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  1. #11


    Who knows my type but I will speak up anyway.

    For me, compromise comes before I present my idea or position. I know with my ex husband he would always say I got my way. That wasn't the case. I simply worked him into the position I was taking before I presented it. Then when I was supposed to "compromise" I felt like the scales would tip on his side because not only did I think about him to start but he wanted to see some evident compromise on my end. Which gave him ultimately 3/4 say in any decision. Either that or I would have to result to salesman tricks and aim unrealistically one sided then compromise down....what a pain in the ass.

  2. #12


    That makes a lot of sense. Your idea already includes that compromise. His problem was that he didn't get to announce it so he didn't believe you considered it even if the idea was tailored towards that end. It's just trusting the ENTJ will realize and apply that compromise before they present their plan.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    8w7 sx/sp


    There appears to be some viewing of relationships from a self-centric ROI perspective. If it's viewed this way from the ENTJ perspective, what's the OPs ROI when his needs aren't being met? Beyond physical attraction, it looks like it's not happening.

    Within reason, don't all relationships require some form of compromise and laissez-faire acceptance? IMO, they always require a form of dance between partners. But if it's all about dancing and maneuvering, where each person wants the upperhand or is oblivious to the other person's needs, it doesn't sound to me like a relationship worth having and not the recipe for a long-term relationship.

  4. #14
    That's my name biotch! JoSunshine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009


    I only skimmed the responses, but I have to say that my ENTJ best friend is admittedly not touchy-feely, but is very consistent and has a strong nurturing streak (albeit in the most practical of ways). However, she is in her 30's and has become much softer than she was when I met her over 7 years ago. She is an ambitious person by nature and I think when she was younger her ambition was to develop herself and was driven to meet her own goals (not in a bad way, it's just where her focus was), now that she is older and things like career and finance are more settled, her ambition has shifted direction and she now strives to develop her relationships which makes her more focused on others. I speculate that this could be a typical development pattern of many ENTJs.
    "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. " - Dr. Seuss
    I can't spell...get over it

    Slightly ENFJ, totally JoSunshine
    Extroverted (E) 52.5%........Introverted (I) 47.5%
    Intuitive (N) 65.63%..........Sensing (S) 34.38%
    Feeling (F) 55.56%............Thinking (T) 44.44%
    Judging (J) 51.43%............Perceiving (P) 48.57%

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Sep 2010


    I really like ENTJish women. Once you know how their mind works you can pull the strings in the relationship. There is only one problem...they are smart enough to know how to pull your strings. And ENTJs would rather be pulling the strings..The result is a constant "string pulling competition" where the goal is to "win" because both of you are too stupid to realize that it isn't even a game. Someone is going to get hurt emotionally..both of you know this..and both of you are too emotionally retarded to care.

    In my experience..yes they tend to not be very emotional in the traditional sense. They won't show any "warm emotion" unless they know you. But..if you know what to look for..the warmness is there. It's just hidden behind the coldness. For the OP
    she even went as far to say I have asked her this question 3 times now and its getting on her nerves
    I've had this happen to me. It's confusing as hell. I'm still not sure exactly why this would get on her nerves..but it usually means you are doing the right thing. I remember once I was told "you are acting as if you don't already know.." and I responded "know what? what are you talking about?" to which I got no response. Eventually I figured it out..For some reason you are supposed to "just know"..

    For someone who always seems to fall for the "strong intelligent overly confident bitch" (who are alot of time ENTJs) this is what you should "know".

    1) She is always right.
    2) She is always wrong.

    ^ If you can't figure that out..then you have no chance sorry...stick to the feelers.

    Above all..I would say you need to know who you are as a person. ENTJ women know that they are a catch (or at least they think they know..and they act like it) They aren't going to wait around for you to get your life together. You need to know what you want from life...and you need to know whether that includes them or not.

  6. #16
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    9w1 sx/so


    interesting comments...i don't really know a whole lot about entjs but i know enfps function way different then all that in relationships...seems a bit tough to find a happy medium there. i do hope you find a way to communicate this with her in a way she'll understand and not just dismiss or become annoyed by....and really...if not then i guess you'll see that it's not the best long term match anyway.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  7. #17


    Be blunt in a non-accusatory way. I have been around several EXTJ women and they seem to hate "beating around the bush" but at the same time can be "sensitive" (just be real with them). If one isn't getting his or her needs met, then one shouldn't expect the other to change for them other than a possible compromise. What you want seems like a great leap for how the mentioned (in the OP) ENTJ naturally is. Figure out the core traits (beyond looks) you want in a SO and use that as a guideline.

  8. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009


    I'd love to date an ENTJ girl.
    All for ourselves, and nothing for other people, seems, in every age of the world, to have been the vile maxim of the masters of mankind.
    Chapter IV, p. 448. - Adam Smith, Book 3, The Wealth of Nations

    whether or not you credit psychoanalysis itself, the fact remains that we all must, to the greatest extent possible, understand one another's minds as our own; the very survival of humanity has always depended on it. - Open Culture

  9. #19
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007


    Haven't read much beyond the OP, and my experience with ENTJ women is non-existent. I have known some ENTJ men though, and know that if you aren't prepared to regularly stand up to them and go toe-to-toe in a conflict situation they will think less of you. That doesn't mean you have to yell or get angry or any of that -- just openly stand by your convictions and refuse to be bullied. Don't surrender or even fake-surrender for the sake of harmony.

    But yeah, I don't know any ENTJ women irl. Good luck.

  10. #20
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009


    I think I only know one ENTJ woman in real life. She's my ex-boss and is super scary

    To the OP: you need to understand that your Ti/Fe and her Te/Fi are gonna have major problems communicating. I also want to say that your need for reassurance isn't a sign of weakness or clingy-ness. It's completely normal that your Fe needs to express and receive affection in everyday interactions. You need to understand, however, that Te/Fi people do not feel this need; not showing affection doesn't mean they don't feel it. You need to ask yourself if you are okay with this, because she will NOT change.

    Your best course of action right now is perhaps to talk openly (without blame) with her about this. At 22, she might have a hard time understanding why a 30-year-old guy would be so in need of emotional reassurance and might take it negatively. It's a tricky pairing; you both need to be mature and accepting for it to work out.

    But, as an idealist, I'd say every relationship can work. Good luck!
    4w5 sp/sx EII

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