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[NT] Relating to People

rav3n

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Aug 6, 2010
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Throwing this into the NT private forum since it's private from the public and also, looking for NT style input.

What does relating to people mean?

I find myself capable of aligning or sympathising with people but most often, it's associated to specific issues, not the holistic concept of the person, as in the manner in which we think and feel.

Do other NTs feel the same way and why or why not?

Thanks.
 

Such Irony

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I relate best to people whose thinking patterns and emotional responses in a given situation are similar to my own.
 

Redbone

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<<What does relating to people mean? >>

Sorry about the quote style...can't get the quote thingy to work...

I'm not really sure about what it means to 'relate to people'.

<<I find myself capable of aligning or sympathising with people but most often, it's associated to specific issues, not the holistic concept of the person, as in the manner in which we think and feel.

Do other NTs feel the same way and why or why not?>>

Same here.

I can find myself relating to certain issues but usually not the person. I can listen, nod, and say 'mmhmm' or even agree but it usually doesn't get any further than that. I think it must have something to do with my desire for detachment.
 

freeeekyyy

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I don't know what it means other than what you described. Sympathy, empathy, caring for another, that's relating. That's deep, important connection. If there's some other meaning to the phrase, I have no clue what it is.

It maybe has to do with understanding their reasoning? I don't know...
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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I can relate to people in specific circumstances, or concerning specific topics. This means I identify with their perspective or experience. For example, I have a friend from India who once described to me how she had given up on the religion she was brought up in. As she was explaining the how, when, and why of all this, I realized that my own experience was quite similar. Despite the significant differences in our upbringing and culture, the fact that we were raised in much different religions on opposite sides of the earth, we had reached very similar conclusions about organized religion and religious practice, for similar reasons.

I can also relate to the basic nature of a person, at least in part, when I find I am on the same wavelength as they are in thinking about issues and communicating thoughts. This manifests itself not as agreement on the content of a topic, but rather in the efficiency and clarity with which we exchange ideas. We understand each other the first time, and can leap from thought to thought without having to backtrack to fill in all the blanks. Essentially a miniscule bit-error rate, or huge signal/noise ratio.
 

JocktheMotie

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I can relate to people in specific circumstances, or concerning specific topics. This means I identify with their perspective or experience. For example, I have a friend from India who once described to me how she had given up on the religion she was brought up in. As she was explaining the how, when, and why of all this, I realized that my own experience was quite similar. Despite the significant differences in our upbringing and culture, the fact that we were raised in much different religions on opposite sides of the earth, we had reached very similar conclusions about organized religion and religious practice, for similar reasons.

I can also relate to the basic nature of a person, at least in part, when I find I am on the same wavelength as they are in thinking about issues and communicating thoughts. This manifests itself not as agreement on the content of a topic, but rather in the efficiency and clarity with which we exchange ideas. We understand each other the first time, and can leap from thought to thought without having to backtrack to fill in all the blanks. Essentially a miniscule bit-error rate, or huge signal/noise ratio.

Basically this.

I will relate to another's thinking or approach to specific areas. I don't find myself relating very much on any other kind of level.
 

Fluffywolf

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I find it easier to relate to non-human beings.
 

jenocyde

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Echoing the same thoughts as Coriolis and Jock. I can relate to similar experiences and thought patterns that mirror my own. By relate, I mean identify.
I can rarely identify with or understand why people behave the way they do, if it's not almost identical to my own style.

I'll study it and analze it, but I rarely relate to it on a psychological level.
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

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I'll listen, take what they say and see similar situations that I have been in, but I can only really give advice on how to get past the emotion, or tell them how to get 'fix' it. Actually feeling, or understanding their feelings never really happens. I can pretend though, it's what most consider lying, but they don't have to know I am lying.
 

Totenkindly

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I can actually relate to many types of people... but only if I already contain part of their pattern.

I.e., I've got a bunch of past experiences and frameworks built on those experiences in my head, so I can overlay those fragments and patterns on the information I'm receiving from others, and if there's a match, then I can match up with them.

However, there are some types of people I just have a lot of trouble with, and further from NT style thinking, the harder it does get. For example, with my two INxx kids, I "get" them really well and can identify with them, although with my INFJ daughter, there's some ambiguity.

I can intellectually "model" the process by which my ESFP kid evaluates and acts on information, but it's not really something I can identify with, and I have to try very consciously and invest energy in working through things in his frame of mind -- it's alien to me. Nor can I extrapolate easily within his approach to life, whereas for other types, as long as I can get into their heads, I can extrapolate fairly well.

The parallel to this with fields of study is that when you really understand something, you can build off of it because you grasp the inner workings and how it fits together; obviously I don't really truly "grasp" how he works yet, because while I can predict to some degree how he will respond, I have no clue why he doesn't proceed differently much of the time and how he justifies doing things the way he does them.

EDIT: ... of course, if we want to talk emotional connection rather than mental/intuitive connect, it's even worse. Intuition is more my pathway than the emotional. My emotions tend to be more philanthropic than specific, and they are still built on (for example): (1) She says she feels like <this>, (2) I was in a situation like that once and felt like <this>, and (3) thus if she is feeling like I was feeling at that time, now I understand what she is likely feeling and can respond to her like <this>. Or I intuit how I would feel in that situation, try to tweak it based on what I know of her personality, then act accordingly.
 

Macabre

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Actually, I relate best to people who's thinking patterns I haven't experinced before/am still picking through. It's more interesting to get inside their head. people on my wavelength and in the same room... start arguments with me until we run out of ammo <--------can take a long time. I'm in an argument with a classmate who thinks similarly to me, and it's been going for four years and hasn't stopped. we can't have a reasonable discussion where we agree for more than 30 seconds :( It's actually kinda cool. but yeah, picking apart peple's thought patterns (for future exploitation, if necessary) is fun. and agreeable. then once you've done it, move on, hehe.
 

Undeclared

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Relating....to people..?.....More like stimulating there thought processes by indiscreetly formulating sentences that would appeal to them. Usually I do this to gather information needed to complete my broader, more detached goals. The general structure of the broader goal depends entirely on who or what I'm trying to relate to, but most likely I want to stir the pot because I am genuinely intrigued in a thing they have to offer (this thing can come in any way/shape/form).
...This hole thread seems a bit ironic in a sense because what I just described in lames terms would be relating to people; at least for non-NT types it seems this way I think..? We just over think everything [;
 

uncommonentity

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If the definition of the word relate is "to connect" then I connect with those that are the same as me because it's natural to want to grow by combining yourself with other likeminded property.

I think? It's not something I think about but I'm pretty sure it's again just down to nature and there being strength in numbers and the fact we're hardcoded to survive.

Opportunity is what it means to me.

To splice or not to splice that is the question.
 

So It Goes

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Depending on the subject discussed, the person's personality, the process of their thinking and the depth of their experience, I can relate to a degree. I may not completely relate to their behaviors or their overall ideas but I can empathize with their views and put myself in their place, in order to learn and understand.

There are some people, whether I've known them for years or for days, who I can never relate to. They think and behave so differently from me that I can understand their motivations for acting in such a way, but I ultimately feel disconnected from their lives.

There are others who I instantly relate to: our conversations flow naturally, we have similar senses of humor, our views on reality are interesting to each other. We burn through ideas with enthusiasm and laughter; almost drunken on silliness, flirting with crazy levels of thought, connected on the same wave length. These are rare individuals, who I can be around all the time.

Then there are people who I sometimes relate to, if we share a similar interest or way of viewing the world. Since I'm not naturally connected with these people, I need time and patience in order to fully trust them as individuals. They are the types who I develop relationships with over a number of years.
 

Froody Blue Gem

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For me, relating to people on a deeper level, usually a common interest goes into that. With relating to people on a more "small talk level" there is common ground most people have like family, school, work, hobbies. It may not be the same for everyone but people can usually find at least one area to connect relating to these topics, in one way or another. The thing is, if it's just for the sake of small talk, it may not be relating on the deepest level possible but it's a start.
 

Maou

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I relate by having had similar experiences to my own, and similar interests of a specific type. Us both being gamers means nothing. We have to like similar style games. Found this out the hard way.
 

Coriolis

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For me, relating to people on a deeper level, usually a common interest goes into that. With relating to people on a more "small talk level" there is common ground most people have like family, school, work, hobbies. It may not be the same for everyone but people can usually find at least one area to connect relating to these topics, in one way or another. The thing is, if it's just for the sake of small talk, it may not be relating on the deepest level possible but it's a start.
I cannot relate on this level. I'm not interested, I don't care, and my side of such a hypothetical conversation is none of anyone's business. Sharing an interest can be a start, but I find I relate most to people who take a similar approach to things and will discuss or consider them in the same way. They can bring up something I have had no interest in and know little about, but if they do it with some depth, and can describe its significance and put it into context, it becomes interesting to me at least as a topic of conversation. I find I learn in such situations and it is enjoyable.
 

Froody Blue Gem

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I cannot relate on this level. I'm not interested, I don't care, and my side of such a hypothetical conversation is none of anyone's business. Sharing an interest can be a start, but I find I relate most to people who take a similar approach to things and will discuss or consider them in the same way. They can bring up something I have had no interest in and know little about, but if they do it with some depth, and can describe its significance and put it into context, it becomes interesting to me at least as a topic of conversation. I find I learn in such situations and it is enjoyable.


I kind of struggle with relating on the deeper level and it takes time. Not everyone has to be interested. I guess I am generally awkward but I am usually more interested if someone shows signs of having common ground. In other cases, I have other friends and while I like people, I'm not a people person. It can also be annoying in general when someone goes on about a topic one is not interested in and doesn't let the person get in a word about what they are interested in. And while small talk is a little different and I do attempt it, it can be painfully awkward.
 

rav3n

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Relate is a strange term. My perception of people is that everyone's an individual so to 'relate' to them, rather than relating to specific situations and/or sympathizing with them, sounds more like a lack of boundaries or projection.
 
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