[MBTI General] INTJ going for a coffe with a ESFP girl tomorrow. tips?

[Rex]

That's probably a much better idea on a first date than what Nameless Hero actually meant.

*wants to hug the sweet little robot to pieces*

 

[Nameless Hero]

I base the "pounding" aspect on real life experience...

ESFP's need pleasures that can penetrate beyond the mudane...

 

[Rex]

It went ok i guess.

Not a single spark for me tho. She was shy too. She becomes the opposite when drunk. Dancing on the tables and wet t-shirt and all that.

And shes really really small. shes 1.53m im 1.86m

 

[Nicodemus]

Then you really can go beyond the mundane.

 

[Rex]

I keept my impulsive commentary at bay too. Except for once. She unzipped the jacked after pulling it up because of the cold weather. She said it feelt like getting strangled.

And i said by impulse: Some like that too..

She found it funny tho. and i was bussy saying that im not into that and so on.

She followed up with some like handcuffs and wips.

I was nonono im definitely not into that either.

laughter.

 

[Nicodemus]

How old are you?

 

[Rex]

what?
im 25

 

[Rex]

Slight OT:
I was out drinking last night. Meet this girl that was for some odd reason super interested in the MBTI stuff i came to talk about. I ended up at her table meeting her friends. a master student in filosofi and a math master student.

This girl who dragged me to her table was just so equal me... was so inspiring to talk to her and particularly hear her view on things and her opinions.
She hated that knowledgeable people did not share their knowledge. So did i and all that.

So then i made a big fuck up as usual as i was thinking ahead and was hoping to meet this people again so i could hopefully get more intellectual stimuli. Been hungering!

So i new that often things happen and we get separated so i was like "here is my phone number and shit and totaly told her why shy was so awesome in clarity and detail. blabla.

I think i just assumed that the truth is pure and clean. she would like that honesty.

It seems like i somehow missed the fact that the truth can be just as cheesy as any lie.

Besides it was way to early. I need to work on my timing and my risk analyzing before taking action in such a big thing. Problem is that im by nature not really concerned about implications of things.

My experience new i was going home early, my planner function tried to prevent it. And therefore fuck it up.

Experience always wins.

something like that.

 

[freeeekyyy]

Slight OT:
I was out drinking last night. Meet this girl that was for some odd reason super interested in the MBTI stuff i came to talk about. I ended up at her table meeting her friends. a master student in filosofi and a math master student.

This girl who dragged me to her table was just so equal me... was so inspiring to talk to her and particularly hear her view on things and her opinions.
She hated that knowledgeable people did not share their knowledge. So did i and all that.

So then i made a big fuck up as usual as i was thinking ahead and was hoping to meet this people again so i could hopefully get more intellectual stimuli. Been hungering!

So i new that often things happen and we get separated so i was like "here is my phone number and shit and totaly told her why shy was so awesome in clarity and detail. blabla.

I think i just assumed that the truth is pure and clean. she would like that honesty.

It seems like i somehow missed the fact that the truth can be just as cheesy as any lie.

Besides it was way to early. I need to work on my timing and my risk analyzing before taking action in such a big thing. Problem is that im by nature not really concerned about implications of things.

My experience new i was going home early, my planner function tried to prevent it. And therefore fuck it up.

Experience always wins.

something like that.

What could go wrong? You hardly know this woman, if she doesn't return your interest, no loss.

 

[Halla74]

Any don`t do tips? etc.

any spesifics i should look for that might couse trouble. I have a lot of things on my mind but im thinking you guys have some aditional.

(1) BE YOURSELF.
(2) BE ALIVE AND AWARE IN THE HERE AND NOW OF YOUR CONVERSATION WITH HER.
(3) At the conclusion of your coffee tell her how much you enjoyed your time with her, and that you'd like to meetup with her again, and be sure to specify WHAT, WHEN, and WHERE. No good date ends on a dangling participle. You MUST have a path to forward progress, and it must be mutually agreed upon by her if it is to ever have any chance of coming to fruition...

Dr. Love has spoken.

-Halla

 

[Rex]

What could go wrong? You hardly know this woman, if she doesn't return your interest, no loss.

nono you see i missed out from a nachspiel. so i had a bad timing. i should have done it when i left the nachspiel. Or not at all as she could have just as easy become a friend.

(1) BE YOURSELF.
(2) BE ALIVE AND AWARE IN THE HERE AND NOW OF YOUR CONVERSATION WITH HER.
(3) At the conclusion of your coffee tell her how much you enjoyed your time with her, and that you'd like to meetup with her again, and be sure to specify WHAT, WHEN, and WHERE.
-Halla

A bit late but thats what i did. I said it was nice meeting her and i gave her a hug and asked if we should meet again and she said yes ofc.
did not demand a what when and where right there. Not going to be pushy.

I am actually hoping it will stretch to over Christmas. because i would not now what a appropriate gift might be.

Gonna watch a movie at Wednesday i believe. (that day in the middle of the week) Hangover.

 

[Emectar]

i generally wouldnt listen to this advice

 

[Thalassa]

nono you see i missed out from a nachspiel. so i had a bad timing. i should have done it when i left the nachspiel. Or not at all as she could have just as easy become a friend.

I understand what you mean, I think. Impatience can cause someone who probably would have at the very least become a friend to feel as though you're pushy or something, therefore taking cool points away from all of your other awesome qualities.

 

[Rex]

i generally wouldnt listen to this advice

what advice mr.

 

[Rex]

I understand what you mean, I think. Impatience can cause someone who probably would have at the very least become a friend to feel as though you're pushy or something

absolutely.

<--- me

 

[Spamtar]

Sound like a chaotic combo.

If you are determined to carry this through than do your best to hold off hard judgments and and overt cynicism be an active listener. Have a party piece or a few interesting things to talk about (besides yourself) consider doing a quick study of "chick crack" (i.e. tarot, astrology, MBTI lol!)

this should motivate her to soon dominate the conversation and after that spend time as an active listener while still holding yourself out in that marvelous INTJ style nonverbally communicating that you are "the prize". Make your main goal to show her a fun/entertaining time and if you hit on some positive vibes apply some light "kino" towards the end of the date.

 

[Shimmy]

Slight OT:
I was out drinking last night. Meet this girl that was for some odd reason super interested in the MBTI stuff i came to talk about. I ended up at her table meeting her friends. a master student in filosofi and a math master student.

This girl who dragged me to her table was just so equal me... was so inspiring to talk to her and particularly hear her view on things and her opinions.
She hated that knowledgeable people did not share their knowledge. So did i and all that.

So then i made a big fuck up as usual as i was thinking ahead and was hoping to meet this people again so i could hopefully get more intellectual stimuli. Been hungering!

So i new that often things happen and we get separated so i was like "here is my phone number and shit and totaly told her why shy was so awesome in clarity and detail. blabla.

I think i just assumed that the truth is pure and clean. she would like that honesty.

It seems like i somehow missed the fact that the truth can be just as cheesy as any lie.

Besides it was way to early. I need to work on my timing and my risk analyzing before taking action in such a big thing. Problem is that im by nature not really concerned about implications of things.

My experience new i was going home early, my planner function tried to prevent it. And therefore fuck it up.

Experience always wins.

something like that.

Here's a practical tip: Don't ask for a number (or give your own), just sort of imply you want it. At the exact moment you see she's interested in you as a person (and not just in the conversation topic), you'll say: "I'll tell you what, I'm kind of tired/have to go back to my friends in a minute but I'd really like to continue talking to you about this, What steps can we make to continue this conversation some other time?" I know it's PUA material, and used by every man who knows about this stuff. But it's got a much higher succes rate than just bluntly giving or asking a phone number.

(3) At the conclusion of your coffee tell her how much you enjoyed your time with her, and that you'd like to meetup with her again, and be sure to specify WHAT, WHEN, and WHERE. No good date ends on a dangling participle. You MUST have a path to forward progress, and it must be mutually agreed upon by her if it is to ever have any chance of coming to fruition...

Dr. Love has spoken.

-Halla

I like that, I absolutely hate having to plan a date over the phone. Plus, it's actually a good conversation topic. On the other hand, it may be a bit awkward if the other person doesn't want a second date.

 

[Rex]

She seems a bit submissive. At least when it comes to planing. Once we get to know each other i could do that. I dont`t mind planing, its just that i don`t like to take charge in that manner. Feels like im controlling the person. Something like that.

 

[Spamtar]

Don't trip, rather take a short trip, in other words venue hop/bounce at this cue.

Take the leadership role until she decides she would like to put her hands on the reigns for a bit.

This is a good opportunity because if she compiles it is an indicator of interest (IOI). Keep head up for indicator of interest (IOIs) and indicators of disinterest (IODs) and naturally work toward IOIs. Follow IOIs as taking a new leap forward, (i.e. leadership role/venue hop/rapport deepening/kino/further compliance tests etc...) and use IODs to regroup and switch course to one of demonstrating higher value [indirectly/modestly].

 

[Emectar]

sorry not yours,

the idea that being nice and likeable is good for friends but that women you should try to impress