[INTP] INTP growing more cynical, losing more friends

[cdal233]

Man, this is a great thread.

I was thinking about my Fi, and I definitely don't trust it at all for actually influencing my behavior. Anything Fi related immediately gets stuck in my Ti without really realizing it.

I'll be thinking, how did that situation make me feel? I'll get an answer, but I would never dream of actually behaving on that feeling in the moment. But it is there... and I feel as if it can only consciously influence my decisions if I think about it long enough. In the moment Fi? It's pretty much like it doesn't even cross my mind as an option for behavior.

Just trying to understand that... I find myself 'realizing' I don't even have arguments for defending my Fi if it would ever fully surface. How bad is that? I can definitely see how anything like this would throw off somebody who expects Fi for the base of a friendship.


I have a somewhat developed Fe, at least good enough to make good Fe conversation if it strikes me as important... but it's still weak enough to miss many highly developed Fe's intentions and motivations if I don't remember or care to look for it. Man, what a shame for us INTP's that most of the world feels consciously...

 

[Mort Belfry]

I've found I get hit by a bout of Fi if I've exert too much Te for a practical reason. I don't have much to think about but I find myself feeling calm, relaxed and pleasant and I try to milk it for as long as it's worth.

When I get back to Ti, my ego is like a scorned woman. You traitor! It says, how dare you take off with that brazen hussy! What good came of that? You tell me! Isn't everything you've ever needed right here!? Tell me what it can do that I can't do!

 

[JivinJeffJones]

I don't have much advice to give, since every friendship I've ever had which I've really valued happened completely by accident. Which is to say that I have no idea how they happened. Right place at the right time. That's not me bragging, just an admission of ignorance.

However, in my experience (and I can't avoid sounding like an INFP here) cynicism of the kind you seem to be referring to is almost always the coward's way out. It's a defense mechanism that screens out the good with the bad, and it's ultimately only good for people who enjoy being emotionally or actually alone. If you enjoy being alone, then cynicism is a good choice. Only in vulnerability can you experience intimacy. You don't have to be stupid about it, of course. Pouring out your deepest darkest secrets to the person sitting next to you on the bus is not what I'm talking about. Sometimes, after making yourself vulnerable, people hurt you and there's no way to salvage the relationship. But not as often as you might think. For me, at least. On those (rare?) occasions that happens you just have to get up, brush yourself off, brood a bit, then think "Shit happens" and move on.

I really can't comment on your friendship with the guy, since I know next to nothing about it except that you were really into him.

btw, being INTP you are probably deeply regretting the OP and feeling extremely embarrassed about it. Fuck that. Okay?

 

[elfinchilde]

I'm an INTP with a pretty developed Fi

I guess I've realized that Fi affects my motivation for doing things, and I can't rely everything that I do on what rationality dictates to me. Not everything is empirical (like what most TJs would think) and certainly, having relationships is not built on determining who's right.

My default INTP mode never really built good stable friendships with anyone, especially if I pump up the Ti and the Ne, making some of my friends think that I make them look stupid. Sad reality, but this is how other people view the stereotypical INTP.

Being in touch with my personal feelings, even if I have a pathetic Fe, can at least give me an idea on how one may feel, even if it still has to be interpreted by my Fi. At least when that side of me is present, I still manage to have some friends, and some really good ones, especially the INFPs

yea. concur with capocalypse. Have realised that Fi tends to be my motivation for doing things. Sometimes, badly, especially since it is a shadow.

one needs to use rationality to control that. ie: i feel, but why am i feeling this way? and then, to decide on mode of action, be it something best for yourself, or another.

and yes! elfie adores INFPs!!! only they have the patience and empathy to deal with screwed up INTPs. hehe.

granted, being INTP, as someone in this forum once observed, means having lots of flaws in people relationships, that needs to be overcome. but perhaps one way is to focus on the strengths instead: what can you give, what is good about yourself, and to admit the flaws.

intps flourish best in environments that are open, with plenty of trust, space and empathy. where, essentially, like a child in a garden, we can play, freely.

 

[istpunk]

I feel the same way sometimes, why bother if the eventuality of someone close will be gone or leave you. That's kinda how life is, you're pretty much alone. I think this feeling is shared with other Introvert Thinkers. I put a lot of effort in socializing, after awhile it just seems the same crap over and over.

 

[think2much]

I feel the same way sometimes, why bother if the eventuality of someone close will be gone or leave you. That's kinda how life is, you're pretty much alone. I think this feeling is shared with other Introvert Thinkers. I put a lot of effort in socializing, after awhile it just seems the same crap over and over.

Agree with this, people come and go. It's one of the reasons why I wanted to have a realtionship with INFP I fell in love with cause I know once she accpet me she won't leave my side(and I won't leave her). That was couple years ago, I now learned that even ur love ones will leave you if ur "unhealthy" or way out of the line.

I used to test my friendship, push them so I can see how strong our bond is and pretty much all fail. After reading countless forum Every INTP is different, for me I don't see the benefit of socializing. If I try I can make them laugh and like me but what for?

don't listen to me I'm very pessimistic, maby I should keep doing what I do best and just lurk.

You shouldn't depend on anyone

 

[Fluffywolf]

I keep losing contact with (real life) friends as well. I figure it's because I don't really have the need to reach out to friends. But I do know some people I could call at any given time to pick a date to spend some time with. The fact I haven't for several years is another story though.

It doesn't depress me.

I do have people that care about me in their own way that do stay in my life, like my sister for example, and that's enough for me. For INTP's the best way to keep friends is having your friends come to you.

 

[knight]

find an ENFJ, we will haunt you! *standing over bed while you sleep*"hello friend" in a soft whisper

I have an INTP friend who does what you do, I kinda ticks me off sometimes that Im the one always initiating contact all the time, but when we meet up, we usually burn a decent amount of time bs ing and its pure quality bs!

say Hi once in a while, seriously