• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ENTJ] Want insights from ENTJ women about my relationship with one!

tortoise

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2010
Messages
161
MBTI Type
ENFP
Hi,

I am dating (I think! Sometimes it's hard to tell if we are or not!) an ENTJ girl.

She is a workaholic and travels a lot for work. I don't hear much from her for days on end. She works all day then collapses exhausted into bed. We'll exchange a couple of texts, that's all ...

When she's away, it feels like I'm 'out of sight, out of mind'. However, when she gets back, she focuses on my 100%.

I question if we actually are dating because she's not very affectionate -- but then she'll suddenly give me a kiss -- and then go back to being not very affectionate. Things are going very slowly on the sex front because we are both 'once bitten twice shy' and don't want to get too involved, too quickly.

She's very independent -- to me, that's a plus point. Having only had clingy girlfriends in the past, I want someone who has her own life. But I am kind of feeling that this is going too far the other way!

I am not clingy -- I know ENFPs have a reputation for being clingy -- but I'm pretty self-sufficient.

I'd just like to know how other ENTJ women experience the early stages of a new relationship ... just hoping for some insights that will help me understand the minimal contact thing.
 

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Only the ENTJ's themselves will be able to offer their perspective obviously, but I'd guess that it's one of these things: When they're working and interacting with people, clients, and problems, they don't have time for "lovey dovey" stuff. They can only do one thing or the other. They can text you and get nothing done (thereby not being very effective ENTJ's in the workplace), or they can get to work and save their time for you for when they get back home from the business trip.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
I'm confused. So many mixed messages in your post. Maybe you can help clarify by responding to the following questions.

Have the two of you discussed being in an exclusive relationship or has this been an assumption?

How long have the two of you been going out?
 

tortoise

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2010
Messages
161
MBTI Type
ENFP
We haven't defined our relationship verbally. Actually, I never set much store by conversations that are about defining relationships because I judge situations by people's actions rather than words. In my experience, women I've been out with will say they want one thing, but act differently. I don't trust words about emotions because emotions change. Heck, I've been engaged to a woman who claimed to be thoroughly committed to me for life, only for her to break it off 6 weeks later!

She has said she wants to go out with me and hasn't said anything about having changed her mind but I am finding her actions hard to interpret. In my past relationships, they've started out with a lot of intensity on both sides, with lots of texting/sexting, phone calls, sex etc. This is slow-burn, which I am simply not used to at all. It's probably more healthy this way. This is why I want to know what I should expect in the early stages of a relationship with an ENTJ.
 

Vie

Giggity
Joined
Jun 9, 2010
Messages
792
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8
It depends on how strongly I like the person, to be honest.
But in the beginning of a relationship, I can come across as a bit cold and distant -- or come on WAY too strongly. It depends on where I see my future with that person going. There have been guys where I make time, no matter how busy I am, because I feel as though that is what is warranted given the situation and that they will not react poorly to it....well, that and I want to spend time/talk with that person. In most instances though, I'd have to say I'm a lot like your friend. I'm not very affectionate and when I am, it's quite random and simply because at that time I am in the mood to be so.

I'm very independent, but I don't adopt that whole out of sight out of mind attitude ever. I make time for someone I like. :\ But that could just be me! Even when I'm focusing on work and school, I look at as almost a challenge to keep up with my social aspects as well.
 

tortoise

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2010
Messages
161
MBTI Type
ENFP
I should add, when she's home, we spend a lot of very high quality time together. The thing that's hard to get used to is the lack of contact when she's away. I think INTPness is spot on -- she's focused on work, not lovey-dovey texting. I kind of know that, and I'm getting used to it, but I'd like to know if this is what other ENTJ women are like in the early stages ... and of course further on down the track.
 

tortoise

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2010
Messages
161
MBTI Type
ENFP
It depends on how strongly I like the person, to be honest.
But in the beginning of a relationship, I can come across as a bit cold and distant -- or come on WAY too strongly. It depends on where I see my future with that person going. There have been guys where I make time, no matter how busy I am, because I feel as though that is what is warranted given the situation and that they will not react poorly to it....well, that and I want to spend time/talk with that person. In most instances though, I'd have to say I'm a lot like your friend. I'm not very affectionate and when I am, it's quite random and simply because at that time I am in the mood to be so.

I'm very independent, but I don't adopt that whole out of sight out of mind attitude ever. I make time for someone I like. :\ But that could just be me! Even when I'm focusing on work and school, I look at as almost a challenge to keep up with my social aspects as well.

Interesting. I am being optimistic and judging the situation by how she is when she's with me -- which is great, and I love the surprise random acts of affection! She is definitely over-worked though and extremely busy and finds it hard enough to do the work she's taken on, so the minimal contact is well explained by that. I wish it were a bit different though!
 
F

figsfiggyfigs

Guest
I don't know about other ENTJ females, but I'm exactly like the female you're dating. It's pretty normal, we sort of "assume" everything will be okay. We may appear distant, but we are not, we have our sentimental moments.

She seems very busy with work, which is understandable, I completely understand her behavior; I do not find it odd, or out of place what so ever. Although if you have a problem, or are confused/concerned, maybe you should ask? : )
 

You

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2010
Messages
2,124
MBTI Type
entp
Enneagram
7w8
Ask her about it.

She doesn't know what you are thinking, or how you feel. If you get it out there in the open, things should start changing for the better. Especially if you know what you want out of this relationship.
 

tortoise

New member
Joined
Aug 25, 2010
Messages
161
MBTI Type
ENFP
I don't know about other ENTJ females, but I'm exactly like the female you're dating. It's pretty normal, we sort of "assume" everything will be okay. We may appear distant, but we are not, we have our sentimental moments.

She seems very busy with work, which is understandable, I completely understand her behavior; I do not find it odd, or out of place what so ever. Although if you have a problem, or are confused/concerned, maybe you should ask? : )

Great! Yes, this seems to be true and the ENTJ way. I like it. I really like it now I'm used to it. It's drama-free. She is very direct and clear about what she's thinking or feeling and if there's a problem I know about it straight away. I like the clear communication. I'm really enjoying this relationship right now!
 

Rebe

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2009
Messages
1,431
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4sop
Great! Yes, this seems to be true and the ENTJ way. I like it. I really like it now I'm used to it. It's drama-free. She is very direct and clear about what she's thinking or feeling and if there's a problem I know about it straight away. I like the clear communication. I'm really enjoying this relationship right now!

that sounds awesome.
 

mrcockburn

Aquaria
Joined
Jan 3, 2010
Messages
1,896
MBTI Type
¥¤
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
She's just busy. For me, my work, school and goals are my top priorities, and I do travel a lot (both for business and leisure). It doesn't mean that I'm not into my guy, just that he'll have to wait until I get what I need to get done done. Like your gf, when I'm enjoying leisure time with a guy, I focus 100% on relaxing with him. Why would I want to send half-assed pokes or messages on Facebook while juggling my work. I'd prefer to focus 100% on ONE thing than 30% on work, 30% on school, 30% on you, 10% on other tasks, etc.

Time may divided, but never focus.
 

mrcockburn

Aquaria
Joined
Jan 3, 2010
Messages
1,896
MBTI Type
¥¤
Enneagram
3w4
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
We haven't defined our relationship verbally. Actually, I never set much store by conversations that are about defining relationships because I judge situations by people's actions rather than words. In my experience, women I've been out with will say they want one thing, but act differently. I don't trust words about emotions because emotions change. Heck, I've been engaged to a woman who claimed to be thoroughly committed to me for life, only for her to break it off 6 weeks later!

She has said she wants to go out with me and hasn't said anything about having changed her mind but I am finding her actions hard to interpret. In my past relationships, they've started out with a lot of intensity on both sides, with lots of texting/sexting, phone calls, sex etc. This is slow-burn, which I am simply not used to at all. It's probably more healthy this way. This is why I want to know what I should expect in the early stages of a relationship with an ENTJ.

err what? hang on a second there Tiger...

First, how long have you known her? Second, if you haven't even defined anything and you're just texting each other for booty calls, she may consider the relationship more of a casual fling than a serious one. That would explain why she's not invested in you as much as you expect her to be.

However, that doesn't discount what I said in my prior post. Serious relationship or not, I can't always guarantee that I'll be around.
 
F

figsfiggyfigs

Guest
Great! Yes, this seems to be true and the ENTJ way. I like it. I really like it now I'm used to it. It's drama-free. She is very direct and clear about what she's thinking or feeling and if there's a problem I know about it straight away. I like the clear communication. I'm really enjoying this relationship right now!

Fantastic!!! : )
 

JoSunshine

That's my name biotch!
Joined
Dec 17, 2009
Messages
659
MBTI Type
eNfj
Enneagram
2
My ENTJ friend is definitely not an "out-of-sight-out-of-mind" kind of girl. She is very work focused and definitely expects whoever she is dating to work around her work, but she is really good about sending texts or taking 5 min to make a call. It is one of the reasons we are such good friends - we always say no matter how busy you are, there is 5 min in a day for someone you love. That being said, she has a very well developed Feeling side - especially for an ENTJ. She is very considerate of other people (even though she unintentionally scares the crap out of a lot of them :newwink: )
 
Top