[NT] When you look at someone, do you SEE personality/behavior instead of physical attrs?

[alakazam]

Does anybody else on here ever find they seem to almost literally see people's personalities when they look at them? For me, this manifests itself in a few ways:

- I often think people look similar to each other, but every S-type disagrees

- I can look at a picture of what is generally accepted as a beautiful woman and not find her attractive to me (though I do recognize the hormonal attraction, it is not influential)

- Similarly, I can see someone who people find ordinary as sublime/gorgeous


The only thing I can see here is that what I see when I look at people is much more closely related to personality/behavior/mannerisms than it is physical characteristics.


Anyone else find they do the same thing? More importantly: anyone else figure out with any more depth what it is they see in these cases?

 

[Xyk]

Strictly logically, it is impossible to see someone's personality. You are seeing effects of the personality, which can be trained. Socially adept people can make themselves appear to be different personalities, not maliciously, but as a social tactic to attract new friends. You can tell yourself you see their personality all you want, but until you get to know someone, it is entirely superficial, even if you're not just ogling breasts/male-equivalence. Certain personalities do show their inner colors through certain actions that can be read and inferred. For example, crossed arms or hands covering the mouth are usually a sign of shyness or discomfort, so you can infer that such a person is likely a shy person, but not necessarily.

 

[Randomnity]

Attraction is extremely subjective. And of course it's often tied to personality. See: demisexual, if you haven't already. But nearly everyone is attracted/repelled partially based on personality, to one degree or another.

If you think people look similar and others disagree, you're probably just using different comparisons. (they have the same smile! same chin! same facial structure! same makeup application! same eyebrow grooming! same eye twinkle! etc etc.) you can find a lot of random similarities between people, and you probably just focus on different things compared to your friends.

 

[alakazam]

Yes yes yes, I'm just wondering if anyone else has seen the same sort of thing... I've been known to see comparisons between all sorts of people. I've gone back to see if I can figure it out, and sometimes there is maybe one similarity, but it isn't present in other pairs I see as similar... To the best of my knowledge, my comparison criteria seems to be more about body language, muscle movement patterns, etc... But it's all at an intuitive level and I can't figure out what it is.

Another thing that comes from this is an intuitive understanding of personality (since some aspects of body language are tightly correlated with personality). Much to the contrary of Xyk's post, I can see a lot of information about personality just on a glance. This information is always limited to certain aspects of them, but isn't wrong as much as it is incomplete. However, saying that I'm not basing comparisons upon the personality traits I can see just because I can't see everything is like saying you can't base a comparison by someone's eye color because you don't know what color toenails they have. The broad statement that you cannot see someone's personality is patently ridiculous.

To Xyk: if you want to actually spend some time learning very useful information about body language, look into Paul Ekman's research. Specifically, see his books "Telling Lies," "Emotions Revealed," "Emotions Inside Out" and "Unmasking the Face."

To Randomnity: how do you pronounce that? Ran-dom-nity?

 

[Randomnity]

lol, in my head I pronounce it ran-DOM-nity, but it's a made up word so nothing is particularly valid.

I think you can tell a great deal about someone's personality by non-genetic appearance - as in the way they dress, the way they hold themselves, body language, facial expression, etc etc etc (but you have to remember that it's not infallible, just a generalization). Is that all you mean, or are you talking about something different?

 

[alakazam]

Yeah, that is - except that I don't consciously pay attention to it... Something in my brain processes it all, compares it with other people I know/knew who were similar, compares it with other knowledge, and tells me as much as it can about their personality (including limitations of the profile)... But it doesn't tell me how it does this.

 

[Randomnity]

haha, yeah. Brains are good like that. I think it'd be harder to think of it in terms of "crossing arms means this" PLUS "looking up means this" PLUS.... instead of just grasping the overall image and reading into that. I have a hunch that Ni would be especially good at this, although of course everyone does it to varying degrees.

 

[alakazam]

I have a hunch that Ni would be especially good at this

Oh yes. I've always seemed to be able to just naturally pick up on this. I can often walk into a room where nobody's speaking and all sitting in a perfect grid and pick up on the personality of the groups of friends and whatnot... I do know that some people are much harder to do this with than others, and I don't know why. From what I've read, this isn't that uncommon, especially with INTPs (Chameleons, which kinda requires this ability!)

When it doesn't work, I end up resorting to combination of all the sensory details I can capture (which is where Ekman's research comes in!). Much harder, and much more variable in its accuracy than the intuition (except that it works in places intuition doesn't...)

 

[xisnotx]

- I can look at a picture of what is generally accepted as a beautiful woman and not find her attractive to me (though I do recognize the hormonal attraction, it is not influential)

- Similarly, I can see someone who people find ordinary as sublime/gorgeous

I can relate to this. I've thought women were perfect 10s even though I objectively rate them as average. But an "average woman" has the ability to be a perfect 10 in my book after just a couple minutes of talking to her...and I'm not talking about their personalities per say, just the way they carry themselves. Certain looks, facial expressions, clothes, mannerisms, etc etc...I'm not sure it's personality that I'm judging...I usually refer to it simply as "it"..whatever "it" is, it's sometimes easy to see who has it...

 

[alakazam]

Yes yes yes. I just say personality because I can usually tell the personality from it because it's all so interrelated/correlated.

 

[gandalf]

I think I can usually spot kind of a innocence right from the posture of women. I mean, the kind of people who are kind, sincere and honest but who don't make a number of that. And when I spot that, there's a good chance that I also get romantically interested in the woman.

Another thing that I have been thinking about that I think somewhat relates to the subject is what really makes you have a crush on someone. My theory is that feeling "chemistry" with someone is usually connected to exceptional mutual understanding of non-verbal communication. I mean, most of it is usually misunderstood even though you may get a strong sense of the other person but still there are times when the non-verbal communication and reality just happen match exceptionally well.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Demeanor can have a bigger impact on me than details of a person's appearance, which I won't note so readily, and I do see demeanor as a manifestation of personality. I tend to take people in as a whole, form an impression, and then maybe later analyze it & note details to support that impression.

Of course, this is far more easily & accurately done in person than in photos.

Friends recently, teasingly asked my boyfriend & I how we met, saying, "So was it his eyes, his smile that caught your attention?", and I said, "It was his demeanor. I'm a vibe person". I don't even note body language or facial expression unless I consciously prompt myself to (but in retrospect, I'll see how it did affect the "vibe" I got; it's like I absorb it unconsciously).

 

[Tallulah]

Yes, totally. I'm never attracted to someone based solely on looks. It's whether I like the look of them, which has largely to do with vibe and what they project, the way they speak, etc. It's the whole picture, the total aura.

 

[alakazam]

but still there are times when the non-verbal communication and reality just happen match exceptionally well.

Like 30 minutes ago, things ended before they began with an INTP girl with whom I experienced this. So, naturally, I'm in a terrible mood right now. In her development, she's past the point where she realizes NT directness hurts others but hasn't gotten to the point where she can confidently say what needs to be said (which she would have done without hesitation before the first point), so I had to make darned sure she understood that directness was more than OK... and it hurt, but she was direct. And I am on a tangent.

Demeanor can have a bigger impact on me than details of a person's appearance, which I won't note so readily, and I do see demeanor as a manifestation of personality. I tend to take people in as a whole, form an impression, and then maybe later analyze it & note details to support that impression.

YES YES YES. This is it. Exactly.

Of course, this is far more easily & accurately done in person than in photos.

Except this. Demeanor from still photos doesn't contain as much information as live, behavioral demeanor to me (i.e. body language, at the intuitive level).

I only see body language and facial expressions (sensory level) because I've specifically studied them, but in this thread I was more relating to the intuitive level (previous sentence).

 

[Randomnity]

Except this. Demeanor from still photos doesn't contain as much information as live, behavioral demeanor to me (i.e. body language, at the intuitive level).

I only see body language and facial expressions (sensory level) because I've specifically studied them, but in this thread I was more relating to the intuitive level (previous sentence).

Maybe you're using "intuitive" in a non-MBTI sense, but otherwise I don't think it's accurate to say that "overall demeanor" is intuitive vs body language etc being sensory. I definitely look at the whole impression of someone, not bits and pieces. Otherwise it'd take way longer than I care to spend!

 

[alakazam]

Because, you know, it's not possible for me to have been referring to the fact that I take in demeanor at the intuitive level and I table in body language at the sensing level. Not good with context/subtle-neuances, are ya?

Yep. I'm being very blunt. But you appeared here to argue a point without taking the time to understand what I could have meant where part of your argument was that you don't want to take the time to understand. Way to go!

 

[Randomnity]

Ah ok, so not using intuitive in the MBTI sense. Gotcha.

 

[alakazam]

There's no difference.

The MBTI sense of Intuition covers both Ni (seeing things with the mind's eye) and Ne (seeing the world as more than the sum of its parts, most of which are ignored by themselves)

When I say that I take it in at the intuitive level, this would be Ne (corresponding with the P half of my personality).

 

[gromit]

I see both.

 

[Moxiest]

I noticed myself recently analyzing a girl at a prayer meeting I went to... trying to figure out why she was so fake She was standing there talking to the girls around me, and as she tried to make eye contact with me, I realized "crap, I'm analyzing her totally to her face.... I should join in the conversation or something really fast so as to fool her into believing I care about what we're talking about... crap, wha tare we talking about? " She probably thought I was weird because I was kindof staring at her... watching her reactions etc. Maybe this is what is meant when people say INFJ's don't notice details... we notice them, they're just different from what most other people notice.