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[INTP] Things that can hinder INTP's from being liked

tcda

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This is the truth:

Yes it would have been fake sympathy, but that's just what socializing entails sometimes. In fact, he'd probably expect you to mildly and briefly display "fake sympathy" and then drop the subject and move on.

Time for yooou to dust off your old Fe, good sir. :newwink:

Anyone who missed that moral of the story, missed the point. Ti-Ne-Si are not enough to get you through life.
 

Salomé

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FWIW, I'd much rather have a conversation with you and/or fluffy than yawn-about-my-lawn guy.
You don't have to pretend to be interested in really boring shit. Especially when it's really boring. And shit.

The way I see it, all this thread proves is what is unlikeable about ENTPs. But you don't see them questioning themselves so much...
 

onemoretime

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Did I mention a general inability to pick up on social cues? Then again, I figured that was covered by the OP
 

tcda

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FWIW, I'd much rather have a conversation with you and/or fluffy than yawn-about-my-lawn guy.
You don't have to pretend to be interested in really boring shit. Especially when it's really boring. And shit.

but he could have avoided the argument and the disliking which he apparently wants to. ;) Just say "yes, haha", and the convo is over.

but thanks :D

The way I see it, all this thread proves is what is unlikeable about ENTPs. But you don't see them questioning themselves so much...

Their psots in this thread are mostly indistinguishable from unhealthy intp's. which is quite funny because that is the target of their "advice" (which is really just an attempt to have an *argument* for the sake of it, which ironically is one of the very behaviours being criticised lololol haha).
 

INTPness

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I love how everyone thinks they are "healthy" for their type. All those other people out there - (yeah them!) - they're the "unhealthy" ones.

We all have our hang-ups. To say otherwise is just silly. I'm a fully functional INTP. I get along fine in this world. But, like everyone else (whether they choose to admit it or not), I have things I'm still working on. Sometimes my disinterest in other people's minor problems causes me to come off like a jerk. I can see it on their faces. That is an area that sometimes causes a little bit of social trouble for me. And I have no problem pulling down the "I'm invincible and totally have life all figured out" curtain and talking about my issues. It is what it is. I have flaws that I'd like to improve on. And hopefully, that's one of the functions of this website, to talk to like-minded people (and people who are of different types as well) in order to improve and learn. That doesn't mean I'll suddenly start caring about the $5/month increase in water (as some people said, it's boring and fruitless), but it means I can do better when it comes to at least being a pleasant person to be around. I don't have to care about his $5/month increase, but if you asked the guy his opinion of me, it'd be cool if he said something like, "that INTP is a pretty decent guy" ---------> instead of, "that guy is a prick."

Because I was a prick in my conversation with the guy doesn't mean I have aspergers or that I'm "unhealthy" or even that I can't take a social cue. :holy: It just means I'm real. And that I have certain things I'm still working on.

I'm not even saying that anyone specifically said that I was unhealthy. It's just crazy how soon the word "unhealthy" starts popping up in these threads when someone didn't perform perfectly in some social situation. Who freaking does perform perfectly in every social situation? If you're xNTP, probably not you! :D

Uhhhh, anyone need help paying their water bill this month? :bananallama:
 

Tallulah

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Eh, people are reacting far too strongly to the OP's story, IMO. Sure, we all have to play along and listen to people's boring stories. I end up doing that a LOT. I think it's okay to occasionally react truthfully to the fact that lawn guy is being a little ridiculous complaining about something that is ultimately not that big a deal. Sometimes people don't realize how they're coming across, and won't unless people react honestly to them (using humor helps). How come other people get to bore us, and we have to pretend they don't?
 

onemoretime

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Eh, people are reacting far too strongly to the OP's story, IMO. Sure, we all have to play along and listen to people's boring stories. I end up doing that a LOT. I think it's okay to occasionally react truthfully to the fact that lawn guy is being a little ridiculous complaining about something that is ultimately not that big a deal. Sometimes people don't realize how they're coming across, and won't unless people react honestly to them (using humor helps). How come other people get to bore us, and we have to pretend they don't?

Because socialization is far more important that personal entertainment.

He's not asking you to care about his water bill, he's asking you to empathize with the difficulties that his life poses, no matter how hard, because it's really damn hard going it alone. Just some reassurance that you're on his side. Now, once you're better friends, it would make sense to jokingly chide him for it.
 

ZPowers

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He's not asking you to care about his water bill, he's asking you to empathize with the difficulties that his life poses

Then maybe he should use an example that would actually be considered a genuine hardship. He looks like he's complaining about essentially nothing to me. Also, if this is some weird bid for sympathy, why is he making it to someone I assume he barely knows instead of broaching a topic that, you know, you can actually have a conversation about?
 

onemoretime

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Then maybe he should use an example that would actually be considered a genuine hardship. He looks like he's complaining about essentially nothing to me. Also, if this is some weird bid for sympathy, why is he making it to someone I assume he barely knows instead of broaching a topic that, you know, you can actually have a conversation about?

Why the fuck would he want to drop the pending divorce, pink slip he just received, or other tragedic instance that's actually eating him on someone he barely even knows? Especially someone who'll give him such a prickish response to an innocent question?

He's feeling bad and needs someone to show solidarity. You're right there. Why blame him for that?
 

ZPowers

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There's a middle ground between "My lawn needs watering" and "My family died today in a terrible car crash". And you are assuming he HAS some intense need for connection, like the dude is contemplating suicide and ONLY THIS CONVERSATION CAN STOP HIM FROM JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE. "YOU MUST ACT UPSET ABOUT MY LAWN OR I WILL KILL MYSELF!" If this guy's that desperate for sympathy, he definitely needs to go to friends or family or even a psychiatrist, not some-dude-on-the-street. I don't know who's going around telling lawn stories to do some weird transference of totally empty, token sympathy to some major issue in their life.

Beyond that, I think he choose a stupid topic for conversation, essentially. Talk about a shared experience between you and the other person, such as work or school or whatever. Talk about something from pop culture one is likely to know about and be able to talk about. If you are starting a conversation, you could first ask the other person about themselves, like everyone with any sense does. Talk about something else that's at least theoretically interesting. I don't start conversations with people I don't know well by saying "My computer's outta memory! I gotta clear up some space later! Probably I'll delete these things which you have no conception about, because you have never seen nor probably will ever see my computer, and even if you did it still wouldn't matter in the slightest" because I seriously doubt that would go anywhere as a topic. It's a topic the other person has no knowledge of, and has no way to contribute to in any meaningful way. It's almost rude. If I talk to a stranger, I try and use relatable topics they have knowledge or probable knowledge of, and can contribute to. I expect others to have a similar courtesy.

Would I actually have told someone off for sharing such a pointless thing? No. It would probably actually go:

Person: [Insert exceedingly banal problem]
Me: Oh, that sucks.
Me, in my head: Why are you telling me this? Why do you think I want to discuss this thing, which is entirely boring and unrelated to me, with you, essentially a stranger?

Unless he very quickly changed the topic to something I could actually talk about, that's it. End of conversation. If he tried to press on with the same topic, I'd probably claim that I had to go or was in a hurry or something. No one has gained anything. The entire exchange was utterly pointless and a waste of time.

I'll talk to strangers, but if all they're talking about is how cute it is when their kitty Snookums, a cat I do not know nor will ever know, sneezes, then I am going to leave as quickly as possible because I am going to consider it a waste of time.
 

onemoretime

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Ladies and gentlemen, in support of this thread's premise, I give you Exhibit A, ZPowers.
 

ZPowers

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What can I say? I guess I'm a sucker for the "take an interest in the other person, allowing both parties to talk" approach over the "immediately assume the other person is interested in your day-to-day nonsense, a topic which places the focus of the conversation on only you" approach to small talk.
 

INTPness

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Ladies and gentlemen, in support of this thread's premise, I give you Exhibit A, ZPowers.

LOL. Now it's just personal "shot taking". Essentially, "Look everyone - INTP's suck (uhh, at least moreso than ENTP's)!"
 

hilo

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Hmm. Sometimes I find myself stranded in these situations. I think I'm talking to someone who uses small talk in the usual sense (say as an opener to something else... you don't always want to plow right into "I'm getting a sex change"), so I oblige. Only they turn out to be a habitual small-talker who will keep regurgitating minutia of their lives until you find a means of escape. I usually keep these people in my mental list of "do not engage". Unfortunately it often happens that the escape is not so graceful, or the person is later offended that I kind of avoid them now. Oh well.

I decided a long time ago that I just don't need to be liked by everyone. If you feel you are offending people at a higher rate than is ideal for you, you'll just have to spend more time in meaningless conversations, I'm afraid to say. And yeah, work on being convincing. For me, at least, my emotions (i.e., totally bored mental state) tend to come out quite clearly on my face unless I focus on the person and really (shudder) try to empathize.
 

onemoretime

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LOL. Now it's just personal "shot taking". Essentially, "Look everyone - INTP's suck (uhh, at least moreso than ENTP's)!"

Nah, more like "hey, he's being exactly the kind of needlessly hostile, arrogant ass that we've been talking about the entire thread, what a good demonstration" :)
 

INTPness

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Only they turn out to be a habitual small-talker who will keep regurgitating minutia of their lives until you find a means of escape. I usually keep these people in my mental list of "do not engage".


I hate to say it, but the guy I had the conversation with was already in this category before this conversation took place.
 

ZPowers

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My hostile arrogance aside (it's probably up to others to confirm or deny that, since I imagine I'm biased), I'm gonna say that's a little hypocritical from the guy who has been yelling people are arrogant again and again, called the OP "prickish", and then insulted me to my face several times, essentially refuting my views on proper small talk etiquette (Seinfeldian though it may be) exclusively via ad hominem attacks. Maybe I've been hyperbolic, but I haven't straight up insulted people, much less multiple people.
 

INTPness

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"Hey guess what? I picked my nose last night for 15 minutes before I went to bed. It was awesome. You should have been there. Some were green and crusty, some were bloody. It was a real hoot. Now if I can just somehow convince the city that the accumulation of "stuff" that came out of my nose is worth 5 dollars, I could give it to them in leiu of them raising my bill by 5 dollars every month. Whadduya think about that?"

I mean, I want to be able to be nice in these situations. I joke about it cuz it sometimes seems that meaningless, but I need to get to the point to where I'm like, "Dude, that's great! Let's go to your place, pick up the boogers, take them down to the city and see what the mayor will offer you for them. There's potential here! And I like the way you think! A true entreprenerial spirit."
 
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