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[ENTJ] ENTJs: How easy is it for you to give the cold shoulder?

MoneyTick

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May 21, 2010
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252
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In relationships:

When things go sour - do you pound the gavel of your wrath by saying goodbye and never looking back even once?

If you catch your partner cheat on you - do you delete his/her number from your phone, de-friend them on Facebook, cease and desist communication FOREVER - without even hearing the other side of the story?

I would do the above, but what would you do?

When your partner takes you for a ride - can you pledge that the only thing your partner can apologize to is the cold shoulder?

Can you walk out the door, as fast as you came in --- AND NEVER REMEMBER YOU WERE EVEN THERE?

Although I've been in a few relationships that ended sour - the girls are coming back!

I really don't feel like answering the door.

Can ENTJs really lock away their feelings, and throw away the key?

Is this a gift or a curse, or am I the only one?

Do we even remember how to cry?

Above all,

Is it best to forgive - or forget?
 

suttree

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Jul 28, 2010
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Intp here, but my exwife cheated. It made sense in the context of the relationship. Istj-intp incompatibility. At the end of it, I got to dictate the terms of the divorce (so no lingering resentments) and I put in some effort to maintain a friendly relationship because I've invested so much in the relationships.
 

Vie

Giggity
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Jun 9, 2010
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In relationships:

When things go sour - do you pound the gavel of your wrath by saying goodbye and never looking back even once?

If you catch your partner cheat on you - do you delete his/her number from your phone, de-friend them on Facebook, cease and desist communication FOREVER - without even hearing the other side of the story?

I would do the above, but what would you do?

When your partner takes you for a ride - can you pledge that the only thing your partner can apologize to is the cold shoulder?

Can you walk out the door, as fast as you came in --- AND NEVER REMEMBER YOU WERE EVEN THERE?

Although I've been in a few relationships that ended sour - the girls are coming back!

I really don't feel like answering the door.

Can ENTJs really lock away their feelings, and throw away the key?

Is this a gift or a curse, or am I the only one?

Do we even remember how to cry?

Above all,

Is it best to forgive - or forget?

In all relationships, aside from the one who ended it with me, I've been able to walk away and NEVER look back. I don't necessarily want to cease all contact with them out of pain, more I don't see the point. That is unless they are friend material, in which case yes, I'll still speak to them.

One guy cheated on me. I made him look like the bitch he was at a party and then deleted him from every aspect of my life within hours, while he sputtered about trying to figure out what just happened.

I find that I can remain emotionally detached in most cases with people once they have burned me. I forgive them, but I do not forget. Then again, this is with people who I hadn't allowed fully under my armor yet, so it didn't really concern me when they left, ergo it's perceived that I'm giving the cold shoulder.

However, to the people I do let in? I find it incredibly difficult to stay away from. It's both a gift AND a curse. It allows us to move forward in life with out becoming quivering heaps of feelings, but at times it can leave us incredibly....alone.
 

MoneyTick

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Vievamemuisque, I gotta say were similar. Especially the last word
of your post.

My social life is this: go out to a party; bar, get together etc... Meet at least 20-40 people and have a 20 minute conversation with each - have a blast And THATS IT

no really close friends, just a zillion aquaintances Which can of course lead to being alone despite my uniqe ability to make friends so fast.

I guess it applies to relationships as well. It starts out great, then gets better then goes downhill

And ironically I end up like your avatar

The bird on the sign is my ex, the bird on top is me ...

Still it may be lonely at the top, but the view is phenomenal
 

JustHer

Pumpernickel
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When I was younger I would just cut people out entirely for stupid little things, but now I try to be more forgiving (or at least get back at them in a horrible public way before cutting them out).

Not a problem cutting people out, I tend to forget them quite quickly and don't dwell.
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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However, to the people I do let in? I find it incredibly difficult to stay away from. It's both a gift AND a curse. It allows us to move forward in life with out becoming quivering heaps of feelings, but at times it can leave us incredibly....alone.
This has been my experience as an INTJ as well.
My social life is this: go out to a party; bar, get together etc... Meet at least 20-40 people and have a 20 minute conversation with each - have a blast And THATS IT

no really close friends, just a zillion aquaintances Which can of course lead to being alone despite my uniqe ability to make friends so fast.

Still it may be lonely at the top, but the view is phenomenal.
The underlined is phenomenal -- would make a good signature line. I don't bother with the highlighted; to me that's a bother, not a blast. Fortunately, I have a couple close friends, one of whom is ENTJ.
 

Vie

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And ironically I end up like your avatar

The bird on the sign is my ex, the bird on top is me ...

Still it may be lonely at the top, but the view is phenomenal

Mhm. I find that those who walk away from me whether romantically or in friendship...well, it bothers me. I can't walk away from them. Which is odd considering in every other aspect of life, I am a cold hearted bitch.
 
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When I was younger I would just cut people out entirely for stupid little things, but now I try to be more forgiving (or at least get back at them in a horrible public way before cutting them out).

Hoho, I used to do that too. I had a best friend in middle school, and at a point I realized all we ever talked about was boys! So I said: "I can't see you anymore, Karen. All we talk about is boys. I think we should take a break." Haven't talked to her since. Don't even get me started about getting back at people. I was a terrible kid. Even if they didn't do stuff on purpose, I felt like the damage was done and I had to punish them. I hope I've grown since then.

For me, there's no difference between walking away from a romantic relationships or deep friendships. I've done both. The total amount of pain is the same. The way I deal with loss is to cut people out of my mind, my life. The more they meant to me, the harder I have to slam that door.

I'll be in shock for a few days, depending on how deep our relationship was. Then I'll start to block them out of my mind, very successfully. And I never look back. I don't dwell and I don't remissness about the "good times". I just keep pushing forward. Any other direction is uncomfortable. It can be hard sometimes, but I don't really care.

I think that might be the reason why I find saying goodbye sad. I can get quite chocked up about it. Because when I say goodbye to you, I mean it. You cease to exist. At least in my reality.
 

rav3n

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Most ENTJs who have strong Te can shut down relationships and move on, once they've ascertained that there's no hope. This doesn't mean they don't experience pain and hurt.
 

Vie

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Most ENTJs who have strong Te can shut down relationships and move on, once they've ascertained that there's no hope. This doesn't mean they don't experience pain and hurt.


I must not have a very strong Te then. But it really just depends on how invested in the person I was.

As a kid, I also used to "get back at people" in horrible ways. I think I've gotten better as I've grown up but I still think about what I wish I could do. But I don't end up doing it usually, I tend to just walk away.

But ooooh, I'm thinking it.
 

rav3n

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I must not have a very strong Te then. But it really just depends on how invested in the person I was.
Note the reference to pain and hurt. Don't know about anyone else but I still feel the pain and hurt of walking away from someone I still care about. But when you know there's no long-term compatibility, better to end it sooner since further investment equates to greater pain. This is a rational judgment call.
 

bcubchgo

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maybe this is just an extension of my normally anal-retentive personality, but I try to make sure that if I give someone the cold shoulder that clearly explain what I am thinking about. I also try to let them down easy, since being an emotionless dick is not very nice.

There have been some relationships that I've initiated the breakup and I still think about the person here and there. I've never gone any further than that though. If I think that the relationship has hit a brick wall for some reason then I usually just let it go. In rare cases, I may revisit the decision I made and or rehash it in my brain, but that's about it.
 

Vie

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Question...

When you are the one being ignored, how you all react?
 
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Question...

When you are the one being ignored, how you all react?

Same process. If not faster. When I realized I don't have any power, control or say in a matter, I lose the ability to care or the will to try. I just don't bother. My mind just wanders to the next thing.. When I'm sitting in a plane, I won't bother being worried or scared and sitting by the window looking out, because I can't control if the plane is gonna crash or not anyway.

But initially, it hurts like thousand bee-stings. And I'll be like WHY! I MUST FIX! But when that door is being shut in my face, I turn my back to it. Or my shoulder. *brr*
 

Vie

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Same process. If not faster. When I realized I don't have any power, control or say in a matter, I lose the ability to care or the will to try. I just don't bother. My mind just wanders to the next thing.. When I'm sitting in a plane, I won't bother being worried or scared and sitting by the window looking out, because I can't control if the plane is gonna crash or not anyway.

But initially, it hurts like thousand bee-stings. And I'll be like WHY! I MUST FIX! But when that door is being shut in my face, I turn my back to it. Or my shoulder. *brr*

I'm this exact way. Only I don't know how to turn away from it. If I don't know why, it literally drives me loony. I think it's the worse pain in the world, personally.

I try not to ignore people because of that feeling of not knowing why someone is giving the cold shoulder -- unless the reason is clear.
 

rav3n

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Question...

When you are the one being ignored, how you all react?
This depends. Say I was dumped or a friend were to turn a cold shoulder, I would want explanations. If those explanations weren't forthcoming, the cold shoulder would be returned.

If a cold shoulder is received from someone I had no investment in, no big deal. Then I would ignore them back.
 
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I'm this exact way. Only I don't know how to turn away from it. If I don't know why, it literally drives me loony. I think it's the worse pain in the world, personally.

I try not to ignore people because of that feeling of not knowing why someone is giving the cold shoulder -- unless the reason is clear.

Oh yeah. Not knowing is the worst! THE WORST! I just wanna know, you know. What's the deal. Tell me, make up you mind, so I can make a decision already. (I was with a P, too).

But I didn't know giving the cold shoulder meant not giving a reason as to WHY you're doing it, unless it's obvious. If I didn't know the absolute bottom line-reason WHY, I'd probably wouldn't be so graceful. Probably would demand an answer first and try to fix the problems. But again, if I can see that it's a lost cause, I'd detach and move on. I don't deal well with grey areas in relationships. Don't have the dexterity or energy.

Edit: all of the above is applied to someone I care about. If I didn't care, I probably wouldn't notice.
 

Vie

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I'm with a p as well. Infuriating most of the time.

The only way I can relate it to is like a cat who gets their tail stepped on. Hissing in anger and whimpering in pain as I claw the person to death. Bahaha.
 

MoneyTick

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The more they meant to me, the harder I have to slam that door.

Dammit, that's true. Its really supposed to be the opposite - but I guess were unique. Yes, for some odd reason the more I loved, the harsher I must say chau!

I'll be in shock for a few days

Ya, like I just got struck by lightning and I really DO NOT know WTH is going on with me - right on! But only for 1-3 days.

Then I'll start to block them out of my mind, very successfully. And I never look back.

This after, and yes quite successfully. I recover from my confusion and move on.

I don't dwell and I don't remissness about the "good times". I just keep pushing forward. Any other direction is uncomfortable. It can be hard sometimes, but I don't really care.

The more I push out the old "good-times," the easier it is to push forward.
Because when I say goodbye to you, I mean it. You cease to exist. At least in my reality.

This my ultimate and default goal of an ended relationship.
When you are the one being ignored, how you all react?

THIS IS THE #1 REASON THAT 99% OF ALL OF MY PRIOR RELATIONSHIPS ENDED OVER !!

I don't know why, but sometimes I feel as if I'm being ignored. Momentary cease of communication may be part of a healthy relationship, or it could signal something else is going on!

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DISCERN! That's my problem.

The word "ignored" is the label attached to all prior affairs. I try to find out why I feel this way - but I never get a straight answer. Then I just call it quits.



Well, fellow ENTJs when it comes to affairs I suppose our lack of discernment and cold unforgiving endings may very well be our "tragic flaw"
 
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