[NT] Anger issues in different NTs

[SilkRoad]

This is probably far too general a question...but I am curious about how the different NT types feel, express and deal with anger. Outbursts? Cold withdrawals? Get over it quickly? Brood forever?

A general breakdown for the four NT types would be great. Cheers!

 

[Mr. Sherlock Holmes]

I do not get angry terribly often. I am more likely to get depressed. However, if I do get angry, I am awful at expressing it and I usually just withdraw.

 

[Nicodemus]

When a computer produces nonsensical errors, it may happen that I hit the table and yell 'fuck' or 'aaah'. Most times, however, I sigh.

 

[SilkRoad]

LOL at these responses so far. Well, at least Nicodemus.

I do not get angry terribly often. I am more likely to get depressed. However, if I do get angry, I am awful at expressing it and I usually just withdraw.

What is your type...? INTJ perchance? (sounds quite a lot like INFJ)

 

[Salt n' pepper]

Grand implosion! Most of my feelings are dealt with on the inside
However, there are the occasional biting of heads. But that's mild anger, when I can still think. When I'm really angry, like sad angry, I'll shut down until I'm over it. That's my way of taking control of my anger. How I handle it. I see this in my ESTJ sis too.

Most of my anger, I'll ignore.

 

[Totenkindly]

This is probably far too general a question...but I am curious about how the different NT types feel, express and deal with anger. Outbursts? Cold withdrawals? Get over it quickly? Brood forever?

When younger, I used to get morbidly depressed all the time -- self-directed anger at my own powerlessness and feeling misunderstood. If I did ever get angry, it was after a huge buildup -- I typically became sullen and withdraw, coldly angry, and then if I was pushed hard enough and couldn't avoid the target of my anger, I'd completely explode. Nowadays, some of the same patterns exist, just far less extreme. I do note that even when I finally lose it for a very short while, I have an extremely hard time holding a grudge/anger against people; once everything is defused, if the situation has changed, then I can't keep a wall up.

It's kind of hard to do this by type; a lot of anger patterns (since anger is typically a secondary emotion triggered by hurt) is individual, not general, and based on the amount of power that person feels to voice their opinions and/or control their lives, which can be very specific to the individual based on environment, upbringing, and life experience regardless of type.

I think IPs are far more prone to sulking and withdrawing, EPs seem to be more positive or feel more power overall to change things, but both are adaptive types and can sometimes feel trapped in life; and your TJ types more prone to fighting for direct control and using specific concrete response patterns to break out or get control rather than flexing.

 

[entropie]

It's kind of hard to do this by type; a lot of anger patterns (since anger is typically a secondary emotion triggered by hurt) is individual, not general, and based on the amount of power that person feels to voice their opinions and/or control their lives, which can be very specific to the individual based on environment, upbringing, and life experience regardless of type.

Tis thumbs up .

I suffer from curiosity and irascibility but outbursts in the latter one are really on rare occasions. Sometimes, if something's not working the way I want at the computer or a thing is frustrating, I tend to throw the mouse / cat thru the room, but it does not happen often. I had 3 mouses so far in my life, so this may be an indicator for me ( 1 cat btw )

 

[SilkRoad]

I think IPs are far more prone to sulking and withdrawing, EPs seem to be more positive or feel more power overall to change things, but both are adaptive types and can sometimes feel trapped in life; and your TJ types more prone to fighting for direct control and using specific concrete response patterns to break out or get control rather than flexing.

Thanks for your interesting response.

This is broadening it from NT types, but also I think Js are far more likely to hold grudges, aren't they...maybe IxxJs in particular?

 

[Salt n' pepper]

My INTP dude liked to sit on his anger until his cup ran over and he'd explode. By that time I'd have no idea why he was so mad and think that his anger was totally disproportionate.

He would also go into these depressed modes that's being described here, and just sit in the dark like a creepy vampire.

 

[Within]

I usually don't get angry. Last time it happend I got violent though. I'm not very good at supressing myself when I go off, and betrayal is unacceptable for me. I could carry a grudge forever, but sometimes It's best just to forget about it.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Depends on the source. Typically, I compartmentalize my anger, identify why, and it sort of... dissipates. Like how a heat sink works to cool a processor. By intellectualizing anger, part of the explosive properties of mine are removed. I'll vent it verbally in sarcasm or in the verbal abuse of the person that made me mad. When expressed this way, it seems cold.

Where my anger is explosive is when I am physically hurt. Then, my reaction is immediate and arguably over the top. Like this morning. I hit my head on my shower bar, screamed, "FUCK!" as loud as I could, and I hit it. For some reason, I treat physical pain as the environment doing something to me, so I do something to the environment. I hurt it back! Childish, but I can't seem to shake it.

I was much worse as a teen. I've mellowed out.

 

[Nicodemus]

This is broadening it from NT types, but also I think Js are far more likely to hold grudges, aren't they...maybe IxxJs in particular?

I do.

 

[JocktheMotie]

I don't know if I hold grudges.

But I certainly don't forget. Not sure if that's the same thing.

 

[Salt n' pepper]

This is broadening it from NT types, but also I think Js are far more likely to hold grudges, aren't they...maybe IxxJs in particular?

I used to when I was younger, for a long ass time. Now I'm much more practical about it.

 

[SilkRoad]

I very rarely hold grudges, but when I do they are bitter and long-lasting and do me a lot of damage, while the other person is probably totally oblivious.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

I don't get angry very often either. Mainly because I do try to figure out the source of it, like Motie. I usually get generally irritable when angry so little after little inconvience builds up and I let it all out in one big yell. It seems to work.

 

[Amethyst]

I don't get angry very often either. Mainly because I do try to figure out the source of it, like Motie. I usually get generally irritable when angry so little after little inconvience builds up and I let it all out in one big yell. It seems to work.

This, and when I can't figure out what caused me to be angry and was there a reason for it...I either dismiss the people who have wronged me in being in a lesser place or I become incredibly angry and bitter for a long time until something better in my life comes my way.

 

[rav3n]

Most often, I go into Te lockdown and appear outwardly calm but get cutting. No yelling, screaming or temper tantrums.

As for grudge-holding, less grudges, more distrust or a lack of interest to re-engage.

 

[Tewt]

I don't know if I hold grudges.

But I certainly don't forget. Not sure if that's the same thing.

This is me, I forget nothing when it comes to someone that pizzed me off.

For me, it's like I have an incredibly looooooong fuse but once it hits -- I explode. It takes a LOT to get me there but once there it's not pretty and I'm NOT going to forget it.

I've been told by people that I'm dismissive and cold to those who have pissed me off and that I should learn to forgive. I'll grant them that -- I often don't understand forgiveness. I guess I think I'm generally a low maintenance person as it is and I'm laid back about a lot of things and look the other way a lot for people but once you've crossed that line, I'm just simply done with you. I don't want to think about you, I don't want to have a make up session, it doesn't make me feel better. I don't hate you, I just want you over there out of my sight.

 

[Tallulah]

If I'm angry at a situation, I will typically vent about it with someone until I can wrap my brain around it and figure out if there's a solution or not. If not, venting at least helps.

If I'm angry at a person, especially if that person does or says something that hurts me or makes me feel like I've been treated unfairly, it sends me into a loop where I'm extremely upset, but am trying to look at it from all angles. I think a lot of times, I feel like I'm being pretty considerate and trying to do no harm, and so I feel like I should be treated that way, too. So if I find myself in a situation where I feel even slightly betrayed as far as the rules of "being cool" go, it really does a number on me. I tend to shut down and become very frosty, and usually the other person will have to bring it up again if they want to talk about it, because it feels weird to me to go, "Hey, I didn't like how you did x."

Sometimes it's a relief if someone will just yell, because I don't feel like I have to have all the answers then--I just react in the moment and say my piece.