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[INTJ] My INTJ Girlfriend is always Late

Into It

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Joined
Aug 30, 2008
Messages
664
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ENFP
Always. And I mean really late. And I also mean always. Every single time I have ever invited her over, or she said she was coming over, she has been late, on average, by well over an hour. Actually, and I am speaking accurately, probably more like two hours on average. We've been dating about four months, and we spend time with eachother very frequently.

I really do feel like most of the time she intends on coming "in an hour or so," and that she isn't just straight-up lieing for no reason, but she just doesn't come. Right now I'm waiting for her to come over, hence the post, but I have thought of mentioning this to you before to hear your thoughts. On Friday morning she left to go to her parents house about two hours away from here, and she told me she would be coming back the next day, Saturday. But she stayed another night. And then I spoke to her Sunday, and she said she would probably be coming back in a little while...but then she made the decision to stay another night. She came back a few hours ago, and I've been waiting for her to come since then.

I'm an ENFP. And I'm intensely N, and intensely P. I am the last person to require or even consider punctuality, or so I have always thought. But now I see that I must have been mistaken, because she drives me crazy.

So...INTJ's....does this concept of the always-late INTJ puzzle you? I have to say, it has made me doubt her type a thousand times, just this one quality...but I am very familiar with typology, and she's very 'I', I'm not convinced she needs people at all...ever. She's an NT. Very cool, very rational and understanding. I put her on the border of T/F for a while, but it is merely because she is female that she appears to have some F qualities. But whenever I ask myself the question, "Is much of her thought interpersonal? The answer is a comically emphatic No.



But she's decisive and definitely has an excogitative mode of thinking, totally unlike the purely inward, contemplative INTP. And INTP's have a sort of...feel...about them...just take my word for it, she isn't one of them.

I am especially curious to hear what any INTJ's have to think; if you are an INTJ who has stumbled upon this thread, I would really appreciate your two cents.
 

Into It

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Interesting. I just checked my phone after typing this post, and I had a text message. She's going out to a mediterranean hookah bar/restaurant instead of coming over, apparently.
 

thescientist

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2009
Messages
254
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Always. And I mean really late. And I also mean always. Every single time I have ever invited her over, or she said she was coming over, she has been late, on average, by well over an hour. Actually, and I am speaking accurately, probably more like two hours on average. We've been dating about four months, and we spend time with eachother very frequently.

I really do feel like most of the time she intends on coming "in an hour or so," and that she isn't just straight-up lieing for no reason, but she just doesn't come. Right now I'm waiting for her to come over, hence the post, but I have thought of mentioning this to you before to hear your thoughts. On Friday morning she left to go to her parents house about two hours away from here, and she told me she would be coming back the next day, Saturday. But she stayed another night. And then I spoke to her Sunday, and she said she would probably be coming back in a little while...but then she made the decision to stay another night. She came back a few hours ago, and I've been waiting for her to come since then.

I'm an ENFP. And I'm intensely N, and intensely P. I am the last person to require or even consider punctuality, or so I have always thought. But now I see that I must have been mistaken, because she drives me crazy.

So...INTJ's....does this concept of the always-late INTJ puzzle you? I have to say, it has made me doubt her type a thousand times, just this one quality...but I am very familiar with typology, and she's very 'I', I'm not convinced she needs people at all...ever. She's an NT. Very cool, very rational and understanding. I put her on the border of T/F for a while, but it is merely because she is female that she appears to have some F qualities. But whenever I ask myself the question, "Is much of her thought interpersonal? The answer is a comically emphatic No.



But she's decisive and definitely has an excogitative mode of thinking, totally unlike the purely inward, contemplative INTP. And INTP's have a sort of...feel...about them...just take my word for it, she isn't one of them.

I am especially curious to hear what any INTJ's have to think; if you are an INTJ who has stumbled upon this thread, I would really appreciate your two cents.

I am, unfortunately, guilty of the same. It is a curse. I'm sure if you voiced this to her she would make a conscious effort. I know when people are annoyed by it, I try extra hard to be there on time for them.

Just let her know honestly how you feel about it.

Why am I chronically late? I'm so caught up in what I'm currently doing and so absorbed in it, I completely lose track of time.

Sometimes I even get caught up in the "getting ready" process. I enjoy getting dolled up. I just HATE doing things in a rush. I dunno...i really wish I knew WHY I have such trouble breaking this bad habit...
 

thescientist

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2009
Messages
254
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INTJ
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5w4
Interesting. I just checked my phone after typing this post, and I had a text message. She's going out to a mediterranean hookah bar/restaurant instead of coming over, apparently.

:huh: Interesting......
 

SillySapienne

`~~Philosoflying~~`
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Jan 14, 2008
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4w5
My INTJ boyfriend is always fucking late, too! :steam:

I surmise it has something to do with Ni-time-space which is evidently different and unique from "real" time-space. :newwink:
 

mrcockburn

Aquaria
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Jan 3, 2010
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¥¤
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sp/so
Wow, a constantly-late INTJ?? Could be the Ni. Their minds muddled and bended by abstract crap when they should be Si/Te-ing their asses to where they're supposed to be.

I have a serious punctuality issue too, but then, I'm an ENTP.

However, if INTJs can be late, maybe I should re-consider my old ENTJ test results...
 

Usehername

On a mission
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May 30, 2007
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I'm usually exceedingly punctual for more formalized or organized situations (walking into lecture even a minute late would cause embarrassment for me), and exceedingly unpredictable for casual get-togethers, depending on how tuned in I was to, you know, reality and the moment and stuff.

She seems like she's being disrespectful, though. If I was more than an hour late one day I'd make double the effort to be early the next time as a gesture of respect for the other person's time.
 

mrcockburn

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Interesting. I just checked my phone after typing this post, and I had a text message. She's going out to a mediterranean hookah bar/restaurant instead of coming over, apparently.

Oh that changes everything! No one can resist that, hookahs are great! :D
 

highlander

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sx/sp
I am, unfortunately, guilty of the same. It is a curse. I'm sure if you voiced this to her she would make a conscious effort. I know when people are annoyed by it, I try extra hard to be there on time for them.

Just let her know honestly how you feel about it.

Why am I chronically late? I'm so caught up in what I'm currently doing and so absorbed in it, I completely lose track of time.

Definitely this :blush:
 

SillySapienne

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Something about their being Ni doms make INTJs weird regarding what we attribute to be typical "J behaviors", at least in my experience. :)
 

SillySapienne

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Definitely this :blush:
This might be a dom N thing, because I am guilty of this too.

When I am fully engaged in something, all concept of time and space fade.

I become fully absorbed in whatever it is that's capturing and captivating my attention.
 

highlander

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If it's important enough, they definitely can figure out a way to be on time though.
 

runvardh

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Must be Ni dom; even for me Fi dom for me makes me feel like shit if I'm more than 15 min late for casual stuff. Most of the time I'm 10 - 20 min early and end up waiting for the rest of the world to coalesce for the next hour to hour and a half.
 
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I'm chronically 5 or 10 minutes late for things, but never LATE late. I'm kind of enabled by lax standards at work, though.
 

poppy

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I'm usually exceedingly punctual for more formalized or organized situations (walking into lecture even a minute late would cause embarrassment for me), and exceedingly unpredictable for casual get-togethers, depending on how tuned in I was to, you know, reality and the moment and stuff.

She seems like she's being disrespectful, though. If I was more than an hour late one day I'd make double the effort to be early the next time as a gesture of respect for the other person's time.

Same here. I couldn't be late to something scheduled if I tried, but I tend to be late to show up to more casual events if I'm working on a project.

If I know I'm going to get absorbed in what I'm doing, I'll make it clear that I won't be there for a while. But I know an INTJ guy who would tell me he was going to come over "in a few", and I wouldn't see him for an hour and a half because he'd gotten caught up in some video game. So I guess some people just aren't as conscientious...Definitely something to talk to her about.
 

JustHer

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I sometimes wonder if INTJs get off on being inconsiderate. One particular INTJ that I know seems to do it on purpose. I attribute it to some sort of social anxiety.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I am like an ENFJ/INFJ hybrid but closer to ENFJ. I am always almost late to everything. Strong Ni can be a curse. If I am engrossed in something, I want to continue doing it rather than doing what I am supposed to be doing next. Typically, it's like this. 5 more minutes is going to be ok. 5 minutes is up. It will be all right if I do it for 10 more minutes. 10 minutes is up. Well, 15 more minutes won't make a difference. It continues and continues until in the end, it becomes "Oh shit, I should have gotten ready 30 minutes ago".
 
R

ReflecTcelfeR

Guest
I do my best to be on time, but at times I just enjoy what I'm doing more than I do going to meet someone.
 

Valiant

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Hm... Maybe this particular one is off balance somehow.
I'm always between fifteen and thirty-five minutes early, if it's not a party or a dinner, then I come on the specified time since it could be considered rude to barge in too early in some situations.
 

Randomnity

insert random title here
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The INTJs I know tend to be on time only if they consider it important. This behaviour in particular (ditching you to go to a restaurant, without telling you let alone asking if you wanted to come?) is pretty ridiculously rude, except perhaps if your meeting was extremely casual.

Have you considered that she could be istp, which can resemble intj in thoughts and behaviour? It's funny but istp is often more like intj than either is like intp (in my experience) - perhaps the shared Ni/Se. Your description didn't include much about being abstract which is why I'm mentioning this. ST is as "cool, rational and understanding" as NT.
 
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