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[ENTP] ENTP on emotional lockdown?
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Thalassa
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You were forcibly removed from his house?
Why do you want to talk to him after he forcibly removed you from his house? Is it because you believe that he *does* feel something but is going through some kind of weird thing because he's leaving for the military?
For him to say that he doesn't even feel anything for you AS A FRIEND is weird after four years, even if he has lost romantic feelings.
My ESFJ ex has said things like that, but he has serious psychological problems and was abusing prescription pills at the time.
Is it one of those things where you're going to sit there and say, "You love me. I know you love me! Yes you do! Stop this!" ?
I dunno but I don't think it has anything to do with type. I feel like there are details missing.
Why do you want to talk to him after he forcibly removed you from his house? Is it because you believe that he *does* feel something but is going through some kind of weird thing because he's leaving for the military?
For him to say that he doesn't even feel anything for you AS A FRIEND is weird after four years, even if he has lost romantic feelings.
My ESFJ ex has said things like that, but he has serious psychological problems and was abusing prescription pills at the time.
Is it one of those things where you're going to sit there and say, "You love me. I know you love me! Yes you do! Stop this!" ?
I dunno but I don't think it has anything to do with type. I feel like there are details missing.
InvisibleJim
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Sounds the opposite of unemotional despite his protestations; he might need a calm down injection and has lost the ability to think reasonably. Of course, you may just be wiser to say to confirm that his behaviour is so bizarre and inappropriate you don't want to be exposed to it again. (wouldn't be the first time!)
Thalassa
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^^^^
Yeah, I should have added that. The distance will either clear his head and make him see how much he does care for you, or if it doesn't, then you're still acting in your own best interest.
You need to stay with the fact that he forcibly removed you from his house. Any time something like that happens, if you try to talk things out with him or make him see how much he loves you, you're just disrespecting yourself.
I see relationships as an energy balance. If one partner gets too much energy, and the other loses too much energy (stay with me here...I don't mean like physical energy, I mean like the energy between the two of you) then the partner with too much energy loses some respect for the partner with less energy.
At any rate, you need to restore that balance, whether it means it will make him realize his misses you and he's made a mistake, or it just means having your own self-worth.
Yeah, I should have added that. The distance will either clear his head and make him see how much he does care for you, or if it doesn't, then you're still acting in your own best interest.
You need to stay with the fact that he forcibly removed you from his house. Any time something like that happens, if you try to talk things out with him or make him see how much he loves you, you're just disrespecting yourself.
I see relationships as an energy balance. If one partner gets too much energy, and the other loses too much energy (stay with me here...I don't mean like physical energy, I mean like the energy between the two of you) then the partner with too much energy loses some respect for the partner with less energy.
At any rate, you need to restore that balance, whether it means it will make him realize his misses you and he's made a mistake, or it just means having your own self-worth.
strawberries
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sounds like an immature wanker who likes to create drama. don't put up with him disrespecting you and what you had together - he is being reckless and cruel to you; people like that don't make your life better. run, don't walk.
InvisibleJim
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I think it is important to offer balance and review that everyone does things they regret and that is entirely out of character; it would be unfair to label someone the 'devil' for a single action (unless that is a cardinal offence!). We do live and learn after all.
If it is multiple strange occurancies like this, then yes; I wouldn't put up with it for long.
If it is multiple strange occurancies like this, then yes; I wouldn't put up with it for long.
entropie
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I liked how you phrased your post in the beginning: "Everything was fine perfectly fine ... he was completly into me" 
. But well I am not asked here if I find this egoistical or not, I was asked if ENTPs are prone to emotional lockdown.
No, ENTPs are not prone to stay with one emotion for too long except for sadness. Sadness can be a constant companion if you do it wrong, but being angry with someone or forcibly shutting someone out of ones life, you love thats not possible for too long.
Sounds like he had an idea, maybe its the army thing and he know thinks he needs to cut everyone out of his lifes, cause he could die in the service. Sounds perfectly entp, it has the necessary dramatic touch. What it was, it was definitly a decision of the mind, so a reasonable one, therefore he is able to keep it up.
I would investigate if someone talked bad about you or told the entp to let you go, someone who has some influence on him. This could be a reason aswell.
Other than that, this is probably the biggest downfall of the entp. I have done the shutting out people thing to two woman in my life and I regret it. In both cases I wanted to end the relationship and tho it's never easy to end a relationship, I did it quite abruptly, too abruptly. I back then ended the relationships because I saw no chance for growth. One girl was fundamentally lazy and obviously aiming at getting kids early and becoming a housewife, which is not my idea of a good catch and the other one was to flippant, to socially involved, partly more caring for others than for me; not my idea of a good catch aswell. I stayed with the first for four years and with the second for three years and I hoped they will change, like grow in the relationship but they didnt. And the moment I couldnt stand it, I made the decision to end it. And it is in that regards fundamentally difficult to decide anything. I do not want to hurt people, neveretheless when I do it, I do it bigtime and that cant be the way aswell.
Both girls after me became very slutty and a long time I was guilt-tripping myself because I thought I maybe dmaged them. Nowadays I know that I am not the middle point of the world and that there are other factors influencing the life of others and that it was their decision. I definitly stand guilty of ending the relationships without a warning, but hell I am glad until today I did it. Otherwise I'ld have never met my infp
. But well I am not asked here if I find this egoistical or not, I was asked if ENTPs are prone to emotional lockdown.No, ENTPs are not prone to stay with one emotion for too long except for sadness. Sadness can be a constant companion if you do it wrong, but being angry with someone or forcibly shutting someone out of ones life, you love thats not possible for too long.
Sounds like he had an idea, maybe its the army thing and he know thinks he needs to cut everyone out of his lifes, cause he could die in the service. Sounds perfectly entp, it has the necessary dramatic touch. What it was, it was definitly a decision of the mind, so a reasonable one, therefore he is able to keep it up.
I would investigate if someone talked bad about you or told the entp to let you go, someone who has some influence on him. This could be a reason aswell.
Other than that, this is probably the biggest downfall of the entp. I have done the shutting out people thing to two woman in my life and I regret it. In both cases I wanted to end the relationship and tho it's never easy to end a relationship, I did it quite abruptly, too abruptly. I back then ended the relationships because I saw no chance for growth. One girl was fundamentally lazy and obviously aiming at getting kids early and becoming a housewife, which is not my idea of a good catch and the other one was to flippant, to socially involved, partly more caring for others than for me; not my idea of a good catch aswell. I stayed with the first for four years and with the second for three years and I hoped they will change, like grow in the relationship but they didnt. And the moment I couldnt stand it, I made the decision to end it. And it is in that regards fundamentally difficult to decide anything. I do not want to hurt people, neveretheless when I do it, I do it bigtime and that cant be the way aswell.
Both girls after me became very slutty and a long time I was guilt-tripping myself because I thought I maybe dmaged them. Nowadays I know that I am not the middle point of the world and that there are other factors influencing the life of others and that it was their decision. I definitly stand guilty of ending the relationships without a warning, but hell I am glad until today I did it. Otherwise I'ld have never met my infp
strawberries
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sure, people say stupid, regretful things sometimes, but normal caring people don't do what this guy did. she was involved with him for four years and he told her she was 'just a f...' among other cruel things and forcibly removed her from his house. inexcusable - and i would bet he has done some seriously wankerish things in the past if he is capable of that.
marm's musings re energy are spot on - i see relationships as being like bank accounts in a sense. you both need to continually put in so each of you can withdraw a little from time to time. if one person withdraws too much too often - your balance is unhealthy. this guy's behaviour has left the account seriously overdrawn.
look for someone who values you viea - not someone who throws you scraps when they feel like it. it's not your job to be his therapist as well as girlfriend.
marm's musings re energy are spot on - i see relationships as being like bank accounts in a sense. you both need to continually put in so each of you can withdraw a little from time to time. if one person withdraws too much too often - your balance is unhealthy. this guy's behaviour has left the account seriously overdrawn.
look for someone who values you viea - not someone who throws you scraps when they feel like it. it's not your job to be his therapist as well as girlfriend.
InvisibleJim
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I'm not going to make assumptions, only the OP knows why there has been a relationship for 4 years; it is for them to decide if it is appropriate for them and I can't decide that based upon a few very generalized assumptions over a few paragraphs of text - after all you don't hang around with anyone for 4 years if there hasn't been a very positive impact to both people.
Love you though strawbs
strawberries
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I'm not going to make assumptions, only the OP knows why there has been a relationship for 4 years; it is for them to decide if it is appropriate for them and I can't decide that based upon a few very generalized assumptions over a few paragraphs of text - after all you don't hang around with anyone for 4 years if there hasn't been a very positive impact to both people.
Love you though strawbs
aw, thanks jim. i like to make assumptions - it's my hobby. i also read tea leaves and i have paypal. $$
best of luck viea - we're just armchair experts musing on a forum. listen to your own intuition.
Vasilisa
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Hi Vieamemusique, I have seen an ENTP do this. What I saw I would describe more as emotional meltdown followed by an emotional nuclear winter affect. It seemed to happen when cognitive dissonance reached crisis levels. Then they try to deploy the control rods of callousness so to speak (sticking with the nuclear reactor theme). This is simply my personal observation, it may or may not be type-specific. I absolutely recommend clearing the area and seeking a fallout shelter which consists of surrounding yourself with people who treasure you. It works by helping you feel appreciated and offers perspective on how to proceed. And stopping the input helps them gain control of the reactor and halt the meltdown. Of course whether you want to permanently live next to a nuclear reactor is a question only you can answer. The pros and cons are for you to weigh. Best of luck
entropie
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Hi Vieamemusique, I have seen an ENTP do this. What I saw I would describe more as emotional meltdown followed by an emotional nuclear winter affect. It seemed to happen when cognitive dissonance reached crisis levels. Then they try to deploy the control rods of callousness so to speak (sticking with the nuclear reactor theme). This is simply my personal observation, it may or may not be type-specific. I absolutely recommend clearing the area and seeking a fallout shelter which consists of surrounding yourself with people who treasure you. It works by helping you feel appreciated and offers perspective on how to proceed. And stopping the input helps them gain control of the reactor and halt the meltdown. Of course whether you want to permanently live next to a nuclear reactor is a question only you can answer. The pros and cons are for you to weigh. Best of luck
This's good.
Tho I dont understand why the general advice is to leave him because he's broken. I'd rather think of him as a challenge and try to perfect him, even without a romantic relation.
I fear that with upcoming individualisation of people the demand for some kind of perfection of behaviour is increasing aswell. I hope I fear wrong.
Thalassa
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Yeah I don't know about walk away for good, it's not like he's violent. However, he isn't your problem to fix...I made this mistake a lot with my ex, I felt "responsible" for him because we'd been together for so long, and I thought if "I don't care about him, who will?"
But frankly he's made tremendous progress when I just walked away from him and left him to his own devices. I wouldn't get back together with him at this point, but we're able to be friends because he's finally gotten into therapy and started facing his issues.
Trying to fix him is co-dependent. I've been there, done that. It's one thing to love someone and let them know that you're here for them when they're ready, it's entirely another to demean yourself to someone who is blatantly disrespecting you and treating you badly.
I certainly don't advocate demonizing him and I think he deserves to be forgiven because we all make mistakes and do things out of character when we're upset, kind of like Invisible Jim said, but bear in mind that allowing him to treat you with cruelty isn't really helping him, and it's obviously not helping you.
But frankly he's made tremendous progress when I just walked away from him and left him to his own devices. I wouldn't get back together with him at this point, but we're able to be friends because he's finally gotten into therapy and started facing his issues.
Trying to fix him is co-dependent. I've been there, done that. It's one thing to love someone and let them know that you're here for them when they're ready, it's entirely another to demean yourself to someone who is blatantly disrespecting you and treating you badly.
I certainly don't advocate demonizing him and I think he deserves to be forgiven because we all make mistakes and do things out of character when we're upset, kind of like Invisible Jim said, but bear in mind that allowing him to treat you with cruelty isn't really helping him, and it's obviously not helping you.
strawberries
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i say: life's too short, but i'm selfish and ruthless 
go find a fun, balanced fella to play with, as darling marm and metaphor allude to: co-dependency is not hot. trying to fix broken people can end up damaging you.
go find a fun, balanced fella to play with, as darling marm and metaphor allude to: co-dependency is not hot. trying to fix broken people can end up damaging you.
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