[MBTI General] I've got time to kill... Do you also?

[Cality]

I met online a guy I don't know much but who is intriguing me. Would you let yourself intrigued and help me to analyse him without he ever notices it?

I try with him to shift away from my usual habits to share with guys I like, my interest in psychology and to psycho-analysis them while asking them very direct questions about who they are. I want to stop doing this with him because :
1. Once I get them, they are no longer interesting to me. And I think "next... " So i want to keep the intriguing part of this guy real.
2. because it fakes the relationship from the start. Too much open-up, too close from the start and no mystery.
(well, ok 1 and 2 are similar points....)
3. Because with the few things I know about this guy, i start to like him, a little ...

So, back to this guy, I've never met him in real but it's coming, im working on it.
The purpose of this email is let's find his type together, ok?

The first time we've emailed each other, he immedialty mailed me back an interesting and lively resumee of his life. I was surprised... he seemed not to be willing to hide anything about his life, not even that he had been engaged and didn't marry that girl in the end (i didn't ask for more details so far...).
This guy is surely N because his strive for intellectual stimulation is so obvious : he is a lawyer, PhD in laws (did it while he was working), and now, does a other laws specialisations...
He seems to not really like th messenger/chatting thing, which is cool, since i prefer to meet in people in real. So we didn't talked that much.
he's been really wierd at first. He told me he was happy to talk to me online or so but never did any effort to start the conversation himself. So i started 3 conversations like this. After a while, he offered me to meet up on a very wierd way : he offered to meet in a city which was very near to his and far from mine. And also to meet up soon without setting any dates and saying : well Im busy so we'll see later for the date. I thought he was kinda playing me and i've started ignoring him during 2 weeks. I thought he wasn't worth of my efforts. I could imagine from his description and pictures that he is the type of guy who has a few girls around him. I didn't want to be one more.
After 2 weeks, he suddenly started talking to me (as if the fact I ignored him would raise his interest) and offered the next day out of the blue to meet up again in a few weeks since he shared with me online his schedule and seems to be really busy. It also seems that the meeting up thing stresses him. (and beside we don't live in the same city, not even in the same coutrny so it's quite complicated, we have to see each other on a week-end).
His way to get to know me is fun : he wants to visit some new place with me. Exactly the type of activity i just LOVE! Sight-seeing!!! So it seems that his way to connect to me is sharing interests. He doesn't try to ask me a lot fo questions about me. He doesn't try to psycho-analyse me. He just talks about his life and i share mine. He just tries to know a lot what I like to do : sports, dance, travel and so on. Just the same way to connect than a former INTP boyfriend who acted the same way at first. I like it.
I thought he could be well an INTP (he seems to be a little random). He seems to have friends but doesn't seem to take a lot of time to socialise. But the thing that i find the most off putting in him and the less INTP is that he uses a LOT of emosticon while on IM, even though he is in his middle 30ies (which looks so immature). A lot of smiley smiling and winks. That seems to be so F and a lot of sweets sentences (that i rather find touchy-feely). Im not sure if this is just because he has been influenced by some SF/NF there.

That's it for the first part of the adventure. What do you think of it so far, Thee Oooo MBTI experts???
What should I observe next?

 

[CzeCze]

Um...I'm not sure about his type from reading, but I would seriously reconsider meeting up with someone you've never met IRL and with the purpose of running around a new city together, alone.

But in answer to your OP:
If you want to try to psycho-analyze him I would ask him sneaky questions..like "are currently dating anyone?" hahaha -- only partially kidding. I guess those would be my primary questions -- more practical, like are you really single, what are you looking for, what are your expectations, have you done this before, etc.

 

[Cality]

Um...I'm not sure about his type from reading, but I would seriously reconsider meeting up with someone you've never met IRL and with the purpose of running around a new city together, alone.

Ok for the second part about the dating stuff, I thought of it too! Omina see that anyway!

But for the first part, i find this really cool to visit a new place like this. Well, i already did it with an INTP and this was cool. I've good memories of it. Maybe that's just a cultural difference. Beside, at any time, you can leave and say you go.... The restaurant thing for the 1st meeting is too boring in my own opinion. At least, if his company is not very interesting, I still will have visited a new place and not completly lost my day! Whereas once you sitt in front of someone at a restaurant, you have to wait until the end of the meal to run away..; Too stressful! (I know, I am a typical P there!! )

 

[disregard]

I would not meet this person, unless you want to turn up on the 6:00 news.

 

[creativeRhino]

You don't know if anything he says is real, or do you?

I've been doing some dating. I try to check out folks before I meet them - get a photo and name info and do some research first. I only meet guys that I can do some basic verification.

I've met a few who are INTJ/ENTJ types - your fellow sounds a bit like that or maybe ENTP. Especially if a lawyer. There's really not enough info provided in non face to face "short burst" communications to be sure.

INTJ comes to mind because of the factual stuff. He could be an ISTJ as well on that basis. Using smileys/emoticons etc can be just a learned thing rather than a spontaneous thing.

INTJs can be great communicators online / by phone etc but very different face to face - much more reserved and literally "lawyerly".

Only meet if you can find out some more stuff - eg have a webcam chat or swapping photos and some other info to help verify who he is really.

I've not had any resistance to such requests, and give enough info for them to decide about me (but not so they can find me physically!)

 

[Seanan]

I can tell you this... any guy who wants to meet me is going to have to come to my city or close to it... just the accepted courtesy in dating... and to wherever I feel safe. If he doesn't want to know where I feel safe... nope... red flag.. run, don't walk to the nearest exit.

 

[LostInNerSpace]

But the thing that i find the most off putting in him and the less INTP is that he uses a LOT of emosticon while on IM, even though he is in his middle 30ies (which looks so immature).

Excessive use of winks I think is cheesy, but use use of emoticons is not childish. ENFPs do this too, but not with the emoticons. ENFPs will use words like

Uhnn
Hmph
Hmmm

I am much better with pictures than words. I had to look up the spelling of Uhnn, Hmph and Hmmm because expressing myself with words like that is just such an alien concept to me. I would not be surprised if the same applies to other INTPs.

on a very wierd way : he offered to meet in a city which was very near to his and far from mine.

Sounds kind of selfish. Are you old fashioned about a man being a "gentalmen" or not?

and a lot of sweets sentences (that i rather find touchy-feely). Im not sure if this is just because he has been influenced by some SF/NF there.

It's possible he faked the touchy feely stuff for your benefit because he thought you would like it. ENFPs do that naturally. You do it when you "mimic" people. It's called building rapport. It's why you make friends so easily. INTPs just happen to suck at it.

 

[Cality]

You don't know if anything he says is real, or do you?

I've been doing some dating. I try to check out folks before I meet them - get a photo and name info and do some research first. I only meet guys that I can do some basic verification.

I've met a few who are INTJ/ENTJ types - your fellow sounds a bit like that or maybe ENTP. Especially if a lawyer. There's really not enough info provided in non face to face "short burst" communications to be sure.

INTJ comes to mind because of the factual stuff. He could be an ISTJ as well on that basis. Using smileys/emoticons etc can be just a learned thing rather than a spontaneous thing.

INTJs can be great communicators online / by phone etc but very different face to face - much more reserved and literally "lawyerly".

Only meet if you can find out some more stuff - eg have a webcam chat or swapping photos and some other info to help verify who he is really.

I've not had any resistance to such requests, and give enough info for them to decide about me (but not so they can find me physically!)

Ok!! I've google him and the info provided seems to be accurate so far. But since you are all warning me, I take your warning into account!

 

[Cality]

Excessive use of winks I think is cheesy, but use use of emoticons is not childish. ENFPs do this too, but not with the emoticons. ENFPs will use words like

Uhnn
Hmph
Hmmm

I am much better with pictures than words. I had to look up the spelling of Uhnn, Hmph and Hmmm because expressing myself with words like that is just such an alien concept to me. I would not be surprised if the same applies to other INTPs.


Sounds kind of selfish. Are you old fashioned about a man being a "gentalmen" or not?


.

Yes i am old fashioned about gentlemen!! I love gentlemen!!!!!!!! that's why i didn't appreciate his offer.

 

[LostInNerSpace]

he offered to meet in a city which was very near to his and far from mine.

Just out of interest. How far was "far"? Two miles or two hundred miles? Was he going to make you come to him or was he going to pick you up? If it were me, I might offer it as a suggestion if I thought she might like it.

 

[Cality]

Just out of interest. How far was "far"? Two miles or two hundred miles? Was he going to make you come to him or was he going to pick you up? If it were me, I might offer it as a suggestion if I thought she might like it.

He is 2 hours away.
I hate when guys pick me up. I get the impression, i don't have any control about the situation and it stresses me that i can't keep any door open to leave earlier (because they would also have to bring me back).

Back to this guy : it's over! He acted like a jerk today. I offered him to meet up tomorow and he didn't even answer though he was on messenger the all day. I don't like that type of guy who is unreliable and not even polite. Beside I am having this impression to be taken for granted. If he ever talks to me on IM, he's going to know what I think of his behavior....

 

[Cality]

Update : he actually finally wrote something hypocritically (from my own perspective) warm and nice to say that he is so sorry to be sooo tired and sooooo busy but that he couldn't make it for this week-end.
Since I hate chasing unavailable guys, Im leaving it there and start ignoring him again. He's going to have to do all the work to meet up again, if I am ever willing to meet him up later.....

 

[Cality]

Excessive use of winks I think is cheesy, but use use of emoticons is not childish. ENFPs do this too, but not with the emoticons. ENFPs will use words like

Uhnn
Hmph
Hmmm

I am much better with pictures than words. I had to look up the spelling of Uhnn, Hmph and Hmmm because expressing myself with words like that is just such an alien concept to me. I would not be surprised if the same applies to other INTPs.


Sounds kind of selfish. Are you old fashioned about a man being a "gentalmen" or not?



It's possible he faked the touchy feely stuff for your benefit because he thought you would like it. ENFPs do that naturally. You do it when you "mimic" people. It's called building rapport. It's why you make friends so easily. INTPs just happen to suck at it.

see I don't use all that hmmms and smileys when using IM. ....

 

[Butterfly]

Update : he actually finally wrote something hypocritically (from my own perspective) warm and nice to say that he is so sorry to be sooo tired and sooooo busy but that he couldn't make it for this week-end.
Since I hate chasing unavailable guys, Im leaving it there and start ignoring him again. He's going to have to do all the work to meet up again, if I am ever willing to meet him up later.....

Hi Cality,
Nice to read your post and see something happening in other peoples lives, unlike mine, so I will try to live vicariously through you two

Ok this guy sounds interested I think, but unsure, typical INTP behaviour in my view. But he does sound interesting. Whats sounds more interesting is that you sound interested in him! Right?
Yes he has to take the effort, but you have to give very very open hints since INTPs can be a bit thick sometimes Isnt that right INTPs who are reading this right now?? lol

Keep us updated dear. tc.

 

[Cality]

Thank you! You are my favorite butterfly! Take me updated about the nothing happening in your life, then.... Who knows????

I already thought he could be INTP (borderline I/E) because he is somehow so random and even though he tried to be thoughtfull and to show kinda feelings in the way he talks on IM, some strange behavior betray his lack of those. When I make him aware that he kinda could have hurt my feelings so far without noticing it (didn't replay to this email for example at first), he asks for forgiveness very deeply as if he wouldn't have noticed he could have hurt me but really feels sorry (but who knows if he really cares?). I've gone through the same pattern with a thick INTP former boyfriend.
(also he took yesterday my cellphone number to be able to text me or ask me out more easily than on messenger....)


So you seem to be less critical toward him as at first??? What did change your opinion?

As I said, i've google him, compared pics on the net and pics from him i got, and he seems to be who he claims to be. But I stay cautious!

And yes I am interested so far because :
1. he obviously sounds bright and smart
2. he obvioulsy sounds open-minded and a travel's lover (well, im not sure the last expression is correct.. I mean that he loves to travel..!!??!!)
3. he obviously sounds the perfect well-balance guy i've searched for so long : sporty, dancer, intelligent, ambitious, cool and family-orientated but not in the way of traditional gender-roles though (made very obvious from the start that he loves kids and seems to be interested in the fact that I work with some) and he doesn't sound controlling at all (and since my last realtionship with a highly jealous and controlling ENTJ went bad, I now am very cautious of this!)
4. he is not psycho-analysing me contrary to most INTJ guys I've met and who were interested in me so far... He jsut wants to get to know me in real life by sharing interests rather than spending hours on IM contrary to other guys.

I think he is defintely N and P

 

[Butterfly]

Hi Cality
nice to hear from you.

My life...well its boring. No man in there. Im just curious about the ENFP and the possible INTP dynamics at work, since I faced a similar situation not long ago. which led me to come on this forum to oooo seek answers and understanding lol.
So i can feel ya...what ur going thru.

You say Im less critical towards him and why? Well, because though you have some anger towards him, its very obvious by ur posts that ur interested in him, and like him. So im trying to come to ur wavelength i suppose.
Doubts about distances and where he wants to meet are natural, and its always important to be cautious and protect yourself. There is no doubt there.

He sounds good, but unless you see him in his own element physically with your own eyes, then I think it would be harder to beleive in the stuff. So your fears and doubts are natural i guess.

Okies..tc..gtg now. ciao.

 

[Cality]

the thing is that my dad is an INTP, I think.. (borderline P/J). And I am maybe for this reason attracted to INTPs, since like msot girl, my dad is my absolute unconscious and conscious male model...

I understand your situation about INTP/ENFP dynamics because i already went through that and it was hard, even though i admired a lot this INTP. The hardest is the diffferent communication style, in my own opinion. But I am sure, once you've got over this, INTPs can be great matches!

 

[Cality]

He sounds good, but unless you see him in his own element physically with your own eyes, then I think it would be harder to beleive in the stuff.

Sure, that's why I wanted to meet him quickly

 

[ByMySword]

I don't have time to kill, thank you. Now as for people...........

 

[Butterfly]

the thing is that my dad is an INTP, I think.. (borderline P/J). And I am maybe for this reason attracted to INTPs, since like msot girl, my dad is my absolute unconscious and conscious male model...

I understand your situation about INTP/ENFP dynamics because i already went through that and it was hard, even though i admired a lot this INTP. The hardest is the diffferent communication style, in my own opinion. But I am sure, once you've got over this, INTPs can be great matches!

Yes I see where the dad role model thing comes into play. So has your dad met that guy? It would be interesting to see 2 INTPs meeting. hehe especially a b/f and a father! Bcos dads are naturally protective of their daughters etc.

Yes communication style is different between ENFP and INTP. But they aint bad people, just that if they love you, they can scare the shyt out of you, with over the top, deep, volcanic outbursts of crazy ways to express their love. Its very scary....almost psycho like. :S
But well...thats was my case. I hope urs works out better.
tc.
ciao