[MBTI General] How can this INFJ woo an INTJ?

[priestessofmars]

I haven't made him take the test or anything but I'm as sure as I can be that he is an INTJ, the only other possibility would be ENTJ and his behavior with females (from what history I've been able to gather from my friend who has known him longer) and all around vibe seems to indicate a socially well adjusted introvert.


My main purpose of this thread is to ask other INTJ's what gets their attention. How/why would an INTJ be able to tell that someone may be attracted to them and interested in pursuing a romantic relationship?
I was sure that he hated me (thats dramatic i know) or just wasn't intrested at all until I got more info on him from my friend and realized hes introverted then realized hes probably an INTJ. I know INTJ's tend to not notice when someone is interested in them and I'm concerned that I'm not sending the right signals since I'm quite introverted myself. I suspect he may be intersted in me, or is at least aware of my interest in him at this point but I'm just not sure and its driving me fucking crazy.
I don't necessarily want to make him my boyfriend as I just got out of a very long relationship but I really like him a lot and want to spend more time with him.
How would I go about befriending this INTJ while making it clear that I'm attracted to him?

Background:
I've been hanging around his circle of friends for a couple of years but a lot of them seem to be pretty introverted and of course I'm an INFJ so I have difficulty just walking up to people and making friends so we've known OF eachother for some time now but haven't even stood around eachother at parties very much until the last few months. On my end, I've had a crush on him since I first saw him but I have no idea what he thought/thinks of me.
Lately I've been making a determined effort to be in his presence at social gatherings and talk to him. I don't think he noticed at first, I thought I freaked him out. Now I don't think he's freaked out and he may understand what I'm up to. Can't be sure though.

I'm having trouble starting this thing. Sorry. I hardly ever develop true obsessive-ish crushes on people and its quite frustrating for me, it uses up a lot of my mental energy and leaves me feeling pretty scatter brained.



Maybe yall can just give general advice on my bolded questions first and I'll supply info as needed?

 

[funkadelik]

Enthusiastic: run after him while yelling "WOO WOO WOO!" at the top of your lungs
Creepy: slink around in the shadows while whispering "woo woo woo" under your breath


In all seriousness, my experience with INTJs says direct is best. Just tell him outright. Ask him out. He'll either say "yes" or "no." But he'll probably respect you for the honesty and unambiguity regardless of his answer. It's a win-win situation! Kind of...

 

[Anew Leaf]

With my dating experiences on 3 INTJs:

1- he beat around the bush for forever.... Finally I kissed him and away we went.
2- after a month of hanging out, I asked what the deal was. He looked surprised and said, uh we're dating aren't we? He assumed all along that it was understood.
3- went after me like bunnies on carrots. Was super direct about all of his intentions. Didnt have to guess what was going on, and then he broke it off because he said he loved me and that freaked him out. Kudos for not stringing me along at least


I have a close friend who is an INTJ (think Sheldon from big bang but not as asexual.). He is so clueless with girls and social signals, it's kinda funny/sad. He frequently tells me he wishes that the girl would just be u p front with him. He doesn't get emotionally invested easily at all, so he doesn't care about rejection... He just hates the unknown andfeeling foolish for not having better social equipment.

I suggest going for what feels right to you, but you may have to make the first move... Or be more overt than an INF initially may like.

 

[priestessofmars]

Enthusiastic: run after him while yelling "WOO WOO WOO!" at the top of your lungs
Creepy: slink around in the shadows while whispering "woo woo woo" under your breath


In all seriousness, my experience with INTJs says direct is best. Just tell him outright. Ask him out. He'll either say "yes" or "no." But he'll probably respect you for the honesty and unambiguity regardless of his answer. It's a win-win situation! Kind of...

hahahaha that was really funny. you're an ENTP? I love ENTP humor

Yeah you're right. Everything I've read about trying to get with an INTJ suggests that being direct is the best course of action. And it is a win-win situation. If he doesn't want to date me we can just be friends and I'll gaze longingly at him when he's not looking and take advantage of him when hes drunk.

With my dating experiences on 3 INTJs:

1- he beat around the bush for forever.... Finally I kissed him and away we went.
2- after a month of hanging out, I asked what the deal was. He looked surprised and said, uh we're dating aren't we? He assumed all along that it was understood.
3- went after me like bunnies on carrots. Was super direct about all of his intentions. Didnt have to guess what was going on, and then he broke it off because he said he loved me and that freaked him out. Kudos for not stringing me along at least


I have a close friend who is an INTJ (think Sheldon from big bang but not as asexual.). He is so clueless with girls and social signals, it's kinda funny/sad. He frequently tells me he wishes that the girl would just be u p front with him. He doesn't get emotionally invested easily at all, so he doesn't care about rejection... He just hates the unknown andfeeling foolish for not having better social equipment.

I suggest going for what feels right to you, but you may have to make the first move... Or be more overt than an INF initially may like.

Don't think I've known this guy long enough to attack him with a kiss. I imagine thats how it would be between us if we ever got to that point though. ahhhh...

I think I feel confident and secure enough to be direct with him. I've spent so much mental energy on this I need to get it over with already. Either he's going to want to date me or he's not and that will suck a little bit but there's plenty of other guys around anyway...


btw... I've met an INTJ like the one in your 3rd example. We sparked over this debate on facebook about illegal immigration, we were on opposing sides actually. I was like "who the f*** IS this guy???" and feeling weirdly turned on. It was kinda crazy. He commented on a photo of mine "Enough intellectualization. You're hot." I loved it. He also made really funny but incredibly raunchy jokes. We never got around to hanging out in real life though and now he has a really cool girlfriend and they're a great couple so its all good.

 

[Anew Leaf]

hahahaha that was really funny. you're an ENTP? I love ENTP humor

Yeah you're right. Everything I've read about trying to get with an INTJ suggests that being direct is the best course of action. And it is a win-win situation. If he doesn't want to date me we can just be friends and I'll gaze longingly at him when he's not looking and take advantage of him when hes drunk.



Don't think I've known this guy long enough to attack him with a kiss. I imagine thats how it would be between us if we ever got to that point though. ahhhh...

I think I feel confident and secure enough to be direct with him. I've spent so much mental energy on this I need to get it over with already. Either he's going to want to date me or he's not and that will suck a little bit but there's plenty of other guys around anyway...


btw... I've met an INTJ like the one in your 3rd example. We sparked over this debate on facebook about illegal immigration, we were on opposing sides actually. I was like "who the f*** IS this guy???" and feeling weirdly turned on. It was kinda crazy. He commented on a photo of mine "Enough intellectualization. You're hot." I loved it. He also made really funny but incredibly raunchy jokes. We never got around to hanging out in real life though and now he has a really cool girlfriend and they're a great couple so its all good.

Oh NOW you've gone and done it! she's going to be impossible to be around now. Her little inflated ENTP ego will puff right to the skies... (actually, I am quite partial to the ENTP humors myself but don't tell anyone.)

And yes, so often when I meet INTJ's I think, Oh ok... wow this person does not like me at all! except... they keep talking to me, or calling me, or emailing me, or sitting next to me, or wtf? It's a pleasant surprise but sometimes a bit jaunting.

Like in one group of friends I have, there are these two brothers. The older one is an INTP (pretty sure) and he is super socially awkward but a total sweetheart. His brother is an XNTJ - I am having a hard time telling since I strangely have met so few ENTJs. Anyways, I always get the impression I am wasting his time with my weird jokes and laughs. And one night after hanging out he sends me a facebook request and now posts on my wall a couple times a week. so strange!

maybe what we need to invent is an INT mood ring.

Purple - Calm and Thinking of things not related to the current situation.
Blue - Calm and Thinking of things they want to talk about
Green - I heart the person I am talking to!! Also, I am calm about it....
Yellow - Calm and thinking of what could possibly be to eat
Orange - Calm and thinking of things
Red - Calm and thinking of ways to verbally destroy someone
Pink - Calm and eating shrimp like a flamingo
White - Calm like the seas, calm like arctic winds
Black - Calm and thinking about birds

 

[priestessofmars]

Enthusiastic: run after him while yelling "WOO WOO WOO!" at the top of your lungs
Creepy: slink around in the shadows while whispering "woo woo woo" under your breath


In all seriousness, my experience with INTJs says direct is best. Just tell him outright. Ask him out. He'll either say "yes" or "no." But he'll probably respect you for the honesty and unambiguity regardless of his answer. It's a win-win situation! Kind of...

With my dating experiences on 3 INTJs:

1- he beat around the bush for forever.... Finally I kissed him and away we went.
2- after a month of hanging out, I asked what the deal was. He looked surprised and said, uh we're dating aren't we? He assumed all along that it was understood.
3- went after me like bunnies on carrots. Was super direct about all of his intentions. Didnt have to guess what was going on, and then he broke it off because he said he loved me and that freaked him out. Kudos for not stringing me along at least


I have a close friend who is an INTJ (think Sheldon from big bang but not as asexual.). He is so clueless with girls and social signals, it's kinda funny/sad. He frequently tells me he wishes that the girl would just be u p front with him. He doesn't get emotionally invested easily at all, so he doesn't care about rejection... He just hates the unknown andfeeling foolish for not having better social equipment.

I suggest going for what feels right to you, but you may have to make the first move... Or be more overt than an INF initially may like.

Oh NOW you've gone and done it! she's going to be impossible to be around now. Her little inflated ENTP ego will puff right to the skies... (actually, I am quite partial to the ENTP humors myself but don't tell anyone.)

And yes, so often when I meet INTJ's I think, Oh ok... wow this person does not like me at all! except... they keep talking to me, or calling me, or emailing me, or sitting next to me, or wtf? It's a pleasant surprise but sometimes a bit jaunting.

Like in one group of friends I have, there are these two brothers. The older one is an INTP (pretty sure) and he is super socially awkward but a total sweetheart. His brother is an XNTJ - I am having a hard time telling since I strangely have met so few ENTJs. Anyways, I always get the impression I am wasting his time with my weird jokes and laughs. And one night after hanging out he sends me a facebook request and now posts on my wall a couple times a week. so strange!

maybe what we need to invent is an INT mood ring.

Purple - Calm and Thinking of things not related to the current situation.
Blue - Calm and Thinking of things they want to talk about
Green - I heart the person I am talking to!! Also, I am calm about it....
Yellow - Calm and thinking of what could possibly be to eat
Orange - Calm and thinking of things
Red - Calm and thinking of ways to verbally destroy someone
Pink - Calm and eating shrimp like a flamingo
White - Calm like the seas, calm like arctic winds
Black - Calm and thinking about birds

heehehe ok you're funny too.
That describes their mood state perfectly though. A good friend of mine is an INTP, my favorite male cousin is an INTJ and my best friend is an INTJ. Oh and I have another INTJ friend. And then there's the INTJ that caused this thread. They're all really really chill people, some of the calmest most easy going people I know. A bit difficult to read if you don't know them. The INTP is kinda paranoid though. lol

 

[Anew Leaf]

3 cheers for you!

Earlier today I was having a mini-meltdown because everything in my day was going wrong... and it reached its zenith when I tried hooking up my new monitor to our new PC for work.... and there was no place to plug my monitor in.... I went back to best buy for help 2 times, sat on dell customer service for 2 hours, to finally find out that I need some new magical cable I had never heard of before... in the meantime I emailed my INTP computer friend asking him for help, and the first line of his email is:

"Well, I opened my Hitchhiker's Guide, and the first thing it said is "Don't Panic". "

I was a donkey on the edge! and it did make me chuckle and take a deep breath. long story short: I <3 INT's in times of crisis.

 

[priestessofmars]

Aww yeah they're great! They're the only comforting people I know in times of crisis besides NF's.

 

[Nicodemus]

"Well, I opened my Hitchhiker's Guide, and the first thing it said is "Don't Panic". "

If you open the guide, you cannot read it: it's on the cover.

 

[zer0myher0]

Priestess, I haven't read the entire thread, but only your initial post.

I have been married to two INTJ's. My first inclination is to say "Run for the hills". But i will answer your questions first
How/why would an INTJ be able to tell that someone may be attracted to them and interested in pursuing a romantic relationship? Just be your charming self, and use your Fe. If he wants to pursue a relationship, he will. Let him pursue. You sit back and be your charming self. he might not be as fast as you like however. DH #1 took 10 dates to give me a chaste kiss. DH #2 proposed in 6 months. Remember, INTJ doesn't give a flip what your feelings about the matter are (this is exagerated, but true enough)

How would I go about befriending this INTJ while making it clear that I'm attracted to him?Be friendly and appreciative of him. Be easy for him to talk to you. Be a safe person for him to pursue. Don't talk about your emotions, but you can let them out in pleasant behavior. If you get a chance, suggest intellectual type dates. BUT LET HIM LEAD. It doesn't really matter if you are attracted to him. He must be attracted to you! Your Fe will be like cat nip. He will probably like it if you are reserved physically and "proper" in your behavior and the way you dress, which is probably the way you are anyway as an INFJ.

ok. Watch this YouTube video closely. It's basically all true. Stereotypes are formed for a reason.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkaQYmqk_ho

 

[fragrance]

And yes, so often when I meet INTJ's I think, Oh ok... wow this person does not like me at all! except... they keep talking to me, or calling me, or emailing me, or sitting next to me, or wtf? It's a pleasant surprise but sometimes a bit jaunting.

I think I also leave that impression with girls I like. I don't know why, but when I meet a girl I like I automatically "shut down" and don't send signals at all.