[MBTI General] Dating vs. studying

[Uytuun]

INTJs don't combine enormous surges of feelings (or what may feel like it) and focus on other things well (productively in this case I guess).

 

[entropie]

INTJs don't combine enormous surges of feelings (or what may feel like it) and focus on other things well (productively in this case I guess).

This not meant as an offense but I dont think you can forever cover everything you havent learnt to cope with yet under the intj description.

 

[Giggly]

Assuming the OP is fairly young, I think it's best to focus on your studies first if they are important to you. God forbid something like pregnancy happen. I think this issue really depends on how much natural discipline and focus a person has. If you're honest with yourself and know that you are weak in these areas when a love interest is at your hands, then it really is best to focus on your studies.

Yeah, that's my story and I'm sticking with it.

 

[King sns]

noooo bad idea. never tell a girl something is above her, even if it is and even if you say slightly. just say you need to focus on school right now, and might not have as much time to spend with her as you want right now, but after the semester you're all hers.

Agreed X10. Unless you want to get rid of her!

 

[King sns]

INTJs don't combine enormous surges of feelings (or what may feel like it) and focus on other things well (productively in this case I guess).

I thought ESFP's were the ones who they said can't talk and chew gum at the same time.

INTJ's can't focus and be productive and still be in a relationship?

 

[kelric]

I know that this is J-anaethma, but allow for some flex in the "plan". You're talking about not dating this woman for an entire semester because you've got it "all planned"? There's *no* time in there to do fun stuff? There should be, for your sanity if nothing else. If you want to ask her out, do so. If things go well, hang out with her more, while still giving yourself time to focus on school too. If she's any kind of person you want to be with, she's not going to be some domineering "ignore your schoolwork or I'll hate you!" type. Life's a balance.

Focus on your studies. Girls will be there afterwards.

Hate to disagree with Giggly, but I do -- completely . It can be rare to find someone you're interested in and who is interested in you. Waiting "until the timing is right" is a surefire way to miss out on an opportunity to start something great. College isn't just about the schoolwork.

I was thinking of asking her at the end of the semester so we could meet during the summer vacation. And just have conversations till then. Do you think that is a good idea?

I think this is a bad idea -- not as bad as telling her "I like you, but schoolwork comes first" (that's really bad), but it seems pretty likely that your window for actually asking her out will have expired by then. If you're seriously interested in pursuing something potentially non-platonic with this woman, take the first step sooner rather than later. It's not a lifelong (or even a semester-long) commitment at this point -- but miss that chance, and it's probably gone for good.

 

[King sns]

I know that this is J-anaethma, but allow for some flex in the "plan". You're talking about not dating this woman for an entire semester because you've got it "all planned"? There's *no* time in there to do fun stuff? There should be, for your sanity if nothing else. If you want to ask her out, do so. If things go well, hang out with her more, while still giving yourself time to focus on school too. If she's any kind of person you want to be with, she's not going to be some domineering "ignore your schoolwork or I'll hate you!" type. Life's a balance.



Hate to disagree with Giggly, but I do -- completely . It can be rare to find someone you're interested in and who is interested in you. Waiting "until the timing is right" is a surefire way to miss out on an opportunity to start something great. College isn't just about the schoolwork.



I think this is a bad idea -- not as bad as telling her "I like you, but schoolwork comes first" (that's really bad), but it seems pretty likely that your window for actually asking her out will have expired by then. If you're seriously interested in pursuing something potentially non-platonic with this woman, take the first step sooner rather than later. It's not a lifelong (or even a semester-long) commitment at this point -- but miss that chance, and it's probably gone for good.

Yes. All of the above. No one wants to say, "Oh I met some girl in college but I was too busy studying to find out if it would go any further." Well said! Studying should never be an excuse out of living life. Unless you aren't too great with school, you should be able to learn the information without having to designate a massive chunk of your time to it and miss out on other stuff.

 

[Chloe]

It always starts with the woman wanting a romantic and sensitive partner who is able to show his emotions, but later when you need a family manager, the demand for a masterbrained planer arises in notime. And if you are the sensitive guy, soon you'll be labeled as the big crybaby who isnt able to take life serious.

I tell you, woman and wicked start both with a w

i want to have both in man. is it impossible ?

you work ? and you seem like a crybaby...you see, seems like it's possible to be both

 

[FDG]

Humans aren't here because people chose study over reproduction. Your strategy is evolutionarily unfit, I'm afraid. You will always be busy with something: study, work, etc. etc.

 

[INTPness]

Humans aren't here because people chose study over reproduction. Your strategy is evolutionarily unfit, I'm afraid. You will always be busy with something: study, work, etc. etc.

Let the extroverts reproduce! I've got books to read.

 

[FDG]

Let the extroverts reproduce! I've got books to read.

Lol, then we will be the ones pestering you!

 

[fragrance]

it makes it sound like the relationship is a side thought and not important to him (which may be true for the op, i dont know).

Yes, it is a "side thought". For me the priorities are very clear: First my studies (100%), then the women (60%).

If you're honest with yourself and know that you are weak in these areas when a love interest is at your hands, then it really is best to focus on your studies.

It's more that I know when I fall for her then I'd ruin my semester. I would neglect my studies etc. So it's better to stay out of the game. Besides, there's another ESFP who's interested in me, but only for the fun ride... no commitments, no potential relationship. And I think that option is more compatible with my plans.

 

[eyyre]

The never ending great debate

Since you're both students she might wish to prioritize her studies too. You could tell her but lay out what's important to you now. At least she'll appreciate your honesty, and from her reaction you'll be able to tell if there's any potential beyond a few weeks in summer anyway. An INFx would want her 'alone time' too, I'm guessing.

As for the ESFP, it depends on what a relationship means to you. It might not be fulfilling and you sound like you're describing it as a real side thought that doesn't mean much to you.

 

[Giggly]

Yes, it is a "side thought". For me the priorities are very clear: First my studies (100%), then the women (60%).


It's more that I know when I fall for her then I'd ruin my semester. I would neglect my studies etc. So it's better to stay out of the game. Besides, there's another ESFP who's interested in me, but only for the fun ride... no commitments, no potential relationship. And I think that option is more compatible with my plans.

Hmm... on second thought, you don't sound as disciplined as I thought you were. Just sounds like you seek a good time while avoiding responsibility.

 

[Noamdofthehills]

Focus on your studies. Girls will be there afterwards.

Worst advice ever. You need to learn these skills when you can. Once you're in your mid twenties, women expect you to know how to act around them and please them in bed. Theoretical knowledge only goes so far.

 

[Octarine]

So this means that INTJs don't believe in love at first sight?

 

[eyyre]

So this means that INTJs don't believe in love at first sight?

Or, they do for the first few days until they start rationalizing and over-analyzing their feelings and convincing themselves that it can't be love.

 

[Nicodemus]

So this means that INTJs don't believe in love at first sight?

I believe in lechery at first sight.