[NT] Do people hate you?

[nozflubber]

Doesn't sound right to me... Most of that sounds like it might be due to introversion of Enneagram 5ness.

that may be accurate.

However, I maintain many NTs would benefit from my words:

You are not alone.

PS: don't hug me, or ill fucking shoot you. srs.

 

[CrystalViolet]

Is this the part where all the NT's hold hands, and sing "heal the world?"

 

[bcubchgo]

these replies are largely bs and overly PC... here's my take:

The unpopular truth that kiersey and none of the other profilers will tell you is that most people highly resent NTs, either secretly or overtly. Not because of our intelligence or creativity or any of that bullshit, but because of how utterly DIFFERENT we are from societal norms. We don't pay honor to the "human pecking order", we shun the good graces expected of us/all, we dont cater to those weaklings who want their egos fed 24/7, "listen to me tell you about my cat/Ford Truck or you're a big jerk", all of that crap that we hate so much, leads them to hate us back because they dont get it. We are very independently minded individuals - and I think that's where we get the most hatred from. People see that and they think "wow, what an asshole to not need others OR to let us need him! he/she must be an egomaniac".

I very much agree with this statement. I would add that there is also a certain amount of resentment over their interpretation of us as "too good" for them. Which is interesting because most of the time I'm not overtly expressing my superiority, I'm attempting to explain how I am dissatisfied with something. There is a huge difference that isn't picked up.

There are several people who think I am an asshole. All I have to say to that is - I have learned to accept my need to think critically and also my need to express it, not keep it inside. I choose not to walk on eggshells with people because otherwise they take advantage of you. I'd rather just be who I am, offend people inadvertently, and just continue on. I've already proven myself to be worthy of many accolades anyway so there is a rationale to my madness that I will not be denied.

 

[Biaxident]

Damn straight.

Y'all hate how perfect I am. *preen*

You aren't worthy.

 

[munwai]

If not hate, then dislike. I negotiate to get my way, but will happily compromise for something that may be even more beneficial and yield the greatest results. I'm a team player and love working with people on an equal level, but will usurp the leadership position if I feel that the current leader is incompetent. I'm blunt about things I think are wrong or could be improved, and will dish it out even if I know the other party is not interested in hearing it.

Arguing is my favourite sport.

 

[rav3n]

My view of this is, they are, I am. If we can connect on some level, great! If we can't, we can't.

 

[Thalassa]

Seriously, never, ever, underestimate how much it eats away and people and provokes their rage that you could simply be happier than they are.

Or maybe you're just mean and beligerent and closed minded, and lack self-awareness to such a degree that you don't realize how closed-minded and hypocritical you're being.

You know, sometimes people dislike other people for a very good reason. Of course, this "very good reason" varies from person to person...what bugs the hell out of me might be completely tolerable to you.

It often just comes down to personality compatibility.

But not always.

 

[Blown Ghost]

Blown Ghost, I'm just checking if there's gas in the tank. You might really be an asshole, or you might just seem like an asshole. Unclear.

I really don't see the point in trying to determine this about myself (or anyone) the reason I ask because whether or not someone needs to shove their undeserved criticism up their ass doesn't necessarily stop them from getting in the way and causing trouble. Understanding the motivation helps predict and defuse their behavior.

Seriously, never, ever, underestimate how much it eats away and people and provokes their rage that you could simply be happier than they are.

Precisely what I mean. The fact that someone has made you out to be an enemy and that can mean problems down the road. People you butt heads with will either consider your a competitor or an enemy, and the latter is when you'll become the target of slander, passive-aggression, and underhanded attacks. It's a whole different ballgame apart from healthy competition.

 

[Bamboo]

I really don't see the point in trying to determine this about myself (or anyone)...

Well, I'd say it's pretty important to determine if you're doing something wrong, and failure to monitor this would be a pretty big problem IMO. "The point" would be to make sure that there is not a failure in your own perceptive abilities which is blinding you to behavior which could at the least just annoy other people but be unimportant, but at the most both cause large scale alienation AND be counter-productive.

But, onward...

My entire life I have had random people (whom I've never interacted with much) come and tell me I'm an asshole or how nasty of a person I am. On account of getting along well with most people I never chalked it up to much. Honestly, I've never understood why this happens. I'm curious whether this might be a "MBTI type thing" or if anyone else has had this occur to them regularly who can share some insight.

...

...the reason I ask because whether or not someone needs to shove their undeserved criticism up their ass doesn't necessarily stop them from getting in the way and causing trouble. Understanding the motivation helps predict and defuse their behavior.

I misunderstood. I thought the question was more about being an asshole as opposed to why other people think you're an asshole. So it's about the other people.

Still, I'll refer you back to my first paragraph here. I think it has to be given that if they are "in your way" and "cause problems", that's not as bad as it seems if you are actually screwing up. They could be stopping you from digging yourself deeper into a hole. Hence proving the relevancy of why an evaluation of your (or their) behavior is not only relevant, it's crucial.

Makes sense?



Otherwise, people provide criticism for a variety of reasons, such as:

- they are compelled to find inconsistencies
- they are offended, and will look for something bad about you, real or not
- failure to meet expectations
- social pressures (to isolate you from the group, for instance)
- insecurity

People will "get in the way" for a variety of reasons, such as:

- they see you as incompetent
- they think you are ignoring important details
- they don't like your policies
- they are jealous

 

[Donna Cecilia]

Honestly, I've never understood why this happens. I'm curious whether this might be a "MBTI type thing" or if anyone else has had this occur to them regularly who can share some insight.

In my case, I realized that it happened because of prejudice and envy towards me. So, I pay no mind to my haters.

They tell me that I'm superficial, uncaring, and selfish. That they would rather be dead than being like me. Well, it's their loss if they are not interested to know me.

I don't think it is related to type. All my (declared) haters have no idea of what is the MBTI. And, idiocy affects all types of people. No matter which system you are using to categorize them.

How do I shove off the criticism? Doing things that show my best traits. That way I can give proof that their criticism is wrong.

 

[Bamboo]

(Referring to my post directly above.)

With so many differing motivations, you'll need different strategies for dealing with all of them.

Whole books are written on each of them.

Dealing with all these people effectively takes a lot of skill (correct identification), experience (breadth to experience all and depth to understand each), and patience (because they can be a PITA).

No easy answers here.

 

[Coriolis]

I very much agree with this statement. I would add that there is also a certain amount of resentment over their interpretation of us as "too good" for them. Which is interesting because most of the time I'm not overtly expressing my superiority, I'm attempting to explain how I am dissatisfied with something. There is a huge difference that isn't picked up.

There are several people who think I am an asshole. All I have to say to that is - I have learned to accept my need to think critically and also my need to express it, not keep it inside. I choose not to walk on eggshells with people because otherwise they take advantage of you. I'd rather just be who I am, offend people inadvertently, and just continue on. I've already proven myself to be worthy of many accolades anyway so there is a rationale to my madness that I will not be denied.

I agree with nozflubber, too. I will often keep my mouth shut, not out of fear of offending someone, but because I don't want to risk the time and energy it would take if I did. Most of the time, the thing I would comment on isn't worth it, and I'd prefer simply to move on. I'm sure I can appear stand-offish at times, but that's not because I think I'm too good for others. In a way, it's the opposite: I keep people at a distance when I am sure I don't have what they want. No sense disappointing them and wasting my effort.

 

[unicorn010]

I've had that problem, I'm somewhat of a solitary extrovert because I will never
again need someone who relies on drama to get their way. I'd rather have a handful of trustworthy friends that walk in and out of my life from time to time
than need someone that gradually erodes my self-image and turns my talent or
intelligence into a joke by suggesting that I compete with others. Now that I'm
older, I see some of those things God allowed to happen for a reason so that I
would be able to help protect my family from some of the ass wipes we've came
into contact with.

ENTJ

 

[Garivande]

I've been told by many people that they thought I was an asshole before they got to know me. They all misread my mannerisms though. It's the cold shoulders or not going out of my way to talk to them, etcetera, etcetera.

Hard not to project an aura of unfriendliness when you don't see any reason to add/force something into the conversation.

Agreed.

I've never heard anyone say they hated me - but that they disliked me for being cold and impersonal. And for never showing/telling what I really think or feel. Of course - the people stating this are E and F...

I'm also an incourageable "know-it-all" (who always have to correct people when they get some facts wrong etc), which also tends to annoy some people...

In (ordinary) forums I sometime make jokes (sarkasm/irony) that are misinterpreted as serious statements. Because I forget to add one of those ridiculous smily faces that will allow people to take it less seriously.

But, all in all, nothing stronger than dislike - I think... (But, then again, I'm an insensitive bastard and might well be hated by half the population without actually realizing it - since I don't really care about their opinion anyway. [place for mischevious smiley?] )

 

[SecondBest]

Yeah, people hate me. I know it might be surprising coming from an INFP, but yeah. Personally, it's not relevant to me whether or not people like me. It might make certain decisions easier or more difficult depending on that factor, but in my experience, you don't really have much power over whether people like or dislike you. The only thing that matters are the decisions you make and whether or not you're wiling to take responsibility for them. If you're not hurting others along the way, then you're not making very honest decisions imo. The ones you hurt that hate you aren't worth keeping, and the ones that stay with you are the ones who truly love you.

 

[Totenkindly]

My entire life I have had random people (whom I've never interacted with much) come and tell me I'm an asshole or how nasty of a person I am. On account of getting along well with most people I never chalked it up to much. Honestly, I've never understood why this happens. I'm curious whether this might be a "MBTI type thing" or if anyone else has had this occur to them regularly who can share some insight.

It's hard to know why without more context.

(I.e., in what environments? Reasons? Types of people who tell you this? Percentage of people? How people who don't tell you this treat you? etc.)

They might be jerks.
You might be a jerk.
You all might be jerks.
You all might not be jerks.
Too many options here...

I mean, it's nice other people are making general comments about how people work, but this is one problem you won't resolve without examining the context.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

I assume everyone will hate me. I have found far more people have liked me than disliked me by experience, yet I never get less confounded when someone does.

Of course, I guess there could be a lot of insincere people...

 

[Aquarelle]

Online? Yes. Offline? No.

Me too! No one's ever come straight out and said they hate me, but I've had several people online (including, but not limited to, this forum) react in a very strong negative way to me the first time we interacted online. Do I just give off a terrible online vibe or something? I don't understand it.

In real life I don't think people hate me when they first meet me... they might dislike me, mainly because a lot of people misread my shyness as snobbishness. Once people get to know me I think they like me more. But hate? I don't know, there might be a couple people in real life that hate me, but if there are I'm not aware of it.

 

[Mr. Sherlock Holmes]

I have an ENTX math teacher who is a bit of an asshole. I thought he might be a psychopath for a bit but I don't think he is. He just has a bit of an evil streak. He is intimidating. When people say he is mean, he tries to defend himself. He also has a habit of spinning tall tales, so you don't always know when to trust what he says. He seems to have most people be sort of intimidated. I seem to be the only person in my class who questions him.

 

[guesswho]

From what I saw people may hate TJs.
I don't blame'em.