[INTP] INTP: Why are you trying to *ruin* my life?

[cranez]

I've never known INTPs to be vengeful people. Well, my INTP ex is trying to ruin my life right now in any way that he can. He even proceeded to tell me to go kill myself.

Long story short, our relationship was practically over for 7 months. I dumped him. A few weeks later started dating another guy. My ex INTP absolutely hates the new ENFJ boyfriend and has literally been making my life a living hell.

It's like a roller coaster. One day he flips out the next he's super nice and tells me he misses me. This has happened now 4 times.

Will he feel bad about it later? Will he get over it and will we ever be friends again? I value his friendship. Ugh. I've been trying to be nice about everything and it seems like me being nice just makes it worse! Advice!

 

[rav3n]

Why are you still in touch with him? If he's causing problems, block him in every possible electronic way. If he's turned into an obsessive stalker, get a restraining order on him.

 

[cranez]

Why are you still in touch with him? If he's causing problems, block him in every possible electronic way. If he's turned into an obsessive stalker, get a restraining order on him.

Because we were living together and there is paperwork that he needs to fill out in order to relinquish the lease /deposit fully to me. Otherwise, I can't get my deposit back (that I paid {in both our names foolishly to apply to our lease}) and I can't have a replacement move in, in his stead. That is the only reason I remain in touch with him aside from genuinely wanting to by supportive and his friend.

There are other ways that he is screwing me financially...but I'm trying to reason with him and it's not happening.

I don't want to make this as dramatic as he is making it.

 

[INTPness]

I hate to be blunt, but it's something like this:

-if you want the drama to continue, then keep interacting with him
-if you want the drama to stop, it might be time for a doorslam. Detach, depersonalize the situation, and just focus on your new boyfriend. The INTP will figure things out again on his own. And in a year from now, if he's able to continue being your friend without drama and baggage, then maybe you can continue the friendship at that point. Right now it looks like any interaction you have with him is just going to be a big giant headache. Sometimes you have to just cut your losses and chalk up your financial mistakes to "the school of hard knocks".

I know for F's, cutting ties can sometimes be problematic. But, a lot of T's will tell you that it's really this simple: If you stay in contact with him, he's going to cause problems for you. If you don't allow any contact, then you won't have to deal with the headaches anymore. It's just that simple.

Edit: And it's not an "INTP" thing. It's just him being him.

 

[amazingdatagirl]

[MENTION=14086]cranez[/MENTION] - ENFJs have my eternal admiration (you are truly Fe masters) but those elegantly honed social skills can also be a trap. The same relational strengths that enrich your life can also backfire (especially when dealing with a Fe inferior like INTP/ISTP).

If you genuinely want to terminate the relationship then cut him off. Treat him like a polite stranger. His emotional state (whether positive or negative) means nothing to you. He is playing these games because he knows that you will respond. You are Fe dominant - you can't help but show off your wonderful social intelligence.

There is a part of you that wants the relationship to end well (still be friends, etc.) but you need to come to terms with the fact that he DOES NOT want an amicable separation. Be prepared for the worst. You need to ask yourself if the money is really that important to you.

EDIT: [MENTION=6123]INTPness[/MENTION] essentially said the same thing

 

[Glycerine]

I agree with jenaphor, be prepared to block all communication. The more distance you put up, the faster he will get over you. He's irrationally emotionally reacting to the rejection/breakup. The more you try to be nice/friendly to him, the more he is going to retaliate against you because in a twisted way, it's like adding more salt to the wound....insult to injury.

 

[kyuuei]

I'd say a deposit isn't worth the stress, personally.. but if you feel it is, signing papers needs to literally be the only form of communication. Tell him to stop playing around and sign them, or never talk to you again.

 

[cranez]

Thank you all for your input. Especially INTPs that have taken the time to read this and give feedback on, what may seem simple / trivial situation.

I wish there was a way to at least end things at least civilly. He was super irate when we last spoke. After flip flopping for literally a month. I suppose it confused me why sometimes he would be so kind to me and tell me sweet things then completely 180 on me. He actually recently cut ties with me and not the other way around. Which makes things easier for me I suppose.

The ship has sailed. I'm still at the dock and a big part of me misses my INTP. And I can only blame myself.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Thank you all for your input. Especially INTPs that have taken the time to read this and give feedback on, what may seem simple / trivial situation.

I wish there was a way to at least end things at least civilly. He was super irate when we last spoke. After flip flopping for literally a month. I suppose it confused me why sometimes he would be so kind to me and tell me sweet things then completely 180 on me. He actually recently cut ties with me and not the other way around. Which makes things easier for me I suppose.

The ship has sailed. I'm still at the dock and a big part of me misses my INTP. And I can only blame myself.

No I'd just blame him and his sad inability to cope.

 

[Stigmata]

I say you completely cut him off, but passive-aggressively and full of flair. Invite him over to your place of residence(house, apartment, frottage cottage, ect) and rig it up fill of Home Alone style booby traps: Replace the doorbell with a thumbtack, offer him chocolate dessert flavored laxatives, and invite him upstairs for 'coffee' so as he's about halfway up a seemingly innocent bag of marbles should just so happen to find their way rolling down the stairs. During all of this make sure to sell the illusion that these are just random occurrences, and and at the end make sure to chase him and apologize profusely while he's running out your front door flailing his arms wildly while tarred and feathered with a rake handle protruding out of his anus as his screams mimic a mountain lion in heat. He'll probably still want to be friends despite all this, but chances are he'll be a bit more distant.

 

[mmhmm]

offer him chocolate dessert flavored laxatives, and invite him upstairs for 'coffee'

this bit made me think of rick santorum. or maybe just his last name.

 

[thisGuy]

I've never ever known an INTP who could be idealistic in everyday life.

With that, and what I know about these doods, I can say that no, you will never be friends. Because you will never be friends, your *sole* reason for interacting with him should be professional and non-friendship related.

That will set the tone as "broken up".

 

[shoshana]

I say you completely cut him off, but passive-aggressively and full of flair. Invite him over to your place of residence(house, apartment, frottage cottage, ect) and rig it up fill of Home Alone style booby traps: Replace the doorbell with a thumbtack, offer him chocolate dessert flavored laxatives, and invite him upstairs for 'coffee' so as he's about halfway up a seemingly innocent bag of marbles should just so happen to find their way rolling down the stairs. During all of this make sure to sell the illusion that these are just random occurrences, and and at the end make sure to chase him and apologize profusely while he's running out your front door flailing his arms wildly while tarred and feathered with a rake handle protruding out of his anus as his screams mimic a mountain lion in heat. He'll probably still want to be friends despite all this, but chances are he'll be a bit more distant.

I fully support this plan. Incorporate itching powder.

 

[Randomnity]

Not type related. He's a jerk and/or emotionally volatile right now. Avoid at all costs, involve the law if necessary. Bring a friend with you when you have to meet with him. Communicate only by email whenever possible. Don't answer his calls.