[NT] I want some serious advice

[Haight]

Technically, it was a name change from my real name, so it's not supposed to count. Haight...doesn't even know the !

I don't always know what the kids are doing. I'm pretty sure you're aware of that fact.

Either way, I'll be happy to change your name so it's more appropriate. Or, you could get a freaking job and stop crying.

 

[Usehername]

Dude you need to stop trying to live the best version of your life possible because it's paralyzing you into the decision to wait to take any significant action. You are choosing to float in the ether until you can make a perfect, single execution or entrance into your most perfect self.

Change frameworks!

Just like great writers need to do away with the myth of magically creating a brilliant piece without the labor of editimg and revision, you need to recognize that a brilliantly lived life is one where people do the best with the resources they have available and make similar editing, reconfiguring and sometimes scrapping and abandoning plans when the unexpected arises.

You are not a god who can control for all the variables, this business of living is by definition kind of messy and requiring a
lot of editing and revising.

Everyone is playing the game of life under these same conditions. Everyone is making a ton of calculated risky decisions. Some turn out better than others simply because they got lucky with time and place.

But ethan, you have to get out there and get in the game. As for big life decisions, just remind yourself there are pros and cons to every decision. You will be okay with whatever you decide, you are a smart self-aware guy.

 

[Lethe]

I look at people I admire--Einstein, Buddha[...]

Ah, but did you know that Einstein wrote many, hundreds of papers before he was famous for the theories we value today? That Buddha endured 6 intense years of mental and physical suffering before he reached "enlightenment"?

This seemed to bring things to a climax and he decided to leave his palace home and seek the solution of his mental unrest in the homeless life of a mendicant. This plan he carried out one night, by leaving the castle with only his personal servant, Channa, and his favorite horse, the snow-white Kanthaka, and even these he left behind him when he had crossed the river at the b ounds of his Father's kingdom.

But his mental troubles were not at an end and many doubts beset him. "Perhaps it would be better for me to return to the castle and seek some other solution; then the whole world will be mine." But he resisted these doubts by realizing that nothing worldly could satisfy him. So he shaved his head, carried a begging bowl in his hand, and turned his mendicant steps to the south.

[...]

Still, the Prince could not get what he sought. After six years in the forest he gave up the practice of asceticism. He bathed in the river and accepted a bowl of food from the hand of Sujata, a maid who lived in the neighboring village. The five companions who had lived with the Prince for the six years of his ascetic practices looked on with amazement that he could receive food from the hand of a maiden; they thought him degraded thereby and left him. The Prince, thus, was left alone. He was still feeble but at the risk of his life he attempted a final meditation, saying to himself, "Blood may become exhausted, flesh may decay, bones may fall apart, but I will never leave this place until I find the way to enlightenment."

It was an intense and incomparable struggle! His mind was desperate, was filled with confusing thoughts, dark shadows overhung his spirit, he was beset with all the lures of evil. But carefully and patiently he examined them one by one and rejected them all. It, indeed, was a hard struggle, that made his blood run thin, his flesh creep, and his bones crack. But when the morning star appeared in the eastern sky, the struggle was over and the Prince's mind was as clear and bright as the day-break. He had found the path to enlightenment at last. It was December the 8th, when he was thirty-five years of age that the Prince became Buddha.

The Buddha's Life [Link]

_____________________________

Dude you need to stop trying to live the best version of your life possible because it's paralyzing you into the decision to wait to take any significant action. You are choosing to float in the ether until you can make a perfect, single execution or entrance into your most perfect self.

Change frameworks!

Just like great writers need to do away with the myth of magically creating a brilliant piece without the labor of editimg and revision, you need to recognize that a brilliantly lived life is one where people do the best with the resources they have available and make similar editing, reconfiguring and sometimes scrapping and abandoning plans when the unexpected arises.

You are not a god who can control for all the variables, this business of living is by definition kind of messy and requiring a lot of editing and revising.

Everyone is playing the game of life under these same conditions. Everyone is making a ton of calculated risky decisions. Some turn out better than others simply because they got lucky with time and place.

Very good.

Edahn, I don't think everyone has their life 100% together without working for it. Have you heard of the quote, "Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away"? Personally, I think there's a lot extra gunk in your life, which is causing you to become imbalanced. It seems like you're completely spread out in all directions -- "fixing" your mom, getting an ideal career, desiring a family in the future, achieving self-forgiveness/faith --, and while being good at those decisions all in one go.

It matters less where you start, but what you do to remain true to the very things you value in life. If you're asked to reduce something to it's most basic element and origin, what would it be? Keep your goals 'actionable' first by doing what's necessary, and then moving onto the more complex, lofty ideals (ex: I want to be as well-rounded as Feynman) when you feel more prepared for them. Technically, by the time you're working on the latter, the ideas will be second-nature to you because the former has given you so much practice.

Don't be fearful of making mistakes and not knowing what to do -- most individuals need all the practice they can get before they reach the "perfect" decision. Instead of aiming to be excellent the first time; aim for quantity, lots of them. Understand every nook and cranny. Understand balance. Understand the pros and cons of each decision. Understand how you'd react in circumstances of failure, and do something immediately to counteract that. It's far better to deal with issues while they're small, than when they have amassed into something overwhelming. (Hence, living in a constant crisis, putting out fires.) So chunk the overall effort into tiny portions, and spread them out as much as you need to. Plan to improve the quality of today --- these minor improvements will eventually add up towards the future. Eliminate what's holding you down and start fresh each day.

In times like these, I think it's important to keep testing and inventing new methods until you've found the ideal concept you're looking for. As we all know, masterpieces, geniuses, and talents aren't created overnight. It's a multiple step process with errors and refinement.

 

[Tallulah]

Some good advice, especially from Morgan, usehername and Lethe. I also pretty much live in a version of the mindset you've got going. I run my life off in the ditch (or it feels that way, because I'm always overthinking, always wanting my life to be more significant than it currently is), then I get a dose of reality from somewhere or adjust my expectations, and then go on a while longer.

The truth is, we can't all be Einstein. Einstein probably didn't set out to be Einstein. He just did his thing, and people noticed. I don't think you can set out to change the world and then do it. You just make choices, do your work, and hope it helps someone. I think those who set out to accomplish certain things in the world are likely always reaching for something that is just out of their grasp, and therefore are unhappy, no matter what they accomplish. Why not do what makes you happy right now, and let the results surprise you?

I would say definitely don't have a family in hopes it will bring you what you're missing. Have a family if you have a desire to have a family. But if there's a chance you'll still be distant and dissatisfied, looking for the missing puzzle piece, don't subject a wife and kids to that.