Well, my family try their hardest to turn me into a girl, yet I rebel. I might look girly on the outside( they dress me up like a girl), but I have a heart of a tomboy. I' m a feminist, I believe it' s up to a woman to choose whether she will be a housewife or dedicate herself to career. I am myself a rationalist, thinking - over - feeing person, prefer keeping my feelings inside, my mind always rules my actions( though feelings can influence them as well, after all, I' m not amoral or ideal - free, I can also act out of pride or the morality pattern I believe in) , and I hate that society expects me to be emotional, illogical and weak. My ESFJ grandma always blames me on beeing too masculine, but I just ignore her. I hate putting on make up except the one to hide facial flaws( somehow I must fight these annoying zits) , I also dislike high heels( just plain uncomfortable and impractical) , or revealing dresses( I don' t want to look sexualized in the eyes of others) . Others also dislike that I do push ups and have broad shoulders. When I show signs of tomboyishness, my family members ask me if I am a lesbian. Goddamn it, how many times do I need to tell them that a tomboy does not auto equal a lesbian? My orientation is all right, I am a tomboy AND a heterosexual, the thing that I have a soft spot on feely, idealistic guys( maybe to equalize my rationalism) is a totally different thing!
I am what and who I want to be, not what and who society expects me to. I am intelligent, and I' m not afraid to show it, even though most girls consider me a bore. I like science and computers instead of fashion and dating. My primary goal in life is self perfection and career achievement instead of relationship and family. Being single is okay to me. I don' t like all the girly stuff, and I never will. I am not a herd animal, I never was, and I prefer solitude where I can have freedom of thought, instead of company where I always have to be someone who is not myself. I am what and who I am. People and society might try to change me, but it will never work. I know it' s difficult to live with such a rebellious outlook, but why do I have to refuse something just because it' s difficult?
You know, sometimes I gaze in the far future, when I am an old woman, and shortly before my death I recall all my life( I hope my mind will be clear enough by that time) . If I chose the easy way, I would recall that I lived my entire life as a pretender, putting on the masks others enforced on me, but which I hated myself, lived not my own life, but the life of another preson, exchanged my true self just for complete calmness and quiet life, wasted all these years God has given me, not releasing my true potential. In my case, I am religious, so I believe I might have another life, but there is still doubt, since no one knows what is after death. And if there is no reincarnation, I wasted the great gift called life, full of possibilities and surprises. But I don' t choose that, I choose different. When I die, I want to recall living my own life as I wanted, being myself, not shaping myself into that the others told me to. Yes, I might' ve had difficulties, it wasn' t easy, but I deliberately chose it. My true self remained untoched, and I preserved it the whole life. My life wasn' t the quiet one, but I didn' t want a quiet life, I wanted to release my potential and have a freedom of choice. And I did it. I never gave up, I always fought, standing up for my ideas. I might ' ve been a white raven, but I had no problem with it. I was myself, and it requires a great deal of courage to be yourself. I made my won decicions, I lived my own life. I may not have children, but my legacy will live on in my deeds, even though not all might notice that. And then I will not be ashamed for the life I lived. So be yourself, live as you want, so that when you' re old, you won' t regret the choices you made in your life.
I guess I got too philosophical... But anyway, be yourself. Live the way you want. Don' t listen to the society and what it enforces on you. Because there may not be another life to live.
...Wait, women who aren't just love interests? I need to watch better movies.
