[INTP] Help- INTP Stalking me!!

[Butterfly]

Well....Im being stalked by my ex b/f INTP!!!?? :steam:
He's just not letting it go!!
There was a lot of issues, and I decided to end it. We parted ways nicely or so I thought. But he still couldnt let it go, he kept coming back and was very indecisive.One day he wanted to marry me, the next day he wasnt sure.
So I couldnt take this anymore, ended it and burnt the bridges. I made it very clear to him that I dont want to communicate with him. Even after that he sent me an email, which I did not reply to.

Then out of the blue he comes, texting me and wanting to meet up. Im thinking What does a gal have to do to make you understand man! I didnt reply to his txt either, and switched off my phone. But that cant continue for ever.

So plzzzz tell me how can I get rid of this INTP????
He seems to be in love with me, even though hes moved on (as in hes in another relationship). That makes me even more confused.
Is he playing games or is this normal behaviour for INTPs? How should i make him realise to NOT TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN!!?? and IM NOT INTERESTED?!!!

Any thoughts??

 

[Colors]

That really sucks.

I'm not really sure what you can do. Do you have any mutual friends who can suss out the situation on his end? The best you can do is continue to remind him the next few times that you don't wish to talk/meet with him and that his emails/txts are unwanted and that you will stop responding. And then stop responding. Emails, you can just put him on the spam list, and if he sends any more they should divert to the trash on their own. I think, depending on your cell phone carrier, that you may also be able to block his texts.

 

[Totenkindly]

Well....Im being stalked by my ex b/f INTP!!!??
He's just not letting it go!!
There was a lot of issues, and I decided to end it. We parted ways nicely or so I thought. But he still couldnt let it go, he kept coming back and was very indecisive.One day he wanted to marry me, the next day he wasnt sure.
So I couldnt take this anymore, ended it and burnt the bridges. I made it very clear to him that I dont want to communicate with him. Even after that he sent me an email, which I did not reply to.

Then out of the blue he comes, texting me and wanting to meet up. Im thinking What does a gal have to do to make you understand man! I didnt reply to his txt either, and switched off my phone. But that cant continue for ever.

So plzzzz tell me how can I get rid of this INTP????
He seems to be in love with me, even though hes moved on (as in hes in another relationship). That makes me even more confused.
Is he playing games or is this normal behaviour for INTPs? How should i make him realise to NOT TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN!!?? and IM NOT INTERESTED?!!!

How to get rid of him?
1. Big truck; large bumper.
2. Poison his coffee a little each day.
3. Read lots of glamour and home dec mag articles to him over the phone. When he doesn't respond, keep saying, "Are you listening? Are you therE? I can't wait until we have our own place and you can help me decorate each room! And we can move the furniture around every month to keep from getting bored!"
4. "Do you want lots of babies? I want lots of babies. Good thing you have a good job and that you'll be able to come home at night and help me feed and change them."
5. Tell him you already have every waking moment of your married life together planned out and schedule; practice by calling him and complaining when he doesn't call you or send you sappy text messages at the times (usually once per hour) you have designated for him.
6. Tell him he doesn't need all those stupid books and computer games and music CDs and things anymore -- he's got you to spend time with!!! And you'll NEVER have to be apart again once you married - how wonderful!!!

etc.

This could momentarily backfire on you... but it WILL work eventually. (Unless he's completely deranged.)

Seriously? It sounds like he still wants you, but he's covering his losses with this new gf.

Ignore him. if you engage him, he'll just keep talking. He'll go away eventually.

Get a phone you can screen your calls with. If he calls from another phone and catches you, just say, "I don't ever want to speak with you again, goodbye." and hang up immediately.

 

[Butterfly]

That really sucks.

I'm not really sure what you can do. Do you have any mutual friends who can suss out the situation on his end? The best you can do is continue to remind him the next few times that you don't wish to talk/meet with him and that his emails/txts are unwanted and that you will stop responding. And then stop responding. Emails, you can just put him on the spam list, and if he sends any more they should divert to the trash on their own. I think, depending on your cell phone carrier, that you may also be able to block his texts.

Thanks Colors. Yeah our mutual friend sussed him out, he still asks about me, but I dont know why...oh well. Thanks for advice, I will try to block the msgs etc in the future.

 

[Butterfly]

How to get rid of him?
1. Big truck; large bumper.
2. Poison his coffee a little each day.
3. Read lots of glamour and home dec mag articles to him over the phone. When he doesn't respond, keep saying, "Are you listening? Are you therE? I can't wait until we have our own place and you can help me decorate each room! And we can move the furniture around every month to keep from getting bored!"
4. "Do you want lots of babies? I want lots of babies. Good thing you have a good job and that you'll be able to come home at night and help me feed and change them."
5. Tell him you already have every waking moment of your married life together planned out and schedule; practice by calling him and complaining when he doesn't call you or send you sappy text messages at the times (usually once per hour) you have designated for him.
6. Tell him he doesn't need all those stupid books and computer games and music CDs and things anymore -- he's got you to spend time with!!! And you'll NEVER have to be apart again once you married - how wonderful!!!

etc.

This could momentarily backfire on you... but it WILL work eventually. (Unless he's completely deranged.)

Seriously? It sounds like he still wants you, but he's covering his losses with this new gf.

Ignore him. if you engage him, he'll just keep talking. He'll go away eventually.

Get a phone you can screen your calls with. If he calls from another phone and catches you, just say, "I don't ever want to speak with you again, goodbye." and hang up immediately.

Sorry I dont know how to multiquote...so am writing this seperately.

Lol. Jennifer, those weird things u mentioned..points 3-6....well I REALLY do them!!! I am that type (minus the strict schedule part) lol

But yeah I get ur advice, Ignoring is the best option for now. Thanks mate.

Btw: I really like your posts, they explain things really well and are intelligent and sensible.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

I TOLD YOU I'LL STOP, SHEESH!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Falcarius]

Any thoughts??

Give him a taste of his own medicine by stalking him. It could be fun to see how long it takes him to work out why he has been going around in a circle.

Seriously, I agree with Jennifer.

Ignore him. if you engage him, he'll just keep talking. He'll go away eventually.

 

[disregard]

People tend to keep stalking/harassing because they get a reaction. Don't answer texts or emails, just delete, don't go online, or if you do make sure everyone but the ppl on your buddy list aren't able to see if you're online, screen your calls.. You see.. what he is probably waiting for is that one chance you do respond to him.. and then he will be psyched up again and the harassment will continue. Don't slip up.

 

[Grayscale]

restraining order

 

[Seanan]

You asked for thoughts and this is just one... certainly not advice. If you know for sure he is not violent... find out who is gf is if you don't already know.. and tell her.

 

[Seanan]

You asked for thoughts and this is just one... certainly not advice. If you know for sure he is not violent... find out who is gf is if you don't already know.. and tell her.

 

[sandwich]

Change your passwords and be careful what details you give on the internet. Or, better yet, put so much online that he doesn't need to actually ask you about life. My ENFP ex joined so many groups on Facebook that I filtered out his activity on my mini-feed- definitely curbed my stalking tendencies.

 

[LostInNerSpace]

Well....Im being stalked by my ex b/f INTP!!!?? :steam:
He's just not letting it go!!
There was a lot of issues, and I decided to end it. We parted ways nicely or so I thought. But he still couldnt let it go, he kept coming back and was very indecisive.One day he wanted to marry me, the next day he wasnt sure.
So I couldnt take this anymore, ended it and burnt the bridges. I made it very clear to him that I dont want to communicate with him. Even after that he sent me an email, which I did not reply to.

Then out of the blue he comes, texting me and wanting to meet up. Im thinking What does a gal have to do to make you understand man! I didnt reply to his txt either, and switched off my phone. But that cant continue for ever.

So plzzzz tell me how can I get rid of this INTP????
He seems to be in love with me, even though hes moved on (as in hes in another relationship). That makes me even more confused.
Is he playing games or is this normal behaviour for INTPs? How should i make him realise to NOT TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN!!?? and IM NOT INTERESTED?!!!

Any thoughts??

The problem here sounds like he can't take the rejection. It makes him feel worthless. My advise to another ENFP was just to ignore all phones call, text messages, everything. Pretend he doesn't exist. Do not talk to him at all. She contacted me a few weeks later to tell me that it seemed to have worked.

 

[Butterfly]

Change your passwords and be careful what details you give on the internet. Or, better yet, put so much online that he doesn't need to actually ask you about life. My ENFP ex joined so many groups on Facebook that I filtered out his activity on my mini-feed- definitely curbed my stalking tendencies.

wow ...this sounds scary! Actually he did change his nick on the chatroom that we both visited. I know by his writing style that its him! so when hes around i tend to go quiet.

Thanks for the tip though.

 

[Butterfly]

The problem here sounds like he can't take the rejection. It makes him feel worthless. My advise to another ENFP was just to ignore all phones call, text messages, everything. Pretend he doesn't exist. Do not talk to him at all. She contacted me a few weeks later to tell me that it seemed to have worked.

Thanks LostInnerSpace. So THAT was the advice you gave to another ENFP, I remember you mentioning it in my other thread.
Thanks, will do.

 

[CzeCze]

Hey Butterfly, I guess I don't consider it stalking until he starts spamming you or following you around or shows up at the places you frequent.

I've dealt with this before and have heard friends deal with it. Sometimes people just cannot believe you don't want to speak to them again even after you have told them.

Maybe I'm underestimating (or overestimating?) the INTP, but I think it might help to give one last final kiss-off letter/phone call. There is probably some loop going on in their heads like, "but if I tell her this" or "i've changed" or something they feel that if you hear it, things will change and you'll get back together with them.

Did you have a final airing out of things before burning those bridges?

Maybe having that one last shot for closure isn't such a bad idea. I'm not sure what happened in your relationship, but I think most people you've once had a connection with deserve at least that.

There are stalkers, and then there are just peopel who screwed up or feel regretful -- which is most everyone in a breakup. The latter group will stop bugging you if given closure, for the former 'closure' doesn't exist and their stalking is more pathological. Or whatever the word is for 'normal rules for normal human behavior don't apply'.

Just my 2 cents and hope things get better!

 

[Butterfly]

Hey Butterfly, I guess I don't consider it stalking until he starts spamming you or following you around or shows up at the places you frequent.

I've dealt with this before and have heard friends deal with it. Sometimes people just cannot believe you don't want to speak to them again even after you have told them.

Maybe I'm underestimating (or overestimating?) the INTP, but I think it might help to give one last final kiss-off letter/phone call. There is probably some loop going on in their heads like, "but if I tell her this" or "i've changed" or something they feel that if you hear it, things will change and you'll get back together with them.

Did you have a final airing out of things before burning those bridges?

Maybe having that one last shot for closure isn't such a bad idea. I'm not sure what happened in your relationship, but I think most people you've once had a connection with deserve at least that.

There are stalkers, and then there are just peopel who screwed up or feel regretful -- which is most everyone in a breakup. The latter group will stop bugging you if given closure, for the former 'closure' doesn't exist and their stalking is more pathological. Or whatever the word is for 'normal rules for normal human behavior don't apply'.

Just my 2 cents and hope things get better!

Cze Cze...that is a very refreshing and thoughtful way of looking at it! Im really feeling what ur saying.
Yes final airing was done before burning bridges, but some questions still remained i think. Mmmmm...let me contemplate the option of a final email, but Im finding it hard to accept this option, as it will restart what can be a new wave of questions and 'what ifs'.
But thanks for suggestion. I really appreciate it.

 

[FFF]

3. Read lots of glamour and home dec mag articles to him over the phone. When he doesn't respond, keep saying, "Are you listening? Are you therE? I can't wait until we have our own place and you can help me decorate each room! And we can move the furniture around every month to keep from getting bored!"
4. "Do you want lots of babies? I want lots of babies. Good thing you have a good job and that you'll be able to come home at night and help me feed and change them."
5. Tell him you already have every waking moment of your married life together planned out and schedule; practice by calling him and complaining when he doesn't call you or send you sappy text messages at the times (usually once per hour) you have designated for him.
6. Tell him he doesn't need all those stupid books and computer games and music CDs and things anymore -- he's got you to spend time with!!! And you'll NEVER have to be apart again once you married - how wonderful!!!

Wow. You really know how to make INTP repellent, but I guess it's not too hard when you are one.

 

[SolitaryWalker]

Well....Im being stalked by my ex b/f INTP!!!?? :steam:
He's just not letting it go!!
There was a lot of issues, and I decided to end it. We parted ways nicely or so I thought. But he still couldnt let it go, he kept coming back and was very indecisive.One day he wanted to marry me, the next day he wasnt sure.
So I couldnt take this anymore, ended it and burnt the bridges. I made it very clear to him that I dont want to communicate with him. Even after that he sent me an email, which I did not reply to.

Then out of the blue he comes, texting me and wanting to meet up. Im thinking What does a gal have to do to make you understand man! I didnt reply to his txt either, and switched off my phone. But that cant continue for ever.

So plzzzz tell me how can I get rid of this INTP????
He seems to be in love with me, even though hes moved on (as in hes in another relationship). That makes me even more confused.
Is he playing games or is this normal behaviour for INTPs? How should i make him realise to NOT TALK TO ME EVER AGAIN!!?? and IM NOT INTERESTED?!!!



Any thoughts??

If you explain to him very clearly what is going on, and answer all of his questions, to make the truth as palpable as possible he will relent. The truth is, I presume that you cannot be together no matter what happens, and it just could not have been any other way. If you get him to see that this is the case, and why this is so, you should be set. So, you will have to take care of his intellectual needs there to get what you want out of this situation. Clarity and logical consistency is the primary token of INTP behavior, they tend to apply this to everything they do, your romantic relationship is likely no exception.

So, all in all, make sure that the picture makes sense to him, that'd be half the battle if not more. At that point he may have some emotional bruises, but he will not dwell on those sentiments like Feelers often do. As soon as he entirely comes to terms with the situation on the intellectually it will be only a matter of time for him to do so on the emotionally.

 

[shum]

DO NOT delete any of his messages or emails. you may need them for evidence later. and also so you know what he is up to. what if he tells you he is coming to your work or something? wouldnt you handle it better if you were prepared?