[INTP] Things that can hinder INTP's from being liked

[INTPness]

No. No.

I was just jerking his chain. I'm not looking to get into a pissing contest. I'm still tuckered out from participating in (starting ) this thread in the first place.

 

[INTPness]

This thread is one of the things that hinder me from liking INTPs.

Hey, at least you answered the question from my OP!! What are some of the things that cause people to dislike us! Now we're back on topic!! Thanks for this.

 

[onemoretime]

Yes. You and Q are better than INTP's? Is it something like that?

Nah... we just prefer to save the a-hole parts of our personalities for the times when we aren't going to get in trouble for it

 

[JocktheMotie]

Hey, at least you answered the question from my OP!! What are some of the things that cause people to dislike us! Now we're back on topic!! Thanks for this.

In your original example, I wouldn't even call that playing devil's advocate.

What we can do is sometimes find meaning in others' minutia, because we can't imagine why someone would bother telling us about something if they didn't feel strongly about it or care about in some way. Then, they get surprised we're taking it so seriously, because it's clearly a social exercise and an appeal for some kind of empathy. Seems like that's what happened above.


Other than that...general misanthropy, being odd, and social oddities are probably number one.

 

[INTPness]

Other than that... being odd...probably number one.

Speak for yourself.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Never said I wasn't odd

I know I am. I just don't worry about it and it doesn't cause me too much stress, unlike a lot of the others.

 

[tcda]

Here's the problem - we don't instigate. Q and I definitely do have jerk modes, but it's usually in response to someone being a jerk for no reason whatsoever. If you're nice and considerate of others, we'll act the same in kind. If you're abrasive and self-centered, well, we'll make sure you leave unhappier than you came in.

See the difference?

probably most people don't care how you act. noting the absurdity of your behaviour isn't the same as your behaviour affecting them.

newayz I'm going to bed. nite.

 

[Coriolis]

Hey, at least you answered the question from my OP!! What are some of the things that cause people to dislike us! Now we're back on topic!! Thanks for this.

You don't have to be an INTP to be disliked, or to be disliked for the type of interaction INTPness mentioned. I have already confessed to having similar reactions, and I am INTJ. At the risk of gratuitously broadening the scope of the topic, I would say I can also come on too strong when offering my own opinion of something. I get excited that someone even wants to discuss something I find interesting, and I unleash a fully-formed analysis, supported with facts and reasoning. This is not always received well. On the other hand, those few who appreciate it and respond in kind or provide rational critique become my friends for life.

Back to the OP: one thing that I find hard to take about a close INTP friend is that he often seems unable or unwilling to render a coherent, considered opinion about anything. He will maintain he doesn't have enough information, can see all sides, etc. etc. etc. This can be very frustrating. I do not expect him to have some grand solution to the problem, just some notion of where he stands based upon available information and current understanding. Can any of you INTPs relate, or is he atypical in this?

 

[Red Herring]

Back to the OP: one thing that I find hard to take about a close INTP friend is that he often seems unable or unwilling to render a coherent, considered opinion about anything. He will maintain he doesn't have enough information, can see all sides, etc. etc. etc. This can be very frustrating. I do not expect him to have some grand solution to the problem, just some notion of where he stands based upon available information and current understanding. Can any of you INTPs relate, or is he atypical in this?

Maybe I should let the card carrying INTPs answer this but here´s how it works for me:

1. become aware of an issue/problem, etc.
2. gather information
3. analyze pros and cons
4. repeat steps 2 and 3 until blue in the head
5. take a deep breath, start leaning towards one position but see the weaknesses of that position and the strengths of the alternative
6. grudgingly accept that messy uncertainty is a part of life and resolve not to spemd anymore time on the issue
7. repeat step 4
...
It´s a P thing I guess.

 

[INTPness]

You don't have to be an INTP to be disliked, or to be disliked for the type of interaction INTPness mentioned. I have already confessed to having similar reactions, and I am INTJ. At the risk of gratuitously broadening the scope of the topic, I would say I can also come on too strong when offering my own opinion of something. I get excited that someone even wants to discuss something I find interesting, and I unleash a fully-formed analysis, supported with facts and reasoning. This is not always received well. On the other hand, those few who appreciate it and respond in kind or provide rational critique become my friends for life.

Yeah, I can relate to this. I come on strongly and people are like, "Whoa, this guy is passionate/excited! Take her down a notch horsy!"

Back to the OP: one thing that I find hard to take about a close INTP friend is that he often seems unable or unwilling to render a coherent, considered opinion about anything. He will maintain he doesn't have enough information, can see all sides, etc. etc. etc. This can be very frustrating. I do not expect him to have some grand solution to the problem, just some notion of where he stands based upon available information and current understanding. Can any of you INTPs relate, or is he atypical in this?

I can relate. I won't speak for all INTP's, but as for myself, I think I do this. It's just natural to me to not be "dogmatic". I'm not defending my position here or anything, but just so you can see how the INTP's might see things, I think that people jump to conclusions WAY too often and WAY too early. Even simple stuff like, "Jon sometimes slacks off at work. And since he's 15 minutes late getting back to the office today, it must mean that he's slacking off again!" My boss does stuff like this all the time. It's just so presumptuous. I'm very careful not to make "all or nothing" statements like that - about anything. How the heck do I know if the guy is slacking off today? Maybe he had a huge workload. Maybe he got held up in traffic. Maybe he got in a car accident. Maybe you should call him and simply ask him why he's late before trying to "guess" why he is late. I'm just not going to take a definite stance if there is still A LOT of information out there that hasn't been considered yet. 9 times out of 10 when I do take a premature stance, I end up being wrong and kind of look like an idiot. Maybe that's cuz I don't have Ni to the extent you do. Maybe Ni gives you good "hunches". Even so, I don't like to go on "hunches".

But yeah, I definitely see where that can be frustrating for others!! People will ask me, "what are you doing next Thursday?" "I really have no idea yet. It will depend on how things play out on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Once all of those variables take shape, then when I wake up on Thursday morning I'll have a more clear view of what my priorities should be for that particular day. If I give you an answer a week ahead of time, then I'm "locked in" and there's no wiggle room. If something new comes up (which it often does), then it becomes an issue when I want to rearrange my schedule to fit the new situation. For the INTP, I think it's a subconcious thing where we "let things unfold" or see how things play out - and then we will react accordingly.

 

[ZPowers]

Reconsidering a few things from earlier in this thread, I think there's aspects of things I didn't think about. It's true people can be too self-involved in the way they converse, that's not everything. The fact is, often with topics I am unfamiliar with or lack a reference point for, I don't feel qualified to talk. As a result, when dealing with those topics, I imagine a lot of INTPs may have one of two possible reactions:

A) Complete inability to actually contribute to the topic, making them poor conversational partners (and possibly even self-conscious)

or

B) Probe for context, logic or motivations in order to form a better picture that one can feel comfortable drawing conclusions and having opinions about. Often this can end up being an indelicate process, but is almost never intentionally cruel.

Of course, a similar mentality of hesitancy to commit to things until you've given due consideration can work against me/possibly us. When we talk about something I have thought about, it's usually something I've put a decent amount of thought into and feel comfortable expressing my opinion, because I feel it's a well-supported one. Result:

A) May (not always) seem dismissive with their points or too willing and forward with your own counterpoints (especially if it's a point you've considered before or doesn't make much sense to you through your Ti-colored glasses). Again, this can be callous, but malice is seldom intended.

B) Their points may be solid and really affect you, but generally not immediately. Often, if I hear something that makes me reconsider my position, I look at it for a while before accepting it. Sometimes this can take a while, and certainly longer than allows for healthy, normal flow of conversation. Generally, I think INTPs are ready to admit they were wrong or change their opinions (which is a good thing, I think many people are less amenable to this and overly dogmatic people can be hard to deal with), but it usually takes a while to restructure their thoughts. Or at least mine.

 

[A Schnitzel]

Not using apostrophes correctly.

 

[Coriolis]

Reconsidering a few things from earlier in this thread, I think there's aspects of things I didn't think about. It's true people can be too self-involved in the way they converse, that's not everything. The fact is, often with topics I am unfamiliar with or lack a reference point for, I don't feel qualified to talk. As a result, when dealing with those topics, I imagine a lot of INTPs may have one of two possible reactions:

A) Complete inability to actually contribute to the topic, making them poor conversational partners (and possibly even self-conscious)

or

B) Probe for context, logic or motivations in order to form a better picture that one can feel comfortable drawing conclusions and having opinions about. Often, this can end up being an indelicate process, but is almost never intentionally cruel.

Yes. B can often come across as an interrogation if the questioner is not careful. I have done this when I run into someone who knows about something I find interesting but have limited background in. It is especially touchy if the other person does not realize when I have understood him, and persists in belaboring the details of point X when I am ready for him to move onto Y already.

 

[skylights]

one of my brothers is an INTP. brilliant kid, but he's a music nerd and he hates certain genres and songs with a vengeance. he informs me daily how bad my music is and insists we listen to his in the house. if i try to strike up an argument about why his music is really not that different than mine, he just argues that his is "better".

generally i love you NTs

but i want to stab him.

 

[lets eat pie]

But yeah, I definitely see where that can be frustrating for others!! People will ask me, "what are you doing next Thursday?" "I really have no idea yet. It will depend on how things play out on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Once all of those variables take shape, then when I wake up on Thursday morning I'll have a more clear view of what my priorities should be for that particular day. If I give you an answer a week ahead of time, then I'm "locked in" and there's no wiggle room. If something new comes up (which it often does), then it becomes an issue when I want to rearrange my schedule to fit the new situation. For the INTP, I think it's a subconcious thing where we "let things unfold" or see how things play out - and then we will react accordingly.

Reminds me of something Garbo once said when she was invited to a dinner party: "How do I know I'll be hungry on Wednesday?"

That's also how I feel. Most of my friends are P's also and when we go out it takes us forever to set a date, relative time (if we say 12 o clock we really mean 2 o clock,) and even where we want to go/do in the first place. I mentioned P/J differences to them once and we realized we needed to make more J friends.

 

[JustHer]

Why would someone choose a dead lawn over 5$ a month?

 

[MacGuffin]

Not using apostrophes correctly.

 

[Qre:us]

Why would someone choose a dead lawn over 5$ a month?

Product of the concrete jungle.

 

[INTPness]

Why would someone choose a dead lawn over 5$ a month?

2 reasons I can think of:

1. You don't give a hoot how your lawn looks.
2. You're ISTJ.

 

[MacGuffin]

2 reasons I can think of:

1. You don't give a hoot how your lawn looks.
2. You're ISTJ.

I don't recognize this brand of ISTJ. My ISTJ father would vacuum his lawn if he could.

A lot of them take real pride in how their house looks "just so".