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  1. #21
    Pose! Salt n' pepper's Avatar
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    I really approve of Jeno's and her man's strategy. I wish I had done this from the beginning, but it's not too late to bring that into a relationship. It's just so efficient in every way. Saves you a lot of time, energy, grief - you know what you're getting yourself into, what to expect and it gives you a lot of freedom within the relationship. You can always challenge the status quo, it's not set in stone, it simply gives you a sense of wholeness and calm. Giving your mind space to think about other important stuff, than "where is this relationship going" and things like that. And, it's great team-work! I'm impressed.

  2. #22
    Energizer Bunny Resonance's Avatar
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    Jeno should write a dating advice column for this subforum ;P
    The beauty of a living thing is not the atoms that go into it, but the way those atoms are put together. ~ rCoxI ~ INfj ~ 5w6 so/sp

  3. #23
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    it sounds awesome jeno...truly
    i know what you mean...my last relationship was with a ne dom and there was lots of everything out in the open future discussions too. it's cool.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  4. #24
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    Not quite sure whether to or

  5. #25
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Does it make me less of an INFP if I actually think Jen's method sounds awesome?
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  6. #26
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    In relationships, I tend to be the rational possibility-oriented one. I tend to focus on Ne in terms of how I behave ... flexy, laid-back, non-committal, wanting to play things out and explore rather than nail stuff in... but once I'm serious or have decided that it's what I want and that it all "makes sense" to invest in, then I'm more willing to nail stuff in place.

    If big-picture I see major issues/conflicts with underlying perceptions of reality, then I'm going to see the relationship as fundamentally doomed. Due to my flexiness, I can hold that thought in mind and still "give it a shot" for a bit just to see if reality follows theory, but typically the conflicts I foresaw are pervasive and unfixable. I don't allow the relationship to obfuscate things; if the topic comes up, or I feel like the other person is making bad assumptions, I'll be the "downer" and clarify the problems I see.

    Love ya, Jeno, but I couldn't quite do what you did... I like it to be more organic, although I definitely like to rationally "negotiate the agreement" and spell it all out at various times so we're both on the same page. Maybe this is less a difference in thinking and more just a difference in overt response; I like my flex and to be easy-going, and so I talk in more casual ways even if I think structuredly.

    I didn't realize until later in life that there are many people who don't need to or don't want to or can't even articulate the structure of the relationship, whereas I naturally think that way...
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #27
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I like a box I can bounce around in for the day to day, but change when the need hits. I have a skelleton to support the flex, but the skelleton is reconfigurable when the current configuration is becoming inefficient or ineffective. It's how I structure my time with the outside world - a regular work schedule and a couple rules for advanced warning of friend/functional appointments; then the rest of the time is mine to do what I want with, including any of the others if I just so happen to have the open time.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  8. #28
    half mystic, half skeksis jenocyde's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    In relationships, I tend to be the rational possibility-oriented one. I tend to focus on Ne in terms of how I behave ... flexy, laid-back, non-committal, wanting to play things out and explore rather than nail stuff in... but once I'm serious or have decided that it's what I want and that it all "makes sense" to invest in, then I'm more willing to nail stuff in place.

    If big-picture I see major issues/conflicts with underlying perceptions of reality, then I'm going to see the relationship as fundamentally doomed. Due to my flexiness, I can hold that thought in mind and still "give it a shot" for a bit just to see if reality follows theory, but typically the conflicts I foresaw are pervasive and unfixable. I don't allow the relationship to obfuscate things; if the topic comes up, or I feel like the other person is making bad assumptions, I'll be the "downer" and clarify the problems I see.

    Love ya, Jeno, but I couldn't quite do what you did... I like it to be more organic, although I definitely like to rationally "negotiate the agreement" and spell it all out at various times so we're both on the same page. Maybe this is less a difference in thinking and more just a difference in overt response; I like my flex and to be easy-going, and so I talk in more casual ways even if I think structuredly.

    I didn't realize until later in life that there are many people who don't need to or don't want to or can't even articulate the structure of the relationship, whereas I naturally think that way...
    I hear ya. It's not for everyone. But I hope I didn't give the impression that either one of us is rigid. Definitely not so. We just have a lot vested in certain aspects of our lives, at this stage of the game, that I didn't want to argue about later. For instance, he is a freelancer and can work from anywhere whereas I am working on a brick-and-mortar place of business and can't just leave. So it was decided that he would move here (he wasn't native to this area). But if the business didn't perform at a certain level by a certain time, then I would give it up and we would pick a new place to live that wasn't just "my" place. Stuff like that. All those things that people argue about when it's too late and people are too settled.

    And I didn't want to get involved with someone who wanted like 10 children and then risk him being disappointed down the road. The practical stuff that no one wants to talk about because love conquers all, or whatever.

    But our day to day life is just up for grabs.

    I think that he's more of a let things happen type of person than I am because he like to see how all these things he's set up are going to play out. I'm much more impatient and want to know if it's all going to be "worth it" once I set out on something. I want to see the end first (the big picture) before I take one step forward. Even with films, I need to know the story before I commit 2 hours of my life to watch something that I may not be interested in. That's just my personality. 2 hours could be spent having actual fun.

    Whereas he can just take step after step without knowing where he is in life or where he is going (and incidentally, that's what led to the demise of his last relationship...)

    But while he reigns me in, I spur him into action - and we meet somewhere in the middle.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salt n' pepper View Post
    I just go after whatever I want. Makes most sense to me. What do I have to lose? And unless you make it clear you're not interested in a relationship, I probably won't give up. In dating and romance, I'm typically the aggressor. I don't see a point in any prolonged flirting/mating dance. If you keep that up, I probably will lose interest or think you're only playing games, which is a waste of my time.
    If I met someone like you Id find it really refreshing compared to other women.

    So I have a question in that regard, what would you do if the guy got overwhelmed by your sudden interest?

  10. #30
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    I think Jenocyde's "method" sounds pretty liberating. You have all your bases covered from the beginning so that you don't have to go through all of the anxiety of bringing the subjects up later, or trying to guess what the other person is thinking (about, say, when you should move in together, for instance.) You just maturely and calmly deal with them from the start. It sounds lovely. Then you can just enjoy each other without any of that BS weighing you down!

    As for how I behave if I am romantically interested in someone, I'm not going to lie, I withdraw and hold out without telling anyone. If the person shows (recognizable) interest in me, then I'll just straightforwardly tell them that I'm interested in them as well. But unless the other person acts first, it's pretty much doomed. Unless maybe I'm drunk and feeling gregarious/run-at-the-mouth.
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