[NT] NT's and Gifts

[Verfremdungseffekt]

Seriously?

I'm always serious.

 

[Redbone]

On giving:

Do you spend a lot of effort on picking out the perfect gift, or do you tend to try give "standard" gifts (all women like chocolate right??) or do you try to avoid the whole thing altogether?

I try to avoid it. I'm always afraid of mucking it up. The thing that really gets me is that there are too many damn choices!

What price range do you tend to shop in? Does this change with how "close" a person is to you?

The inexpensive range. It's better to get a gift that is inexpensive and well-received than an expensive "what is this?" gift.

Do you feel anxious about gift giving and what people might be expecting from your gift? Do you think that people judge you on your "gift giving ability"?

Not really. I'd only give a gift to the people very close to me and I'm working under the assumption that they know I don't do this kind of thing well.

Do you feel obliged to give gifts during certain holidays? (ie: Christmas, Valentines Day, Birthdays)

No.

On receiving:

What kind of gifts do you appreciate the most?


Books that I really like (hardback of latest installment of _______ that I'm too cheap/broke to buy right then). Jewelry. Coffee. Ooh, taking me to dinner. A bottle of Dehlinger Russian River Valley Pinot Noir. An extended time by myself (yeah--I'll see y'all later).

Do you judge a person by what kind of gifts they give you?


No.

Do you expect different things from people who have different relationships to you?

Yes.

Do you get disappointed or feel guilty when in a gift exchange, there is a marked difference in price?

I've never done it.

Do you ever feel "caught off guard" from receiving a gift, or are you generally happy and accepting of every and all gifts?

I often feel caught off guard. I often feel like I wish they wouldn't have done it. I rarely get stuff I can use or appreciate. But I am grateful that they took the time, effort, and money to get me something.

Any other thoughts?

When will I get that bottle of pinot noir?

 

[alakazam]

For me, the value of a gift is not the cost, but the utility and, to some degree, the creativity. I try to give people things they would not have thought of themselves, but will still use or enjoy. I often give gifts I have made myself, rather than those simply purchased.

My main goal is giving the person something they can actually use, that won't simply become junk on a shelf. I try to be creative in this, and usually get an inspiration, and then can't find the specific item. At this point, it can get frustrating, and if possible, I will consider making it myself.

On the other hand, very few people are able to give me gifts that I can actually use and appreciate. It is said that it's the thought that counts, but when someone gives me something that I cannot use, is far from my tastes, etc. etc., it is hard for me to imagine that they put very much thought into it. Some of these gift-givers are relatives who have known me for years, so I take it as an indication of how little they really do know me. In these cases, I would prefer a simple card, or something consumable like a bottle of wine or some gourmet coffee. If they give me a kind I do not prefer, I can still share it with guests.

I do have a small list of people to whom I customarily give gifts for birthdays and Winter holidays. I also keep my eyes open for possibilities throughout the year. I don't do this consciously, but rather if I happen across something that would make a good gift for someone, I buy it and keep it for the next occasion. By extension, I will sometimes give someone a gift for no reason except that I ran across something I think they could use. I do this especially if the item was inexpensive and the recipient is a close friend.

Yeah... I just see that as a very dangerous proposition because it's too easy to get something you think would be useful but turns out not to be.

Here's a good example: someone gave me a gift that was a car-charger for my iPhone because they looked and saw that I didn't have it. They did everything you just said: they looked, found something that would be useful that I didn't appear to have but could use, and got it - the thing is, I did have one, I just didn't use it all the time. And, back then, I really didn't need it very often because I didn't leave apps like Trapster open while I was driving (that, since, has changed, especially since I can leave it running in the background...)

However, I have found that SJs are pretty darned good at this, because if I mention "oh, I wish I had such and such" in some random conversation months prior, they'll remember (and I just can't fathom that!) However, the SFJs I've noticed try to make it something cute or sentimental, which turns the possible amazingness into a pseudo-fail.

 

[Lucas]

I dislike both giving and receiving.

Giving because I never know what another person would like unless they directly tell me, and because I always feel like people have expectations about gifts that I don't think I can fulfill.

Receiving because it both makes me feel obligated to the person, which I hate, and because people have expectations about how I will react, which I generally cannot genuinely fulfill.

 

[Salt n' pepper]

I like to give. I like to make people feel good. Especially if I'm in a giving mood, or I care about said person. And making gifts are a creative outlet for me. However, I would hate it if said person interpreted that as something they'd have to reciprocate. Cause that's not the joy in giving.

And I'm uncomfortable receiving gifts, myself. Especially if they are expensive, uncalled for or if I am expected to like it.

Hm, maybe I should stay off gifts. Does seem like a pat on the back or a simple thank you note, would suffice.

 

[Coriolis]

Here's a good example: someone gave me a gift that was a car-charger for my iPhone because they looked and saw that I didn't have it. They did everything you just said: they looked, found something that would be useful that I didn't appear to have but could use, and got it - the thing is, I did have one, I just didn't use it all the time. And, back then, I really didn't need it very often because I didn't leave apps like Trapster open while I was driving (that, since, has changed, especially since I can leave it running in the background...)

However, I have found that SJs are pretty darned good at this, because if I mention "oh, I wish I had such and such" in some random conversation months prior, they'll remember (and I just can't fathom that!)

I do this, too. To make sure I don't forget, I write it down upon hearing it. About your iphone example, I hardly ever get someone an accessory for something they have just for this reason, unless I hear them specifically mention that they want one, and it is close enough to the gift event that they probably won't go and get one themselves. When I say "creative" I usually mean things usually unrelated to anything they have, often off the beaten track. I can't try to determine what this is; it just happens through a combination of luck and intuition, and when these do not produce a result, I must fall back upon your SJ alternative.

 

[Aerithria]

What are your thoughts on giving and receiving gifts?

On giving:

Do you spend a lot of effort on picking out the perfect gift, or do you tend to try give "standard" gifts (all women like chocolate right??) or do you try to avoid the whole thing altogether?

I hate standard presents. I don't mind general presents, such as gift cards and the like, but that has to be tailored to the person in question. I go by what suits them, but I never spend an extraordinary amount of time trying to find the "perfect" gift (which usually does not exist in any case).

What price range do you tend to shop in? Does this change with how "close" a person is to you?

I usually go based on what they'd accept. I'm never particularly hard-pressed for money, so it usually doesn't factor in what I get them unless I know they'd refuse something too extravagant.

Do you feel anxious about gift giving and what people might be expecting from your gift? Do you think that people judge you on your "gift giving ability"?

I certainly hope they don't judge me, heh. I'm only anxious when I get someone a gift that walks the line between being utterly hilarious and making fun of the person in question, because I'm not always sure how they'll take it.

Do you feel obliged to give gifts during certain holidays? (ie: Christmas, Valentines Day, Birthdays)

Birthdays, perhaps, but never anything past that. I tend to give gifts when I think of it, or when a friend is having a hard time and could use some cheering up.

On receiving:

What kind of gifts do you appreciate the most?

I like gifts that show that the person thought about whether I'd actually use it rather than going for something sentimental.

Do you judge a person by what kind of gifts they give you?

Eh, not unless they get me something that really doesn't make sense for me.

Do you expect different things from people who have different relationships to you?

No. But then again, I get very uncomfortable when given things of high sentimental value, so I more or less expect the same sort of thing from everybody, should they choose to give me a gift.

Do you get disappointed or feel guilty when in a gift exchange, there is a marked difference in price?

No. The price of a gift doesn't determine the value of it, even for unsentimental gifts.

Do you ever feel "caught off guard" from receiving a gift, or are you generally happy and accepting of every and all gifts?

Unless it's Christmas with my family, I'm always caught off guard with gifts. I actually dislike receiving presents because I'm very bad with gratitude (which is also why I prefer to not be in the room when someone opens a gift from me), so any gift to me is generally met with anxiety first and foremost.