I'm Not Good at Being a "Girl"

[Hera]

I am biologically female, but I am hella awkward at being what people think that means.

I try to curl my hair and it comes out a mess, I try to apply my makeup but it looks caked-on and obvious, I try to giggle and I sound like I'm sneezing or horking, I try to apply self-tanner and I look like a patchy crocodile... I'm just not good at being conventionally pretty, a conventional girl. I don't know why I try, I think it has a lot to do with getting people to leave me alone about why I am who I am. It got tiring to explain why I think it's much more important to be complimented on my intellect and not my "pretty face" and expecting to be treated like an intellectual equal to others instead of being patronized.

I say we riot, ladies. Who's with me?

(Or I can stop caring and put up with the flack. Whatever, rioting is much more interesting.)

[redcheerio]

I say we riot, ladies. Who's with me?

<- (see avatar )

[Totenkindly]

If we riot, can we blow things up? I like pretty explosions with lots of fire and noise.

You can take them from the outside.
I'm more of an "inside agent / spy" -- I look like one of them ("the girl next door") but they don't know how subversive I am. I like it that way, it leaves me a lot of flexibility.

I like being complimented for my intellect and I don't tolerate people disrespecting my intelligence; but at the same time, I like being recognized for many different things, even if I value some of those things (e.g., intelligence) more than others.

[Such Irony]

Hera, I saw your picture. You look beautiful.

[Hera]

Hera, I saw your picture. You look beautiful.

Thank you.

I'm not saying that being beautiful is a bad thing for anyone, I just don't understand why when I try to be a conventional girl it doesn't work out, it convinces others but I feel like I'm less me when I'm dressed up. You know? I only really do my hair/makeup for work.

[Hera]

You can take them from the outside.
I'm more of an "inside agent / spy" -- I look like one of them ("the girl next door") but they don't know how subversive I am. I like it that way, it leaves me a lot of flexibility.

I only appreciate it for this reason. Get them off-guard. Nothing is more shocking than a female NT for most people.

[funkadelik]

I've been told that I come across as feminine on the outside, but masculine on the inside.

Whatever THAT means.

Maybe they meant I'm like a geode...except with penises and vaginas instead of amethyst crystals.

[Hera]

I've been told that I come across as feminine on the outside, but masculine on the inside.

Whatever THAT means.

Maybe they meant I'm like a geode...except with penises and vaginas instead of amethyst crystals.

A lot of people tell me that my personality is way too masculine, and it offends me only because the traits they're talking about are inherently human. Why is rationality, logic, or being stoic masculine? As a woman, I'm expected to be whiny, emotionally-driven, unfunny, and illogical. I'm sorry I can't live up to those very dignifying and natural expectations.

I am a freak of nature.

[Patches]

Im not particularly feminine either. I'd say my only qualm with that is... When girls are doing "Girls Night Out" kind of things, no one ever thinks to invite me, because I'm not girly (Rightfully so, I probably wouldn't enjoy it.) When guys do, "Guys night out" kind of things... Be it a Strip club or a LAN party... They rarely think to invite me, because despite my more masculine personality - I am still a chick. It just sort of sticks you in the social limbo where you really only get invited to situations that are perceived as gender-neutral like bar or movies.

Other than that... I have no issues with my "less than feminine" personality.

[Mole]

I am actually good at being a girl even though I am a bloke. I think it is because I have been ineluctably drawn to girls all my life. I even read my mother's Women's Weekly magazines in order to understand women. So I understand women as a hunter understands the hunted. I understand how they think, I understand how they feel, so much so I can flirt with any of them. The hunter waits and watches and observes the habits and mores of the hunted. And the hunter becomes the hunted just as I become a girl.

And when I become the girl, I can follow her every movement, her every intonation, her every intention. And as I mirror her, she mistakes me for herself. But by then it is too late. I am too close. And as I close in, we both hold our breath together.