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[INTP] INTP gift-giving

lisagreen

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Dec 17, 2010
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1
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infp
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2
I just received an unexpected and wonderful gift from an INTP. We have been friends for a couple of years (although I would very much like to be more than friends, I am too shy to make a move), and this gift far exceeds anything I would have ever expected from him.

Can any of you INTPs tell me about who you give gifts to and what kind of meaning you assign to the act of giving gifts? Especially personal, perfectly-selected, impromptu gifts?

Basically, I'm trying to decipher the meaning behind the act and if I'm assigning too much emotional value to it, as I'm prone to do.
 

Fan.of.Devin

New member
Joined
Jul 12, 2010
Messages
292
MBTI Type
INTP
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4w5
Here is my hypothesis;
INTPs, being inferior Fe users, can sometimes derive great personal satisfaction from making those they care about happy/comfortable/content, etc...
So naturally, gift giving could be one manifestation of this.

I might also wager there's a decent chance he likes you, in that way.
 

KilgoreTrout

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
99
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I agree with the above poster.

I like to give gifts that are perfectly suited for someone whom I care about. I put quite a bit of thought into such things and those types of gifts signifies how much a person crosses my mind.
 

INTPness

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Jan 22, 2009
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5w4
I agree with the other INTP's. At the very least it means that I'm really enjoying your company and I really appreciate our friendship and what we have.

It doesn't have to mean more than this, but it very likely could. I usually do this sort of thing as a way of saying, "I'm very, very appreciative of you" or "I welcome you into my inner circle".

Examples:
-someone marries one of my family members
-someone really, really connects with me in a deep and meaningful way and I'd like them to stick around (friends or more)
-I really enjoy you and I'd like to see where things go

Not to ruin the idealism (*beautiful, romantic music record comes to a screeching halt*), but the worst thing you can do is interpret the thoughtful gift to mean, "I've found my forever lover - I'm vowing my love to you until the end of time". Don't put that pressure on him. It definitely means something very, very heartfelt. But, it's more of a "warm, welcoming invitation" to go deeper than it is a "vow of undying love that is hereby unbreakable."

I liked a girl once - was very interested in her. She eventually found out through mutual friends and she called me one night out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to go dancing (like right now!). That's not really my thing - especially for a first date - so we talked on the phone for about 20 minutes and had a nice conversation. I felt like I had let her down a bit by not going dancing, but I was very happy that she had reached out to me and showed interest. During the phone conversation, she had mentioned that her birthday was coming up. She also mentioned that there was this place (2 hours away) that she had always wanted to visit, but nobody had ever wanted to go with her. So, a few days later I called her and said, "I know this is going to sound crazy, but you know that place you've always wanted to go? I'll take you there for your birthday and we'll spend the day there if you'd like - I don't want to put pressure on you as we haven't hung out much before, but if you think you're up for a long drive, we'll go!" She eventually agreed to go and she is still grateful to this day for that birthday gift (we have long since been broken up), but it was my way of saying, "I didn't go dancing with you, but my answer is DEFINITELY yes - I'd like to get to know you better. Yes, yes, yes. Come into my inner circle. Only a few people get in, and I'm officially inviting you in. I have no idea what's going to come of it, but I'd like to find out."
 

Unique

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Oct 14, 2008
Messages
1,702
I also put a lot of thought into a gift and never really liked the traditional thoughtless gifts that are meant to be given on a specific date for some specific reason

Like the others have said, a gift from us is a very good sign
 

Betty Blue

Let me count the ways
Joined
Jan 19, 2010
Messages
5,063
MBTI Type
ENFP
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7W6
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sp/sx
I just received an unexpected and wonderful gift from an INTP. We have been friends for a couple of years (although I would very much like to be more than friends, I am too shy to make a move), and this gift far exceeds anything I would have ever expected from him.

Can any of you INTPs tell me about who you give gifts to and what kind of meaning you assign to the act of giving gifts? Especially personal, perfectly-selected, impromptu gifts?

Basically, I'm trying to decipher the meaning behind the act and if I'm assigning too much emotional value to it, as I'm prone to do.

What is the gift?
(curiosity is winning)
Does it bear significance intp's?
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,192
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BELF
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594
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sx/sp
Here is my hypothesis;
INTPs, being inferior Fe users, can sometimes derive great personal satisfaction from making those they care about happy/comfortable/content, etc...
So naturally, gift giving could be one manifestation of this.

I might also wager there's a decent chance he likes you, in that way.

Enough to actually take a chance to buy something for someone that could end up becoming a real dramafest if it's the wrong gift, etc?
And enough to make a decision like that?
And potentially lead the other person to think there is something there?

Yeah, normally the general indecision + desire to not commit + social uncertainty + the desire to pick the perfect gift leads to not buying gifts at all except under duress. If he bought you a gift, that's typically a good sign (if you want it to be).
 

Fluffywolf

Nips away your dignity
Joined
Mar 31, 2009
Messages
9,581
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9
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sp/sx
I am not much of a gift giver unless you are in some way special to me.

I once gave someone a friendship ring with an engraved word, and one for me with another word, accompanied with a poem about those two words. Actually, almost all my 'romantic' gifts were accompanied with poetry!

But also for really good friends I have made special gifts. For example, back in my WoW playing days, I once made a movie as a gift of my character trying to pick flowers from the far reaches of the digital world, but having a ninja rogue beat me to all the flowers. And in the last scene, I buy a bouquet from a shady fella (The ninja rogue! da-da-dum!) in one of the major towns, turn to the camera and present the flowers with the text "Thank you for everything!".

And there were some more. But yeah, if you get a gift from me, you really, really, deserve it. :p
 

Hera

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Dec 27, 2010
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304
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INTP
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5w6
I only buy gifts for people that matter to me. Take it as a sign. I mean, mentally. Don't make any awkward observations to him.
 

copperfish17

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Dec 13, 2009
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712
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INTP
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5w4
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sp/so
Can any of you INTPs tell me about who you give gifts to and what kind of meaning you assign to the act of giving gifts? Especially personal, perfectly-selected, impromptu gifts?

Basically, I'm trying to decipher the meaning behind the act and if I'm assigning too much emotional value to it, as I'm prone to do.

I give gifts to people in my inner circle plus a couple of others in my "social circle" who get gifts for their birthdays etc. because I can't really leave them out when they know I do gifting. Obviously, I invest more time and effort in the gifts I get for people in my inner circle. For the people I love the most, I usually try to get something that comes in pairs so that I can share the pair with the other person - this can range from coffee mugs to little figurines. Corny, but hey. :blush: I also write cards and letters (all handwritten, of course) pretty often to people whom I know would appreciate such gestures. The longest letter I've written as of late was 6 pages long.

As for impromptu gifts... I usually wait till some sort of anniversary/holiday comes up to get people something so I suppose truly impromptu gifts are rare to come by for me. I do occasionally give impromptu gifts - usually when I pass by something I'm pretty sure someone in my inner circle would like/want. It could be something small like chocolate, or it could be something more expensive but then I would probably save the substantial gifts for big holidays like Christmas or birthdays.

Impromptu gifts can't be a bad sign IMO, especially from folks like INTPs. Personally, I would NEVER buy impromptu gifts for people I don't love. Whether the INTP likes you (very much) as a friend or actually likes you in THAT way... I don't think you can be absolutely sure at this point, but you can certainly look for other clues that may point to either direction. Good luck.
 

Spamtar

Ghost Monkey Soul
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
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4,468
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INTP
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5w4
I enjoy studying a person and what they say and getting a gift that indicates (to myself) that I have paid attention to detail. If they like it that is nice but it is also secondary to whether I made an appropriate choice or not.

Have also been told I write delightful birthday cards; but most of the time (with cards) I just cant be bothered and thus forgo.
 

ThinkingAboutIt

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Apr 8, 2009
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264
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INTP
If I give someone a gift, it is because I like them. I don't do it often. I tend to pay close attention to someone - their likes, dislikes, so I tend to get something they will like.
 

ilikeitlikethat

You're unbelievable ...
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May 29, 2012
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sx/so
Oneday I was bored, so I did this.

This guy gave away a car. and had candy comming in from Canada and was getting really excited about that, and I was like 'to myself'
"He's cool, he's selfless"
"I could get this guy candy and do a shout out to in the UK whilst doing it."
So I did, acouple of months later.

I was like, what the Hell, why not, guy deserves it.
 

lostlanguage

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Mar 8, 2012
Messages
34
Haha.. cool!

My INTP best friend and INTP boyfriend are the best gift givers. There's something online that says INTPs have the most childlike pure love, and it's so true. Last birthday my best friend who lives far away had lunch from my favorite restaurant delivered to me house... total surprise... and then when I went downstairs to get it, she was actually there!!!

And my boyfriend got me a book by my favorite author that he just urgently pressed into my hands... (that I had mentioned ONCE at that point) and a thing of roses that I still have.. and later, much, much later, he told me his MOM told him to wrap the roses in ribbons meaning he told her about it...and thus that he must have WORRIED about it... and cared how it looked even though he didn't really have to and I didn't really care either. Just the fact that he told me that story, about calling his mom, when we were like 3 months into dating.

It was amazing. The best. INTPs win at giving gifts. There's something about their supposedly "unemotional" nature and the fact that they seemingly don't expect or even want a certain reaction and the fact that they just pay attention to every nuance that is amazing.
 

Aesthete

Gone
Joined
Oct 6, 2012
Messages
384
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
1w2
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Here is my hypothesis;
INTPs, being inferior Fe users, can sometimes derive great personal satisfaction from making those they care about happy/comfortable/content, etc...
So naturally, gift giving could be one manifestation of this.

I might also wager there's a decent chance he likes you, in that way.

Bingo! That's how I feel when I give gifts. I either want to make the person feel happy, or I see the person as more than a friend--and wish the feeling is mutual--or, if the latter applies, so does the former.
 

Philosorapteuse

right on the left wing
Joined
Feb 7, 2012
Messages
217
MBTI Type
INTP
Agreed. I don't give random presents to people unless I really care about them, and I dislike the "buying your affection" overtones of being showered with expensive or elaborate gifts when the relationship just doesn't justify it. It also worries me when people read volumes into a simply-meant gesture, again when the relationship doesn't justify it. But I love thinking of something perfect that would make someone I really care about smile. It's better for being out of the blue, and there's no thought of strings attached or any intent to manipulate. It's just... well, as someone else has said, there's a sense in which INTP affection is quite simple. I find it hard to voice feelings, so saying it in another way is easier. Spontaneous presents mean that I care, and that seeing you happy makes me happy and gives me warmfuzzies. :D
 

gretch

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Nov 27, 2007
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111
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ENFP
This is going to sound really sad, but I promise it's not. I have an INTP for a husband. He is the most amazing person in the entire world. Truly. In the area of gift giving though, HAHAHAHAHA. There is no greater romance than ours. We have weathered everything, talking late into the night almost all night long, but when birthday, Christmas Valentine's rolls around? He knows it's coming, and still can't wrap that cute head around it. Smartest, most insightful, loving, thoughtful, sexy man in the world -best intentions ever, and he can't remember or do anything.
However, I think the real gift he gives me, not to sound corny -I'm serious, is his intangible insight. He knows all my preferences in everything and never denies me a thing. But when he does buy or get a gift, it is on this level of insight, it's on his terms. It's rare.
I'd say it's a good pointer that he is thinking of you. If he weren't, he wouldn't have given you something insightful. They are very like...singular on their focus a lot of the time as well. If something draws them out of their lab, then it's not going to be nothing.
Good luck!
 
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