[Fi] Why is my response to other peoples crying to cry?

[TiNe_2_IP]

......Or did I screw it up?

Well you're a great help!

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

*raises hand*

^ We're screwed!!!!!!!!

 

[Amargith]

Hey I'm just being humble, stuck in a room filled with T's who are completely nitpicky when it comes to semantics!

I stand by my post though!

 

[Totenkindly]

I don't even care about what the definitions are of these two terms, i just think it's useful to distinguish between a pathwayof immediately being in emotional sync with someone, versus a more detached projection into the other that might not include feeling specifically what they're feeling but being able to IMAGINE it with accuracy.

(My isfj mom does the former by nature but she usually has no larger awareness or perspective, where i m far more apt to do the latter. so if a child falls and skins his knee, she's far more apty to respond as if the pain was her own; i'm far more apt to imagine the pain but i never identify it as mine.)

 

[Amethyst]

I usually just walk away if someone's crying just to cry. I'll ask them what's up, they'll be like, nothing, and I'll just say, okay, and leave. Although I do have a tendency to do the same, usually around people for some reason. I can't do it alone...I probably unconsciously just want attention lol.

 

[mrcockburn]

Empathy? Sure. But I'm definately a 'thinking' type personality. And I guess you might think it could be hormonal but it couldn't possibly be because it happens everytime without fail. Then I will laugh cos I'm crying too, and yeah... wierdo. Not very helpful either. It's been happening for about the last 10 years and I'm just wondering how this fits with my type. Have other 'T's experienced anything similar?

Are you doing it intentionally to present yourself in a proper compassionate light?

It's a perfectly normal thing. Just watch The Hills.

 

[proximo]

yes, i think hormones can impact it. i was out of whack hormonally for years and never cried much; now my levels are in normal ranges & i cry regularly if something moves me.it's much easier to cry when sad and i can't avoid it. Mentally i still feel much the same, but my emotions and body seem more tightly connected now.

Very interesting, because the exact opposite process has happened for me, going the other way to you, if you know what I mean? I mean, that my hormones have made me less empathic and even less able to cry, but my emotions and body seem more tightly connected for it...

 

[Cindy]

My crying response is more likely triggered by happy people! Inspiring ideas, inspiring people. Bravery, altruism. Positive emotions trigger tears in me. I don't know. For instance, I can't finish a song if it inspires me.

I think when I see a sad face, my problem solving instincts are turned on to max. Also, I don't think it will help if I also break down and cry, so I don't. And I think it's immaturity too. I don't like to show my vulnerability out in the open, so I'll fight tears automatically. Also, when I cry, I do it alone. Those moments aren't shared.

I can understand the crying and laughing combo. Sometimes when your own response is so weird and bizarre, you can't help but to laugh.

I know what you mean with inspiring people and inspiring ideas. I tend to be triggered in movies with things like bravery as well. It comes with a similar intensity and momentary lack of control.

On this occasion I think I felt empathy. So many thoughts flew through my head in even par with feelings and some kind of panic which built like a wave. I thought, oh crap she feels like this, and she's worried about that, and I know how that feels, and shes soooo sad right now... thats horrible. And then I was crying at a distance until I registered her look of shock and then someone said "why are you crying?" and I started to laugh cos I must have been embarrassed that everyone was looking at me crying and didn't seem to be able to look away, and then I laughed some more cos I realised how weird I was looking.

In hindsight it was a bit arrogant of me to think I could read her mind so much. How the hell would I know for sure what another person is feeling and thinking, and with what intensity! I assume whenever anyone crys it must be a tragedy for them because thats the only time I would be crying (if I ever did cry because of my own emotions).

Most times my tears seem to be just tears in response to tears, so at times it could just be that I'm mirroring behaviour.

Usually I don't know the feeling behind someones crying cos I haven't been there myself and this is what I understand to be sympathy. As far as I can remember I've never cried because I've fallen over and skinned my knee so I doubt I would have any empathy, or even sympathy, for such pysical pain. Actually I'd probably feel like laughing if I saw someone fall over. And then someone would call me a bitch.

I wasn't trying to be nice but I think she likes me more now cos she had some kind of a brief insight. She will be disappointed when it never happens quite like that again.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone!

 

[JustHer]

hmm doesnt happen to me. I'm probably more likely to cry if they ARENT crying but i feel like they should be

 

[Rainne]

My response to someone crying is to ask why they're crying and if i can't fix it, i leave them alone.

 

[Lex Talionis]

Empathy? Sure. But I'm definately a 'thinking' type personality. And I guess you might think it could be hormonal but it couldn't possibly be because it happens everytime without fail. Then I will laugh cos I'm crying too, and yeah... wierdo. Not very helpful either. It's been happening for about the last 10 years and I'm just wondering how this fits with my type. Have other 'T's experienced anything similar?

Because you are an impure INTJ, and do not have the honed ability to detach your emotions.

Either that, or you are simply more "sensitive" than others, despite the fact that you are (if you actually are) an INTJ. This is something which I believe to be biological, a reflex of sorts, which does not impact your rational decision making ability, but evokes a psychological or physiological response. Much like those with the very rare "Jumping Frenchmen of Maine" disorder, you cannot help your responses.

 

[Night]

Because you are an impure INTJ, and do not have the honed ability to detach your emotions.

Srsly?

 

[MiasmaResonance]

Nah, I just think it's PMSing.

 

[Lex Talionis]

Srsly?

Srsly.

 

[cafe]

Mirror Neurons! Still hypothetical at this point, but I just blame it on that.

I also have a weird thing with eyes. I see people tear up, I start tearing up. For me, doesn't have to deal with empathy or sympathy, I don't feel what they're feeling or feel bad for them, I just start copying their behavior. A drawback of my tendency to socially mimic I suppose.

This. Some people have a stronger tendency for it than others, but it is fairly instinctive and normal for a social species.

I'm sure hormones can play a part -- PMSing would make it really pronounced, but just having normally high levels of certain hormones (I am not going to take the time to sort out which ones because I'm lazy -- probably not testosterone, lol) would make it more likely to occur.

 

[tinkerbell]

I have a bro who is a year older than me, when he went to primary school he was fairly ill so got put back a yeat so we both basically had the same childhood. He only has to breath in a certain way and I'm in bits. I do bawl like a baby quite often when someone cries (except when I think they are camping it up when I'm a lot harder)