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[INTP] INTP, falling in love easily

Fluffywolf

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Other than the diss at NFs

Actually, it wasn't meant as a diss if you read it in the intended context. He used the term rationality purely from the MBTI NT form of rationality. Not in a general context, where NF's are rational in their own way, just not how an NT would define rationality for himself, or could possibly consider rational if he would do the same in his own mindset.
 

streetlightfancy

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Actually, it wasn't meant as a diss if you read it in the intended context. He used the term rationality purely from the MBTI NT form of rationality. Not in a general context, where NF's are rational in their own way, just not how an NT would define rationality for himself, or could possibly consider rational if he would do the same in his own mindset.

Thank you. It wasn't a diss (I identify with NF myself). When I use the term rational it's in the context of MBTI NT.

[And I'm a she!]
 

OrangeAppled

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^ Regardless, this NF doesn't fall in love easily, become infatuated easily, nor do I enter relationships quickly. I'm extremely cautious and selective.

And I use "rational" in the Jungian sense, which refers to the F & T functions, with N & S functions being irrational.
 

Sesshoumaru

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Nope, not me! Haven't fallen in love before, and, hopefully, never, it leads to a compromise that cuts some freedoms if not all...

But for hormones, I guess I liked one person, and after 2 years of knowing the person... Actually, another INTP (not as strongly marked as me, she's like in between everything else... But definetely a P).
 
Last edited:

hilo

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Have you ever felt that you fall in love too easily?

Not really. I've had three. I would rather not bind myself to someone with whom it will not work out long-term, so if it happened more often, I think that would lead to frequent fallings-out and pain. At least the ones that I have had (painful as they were) were balanced by good relationships in which a lot of growth for both parties occurred.

I do get mini-crushes sometimes, based on remarkably little (a clever remark can send my extrapolation machinery a bit wild) but they usually fade once the real person is revealed.
 

Snuggletron

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I guess it makes sense... some could say that NFs fall in love too easily because their feelings aren't genuine, (because they aren't rational). I guess NTs (or Ts in general) are blessed to see beyond what is a transient feeling... Or is that even the point of love?

what makes an emotion genuine? if you feel it then that is all you need to validate it. All of this talk about logic and rationale, it has nothing to do with your emotions. You may use it after you feel an emotion to perhaps reason if acting on it is the right thing for you to do but an F function can also do this based on another criteria. I think love is one of those emotions that manages to escape the idea that a thought comes before an emotion. Or at least a thought that can take love to a complete stop. It seems to me like love is just one of those things that fades away rather than something someone can just selectively put an end to. And one of those things that just happens as apposed to selectively turning on. Maybe an NT would not feel the same exact way.
 

rav3n

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Not an INTP but have 3 ex's who were, of which one became an ex in the past week.

To easily explain it, their internal dialogue goes something like this:
  • Wow, I'm infatuated, crazy, can't get enough of her!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*
  • She loves me back!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*
  • But why does she love me? How can she love me with a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z faults and reason why not? If she sees a, b, c, d, she won't love me anymore, so I'd better hide them. And e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l will really turn her off, so I'd better hide them. M, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w better be hidden too. And y, z are little things, so I can let her see these.
  • God, I'm so stressed and overwhelmed hiding a - w. She doesn't really love me because she doesn't know me. Once I show her everything, she won't love me anymore, so how can she love me now?
  • I don't love her. How can I love someone who only loves someone who she doesn't know? This relationship can't work. I need some space. *withdraws*
  • Wash, rinse, repeat a few times.
  • She broke up with me. I knew she didn't love me. What went wrong? What did I do?
 

INTPness

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what makes an emotion genuine? if you feel it then that is all you need to validate it. All of this talk about logic and rationale, it has nothing to do with your emotions. You may use it after you feel an emotion to perhaps reason if acting on it is the right thing for you to do but an F function can also do this based on another criteria. I think love is one of those emotions that manages to escape the idea that a thought comes before an emotion. Or at least a thought that can take love to a complete stop. It seems to me like love is just one of those things that fades away rather than something someone can just selectively put an end to. And one of those things that just happens as apposed to selectively turning on. Maybe an NT would not feel the same exact way.

I would venture to say that most of us do not feel the same way. I've heard things similar to what you said from other NF's and it almost seems like another dimension that I can't quite comprehend. I guess I can comprehend it, but I wouldn't know how to actually do it myself. It just wouldn't make sense to me.

For instance, when you say:
It seems to me like love is just one of those things that fades away rather than something someone can just selectively put an end to.

I see it like this: If I truly love someone, then I won't allow it to "fade away". I will continue loving them. Period. But, let's say I loved someone and then found out they were having an affair. I could make the decision to continue loving that person, or I could *selectively put an end to it*. I believe that I have either option in this instance, and I'm probably more inclined to put an end to it because it's a line that *logically* (to me), you just don't cross. That one instance of infidelity would cause me to fall out of love with them. I might still care about them deeply and have deep ties and emotional connections with that person, and I'll even forgive them (and continue to be cordial with them). But, I'll probably abruptly "fall out of love" right then and there. It's like a small animal getting run over by a car. Unfortunately, if the impact is great enough, it's just over right then and there. There is no "fading away". There is impact and then the life of the animal ends. (Lame example, but it's what came to mind)

Another thing is, if I thought someone's love for me would eventually *fade away*, I wouldn't want to get involved with them. I'd want to know that they were determined to love me through thick and thin, and I'd do the same for them. I think the average NT probably sees love as a decision rather than something that "just happens" and then "fades away" at a later date. I couldn't live like that. I'd feel like I was just floating through life rather than taking it by the horns.

For me, falling in love was like, "You are an awesome individual. I love being around you. I have developed tremendous feelings for you, you have earned my utmost respect, I trust you, and I'm going to love you the very best way that I know how. I will be the very best that I can for you because I love you." Then when the NF love *fades*, it's like, "Wait, what? How did it fade? I don't get it. I thought we were in this together. Remember all those talks we had about being there for each other unconditionally and counting on each other, etc, etc.? How did it just fade? Did a unicorn just come pick you up and whisper in your ear that you shouldn't love me anymore or what?" It's hard to understand logically for the NT. Because we've made the decision that we are going to love you as best as we know how. And we thought it was mutual.

I'm not saying all this to dispute or invalidate the NF ways of falling in love. I'm just putting it out there for purposes of comparison.
 

INTPness

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Not an INTP but have 3 ex's who were, of which one became an ex in the past week.

To easily explain it, their internal dialogue goes something like this:
  • Wow, I'm infatuated, crazy, can't get enough of her!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*
  • She loves me back!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*
  • But why does she love me? How can she love me with a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z faults and reason why not? If she sees a, b, c, d, she won't love me anymore, so I'd better hide them. And e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l will really turn her off, so I'd better hide them. M, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w better be hidden too. And y, z are little things, so I can let her see these.
  • God, I'm so stressed and overwhelmed hiding a - w. She doesn't really love me because she doesn't know me. Once I show her everything, she won't love me anymore, so how can she love me now?
  • I don't love her. How can I love someone who only loves someone who she doesn't know? This relationship can't work. I need some space. *withdraws*
  • Wash, rinse, repeat a few times.
  • She broke up with me. I knew she didn't love me. What went wrong? What did I do?

Ha ha ha. I'll humbly say that there is some truth in this.
 

streetlightfancy

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what makes an emotion genuine? if you feel it then that is all you need to validate it. All of this talk about logic and rationale, it has nothing to do with your emotions. You may use it after you feel an emotion to perhaps reason if acting on it is the right thing for you to do but an F function can also do this based on another criteria. I think love is one of those emotions that manages to escape the idea that a thought comes before an emotion. Or at least a thought that can take love to a complete stop. It seems to me like love is just one of those things that fades away rather than something someone can just selectively put an end to. And one of those things that just happens as apposed to selectively turning on. Maybe an NT would not feel the same exact way.

Well I completely disagree with you about emotions being genuine simply because we feel them. But maybe that is because I am a highly emotional person with crazy mood swings, so for me a feeling receives authenticity with time. An example: In the beginning of relationships, people (or at least I... I'll try to talk for myself from now on) tend to feel very intense emotions towards their significant other. It's a classic debate of love vs. lust. I think that NFs are more likely to fall in love easily because they are less likely to try to rationalize their emotions. I'm not completely educated in the field, but even on a psychological level, we are supposed to rationalize what we feel to a certain degree (correct me if I'm wrong, but what I'm referring to is the ego, superego, id). I think that it is easier for NTs to see beyond the rush of emotions that people feel from one moment to the next and base their "decision" (decision is not the right word because it makes it sound like love is conscious choice, but roll with me here) of love on the big picture.
 

Lady_X

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Not an INTP but have 3 ex's who were, of which one became an ex in the past week.

To easily explain it, their internal dialogue goes something like this:
  • Wow, I'm infatuated, crazy, can't get enough of her!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*
  • She loves me back!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*
  • But why does she love me? How can she love me with a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z faults and reason why not? If she sees a, b, c, d, she won't love me anymore, so I'd better hide them. And e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l will really turn her off, so I'd better hide them. M, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w better be hidden too. And y, z are little things, so I can let her see these.
  • God, I'm so stressed and overwhelmed hiding a - w. She doesn't really love me because she doesn't know me. Once I show her everything, she won't love me anymore, so how can she love me now?
  • I don't love her. How can I love someone who only loves someone who she doesn't know? This relationship can't work. I need some space. *withdraws*
  • Wash, rinse, repeat a few times.
  • She broke up with me. I knew she didn't love me. What went wrong? What did I do?
yikes.
 

Snuggletron

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Well I completely disagree with you about emotions being genuine simply because we feel them. But maybe that is because I am a highly emotional person with crazy mood swings, so for me a feeling receives authenticity with time. An example: In the beginning of relationships, people (or at least I... I'll try to talk for myself from now on) tend to feel very intense emotions towards their significant other. It's a classic debate of love vs. lust. I think that NFs are more likely to fall in love easily because they are less likely to try to rationalize their emotions. I'm not completely educated in the field, but even on a psychological level, we are supposed to rationalize what we feel to a certain degree (correct me if I'm wrong, but what I'm referring to is the ego, superego, id)

you're right about rationalizing first what we feel, however I'm not sure we are on the same page as far as what is genuine or not. Love is one of these words that has almost become dirty if you do not use it properly or assume you are in love too soon or before a certain period of time or by someone else's standards. Definitively it is a feeling of strong affection and attachment. That's it. Signals and mental electricity, much like anything else you think and feel. If you feel that way about someone, why wouldn't it be legitimate? If your perception and consciousness are your only proof of existence, something that alters it so greatly should never be discounted as unreal or a falsehood until it has been run through a filter of some sort.

Even if the feelings don't last or you are forced to break yourself away from them, it doesn't change the fact that they were at some point in time what you felt or what you wanted and when it leaves you it doesn't mean it wasn't at some point real.

This is on par with that acronym for fear that some of us know. False evidence appearing real. Well, it's a cheery idea, but if it changes your perception the feeling is still genuine whether the threat is or not.

I think I'm getting things off track, I just wanted to speak my mind about where I'm coming from.
 

INTPness

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Not an INTP but have 3 ex's who were, of which one became an ex in the past week.

To easily explain it, their internal dialogue goes something like this:
  • Wow, I'm infatuated, crazy, can't get enough of her!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*
  • She loves me back!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*
  • But why does she love me? How can she love me with a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z faults and reason why not? If she sees a, b, c, d, she won't love me anymore, so I'd better hide them. And e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l will really turn her off, so I'd better hide them. M, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w better be hidden too. And y, z are little things, so I can let her see these.
  • God, I'm so stressed and overwhelmed hiding a - w. She doesn't really love me because she doesn't know me. Once I show her everything, she won't love me anymore, so how can she love me now?
  • I don't love her. How can I love someone who only loves someone who she doesn't know? This relationship can't work. I need some space. *withdraws*
  • Wash, rinse, repeat a few times.
  • She broke up with me. I knew she didn't love me. What went wrong? What did I do?

It can also go like this, however:

**Wow, I can't get enough of her (as a friend)!! She's so cool! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*

**She likes hanging out with me too!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*

**Wait, I think she might be starting to fall in love with me.

**Uh oh, she's in love with me.

**I could never be in love with her because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z. It just would never work. Can't she see that? We're not right for each other! Can't she just be my friend? We were having so much fun together as friends.

**She doesn't understand why I want to hang out with her but I'm not in love with her. I know, I'll explain it to her. "OK, check this out. I really dig you as a person. But, we're not right for each other for a lot of reasons." She: What reasons are those? INTP: Well, of course! In the name of honesty, I'm not in love with you because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z.

**Uh oh. She hates me now. What did I do? I was just trying to explain and show respect by being honest so that she would understand.

**Let me call and see if she wants to hang out tonight. Uh, oh. She really does hate me. Doesn't want anything to do with me. I guess she wasn't my true friend to begin with. She was only in it for what she might be able to gain from it. Ugh!



As you can see, everything is working things out with some sort of reasoning.
 

rav3n

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It can also go like this, however:

**Wow, I can't get enough of her (as a friend)!! She's so cool! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*

**She likes hanging out with me too!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*

**Wait, I think she might be starting to fall in love with me.

**Uh oh, she's in love with me.

**I could never be in love with her because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z. It just would never work. Can't she see that? We're not right for each other! Can't she just be my friend? We were having so much fun together as friends.

**She doesn't understand why I want to hang out with her but I'm not in love with her. I know, I'll explain it to her. "OK, check this out. I really dig you as a person. But, we're not right for each other for a lot of reasons." She: What reasons are those? INTP: Well, of course! In the name of honesty, I'm not in love with you because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z.

**Uh oh. She hates me now. What did I do? I was just trying to explain and show respect by being honest so that she would understand.

**Let me call and see if she wants to hang out tonight. Uh, oh. She really does hate me. Doesn't want anything to do with me. I guess she wasn't my true friend to begin with. She was only in it for what she might be able to gain from it. Ugh!



As you can see, everything is working things out with some sort of reasoning.
:smile: Yes, that's possible too, although in the 3 instances, not that way. I never admit to the nasty L word until my partner does first!
 

hilo

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Well I completely disagree with you about emotions being genuine simply because we feel them. I think that it is easier for NTs to see beyond the rush of emotions that people feel from one moment to the next and base their "decision" (decision is not the right word because it makes it sound like love is conscious choice, but roll with me here) of love on the big picture.


Do we mean "genuine" in the sense of honest expression/acknowledgement versus delusions? Or in the sense of "not fleeting"?

My feelings tend to be pretty strong and steady once they are awakened. But the idea that rational choice has any effect is bizarre to me. I have certainly been unhappily in love before, and if I could have turned if off with a thought, I would have, believe me! I could barely make the kind of good decisions (avoiding person, etc) which in time could lead to changes in feeling...
 

Stevo

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It can also go like this, however:

**Wow, I can't get enough of her (as a friend)!! She's so cool! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*

**She likes hanging out with me too!! *bounce, bounce, head in the clouds*

**Wait, I think she might be starting to fall in love with me.

**Uh oh, she's in love with me.

**I could never be in love with her because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z. It just would never work. Can't she see that? We're not right for each other! Can't she just be my friend? We were having so much fun together as friends.

**She doesn't understand why I want to hang out with her but I'm not in love with her. I know, I'll explain it to her. "OK, check this out. I really dig you as a person. But, we're not right for each other for a lot of reasons." She: What reasons are those? INTP: Well, of course! In the name of honesty, I'm not in love with you because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t, u, v, w, x, y, z.

**Uh oh. She hates me now. What did I do? I was just trying to explain and show respect by being honest so that she would understand.

**Let me call and see if she wants to hang out tonight. Uh, oh. She really does hate me. Doesn't want anything to do with me. I guess she wasn't my true friend to begin with. She was only in it for what she might be able to gain from it. Ugh!



As you can see, everything is working things out with some sort of reasoning.

This is happening right now with me. I don't like the situation.
 

INA

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No--I used to crush easily when I was younger, but don't anymore. Definitely don't fall in love easily.
This. And even back then (I'm talking teen years) crushing was not that easy, just in comparison.
Where are posters meeting these INTPs?
 

quamdel

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I actually had to ask one of my friends what it felt like for them to be in love. I still cant tell if someone is attracted to me or scared of me (I'm the type of INTP who's actually a tall black guy)

As for all the inner dialogue Metaphor mentioned:

You need an active devil's advocate to get you past the list of things. And honesty. If i ever get caught in emotionally tricky positions, i just go off of that. I have had conversations about what i consider "flaws" with people i consider "drop deap hotties". Especially being an INTP, you have to accept the things you cannot change. And you can't accept someone else if you keep changing yourself (hiding true self and whatnot)

In the end, love can't be rationalized.
 

Spamtar

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Love is rare but when it happens it tends to happen much more quickly than I would chose. Like driving a Porsche going 0 to 60 in 4 seconds. Lotsa torque.

Falling out of love consistently takes too long. I may recovery from the romantic trance and gain my barrings faster than my partner but that core love will remain and haunt me for years...even after the lover is gone...maybe in some degree, forever.
 
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