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[INTP] Is this normal for an INTP? feeling of loneliness

INTPthinker

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i'm a 16 year old INTP and i can't help but feel lonely because i dont have any close friends. I also feel lonely because i dont have a girlfriend because my mom wont let me have one. But i also am kinda scared to have a girlfriend, like i dont know if i'll be doing things right, taking it at the right pace, etc etc. I also feel like i might never find a girl for me and will be lonely my whole life. It's kinda overwhelming. Is all this normal for an INTP?

I mean, i'm a pretty charming guy, a lot of girls like me and i COULD have a lot of friends but the strictness from my mom prevents that. I always feel lonely because of it.
 

INA

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Have one on the sly.
You're a teenager; you're expected to break rules.

and INTP at that!
 

INTPthinker

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it's not that easy though, she'll probably think i'm a freak cause i'm "not allowed to have a girlfriend" it makes me sound like a child
 

INA

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This is when you show her you're all man. :cheers:
Anyway, your parents rules make them the freaks, not you. Why would you even want an idiot who can't see that?
 

INTPthinker

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yeah i know ahaha

but now because i wasn't able to have a girlfriend, the few girls i was interested in before think of me as just a good friend and have all moved on because i had to be stuck as their friend(cause of my mom)
 

Salomé

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i'm a 16 year old INTP and i can't help but feel lonely because i dont have any close friends. I also feel lonely because i dont have a girlfriend because my mom wont let me have one. But i also am kinda scared to have a girlfriend, like i dont know if i'll be doing things right, taking it at the right pace, etc etc. I also feel like i might never find a girl for me and will be lonely my whole life. It's kinda overwhelming. Is all this normal for an INTP?

I mean, i'm a pretty charming guy, a lot of girls like me and i COULD have a lot of friends but the strictness from my mom prevents that. I always feel lonely because of it.
Why does it matter whether it's normal or not...?

But yes, it's quite normal. Lots of INTP men can't get women. And they don't even have their parents to blame. Check out all the PUA interest. ;)

What does your mom have against gfs anyway?
 

INTPthinker

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yeah but see that's what pisses me off because i KNOW i can get girls ahahaha some of them practically throw themselves at me

and i'm not sure what she has against them, maybe she doesn't want me having sex or something idk
 

Totenkindly

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i'm a 16 year old INTP and i can't help but feel lonely because i dont have any close friends. I also feel lonely because i dont have a girlfriend because my mom wont let me have one. But i also am kinda scared to have a girlfriend, like i dont know if i'll be doing things right, taking it at the right pace, etc etc. I also feel like i might never find a girl for me and will be lonely my whole life. It's kinda overwhelming. Is all this normal for an INTP?

Well, it sounds like least you know you have good qualities, and as soon as you get away from Mom, you'll be okay. So don't project too far and think your entire life will suck because of the way things are now, soon enough you'll be free to do what you want, when you want.

Could you just spend time with girls doing what boys do with their girlfriends, without officially calling them a girlfriend? I mean, your Mom might be able to regulate a few things, but spending time with a girl... do you have to be able to openly call her your gf for her to be your gf?

As far as being afraid: Yeah, it's okay, lots of people go through that. You're not odd or strange, and chances are you're no worse at it than many of the same people you are looking at and thinking they know what they're doing. You're just willing to admit it to yourself.

INTP mentality = strategize and figure it all out intellectually before doing it, to minimize risk and discomfort. But some things, you can't do that way. Learning how to relate to people is one of those.

I remember being scared in the sense I'd feel if I made a mistake, the person I was interested in would dump me. Sometimes that happens, but often people who do that aren't ready for a real relationship either; most "average" people can handle some amount of mistakes, especially if it's clear it was just a mistake and you're trying hard to do the right thing by them. In any case, there is no way through without just doing it, making some mistakes, making up for your mistakes, and rolling with things. It's scary right now, but it gets easier the more experience you get. It sounds like you're able to look at yourself and examine things, so you should be self-correcting and able to fix any mistakes and learn quickly.
 

INTPthinker

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thats the thing too she BARELY lets me spend time with girls PERIOD ahaha. Even if i say a girl is like my sister she wouldn't let me
 

Totenkindly

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Have you ever asked her why she won't let you?
If not, why not?

You don't have to be rude about it. You could just say something like, "Mom, I'm feeling really lonely and left out right now in my life. I'd especially like to be close to a girl my age, and I don't understand the rules you've set for me, which is just making things harder for me. Could you explain what you're thinking? It would help me if I at least understood your reasoning or what you were concerned about." Or maybe you've already done that?

I mean, you're 16. The age where your parents would just be slapping rules on you is sort of past, awhile ago; at this point, there should be some sort of dialog going on as she prepares you to become an independent adult.
 

INTPthinker

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yeah and i'm turning 17 in 2 months ahaha :p

i guess i'll just wait until i'm 17 so i could use the whole argument that i'm only 1 year away from being an adult and should at least have the freedom of having my own girlfriend
 

Totenkindly

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yeah and i'm turning 17 in 2 months ahaha :p

i guess i'll just wait until i'm 17 so i could use the whole argument that i'm only 1 year away from being an adult and should at least have the freedom of having my own girlfriend

Again, I think it's good to engage as a reasoning adult; but if you make it into a real power struggle with someone who has authority over you, it won't get you what you want. Your mom will just clamp down harder, and since you actually depend on her for room, board, and money, you're sort of hosed at that point, you have nothing to bargain with... and she'll be more reluctant to talk in the future.

That's why I am suggesting more of a dialogue, if possible, at least at first. If she had good intentions rather than bad, the dialogue will open more doors for you long-term.... and especially if she sees you understand her reasoning and are thoughtful enough to take care of yourself. If she doesn't have good intentions, then you won't get anywhere but that's no worse than where you are now.
 

INTPthinker

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okay

and it's just hard for me, like i'm an emotional stable person but this just hit my rightt in the heart because i just want a companion
 

Words of Ivory

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I'll probably get blasted for this suggestion... but stop living under your mother's thumb.

You might only be 16, but being a parent does not give someone a right to dictate their child's life as they see fit. So what if she doesn't "want you to have a girlfriend"? What exactly is she going to do? Kick you out of home?

I'm getting a vibe of a decent person who otherwise feels constrained by the circumstances he is under. If you want a girlfriend, have one. If your mother doesn't like it, tough shit on her. It's not like you're a delinquent going around causing trouble.
 

JocktheMotie

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What does your mom have against gfs anyway?

If she's anything like mine, it's the whole "I need to be the only woman in your life and I can't let go." Which leads to clingy-ness and grasping really tightly. Which leads to the cocky, 16 year old INTP with slight anger issues and surging testosterone verbally tearing her apart every time he detects her feely claws trying to sink in! But I digress...

Do you go out a lot? Exhibit any kind of behavior that gives her a reason not to trust you? We don't have the privilege of the entire perspective so it's a bit hard to assess, but if you enjoy lighting fires and setting traps to set up your own Abu Ghraib of furry critters I can understand why she doesn't want you to have friends.

But I'm with INA. Fight the power!
 

INA

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If she's anything like mine, it's the whole "I need to be the only woman in your life and I can't let go." Which leads to clingy-ness and grasping really tightly. Which leads to the cocky, 16 year old INTP with slight anger issues and surging testosterone verbally tearing her apart every time he detects her feely claws trying to sink in! But I digress...
Yeah, because in any event he needs an outlet she can't provide. Or she could but that would be gross.

But I'm with INA. Fight the power!

:cheers:
As Words of Ivory said, she won't throw you out. Imagine her horror at the idea that you'll fall into the clutches of a cougar if she did.
 

Robopop

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FIGHT THE POWER!!!!! :rock:
 

Helios

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i'm a 16 year old INTP and i can't help but feel lonely because i dont have any close friends. I also feel lonely because i dont have a girlfriend because my mom wont let me have one. But i also am kinda scared to have a girlfriend, like i dont know if i'll be doing things right, taking it at the right pace, etc etc. I also feel like i might never find a girl for me and will be lonely my whole life. It's kinda overwhelming. Is all this normal for an INTP?

I mean, i'm a pretty charming guy, a lot of girls like me and i COULD have a lot of friends but the strictness from my mom prevents that. I always feel lonely because of it.

It may be that in 2-3 years your lack of friends and romantic interests will be something that does not bother you at all. I have at most a single friend, and not an especially close one, yet I'm quite contented. Being alone-something which one ought to distinguish from being lonely- is something almost beautiful, as I hope you see.
 

Stevo

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It may be that in 2-3 years your lack of friends and romantic interests will be something that does not bother you at all. I have at most a single friend, and not an especially close one, yet I'm quite contented. Being alone-something which one ought to distinguish from being lonely- is something almost beautiful, as I hope you see.

Some people can't handle that amount of isolation. I, for one, do find myself needing at the minimum a modicum of social interaction. I can downplay the need for extended periods of time if I really need to, but I start to go crazy if I don't have some sort of interaction with people other than the members of my immediate family for more than three weeks. Obviously I prefer more than that. But one thing I could not handle is not having any friends.
 
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