[Fi] Why is my response to other peoples crying to cry?

[Cindy]

Empathy? Sure. But I'm definately a 'thinking' type personality. And I guess you might think it could be hormonal but it couldn't possibly be because it happens everytime without fail. Then I will laugh cos I'm crying too, and yeah... wierdo. Not very helpful either. It's been happening for about the last 10 years and I'm just wondering how this fits with my type. Have other 'T's experienced anything similar?

 

[Salt n' pepper]

Hm. I think I'm not a very empathetic person. I'm trying hard to get there though. I need to understand the reason as to why they are feeling sad/unhappy in order to honestly emphasize. And the reason needs to be somewhat relevant to me. Also, it helps if I value their reason.

My crying response is more likely triggered by happy people! Inspiring ideas, inspiring people. Bravery, altruism. Positive emotions trigger tears in me. I don't know. For instance, I can't finish a song if it inspires me.

I think when I see a sad face, my problem solving instincts are turned on to max. Also, I don't think it will help if I also break down and cry, so I don't. And I think it's immaturity too. I don't like to show my vulnerability out in the open, so I'll fight tears automatically. Also, when I cry, I do it alone. Those moments aren't shared.

I can understand the crying and laughing combo. Sometimes when your own response is so weird and bizarre, you can't help but to laugh.

 

[TiNe_2_IP]

I do this all the time but not really when I have a flesh and blood person crying in front of me.
I do it when I watch films or TV, especially reality TV. Like a reunion on Oprah or someone in Masterchef who has just been voted out and they are talking about how they were inspired by their grandmother or family members turning up on Survivor! Yeah and I bawled my eyes out when I watched Steel Magnolias and the Notebook and Lassie Come Home.
I try to hide it when others are in the room watching too because I get embarrassed, so I kind of secretly love it when I am by myself and I can really let it out and have a good howl.
I never, ever cry for myself in front of others.

Weirdly, as Salt n' Pepper said I tend to cry more for: 'happy people! Inspiring ideas, inspiring people. Bravery, altruism. Positive emotions trigger tears in me. I don't know. For instance, I can't finish a song if it inspires me.'
Though this did happen more when I was younger, I remembering crying in a Rocky movie when I was 15. As I get older I cry more for the helpless and the innocent and the hopelessness in situations.
God I didn't know I cried so much.

 

[Salt n' pepper]

As I get older I cry more for the helpless and the innocent and the hopelessness in situations.

Yes. For instance, animal cruelty and unprovoked violence are things that can make my eyes fill up.

 

[Totenkindly]

I'm in the middle of a semi-breakup (due to my recent move), and when he was getting ready to leave, i started crying, then started laughing over how i was crying, then started bawling. it just happened.

yes, i think hormones can impact it. i was out of whack hormonally for years and never cried much; now my levels are in normal ranges & i cry regularly if something moves me.it's much easier to cry when sad and i can't avoid it. Mentally i still feel much the same, but my emotions and body seem more tightly connected now.

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

I'm VERY empathetic. When I want to be.

I'm good at understanding why someone feels the way they do, what led to it, why it happened, etc.
I make a good listener, because I will sit there, listen, put myself in your shoes/situation and imagine how I would feel if I was YOU and not me( thus, I don't perceive a situation like I usually would).

This leads me to have an easy understanding of my friends, who they are, and what they want and need.

SO when one of them is crying, I am completely empathetic.

However. I am rarely sympathetic. I'm just terrible at that... I will understand(feelings) why they're crying , I will not feel bad that you are crying, hence, I will not cry with you. Unless it's something terrible( usually something completely out of the persons control).

 

[Amargith]

Fi's a bitch that way

Feel the pain of another..quite literally (or that's how it feels )

 

[Salt n' pepper]

I'm VERY empathetic. When I want to be.

I'm good at understanding why someone feels the way they do, what led to it, why it happened, etc.
I make a good listener, because I will sit there, listen, put myself in your shoes/situation and imagine how I would feel if I was YOU and not me( thus, I don't perceive a situation like I usually would).

This leads me to have an easy understanding of my friends, who they are, and what they want and need.

SO when one of them is crying, I am completely empathetic.

However. I am rarely sympathetic. I'm just terrible at that... I will understand(feelings) why they're crying , I will not feel bad that you are crying, hence, I will not cry with you. Unless it's something terrible( usually something completely out of the persons control).

oh. sympathetic vs empathetic. I thought it was the other way around. To be empathetic, you can actually, or easily feel for/with the other person. Sympathetic, is well, being nice about someone else feeling sad.

 

[JocktheMotie]

Mirror Neurons! Still hypothetical at this point, but I just blame it on that.

I also have a weird thing with eyes. I see people tear up, I start tearing up. For me, doesn't have to deal with empathy or sympathy, I don't feel what they're feeling or feel bad for them, I just start copying their behavior. A drawback of my tendency to socially mimic I suppose.

 

[Totenkindly]

Empathy is more intuitive to me (imagining yourself in the other's shoes).

Sympathy is more about feeling what the other feels, or putting your emotions (rather than your mind or imagination) in sync.

 

[Salt n' pepper]

Empathy is more intuitive to me (imagining yourself in the other's shoes).

Sympathy is more about feeling what the other feels, or putting your emotions (rather than your mind or imagination) in sync.

k.. i got it wrong then. this whole time, i thought empathy was feeling the other persons feelings. cause in direct translation, empathy means "to suffer with", in Swedish. so i guess that's where i got it from.

sympathy i thought was in the percievers eyes. to say someone is sympathetic, means that person is a nice person, easy to relate to, easy to talk to, understanding ect.

i'll wiki it when i get home though.

 

[TiNe_2_IP]

oh. sympathetic vs empathetic. I thought it was the other way around. To be empathetic, you can actually, or easily feel for/with the other person. Sympathetic, is well, being nice about someone else feeling sad.

I too stopped to think about this.

Looked up Wikipedia this is what it said:

Although empathy and sympathy are often used interchangeably, a subtle variation in ordinary usage can be detected. To empathize is to respond to another's perceived emotional state by experiencing feelings of a similar sort.[1] Sympathy not only includes empathizing, but also entails having a positive regard or a non-fleeting concern for the other person.[2]
In common usage, sympathy is usually making known one's understanding of another's unhappiness or suffering, especially when it is grief. Sympathy can also refer to being aware of other (positive) emotions as well.

Empathy, which literally translates as in feeling, is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings.
Empathy is an ability with many different definitions. They cover a broad spectrum, ranging from feeling a concern for other people that creates a desire to help them, experiencing emotions that match another person's emotions, knowing what the other person is thinking or feeling, to blurring the line between self and other.

Too tired to decipher it for myself at the moment but it is there for anyone else to.

'edit': not quick enough on the keyboard I see.

 

[Salt n' pepper]

I too stopped to think about this.

Looked up Wikipedia this is what it said:

Although empathy and sympathy are often used interchangeably, a subtle variation in ordinary usage can be detected. To empathize is to respond to another's perceived emotional state by experiencing feelings of a similar sort.[1] Sympathy not only includes empathizing, but also entails having a positive regard or a non-fleeting concern for the other person.[2]
In common usage, sympathy is usually making known one's understanding of another's unhappiness or suffering, especially when it is grief. Sympathy can also refer to being aware of other (positive) emotions as well.

Empathy, which literally translates as in feeling, is the capability to share another being's emotions and feelings.
Empathy is an ability with many different definitions. They cover a broad spectrum, ranging from feeling a concern for other people that creates a desire to help them, experiencing emotions that match another person's emotions, knowing what the other person is thinking or feeling, to blurring the line between self and other.

Too tired to decipher it for myself at the moment but it is there for anyone else to.

'edit': not quick enough on the keyboard I see.

um, so, I got it right then!

thanks!

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

oh. sympathetic vs empathetic. I thought it was the other way around. To be empathetic, you can actually, or easily feel for/with the other person. Sympathetic, is well, being nice about someone else feeling sad.

They're a pain in the ass to remember.

Sympanthy is to feel for the person, feel what they feel. I don't do that.

I feel what they feel to the point of understanding and nothing else. I can understand HOW they feel. I can define it, and it's boundaries. I can understand WHY the feel a spectrum of feelings, etc.

but I won't feel what they feel.




edit:. fudge I can't believe I screwed them up...

 

[Salt n' pepper]

They're a pain in the ass to remember.

Sympanthy is to feel for the person, feel what they feel. I don't do that.

I feel what they feel to the point of understanding and nothing else. I can understand HOW they feel. I can define it, and it's boundaries. I can understand WHY the feel these spectrums of feelings, etc.

but I won't feel what they feel.




edit:. fudge I can't believe I screwed them up...

I understand what you're saying, you just got the two definitions wrong

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

I understand what you're saying, you just got the two definitions wrong

Oh I know you did, I'm just confused. Cause I always understood it different and I just checked wikipedia and I got a different definition than TINE

WIKI

Sympathy is a social affinity in which one person stands with another person, closely understanding his or her feelings. Also known as empathic concern, it is the feeling of compassion or concern for another, the wish to see them better off or happier. Although empathy and sympathy are often used interchangeably, a subtle variation in ordinary usage can be detected. To empathize is to respond to another's perceived emotional state by experiencing feelings of a similar sort.[1] Sympathy not only includes empathizing, but also entails having a positive regard or a non-fleeting concern for the other person.[2

and there are a lot of different definitions for empathy on there.... Damnnn


But yes, You get the gist!!

 

[Amargith]

So basically, with sympathy you're likely to experience the wish that they were better off, and often gets triggered by empathy, which is mirrorring the feelings the other person is experiencing.

That would also explain why when the feelings are wayyyy intense, you get hung up on it and aren't able to get to the stage of sympathising, as sympathizing requires you to take a step back and detach from the other person in order to feel for *them* instead of you just feeling and drowning in that feeling.

Or did I screw it up?

 

[Xenon]

I've heard and read so many different explanations of sympathy vs. empathy that I don't pay attention anymore. Everyone seems to have their own idea of what each one is and why one is better than the other.

If I ever use one of the words when the other one would have been better according to some definition or other, I don't care.

Does that make me unsympathetic or unempathetic?

 

[TiNe_2_IP]

Help we need a feeler!

 

[Amargith]

*raises hand*