[INTJ] INTJ's & Relationship Regret

[Santosha]

I have a few questions... and I'd really appreciate a little insight from you INTJ's.

1) Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?
(I realize the INTJ doesn't typically make these decisions hastily, but assume for just a moment that an INTJ did. Maybe it was in the midst of a heated argument, after a night of drinking, with a girl you declared your love for many times..)

2) If you have regretted breaking up with someone, and it was on your terms, how would you handle the situation? Would you carry through with your decision or try to back peddle?

3) Beyond the trust that your partner will be there for you, will never cheat on you, will never tell your secrets, what other ways does the INTJ seek trust in partnership?

4) If an INTJ broke up with someone, and it drove this someone away from them entirely, because this someone felt like moving on would be the best thing for both parties, why might an INTJ continually seek this person out and try to re establish friendship for years afterwards?

5) If you saw someone you regretted breaking up with, how would this affect you?
Does seeing someone instantly bring you back to your last encounter with them? Does it cause old memories to surface? Would it reopen a wound? Or would you be able to move past it and accept friendship?

Again, any insight very. much. appreciated.

 

[Malcontent]

I have a few questions... and I'd really appreciate a little insight from you INTJ's.

1) Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?
(I realize the INTJ doesn't typically make these decisions hastily, but assume for just a moment that an INTJ did. Maybe it was in the midst of a heated argument, after a night of drinking, with a girl you declared your love for many times..)

With a couple of friends, but here you want talking about love relationship, right.
So, NO, I broke up after 3 years, and 6 months of evaluation. When I did it, I knew it was for ever.

2) If you have regretted breaking up with someone, and it was on your terms, how would you handle the situation? Would you carry through with your decision or try to back peddle?

I think I try to back, if I broke up in heated arguments, but it's not my habit.
Also I accept heated arguments as a part of relationship.

3) Beyond the trust that your partner will be there for you, will never cheat on you, will never tell your secrets, what other ways does the INTJ seek trust in partnership?

I think everyone wants that. No type related.
More, I want coherence of behaviour and good "common sense" in a partner.

4) If an INTJ broke up with someone, and it drove this someone away from them entirely, because this someone felt like moving on would be the best thing for both parties, why might an INTJ continually seek this person out and try to re establish friendship for years afterwards?

For me and my ex fiancé, it was the best decision, so we broke in "mutual consens".
We are not friends tout-court, we don't call, sms or email, but we have some friends in common and sometimes if it happen I meet up her, we talk for a while.
For example, I was one of the first person she told she had a new "more than a friend for now..."

5) If you saw someone you regretted breaking up with, how would this affect you?
Does seeing someone instantly bring you back to your last encounter with them? Does it cause old memories to surface? Would it reopen a wound? Or would you be able to move past it and accept friendship?

We broke up ufficially at the phone. It's me who call. then I didn't think about that particularly but sometimes, expecially the first month, I had some old memories when alone, because we had problems but also I can think about very good moments we had. But generally I moved forward because, with a wound, but it was the right thing to do for both. And as I said I don't believe in friendship with an ex, but also we had not grudge of any type.

Bye

 

[ceecee]

1) Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?
(I realize the INTJ doesn't typically make these decisions hastily, but assume for just a moment that an INTJ did. Maybe it was in the midst of a heated argument, after a night of drinking, with a girl you declared your love for many times..) No

2) If you have regretted breaking up with someone, and it was on your terms, how would you handle the situation? Would you carry through with your decision or try to back peddle? No backpeddling.

3) Beyond the trust that your partner will be there for you, will never cheat on you, will never tell your secrets, what other ways does the INTJ seek trust in partnership? That you have your shit together, you can be trusted with responsibility. Do not make me feel disgusted with myself for trusting you, it's already hard enough for me to do.

4) If an INTJ broke up with someone, and it drove this someone away from them entirely, because this someone felt like moving on would be the best thing for both parties, why might an INTJ continually seek this person out and try to re establish friendship for years afterwards? No idea but the other person better set some boundaries since the other one doing the seeking out clearly can't.

5) If you saw someone you regretted breaking up with, how would this affect you?
Does seeing someone instantly bring you back to your last encounter with them? Does it cause old memories to surface? Would it reopen a wound? Or would you be able to move past it and accept friendship? I don't do the friend thing after a breakup. Civil yes. Not friends. I might have memories but they are ex's for a reason.

 

[paperoceans]

1) Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?

No... Although, there were times that I missed them dearly and wondered what they were doing. Maybe I sometimes wanted to get back together, but I did not regret breaking up. At the time, it was the best possible option. Afterwards, if there is still something there... I may still talk to the person, but I'm very cautious and I refuse to be in a relationship again unless I'm sure if it's the right thing (I haven't done it yet). So basically... No. I may talk to an ex, but it's only when I'm lonely. If I broke up with you, there's only a 1% chance that I'll get back with you. Especially since I make myself VERY clear about problems in the relationship before the break up. So my breakups are never random.

2) If you have regretted breaking up with someone, and it was on your terms, how would you handle the situation? Would you carry through with your decision or try to back peddle?

Hell no! I standby whatever it is that I say. If they refuse to see my side of the story, then they can go fuck themselves. I already told you once, don't make me tell you again!

I rarely change my mind!

3) Beyond the trust that your partner will be there for you, will never cheat on you, will never tell your secrets, what other ways does the INTJ seek trust in partnership?

For the love of GOD, please have some self-esteem. I'm sick of babying men and trying to make themselves feel better about themselves. I just can't stand people who dwell on all the negative things in their lives and tries to bring me down. They also need to be responsible and RELIABLE. I hate people who are unreliable and do not keep their word. I'm a woman of my word. I mean what I say and I expect the same of you. If someone is being sneaky and does not express what they mean, please don't expect for me to guess for you!

4) If an INTJ broke up with someone, and it drove this someone away from them entirely, because this someone felt like moving on would be the best thing for both parties, why might an INTJ continually seek this person out and try to re establish friendship for years afterwards?

I might try to do that if I felt bad about how things ended--it does not mean that I want to be romantically involved with this person again! I'm probably doing it to save face and to make me feel better about myself. It isn't about them, it's about my own selfish reasons.

I am guilty of contacting exes or old flames when I'm bored or want someone to talk to for a few minutes. It's never anything more than that for me.

5) If you saw someone you regretted breaking up with, how would this affect you?
Does seeing someone instantly bring you back to your last encounter with them? Does it cause old memories to surface? Would it reopen a wound? Or would you be able to move past it and accept friendship?

Nah!!! After I break up with someone, even if I cared for them deeply... I think of them as sloppy seconds. When I break up with you, I'm done with you! I don't want you anymore. The feelings that I had were completely destroyed. Seeing you has no effect on me.

Anyway, I think this all depends on the person. One of my exes is an INTJ and when we first broke up and I was in his apt., he declared we were bf&gf again. I just stared at him like he was crazy

 

[Santosha]

Thanks guys. The responces I received were pretty much what I expected This particular person is indeed an INTJ, but scores extremely close to the p/j border. I wonder if that might be the cause of what seems to be a lack of closure. I would really like to be friends with him again, but not if it entails re opening old wounds. At this point, I am going to assume he is reaching out for friendship only. He has retained a fairly decent friendship with other old flames, even one that he was once engaged to. He has asked me to meet up with him while i'm in miami for a family reunion, and I think I will probably go. Thanks again!