think she just wants me because i'm a bit of rough. She's intrigued. She says its more than that. But i dont want to break up her relationship and potentially ruin our friendship if its just going to be a mess if we get together.

Any of you INTJs got experience with ISTPs? Did you hate us? What did you like/hate about us? Could it ever work?

Any advice much appreciated!
 

sceadugenga

New member
Joined
Sep 5, 2011
Messages
12
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
The only ISTP I know is my brother. I don't think that'd be much help.
 
R

Riva

Guest
ISTP and INTJ will be a good combination.

They both have a lot in common. Mostly the way they look at things. That matters a lot in relationships, the way couples see things. And ISTPs I have noticed make INTJs open up to them. It could be because what I mentioned above. And also because ISTPs have this easy going vibe INTJs lack. But they are serious nonetheless. This makes (or maybe something else) INTJs open up to them. And ISTPs are good at long term relationships I guess. As long as they feel comfortable and loved they would feel content. And contentment is what ISTPs want most in relationships. I am not quite sure as to what INTJs want in relationships. I believe they also being IT types would mostly settle for contentment (comfortableness) in relationships than anything else.

In short both types complement each other due to their way of seeing things and wanting easy going contentment as opposed to drama in their relationships. And also ISTPs would bring spice to the life of INTJs (whom need a bit of spice in relationships) without bringing drama to it. And INTJs would bring decisiveness to the ISTP's life without being a nag.
 
R

Riva

Guest
I hope all goes well with the two of you. Your fear is genuine. And also a good thing to be concerned about.

But don't worry. If she believes she wants to leave her GF and come to you, it is her decision. Just make sure she knows the dangers of relationships being unpredictable and tell her that you can't promise a bed of roses.

And mind you when an INTJ makes up one's mind they are most probably correct.

And no other type is more confident in their decisions as much as INTJs are.
 

lauranna

Member
Joined
Sep 23, 2008
Messages
764
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Hey Riva,
Thanks very much for your reply! you seem pretty confident in this so its good to hear something positive! I just think maybe i won't turn out to be everything she thinks I might be. Once the excitement dies down and she realises im mostly pretty boring and quiet when im not doing crazy shit.
I dont know. We will see what happens. She is in New zealand for a few weeks so I have time to think!
 
R

Riva

Guest
Hey Riva,
Thanks very much for your reply! you seem pretty confident in this so its good to hear something positive! I just think maybe i won't turn out to be everything she thinks I might be. Once the excitement dies down and she realises im mostly pretty boring and quiet when im not doing crazy shit.
I dont know. We will see what happens. She is in New zealand for a few weeks so I have time to think!

The INTJs I know (the guys, whom are few of my best friends) are glad to be with girls who are calm and content. They don't want drama. So you don't have to worry about not always being exciting. Who on earth could always be exciting? And ISTPs are exciting. They are especially curious conversationalist. Which INTJs love. (Are you a Enneagram 7?.)

This compliments INTJs quite well. Have you ever noticed that INTJs pour their brains out when they are with their closest friend. I have a INTJ friend who runs his whole internal monologue out loud for me to hear. Which is fun. It also goes to show how thoughtful they are when they think out loud things which I have never considered. Anyway, if your girl is an INTJ of this sort it would be great. ISTPs are good listener. And they don't force their thoughts on to others. And they admire intelligent friends quite a lot. I am taking you out of the point it feels. I have 3 INTJ best friends. 2 of them have this strange habit.This obviously means they trust me I guess.

And again I repeat, ISTPs are quite exciting. They are not overwhelmingly exciting, which would burn INTJs out. But spontaneous, which INTJs lack. And when ISTPs open up they play the fool. They do silly things and say the craziest things :). Aren't you this way?

And like I said before, no type is more confident in coming to conclusions as INTJs are. They are absolutely certain about their decisions. No ENTJs are not the most confident in their decisions. (ENTJs get good ideas which they implement in rigid manner.) On the other hand INTJs get brilliant ideas that they change the moment it seems unfit. So you see, she is not seeing only one good idea/reason to get in to a relationship with you. She is seeing the future which she has thought from many many angles that seems healthy and the right thing to do. She wouldn't have told you if there was a doubt in her mind. (INTJs are perfectionists.)

So give her a chance. But be open with her and tell her what you fear. (About the friendship thing and that you don't ever want to lose that.) But it should be noted that we are talking about love and relationships. There is always a risk in it. I wouldn't be absolutely confident in any relationship. Even if I feel I am ready to die for my girl. I hope you get the point.

But regarding INTJs, Ni makes me feel jealous. ;)
 

lauranna

Member
Joined
Sep 23, 2008
Messages
764
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
The INTJs I know (the guys, whom are few of my best friends) are glad to be with girls who are calm and content. They don't want drama. So you don't have to worry about not always being exciting. Who on earth could always be exciting? And ISTPs are exciting. They are especially curious conversationalist. Which INTJs love. (Are you a Enneagram 7?.)

This compliments INTJs quite well. Have you ever noticed that INTJs pour their brains out when they are with their closest friend. I have a INTJ friend who runs his whole internal monologue out loud for me to hear. Which is fun. It also goes to show how thoughtful they are when they think out loud things which I have never considered. Anyway, if your girl is an INTJ of this sort it would be great. ISTPs are good listener. And they don't force their thoughts on to others. And they admire intelligent friends quite a lot. I am taking you out of the point it feels. I have 3 INTJ best friends. 2 of them have this strange habit.This obviously means they trust me I guess.

And again I repeat, ISTPs are quite exciting. They are not overwhelmingly exciting, which would burn INTJs out. But spontaneous, which INTJs lack. And when ISTPs open up they play the fool. They do silly things and say the craziest things :). Aren't you this way?

And like I said before, no type is more confident in coming to conclusions as INTJs are. They are absolutely certain about their decisions. No ENTJs are not the most confident in their decisions. (ENTJs get good ideas which they implement in rigid manner.) On the other hand INTJs get brilliant ideas that they change the moment it seems unfit. So you see, she is not seeing only one good idea/reason to get in to a relationship with you. She is seeing the future which she has thought from many many angles that seems healthy and the right thing to do. She wouldn't have told you if there was a doubt in her mind. (INTJs are perfectionists.)

So give her a chance. But be open with her and tell her what you fear. (About the friendship thing and that you don't ever want to lose that.) But it should be noted that we are talking about love and relationships. There is always a risk in it. I wouldn't be absolutely confident in any relationship. Even if I feel I am ready to die for my girl. I hope you get the point.

But regarding INTJs, Ni makes me feel jealous. ;)

Hey I really appreciate you taking the time to respond. I think you are right in that we could get on well and have a no drama relationship- which I would appreciate massively too. It's interesting that if she has made a decision then she is sure. I didn't know that about INTJs that they were so decisive.

I just did the enneagram test and tested 9w8 sexual variant. It seems pretty accurate I guess. I see bits of type 7 in myself but 9 seems more accurate. Although generally I think ISTP describes me more totally in more aspects of myself than enneagram.

Yes I play the fool and say the most inappropriate things all the time. I make people laugh. And I am thrill seeking and hedonistic sometimes, yet mostly I'm just peaceful.

Anyway, I'll let you know what happens. I need to spend more time alone with her before I know if it's the right thing to do. She seems to know it's the right thing but I'm not sure. For once I'm thinking of the consequences of my actions. They are my friends and I don't want to hurt anyone.

Do you think it's possible that the INTJs decision making process could be clouded by lust? Is that possible? Because I know she's massively attracted to me and to the idea of me and I wonder if this is what she is basing her decision on?
 
R

Riva

Guest
Hey I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.
:) My pleasure!

I didn't know that about INTJs that they were so decisive.
If one is given only one word to define INTJs, it would be decisive. And I cannot emphasize enough on that wonderful trait of them.
And if two words are given the next in line would be weird :laugh:. And I cannot emphasize enough on that amusing trait of them :laugh:.

Yes I play the fool and say the most inappropriate things all the time. I make people laugh. And I am thrill seeking and hedonistic sometimes, yet mostly I'm just peaceful.
:yes:
That's a better definition of ISTPs than most of the ugly descriptions written about them online, making them sound like sociopaths :).

For once I'm thinking of the consequences of my actions. They are my friends and I don't want to hurt anyone.
You should let her know this. That you love her but doesn't want to lose her as a friend :). But they are not the types who usually put the blame if things fall apart. Unless one is a crazy b*tch who takes him/her for granted.

Do you think it's possible that the INTJs decision making process could be clouded by lust?
In my experience love has to have a bit of lust first. I have never been attracted to/fall in love with a girl I found unattractive. So I guess INTJs 'being human' must be influenced by lust too. But to contradict that point, I have an INTJ best friend who fell in love with an unattractive girl. I gasped when he showed her to me. (I didn't show it of course.) But he warned me before seeing her that 'the girl' is unattractive but he loves her for ................. he made so many points :).

--

We can't stereotype any type. But there are certain traits most obvious for certain types, such as INTJs being decisive. So she must be sure of her decision.
 
R

Riva

Guest
Any INTJ could read my description about them and say, that they sometimes have quite a hard time coming to conclusions. But that doesn't change the fact that INTJs are the most decisive of all types. And if they do say they sometimes have hard times reaching to conclusions it doesn't prove me wrong because I meant they are decisive. And once they reach a decision it is final, they have no doubts. Conclusions anyone could have issues coming to.

Anyway it is your decision too. So lets not give her all the cards :D.

Ps - Do you know any good lesbian jokes? :devil:

;)
 

Agent Jelly

New member
Joined
Jun 11, 2011
Messages
344
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
8w7
In my experience with INTJs no matter the reason they want you, they do want you. & it is genuine. I would say go for it!
 
R

Riva

Guest
In my experience with INTJs no matter the reason they want you, they do want you. & it is genuine. I would say go for it!

This.

It could be their Ni. Ni wants to do things only if there is meaning to it. (Reason behind it.) As opposed to Ne, which wants to do things just for the idea of doing it itself. Maybe that's why Ni isn't as much fun as Ne ;). I could be wrong about the function theory I made. If it is correct I should point out that INTJs are Ni doms. So if she wants a relationship with you, it is genuine and she sees meaning behind it.
 

Agent Jelly

New member
Joined
Jun 11, 2011
Messages
344
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
8w7
My INTJ husband decided after 2 weeks of knowing me he wanted to marry me. I kept telling him don't you think you should try dating other people first? That didnt work, haha. We are happily married and expecting a baby girl in a month. We argue but its mostly nit picking... nothing too serious. I think a INTJ ending up with a xSTP is a hell of a lot better than a ExFP
 

lauranna

Member
Joined
Sep 23, 2008
Messages
764
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Well, interestingly enough, both myself and the INTJ have finished with our respective partners and are now seeing each other. Early days yet but as we were already very close friends,and have jeapardised a lot for this, it seems to have become serious very quickly.
You were right in that she was very decisive. She made the decision she wanted me and has stuck to it completely. I have spent a few weeks confused about my emotions and feeling like i am in love with two people but I think I have finally come to the conclusion that the INTJ is the better choice. She has played a good game of seduction!
So yeah it is going well so far. We went on a first date. She got to choose the afternoon activity and I chose the evening. She took me to a museum(I have never felt so geeky) I took her to a funfair and dragged her on the rides.
So far the differences are attractive... we will see how it goes!

Oh and she is much better in bed than i imagined!
 
R

Riva

Guest
You were right in that she was very decisive.

it feels good to be right.

Remember lauranna, remember this moment and make a mental note that ENTPs are always right :newwink:.

So yeah it is going well so far. We went on a first date. She got to choose the afternoon activity and I chose the evening. She took me to a museum(I have never felt so geeky) I took her to a funfair and dragged her on the rides.
So far the differences are attractive... we will see how it goes!

:rofl1:

Don't be surprised if she reads and suggests that you read science magazines to get turned on.

INTJ = Decisive Geeks :laugh:.

I am happy for you :) and congratulations!
 

lauranna

Member
Joined
Sep 23, 2008
Messages
764
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
yeah I am not sure i ever fantasised about science geeks... but oh well. life is full of suprises.
 

Bamboo

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
2,689
MBTI Type
XXFP
lauranna,

sounds good so far. i can relate to the feeling of being crude or unrefined in comparison to someone i'm attracted to. in many ways i have low brow humor and interests, i like simple things, and i speak in an unsophisticated shorthand. i feel like i have more depth than is necessarily apparent, and i sometimes feel, well - brutish.

i sometimes also feel that people think i'm disgenuine about my attraction to them because i can be flirtatious in general. i do float around a bit with girls who catch my eye but when i see someone i really like i express it outright and if they show interest than i'm loyal. i can relate to playing the fool, saying crazy things, being unpredictable to get a rise out of whoever it is.

i know that feeling of "dragging" someone to do something - don't drag em too hard or they'll hate you for it, just pull them a bit into trying new things, they tend to like it (even if they say they don't, watch how they smile as they say it), then let them be for a bit so they can be happy with their routine.
 

sulfit

New member
Joined
Aug 5, 2010
Messages
495
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
INTJs and ISTPs seem to get attracted to each other easily. In socionics this are relations of benefit, where ISTP is benefactor and INTJ is beneficiary. Overall a very attractive pairing from what I've read.
 

Trunks

I'm not Trunks
Joined
Feb 1, 2012
Messages
333
I like my ISTP friend, she is more private and loves aesthetic things. I like her because of her humor.
 

SeedofDavid

New member
Joined
Feb 28, 2012
Messages
4
MBTI Type
ISTP
Enneagram
8
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
INTJs and ISTPs seem to get attracted to each other easily. In socionics this are relations of benefit, where ISTP is benefactor and INTJ is beneficiary. Overall a very attractive pairing from what I've read.

The socionics site says that the
INTJ = Benefactor
ISTP = Beneficiary

The link you posted was very helpful; just took me a while to figure out, because I was reading my self as benefactor and trying to understand it.
 
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