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[INTJ] INTJ psycho-analysing potential mates

LostInNerSpace

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Jan 25, 2008
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1,027
MBTI Type
INTP
Why would you not "psychanalyze" a potential mate?

This one decision can have more consequences on the rest of your life than possibly anything else you decide. If you're not compatible, wouldn't you want to know this from the start before feelings get all involved?

You would. I think at least for INTX's and possibly all rationals, it would be almost impossible not to because we are intuitive thinkers. We need to see the big intuitive picture and analyse it with logic, whatever "it" happens to be.

I think the point Cality is getting at is that we can keep that s#!t to ourselves. She does not want to hear about or care about the reason and theory behind why she is the way she is or behaves in the manner she does.
 

Veneti

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Aug 19, 2007
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264
MBTI Type
XNTX
When dealing with INTJ men, I found this thing very boring : they want to psycho-analysis you, when they get interested in you and start spinning in their head and stressing if they know you enough to start something with you, instead of enjoying your company and getting to know you by sharing time with you like anyone else would do. Is that really any usual pattern with INTJs?

Well, given that women have said to me "Sheeze, its like you put women through a series of tests". Its like someone that knows me has asked this question...

Thats the great thing about us INTJs, we are pragmatic and want to find out if "the objective" has a brain that actually works, as soon as possible... then we can stop wasting time - efficiently.

Generally, we'll ask lots of oblique questions to see how smart you are and test your weaknesses out. We can pick up whether you have common sense pretty quickly... :devil:

Oh, reading your post again, you already know them well. Well, in your case its more like they are a guy (which means that are not as in touch with their feelings generally as women to start with) and because they are an INTJ then there's even less connection with their feelings. I'd say they are stressing about whether they want to have a relationship etc, because a relationship takes them way out of their natural comfort zone. For most INTj guys they can generally win with logic or additional effort. Winning is a function of self determination. Where as with women and relationships its like you can try to do everything and still fail.... not what the INTJ guy likes at all.

Nb: A guy that is thinking about and stressing about a potential relationship is already caught hook line and sinker.... thats why he's thinking so much... its like "help".. "I'm sinking and I can't direct this ship anymore"... "its unchartered waters"..
 

Wandering

Highly Hollow
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
873
MBTI Type
INFJ
Why would you not "psychanalyze" a potential mate?

This one decision can have more consequences on the rest of your life than possibly anything else you decide. If you're not compatible, wouldn't you want to know this from the start before feelings get all involved?
Exactly :yes:

Though, as LostInNerSpace said, you don't have to do it out loud. I guess that would be one of the main differences between INTJs and INFJs: both INJs will tend to psycho-analyze their potential partners to death (though not necessarily with the same focus: to caricature, you guys might be more oriented IQ while we would be more oriented EQ), but the INFJs won't SAY so, won't share their musings with the object of their study/affection unless asked/allowed to do so, because, you know, it wouldn't be "nice" :D
 

Cality

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Mar 2, 2008
Messages
208
MBTI Type
ENFP
Well, given that women have said to me "Sheeze, its like you put women through a series of tests". Its like someone that knows me has asked this question...

Thats the great thing about us INTJs, we are pragmatic and want to find out if "the objective" has a brain that actually works, as soon as possible... then we can stop wasting time - efficiently.

Generally, we'll ask lots of oblique questions to see how smart you are and test your weaknesses out. We can pick up whether you have common sense pretty quickly... :devil:

Oh, reading your post again, you already know them well. Well, in your case its more like they are a guy (which means that are not as in touch with their feelings generally as women to start with) and because they are an INTJ then there's even less connection with their feelings. I'd say they are stressing about whether they want to have a relationship etc, because a relationship takes them way out of their natural comfort zone. For most INTj guys they can generally win with logic or additional effort. Winning is a function of self determination. Where as with women and relationships its like you can try to do everything and still fail.... not what the INTJ guy likes at all.

Nb: A guy that is thinking about and stressing about a potential relationship is already caught hook line and sinker.... thats why he's thinking so much... its like "help".. "I'm sinking and I can't direct this ship anymore"... "its unchartered waters"..

interesting! Thank you!
 

Cality

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Mar 2, 2008
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208
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ENFP
Exactly :yes:

Though, as LostInNerSpace said, you don't have to do it out loud. I guess that would be one of the main differences between INTJs and INFJs: both INJs will tend to psycho-analyze their potential partners to death (though not necessarily with the same focus: to caricature, you guys might be more oriented IQ while we would be more oriented EQ), but the INFJs won't SAY so, won't share their musings with the object of their study/affection unless asked/allowed to do so, because, you know, it wouldn't be "nice" :D

That's it! I also do analyse guys I see as potentially interesting. I can't help. But I am aware, I can't really tell them everything i try to analyse.

And there 's also some kind of "over-analysing" with INTJs

Edit : of course, psycho-analyse wasn't used in the freudian way but rather as an analyse on how your mind works, how you intellectually and psychologically work
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
Joined
Mar 14, 2008
Messages
3,960
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Exactly :yes:

Though, as LostInNerSpace said, you don't have to do it out loud. I guess that would be one of the main differences between INTJs and INFJs: both INJs will tend to psycho-analyze their potential partners to death (though not necessarily with the same focus: to caricature, you guys might be more oriented IQ while we would be more oriented EQ), but the INFJs won't SAY so, won't share their musings with the object of their study/affection unless asked/allowed to do so, because, you know, it wouldn't be "nice" :D

LOL
You hit the nail on the head
 

Wandering

Highly Hollow
Joined
Dec 24, 2007
Messages
873
MBTI Type
INFJ
That's it! I also do analyse guys I see as potentially interesting. I can't help. But I am aware, I can't really tell them everything i try to analyse.
That's why you're an F, and they're T ;)

And there 's also some kind of "over-analysing" with INTJs
Nonsense. You can never accuse an INJ of over-analysing anything, because what you under-analysing types consider as over-analysing is actually just our normal level of analysing. Savvy :D ?
 

Cality

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Mar 2, 2008
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ENFP
That's why you're an F, and they're T ;)


Nonsense. You can never accuse an INJ of over-analysing anything, because what you under-analysing types consider as over-analysing is actually just our normal level of analysing. Savvy :D ?


Ok :D It comes across as over-analysis... Too much thinking in the air without any Yuuhuuu come back to earth, we are there.... Kinda disconnected from reality. For example, one INTJ guys who is interested in me prefers reading my facebook profile over and over, analyse it through and through, watching all my pictures and taking for hours on msn for weeks rather and before really setting any date at first.
 

Veneti

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Aug 19, 2007
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XNTX
That's why you're an F, and they're T ;)


Nonsense. You can never accuse an INJ of over-analysing anything, because what you under-analysing types consider as over-analysing is actually just our normal level of analysing. Savvy :D ?

Ahh... I think many INJ's over analyse when it comes to people and relationships. Not everything is predictable and rational. Sometimes you have to go with the flow, enjoy the moment and see what happens...

If you stare a bunch of random dots long enough you will see a picture, same too with social interaction.... you can paint a picture of a potential relationship or whatever by thinking... and be completely wrong... If you weren't so "I" then you'd have just asked and resolved the mind games early on.

Too much thinking in relationships etc is too much J controlling. Use J in analytical situations and use more P when you're dealing with people. Same to with I and E.
 

LostInNerSpace

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Ok :D It comes across as over-analysis... Too much thinking in the air without any Yuuhuuu come back to earth, we are there.... Kinda disconnected from reality. For example, one INTJ guys who is interested in me prefers reading my facebook profile over and over, analyse it through and through, watching all my pictures and taking for hours on msn for weeks rather and before really setting any date at first.

Why would you be interested in someone who obesses over your facebook profile?

If he is an INTJ, he sounds like a weak one. J's are most comfortable making decisions quickly. But maybe you are not sending clear signals. Sometimes we think we are sending clear signals, but we are not.
 

Cality

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well I don't know. He told me he would like to go out on a date with me but he also told me that it stresses him too much because he doesn't manage to figure me out and prefers to keep on analysing me. He suscribed to facebook when he realised, i've got a profile there. I agree with you, he is quite neurotic and boring....


Why do I always attract boring and neurotic guys!!!???? :cry:
 

Usehername

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Why would you be interested in someone who obesses over your facebook profile?

If he is an INTJ, he sounds like a weak one. J's are most comfortable making decisions quickly. But maybe you are not sending clear signals. Sometimes we think we are sending clear signals, but we are not.

I don't think he's obsessing over the facebook profile so much as using it as a resource to structure his perception of her. Ni (that is, xNxJ types) are inductive reasoners... little bits of information (such as a favourite band, something they dislike, etc.) help us form a "whole understanding"... so, in fact, it's a very J thing to do. Ni types make decisions quickly after they have all the information they need.

I figure if it's on the internet, it's fair game. And I fully use that resource as an INTJ.
 

Cality

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yeah he kinda uses this for this reason. But we have common friends he could use as well! :huh: Asking friends in some ways is maybe rather ENFPish...
 

Usehername

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yeah he kinda uses this for this reason. But we have common friends he could use as well! :huh: Asking friends in some ways is maybe rather ENFPish...

From personal experience, my $ is on the fact that he does manipulate information out of friends, but because he does it stoically and so methodically planned out how he's going to extract it, people don't notice all the little bits and pieces he's filing away.
 

Cality

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I am not extra-ordinarly attracted to him anyway, so I don't care. But if he sounded more cool, maybe I were more attracted...
 

Wandering

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Dec 24, 2007
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Too much thinking in the air without any Yuuhuuu come back to earth, we are there.... Kinda disconnected from reality.
INJs are very much out there in space, yes, that's a given. And INTJs in particular, what with being Introverted, Thinkers, and non-Sensors, are definitely at risk of being more disconnected from reality than many other types when it comes to interpersonal relationships. That's part and parcel of the general INTJ package. Many INTJs manage pretty well, but many others manage pretty badly, as can be expected. The more socially and physically awkward ones will definitely make for, uh, interesting dates.

For example, one INTJ guys who is interested in me prefers reading my facebook profile over and over, analyse it through and through, watching all my pictures and taking for hours on msn for weeks rather and before really setting any date at first.
Looks like he's trying to get a feel of you before meeting you. Trying to put things under control as much as possible before jumping into the reality of a real date with a real person. Not terribly mature, granted, but quite understandable to me.

***

Sometimes you have to go with the flow, enjoy the moment and see what happens...
True, but sometimes "going with the flow" (Inferior Se) is the OPPOSITE of "enjoying the moment" for INJs, so it's really not that simple.
 

Wolf

only bites when provoked
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Apr 24, 2007
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I really hope what the person in question did is considered weird, because I just did one of those things...

I don't think he's obsessing over the facebook profile so much as using it as a resource to structure his perception of her. Ni (that is, xNxJ types) are inductive reasoners... little bits of information (such as a favourite band, something they dislike, etc.) help us form a "whole understanding"... so, in fact, it's a very J thing to do. Ni types make decisions quickly after they have all the information they need.

I figure if it's on the internet, it's fair game. And I fully use that resource as an INTJ.
Exactly. Great explanation.
 
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