Mostly it is about who initiates the date. Typically the man pays for the initial dates. However, when you start "dating "a person to the point of commitment it should be closer to equal (although man pays a bit more when in doubt)
Women's opinions vary wildly in my experience. I've dated/met women who think men should ALWAYS pay in a relationship, women who are very independent and never like you to pay for anything and everything in between.
how'd you react to her/them thinking that men should always pay?
Sounds sexist
As a girl I appreciate the "going Dutch" approach where you pay for one date, I pay for the next, you the next, etc.
It's less messy than splitting the tab, but I guess it only works if you're in an established relationship and there's a good chance you'll be going on more dates in the future.
For first dates most guys (yes, this includes NTs) tend to seem adamant on paying and who am I to "damage their egos" or whatever? I get free dinner! *bonus*
But I tend to feel uncomfortable if the guys pays for everything all the time. It doesn't make sense, either, if we're both working adults capable of paying.
My purse likes it when a guy pays, but at the same time if I do not know the guy well, I do not like the feeling of obligation I sometimes get if a guy has been shelling out all the money; it can leave me feeling like I need to compensate with something else, regardless of what it is. I don't like obligations.
when i don't know a guy well and i haven't been intimate with them i find myself wanting to go halvies for dinner etc just because it's fair not because i feel being bought dinner indicates i am being owned or rented out for the evening or whatever. similar to how you go out with a friend and generally split things so everything is equal-ish. if a man insists on paying i'm not going to sweat it out arguing about it - that conversation would bore me.
a guy who thought he could get me in bed just by giving me things would be a tool and would get weeded out because tools are not sexy.
i cannot be owned - i'm like outer space. human intimacy is now much more complicated than: man provide/woman need. i financially support myself and live a good life. i don't feel that being bought dinner is someone looking after me - it's just a night out.
when i'm in a relationship i love giving each other thoughtful gifts/treating each other to dinner etc. it's FuN. i'm very good at thinking of cool gifts and i enjoy exercising my talents.