[INTP] Things that can hinder INTP's from being liked

[onemoretime]

Yes, well, they don't call it projection for nothing.

Now THAT'S just funny.

 

[Elemental Chaos]

Mostly because I think that one way or another everything is interesting, I could probably start talking about all kinds of trivia with unwilling people. But if I started talking about my lunch for example, it would probably be because I wanted you to the visit the awesome restaurant where I had it! If spoke about my lawn (doubt I would though) I would want to bring to your attention how much money actually went to keep it green (if you happened to be planning to get a sprinkler). As Morgan le Fay states, simply being honest and concluding that, "5 bucks is nothing, what are you whining about?" is actually a very good way of pointing out that you're not into discussing such trivial matters. Hence, in the future, I would probably be more likely trying to discuss theoretical or deep matters looking for a better way to connect. I would certainly be alot happier to talk with you about quantum physics, but if instead of being honest and stating you want deeper conversations you started avoiding me, I would probably never try. I'm afraid that, since I usually can see no good reason not to talk, I very often end up in 'social quarantine' by INTs.

 

[tcda]

I'm sure we all act like the "stereotype" of our type a good amount of the time - that's where the stereotypes come from in the first place - because that's how we tend to act. And I'm also pretty sure that a good chunk of people (all?) don't always make the proper adjustment (by behaving "out of type" when it's called for). There will be times when we don't do it. If you're the one guy who doesn't do that, then I want to come watch, observe, and take notes. So, if healthy = always knowing when to act out of type when the situation calls for it, then I still make the mistake and I guess I can't be considered healthy. Even when I'm 65 years old and Si and Fe are (hopefully) fully developed, I'm sure I'll still make the mistake from time to time.

What you actually said was "I don't know how else I could have acted". if that's the case you should seriously look into it.

If in reality you do know how else to act but in this particular instance didn't give a fuck, then fine, happens to all of us.

 

[Fidelia]

One of the solutions is being more proactive in the conversation and steering it towards something that is more likely to be of mutual interest to discuss. (Therefore neither are doing all the bending). Another compromise is putting up with a quick conversation like that, then offering a new subject that you are more interested in. As long as you do the back and forth thing, people are not going to perceive you as being self-centred or a jerk. Alternately, you could use gentle humour to show that you think he's blowing the problem out of proportion as Tallulah suggested or like Pitseleh said, just don't latch onto the subject but don't make him feel stupid for bringing it up either. None of these involve having to do all the bending yourself, and yet will be better received than the initial conversation you posted.

Even if you are only doing this for selfish reasons (which it doesn't sound like you are), sometimes you have to weigh the cost vs the benefit. Whether it is fair that people will react to the kind of responses you gave and whether it is fair that you have to do some adjusting, the fact is that depending on your ultimate goal, what you are doing is not serving YOU well. If you try to determine what it is that matters most to you in the end, then the things you do along the way need to support that goal. This isn't about wanting people to like you or bending to do their will - it's whether what you are doing is getting in your OWN way. Because you respond the way you do to small talk, are you closing doors for yourself when people react negatively to the way you would instinctually respond? I personally hate small talk as well, but have found that if you can find some underlying purpose why it is worth your while, or some worthwhile function that can be gained from you practicing it (experimenting with various ways of responding, finding out what the other person is passionate about, steering the conversation, developing skills that may be important when you meet a girlfriend's family or in getting the job you want) that make it like more of a personal challenge or game, it becomes less onerous.

Is there anything wrong with you as you are? No! But if you don't make changes, you are restricting who you can interact with to a much smaller percentage of the population. That may limit your business opportunities, how far your ideas can be spread or implemented, your romantic options, what information you get exposed to and so on.

 

[highlander]

What are some other reasons people may not take well to us?

There are a number of things that can result in people not taking well to someone which I'd imagine are independent of type:

- Complain
- Criticize
- Argue
- Show little interest in the other person
- Don't listen
- Tell people what to do
- Tell people they are wrong
- Don't try and understand the other person's perspective

 

[Tallulah]

What you actually said was "I don't know how else I could have acted". if that's the case you should seriously look into it.

If in reality you do know how else to act but in this particular instance didn't give a fuck, then fine, happens to all of us.

I think it's pretty clear from his other responses that he is aware and has decent Fe. I think he meant this to be a lighthearted thread and everyone else blew it way out of proportion. There are certainly lots of INTPs with next-to-zero Fe, and yeah, that can be a problem. But there are situations where you've listened to 1,000 boring SJ stories already that day, and you'd like to do or say something that would facilitate you not wanting to kill yourself with a shovel. And that's fair, too.

 

[Qre:us]

She seems to be describing herself.

Yes, well, they don't call it projection for nothing.

Now THAT'S just funny.

I do so love seeing armchair psychology - always makes me chuckle at the attempts.

 

[tcda]

There are a number of things that can result in people not taking well to someone which I'd imagine are independent of type:

- Complain
- Criticize
- Argue
- Show little interest in the other person
- Don't listen
- Tell people what to do
- Tell people they are wrong
- Don't try and understand the other person's perspective

Well said!

I think he meant this to be a lighthearted thread and everyone else blew it way out of proportion.

Not me, I just said what I thought in a civil way. I didn't see nay flaming from anyone else either.

I do so love seeing armchair psychology - always makes me chuckle at the attempts.

Well you are on an amateur psychology forum, wtf did you expect? Freud himself?

 

[Qre:us]

Well you are on an amateur psychology forum, wtf did you expect? Freud himself?

Hence, why I'm here. For the LOLZ. It never fails.

 

[onemoretime]

Hence, why I'm here. For the LOLZ. It never fails.

It's funny... you can really tell between those who have a knack for reading other people, and the ones who flail about randomly, mistaking their dislike for other posters with their own self-loathing.

Kinda sad, really - but funny in a perverse way.

 

[tcda]

Hence, why I'm here. For the LOLZ. It never fails.

Fair enough.

But anyway you do act like the things you are criticizing. :hi: that's not armchair psychology just an observation. I don't claim to know your motivation, just the end result.

It's funny... you can really tell between those who have a knack for reading other people, and the ones who flail about randomly, mistaking their dislike for other posters with their own self-loathing.

Kinda sad, really - but funny in a perverse way.

the irony of this post knows no bounds.

 

[INTPness]

My first post was intended to "show" an instance where I may have acted out of line with an acquaintance. An instance where, if I don't use Fe, it can potentially result in alienating people or people not liking me as much. I was "story telling" for illustration rather than looking for all the Freud's that popped up.

Reason #1. Playing devil's advocate (or challenging everything that another person says):

.................Went on to describe a situation in where I did this (arguably to too much of an extreme)...............................

................Then, finished up with:

What are some other reasons people may not take well to us?

In other words, share your stories too. Surely other NTP's have dealt with overcoming some interpersonal issues at some point as well (I've obviously been proven waaaaay wrong for that assumption throughout this thread, however - I'm pretty certain now that I'm the only one still working stuff out ) - i.e., I'm the only "unhealthy" one left.

In another post on the first page, I wrote:

Back to the point of this thread. Are there other things INTP's do (whether on purpose or unknowingly) that alienate us from people or cause them to not like us?

Again, just share your stories. Join me. Let's discuss some of the struggles you may have. (Like I said though, it's apparent that I'm the lone NTP still working things out).

Basically, the thread went something like this:

"Hey, guys. Check out this situation where I messed up and could have been a little nicer. What are some of the things you guys have dealt with in this area during your lives?"

Selected others (summarizing): "Ha ha!! You have no Fe! Another unhealthy INTP. Is something wrong with you? Ha ha!!!"

I mean, I appreciate the input, but................what the?????????

 

[Qre:us]

But anyway you do act like the things you are criticizing. :hi: that's not armchair psychology just an observation. I don't claim to know your motivation, just the end result.

LOLZ!

Do it again!

 

[INTPness]

LOLZ!

Do it again!

FYP. Are you guys tickling each other?

 

[tcda]

FYP. Are you guys tickling each other?

nah, I prefer an enfj.

 

[INTPness]

nah, I prefer an enfj.

Me too.

 

[onemoretime]

Fair enough.

But anyway you do act like the things you are criticizing. :hi: that's not armchair psychology just an observation. I don't claim to know your motivation, just the end result.



the irony of this post knows no bounds.

Here's the problem - we don't instigate. Q and I definitely do have jerk modes, but it's usually in response to someone being a jerk for no reason whatsoever. If you're nice and considerate of others, we'll act the same in kind. If you're abrasive and self-centered, well, we'll make sure you leave unhappier than you came in.

See the difference?

 

[INTPness]

Here's the problem - we don't instigate. Q and I definitely do have jerk modes, but it's usually in response to someone being a jerk for no reason whatsoever. If you're nice and considerate of others, we'll act the same in kind. If you're abrasive and self-centered, well, we'll make sure you leave unhappier than you came in.

See the difference?

Yes. You and Q are better than INTP's? Is it something like that?

 

[Qre:us]

Yes. You and Q are better than INTP's? Is it something like that?

No. No.

 

[JocktheMotie]

This thread is one of the things that hinder me from liking INTPs.