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[INTP] INTP and the challenge of flirting

saltmineworker

New member
Joined
Aug 27, 2010
Messages
15
MBTI Type
INTP
I find I am not disposed to having large groups of acquaintances. I don't feel shy, exactly, but many times in social occasions I drift off into my own thoughts. Small talk is generally painful, and even irritating, because even though in general it serves to serve as a basis to get to know people, in real time it can be fairly tedious. On the other hand, dying alone seems a viable but unattractive option. Thus, in order to facilitate meeting someone of the opposite (but nicely complementary) gender it behooves me to figure out a way to be more social. This brings me to the point of this post: Have you found a way to make the random and, at least to many, incomprehensible, way you think work to your advantage? I mean, we are generally creative, capable of intricate planning, and possessed of vast amounts of eccentric knowledge. There should be a way to parlay that into making oneself into a social positive.
 

saltmineworker

New member
Joined
Aug 27, 2010
Messages
15
MBTI Type
INTP
Come on people, I know there has to be an INTP out there who is good at this. Don't be shy. Just because We are all going to analyze the minutiae of your posts doesn't make this a scary place.
 

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
I find I am not disposed to having large groups of acquaintances. I don't feel shy, exactly, but many times in social occasions I drift off into my own thoughts. Small talk is generally painful, and even irritating, because even though in general it serves to serve as a basis to get to know people, in real time it can be fairly tedious. On the other hand, dying alone seems a viable but unattractive option. Thus, in order to facilitate meeting someone of the opposite (but nicely complementary) gender it behooves me to figure out a way to be more social. This brings me to the point of this post: Have you found a way to make the random and, at least to many, incomprehensible, way you think work to your advantage? I mean, we are generally creative, capable of intricate planning, and possessed of vast amounts of eccentric knowledge. There should be a way to parlay that into making oneself into a social positive.

I have 2 modes that I operate in for the most part. The first is where I'm in Ti mode and not really looking to talk to anyone. It appears somewhat anti-social, I'm pretty sure. It may even appear arrogant to some people. That's not really it at all. I'm just focused on doing what I have to do and getting back home or wherever else I need to go. I'm focused and I'm being efficient with my time, and so small talk doesn't really fit into that "efficient mode". It's seen as a distraction. When I'm in this mode, I still might draw some curiosity (maybe they see me as the mysterious, quiet guy - or maybe the mysterious, arrogant dude who doesn't want to talk to anyone - that's not who I really am, but there are some females who like that). But, there will be a few people interested in trying to see what's underneath, but they approach very carefully and from a distance - because subconciously when I'm "focused" or not in a social mood, I "create" that type of a situation - where people won't get into small talk easily with me. Instead, they just kind of wonder, "what's this guy all about?" Anyhow, this Ti mode isn't really the best for meeting new people.

Then there's Ne mode (with a little bit of Ti thrown in). I've been using this a lot in the last year or so and I have to say, my social circle has grown by leaps and bounds. Basically, I make people laugh, keep things light, crack jokes (play on words, etc.). The other day, a girl was asking me if I allow my dog in my bed. I said, "Why would I do that?" She said, "To cuddle with him!" I said, "First of all, he's male, not female. Not interested! Secondly, he's a canine, not a human. Again, not interested. Plus, if I meet someone and end up getting married, then I'll have to break the dog's habit of climbing into bed with me! And that might not be easy to do." She insisted, "Until you get married, you would have someone to cuddle with!" I said, "You know, he actually does have better breath than some of the girlfriends I've had in the past, so maybe you have a point!" We both laughed pretty hard. I guess I'm just throwing that out there as an example of how you can use Ne/Ti to just keep things light and silly. People seem to take to that pretty easily and I have to say, it's not that much harder than being in "Ti mode". It takes a little bit more effort. I think INTP's can crack jokes in almost any situation. And people really like that. And I don't really come on to women at all. I just keep being my crazy self, day in and day out, every time I see them and, sometimes, they start to like me. I think they like the fact that I'm not hitting on them constantly - I'm just being funny and being confident in who I am. After knowing them for a while, then they'll start asking more personal questions - how come you aren't married, we should hang out sometime, etc, etc.

Basically, if I try to "get women", it kind of doesn't work that well. But, if I just crack jokes and keep things light and witty, it goes fairly smoothly and everyone has a good time.
 

angell_m

Permabanned
Joined
Jul 6, 2010
Messages
818
MBTI Type
IxFx
Enneagram
5w4
I bet you're all secretively INFP's. You just don't want to admit it.
 

saltmineworker

New member
Joined
Aug 27, 2010
Messages
15
MBTI Type
INTP
Lol. Well, in the last year girlfriends have called me : cold, a robot, etc. Which I find funny, because I was more open to them then I am with almost anyone. I don't deny I can be a bit slow picking up on emotional cues though. I have taken various sorters, and I always get INTP, without fail. Also, to be precise, it's not that I am looking to be a pickup type of guy, as that isn't my personality. I just want to be able to make people more comfortable, to be more approachable. Perhaps I mistitled this post? Finally (for this particular reply, anyway) how often do you make a joke that is kind of subtle, and nobody gets it?
 
Joined
Apr 23, 2009
Messages
1,992
MBTI Type
ENTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Could you be more specific as to the source of the cuteness?

The sincerity and innocence. The hunger for improvement. It's very honest. I guess that's "cute". And the fact that this is a challenge, that's why I ducked, cause I thought that might sound condescending.

sorry I don't have anything constructive to say
 

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Lol. Well, in the last year girlfriends have called me : cold, a robot, etc. Which I find funny, because I was more open to them then I am with almost anyone. I don't deny I can be a bit slow picking up on emotional cues though. I have taken various sorters, and I always get INTP, without fail. Also, to be precise, it's not that I am looking to be a pickup type of guy, as that isn't my personality. I just want to be able to make people more comfortable, to be more approachable. Perhaps I mistitled this post? Finally (for this particular reply, anyway) how often do you make a joke that is kind of subtle, and nobody gets it?

When we're just being "friendly" with someone and in "Ne mode", then people like us. But, once we settle into a relationship with someone, it is inevitable that they are going to see a lot of Ti - quiet, concentrating, detached, don't want to be bothered, etc. And that's where people think we're cold and robotic. It's still the same me and I still care about my significant other just the same, but it's my leading function - I can't help it. I've said it before, but if you were to take anyone's leading function away from them, they wouldn't be happy for very long. It's a huge part of who they are, of their personality. If you're gonna love us, you've got to love (or at least appreciate) our Ti.
 

saltmineworker

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Joined
Aug 27, 2010
Messages
15
MBTI Type
INTP
I'm sorry, but I'm not familiar with the (Capital letter, lower case letter- eg. Ne) format. Where can I find the definitions to these?
 

saltmineworker

New member
Joined
Aug 27, 2010
Messages
15
MBTI Type
INTP
I'm guessing it refers to subordinate functions, but I have not run across them before.
 

saltmineworker

New member
Joined
Aug 27, 2010
Messages
15
MBTI Type
INTP
@INTPness- Right. For me, if I have told someone I care about them, and I continue to devote time and energy to them, it is self evident that my feelings have not diminished. I don't need to hear "I love you" a lot. And, to be honest, I forget to say it enough, which causes friction. The relationship kind, not the fun kind. And as the relationship ages, it doesn't occupy as much brain "processing time." It's kind of difficult to explain the thought process.
 

INTPness

New member
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Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
Ti - Introverted thinking (primary function of INTP's and ISTP's)
Te - Extroverted thinking (primary function of ENTJ's and ESTJ's)

Fi - Introverted feeling (primary function of INFP's and ISFP's)
Fe - Extroverted feeling (primary function of ENFJ's and ESFJ's)

Ni - Introverted Intution (primary function of INTJ's and INFJ's)
Ne - Extroverted intuition (primary function of ENFP's and ENTP's) - and secondary (or auxiliary) function for INTP's like yourself

Si - Introverted sensing (primary function of ISTJ's and ISFJ's)
Se - Extroverted sensing (primary function of ESFP's and ESTP's)
 

suttree

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
231
MBTI Type
intP
During awkward pauses, just vocalize all that thinking you're doing. You can even preface your thoughts with "that makeme think..." Your Ne can be very effective in keeping cpnversations fresh and flowing.

I think this can make you charming.
 

quamdel

New member
Joined
Jan 19, 2010
Messages
68
MBTI Type
INTP
I find I am not disposed to having large groups of acquaintances. I don't feel shy, exactly, but many times in social occasions I drift off into my own thoughts. Small talk is generally painful, and even irritating, because even though in general it serves to serve as a basis to get to know people, in real time it can be fairly tedious. On the other hand, dying alone seems a viable but unattractive option. Thus, in order to facilitate meeting someone of the opposite (but nicely complementary) gender it behooves me to figure out a way to be more social. This brings me to the point of this post: Have you found a way to make the random and, at least to many, incomprehensible, way you think work to your advantage? I mean, we are generally creative, capable of intricate planning, and possessed of vast amounts of eccentric knowledge. There should be a way to parlay that into making oneself into a social positive.

you sir just used the word "behooves." +1 Vocab.

You have to know how and when to modulate your speech. You know big words, but knowing how to tone it in a subtle way is key. There's a hint of ambiguity with flirting, and sometimes practicality works better than concision. Also comedy. Share your funny ideas and thoughts in small talk to spice it up. I mean if your bored in a conversation that you DO want to continue, make yourself a part of it. Worst-case scenario, you are left with awkward silence and someone says "Awkward" haha

if you really cant help but drift off, do what i do and carry a sheet of graph paper with you. work on actively going back and forth from an idea you may be entertaining in your head, to possibly writing it down for later, to catching up on all the conversation you missed (unless one-on-one)
 

saltmineworker

New member
Joined
Aug 27, 2010
Messages
15
MBTI Type
INTP
Ah, the vocabulary paradox, as I refer to it. I think the way I write, but I usually try to keep it to two syllables or less. Ironically, the more tired, drunk, or otherwise impaired I become, the more erudite I sound, because I can't concentrate enough to filter it as well. (It's currently 2:30 a.m. my time.) That's what happens when you spend most of your early life reading, because you really aren't interested in who is currently a "poopyhead." :) I have noticed what you said though, that it's kind of off-putting, especially if people think you are showing off. Another thing I used to do is to actually answer questions. I remember I blew a conversation with a nice woman because she said "I wonder how those signs work?" I then explaind about neon gas, electron rings, and stimulated emission of radiation (the neon light flashes.) I appreciate the tip. Anything else you notice, I am happy to hear it. Over explanation, FTL (for the loss)
 

Owl

desert pelican
Joined
Feb 23, 2008
Messages
717
MBTI Type
INTP
I love this thread! You're so adorably clueless! (Or else you can fake it really well).

You need to learn how to bring your knowledge down to earth, or you need to find a girl (or guy?) who shares your interests.

I think you need to do both of the above. At least, that would be the best of both worlds. Frankly, most people don't care about what you find fascinating or wonderful. How neon signs work? Really?! For most people, that's a passing interest. When they find out how much effort it takes to actually have modicum of understanding of this process, they tune out. It's not that interesting.

But, and here's the kicker, can you find a person "of the opposite gender" who shares your interests? (Good luck with that!)

What do you value more: the unhindered pursuit of your interests, or a personal relationship with an SO? If you can't find an SO who is as passionate about your interests as you are, then you'll need to find way to curtail your enthusiasm about things you know well when you're around your SO while being more enthused about things your SO cares about--or you'll need to remain perpetually single.

Relationships usually involve sacrifice. Learn how to relate to the other, if you want the other to relate to you.
 
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