[INTJ] INTJ: Changing how I approach society

[fecaleagle]

So, growing up and all throughout high school and college, I have been very reserved in social situations. I wasn't socially incapable, I just preferred a lot less socialization than others even though I did it a lot of times just to sort of fit in. Although I was a pretty "smooth" person in small group settings where I was comfortable with everyone, parties and large groups of people made me feel uncomfortable and I wasn't outgoing and couldn't (or maybe didn't want to) express the real me.

Ok so I've graduated now and after a year of what most would call social isolation, I feel completely different. I have become very outgoing and confident in big groups and when there's an awkward silence I try to fix it. I'm quicker to come up with things to say to people I've just met and I've learned to play the small talk game. I used to be careful of what I said, and now I just don't really care and say it anyway...it turns out that the stuff that I thought was not worth saying is good enough to get some attention and laughs and what not

I'm not sure what I'm asking here..I guess I'm just wondering if this sort of transformation has been experienced by any of you very introverted INTJs and if so, when? (I'm almost 25). The thing is, I'm just as introverted as before...it's almost as if I just kind of woke up with good social skills. I feel a strange urge to try to make connections with people just for kicks while before I wasn't really interested in getting to know strangers unless I had to...The trigger... Age? Depriving myself of a "healthy social life" for a while? You would think that practicing social interaction would help as opposed to avoiding it completely for a long time like I did haha. What do you guys think?

 

[Lily flower]

I'm an INFJ, and I feel like I developed a huge jump in social skills at the age of...gulp...38.

 

[thescientist]

You're adapting and surviving in the social world. It hit me about this year (25) as well...I've even wondered where the heck my Te has gone. I keep it in check so much more now in social situations.

I use to HATE chit chatting with the ladies...but now I'm like a chameleon and can do the small talk for the most part...It's just a necessary skill and eventually you figure: if you can't beat 'em you might as well join 'em!

It's kind of scary...I've wondered if I'm losing my identity!

 

[fecaleagle]

You're adapting and surviving in the social world. It hit me about this year (25) as well...I've even wondered where the heck my Te has gone. I keep it in check so much more now in social situations.

I use to HATE chit chatting with the ladies...but now I'm like a chameleon and can do the small talk for the most part...It's just a necessary skill and eventually you figure: if you can't beat 'em you might as well join 'em!

It's kind of scary...I've wondered if I'm losing my identity!

Glad to know that I'm not the only one! I hear ya on the Te thing..I've learned to sort of let things be without scrutinizing them. I've also learned to avoid making my intelligence obvious since it for some reason intimidates people, not to mention that for me, saying smart things seems to somehow come off to others as arrogance

It does sort of feel like I'm losing part of what made me special, but I like to think of it as me simply opening the superficial aspects of myself up to others and concealing more of my inner self. In society, small talk > meaningful discussion. But my inner values and beliefs are the same, so my identity is as well

 

[Coriolis]

I have almost gone the other way. My upbringing encouraged me to socialize, or at least to practice conventional social skills, more than I ever liked. I see these for what they are now: skills like any other, to be used when necessary to achieve desired goals. Now, as I get older, I am more inclined to be the self I have learned to understand and appreciate better. I don't unleash Te where it might be unwelcome without good reason, but I won't participate in smalltalk, either. I may not voice my observations, but I still think them. I will make the most of unavoidable encounters, but don't seek out unnecessary contact with strangers. Perhaps it's just personal energy conservation. I know I can do all these things now; I just prefer to put my effort into other things.

 

[animenagai]

Glad to know that I'm not the only one! I hear ya on the Te thing..I've learned to sort of let things be without scrutinizing them. I've also learned to avoid making my intelligence obvious since it for some reason intimidates people, not to mention that for me, saying smart things seems to somehow come off to others as arrogance

Care to elaborate by giving examples? What kind of 'smart stuff'? Like talking about quantum physics at the supermarket? I'm curious.