[ENTJ] Boyfriend is too CLINGY to be an ENTJ...

[Salt n' pepper]

Finally over. Do not contact him, ever again. Leave him alone. Hopefully he's gonna think your way of dealing with the whole thing is immature enough that he'll get over you fast.

I hope you've learned to not pussy around next time. Take responsibility for your part in the relationship. Think about the consequences of you own action, too.

Obviously, he needs to grow a pair too, but yeah, those are his lessons.

 

[thescientist]

The deed is done!!

Just got home from a bar toniight, but when I was there, Mr. ENTJ called A-FUCKING-GAIN. I'd left my phone with my friend when it happened (using the toilet) and SHE ANSWERED IT (w/o my permission, but she actually did me a favor...) and basically told him, "Just fuck off, bro. Alex DOESN'T WANT YOU, get OVER it. She said she emailed your sorry ass to call it quits. And she already met someone else." Supposedly he went batshit calling back, but now the message has been delivered without me needing to converse with him anymore. I'm not answering the phone and I'm even crashing at her house for a few days...just until I'm sure he mellows out and moves on.

Problem solved!

Seriously? How old are you? 5?

your behavior disgusts me...

 

[runvardh]

Meh, fuck discussing immaturity, in the end they'll both have stopped wasting time on each other, which may be a boon for both.

 

[ThatGirl]

Meh, fuck discussing immaturity, in the end they'll both have stopped wasting time on each other, which may be a boon for both.

What about the rest of the single population?

 

[Thalassa]

Seriously? How old are you? 5?

your behavior disgusts me...

Yes, I find it intriguing that she thinks he has mental and/or emotional problems...

 

[tinkerbell]

Guys, enough already, I think the point has been made loud and clear that the ENTJ guys is not without provocation and both need to do some growing up.

It may seem like the board is ganing up on MrC which is not the intention.

 

[runvardh]

What about the rest of the single population?

Those who want to learn something from this thread likely have already learned it; while shouting at those who don't would be a waste of time.

 

[fill]

Meh, fuck discussing immaturity, in the end they'll both have stopped wasting time on each other, which may be a boon for both.

I wouldn't consider the situation resolved if neither parties learned anything from it, which seems to be the case, so, no, we probably shouldn't fuck discussing immaturity.

MrC, this may be asking a bit too much, but would you mind showing us the e-mail you sent him so we get a clear view of how this really ended?

 

[runvardh]

I wouldn't consider the situation resolved if neither parties learned anything from it, which seems to be the case, so, no, we probably shouldn't fuck discussing immaturity.

I question attempting a lesson when the students obviously don't want to learn. Probably one of the biggest reasons I never got into teaching.

 

[ThatGirl]

Those who want to learn something from this thread likely have already learned it; while shouting at those who don't would be a waste of time.

I don't think you got my joke.

 

[mrcockburn]

I wouldn't consider the situation resolved if neither parties learned anything from it, which seems to be the case, so, no, we probably shouldn't fuck discussing immaturity.

MrC, this may be asking a bit too much, but would you mind showing us the e-mail you sent him so we get a clear view of how this really ended?

Sure...here it is, I copied and pasted the whole exact thing. But I changed all names except mine. It's REALLY REALLY long and CHOCK FULL of F. But you asked for it. I wanted to be thorough and give him a really honest explanation of my decision, all in one go. It seems hypocritical that I'm basically complaining about his negativity when I'm being negative during the whole email, but hey, it's a break-up. LOL


Subject: Luciano read this ASAP...


Luciano,

Please read this THOROUGHLY. When finished, reply to this email with ALL OF and ONLY this phrase, in this exact order: "I have received, read, and fully understood the contents of this email I am responding to."

I am permanently terminating all relations with you, both direct and indirect.

I really really hate to do this via email, but this is the only way to ensure a clear delivery of the message so that we may resume our lives - separately. This is going to be LONG, but it's only fair that I lay out everything honestly right here and right now - because after you send the confirmation response, we will NOT continue any form of communication.

Ok here goes, I don't know how much of this stuff you were aware of, but hey, you will be now:


1. BAD ATTITUDE. All of your negativity, bitching and attempts at tearing down my friends were totally unwarranted and totally uncool. Seethe about them in your rotten little mind all you want, but you have NO RIGHT to make ME look like the bad wolf or degrade my friends right to my face. (Like calling Lara a "fatass". And wtf was that, when you won't shut up about how skinny I am). In fact, you sure seem to charm and woo all my friends. Here are examples of friends that you hate that I have.

* The guys I surf with. You call them greasy losers, you've threatened to break Jon's board, you just really like to insert your snarky little comments when they're around. Those guys would've SERIOUSLY fucked you UP by now if I hadn't always stopped them.

* The guys I ride with. Fortunately your idiocy hasn't extended so far as to catfight them to their face (and the catfight wouuld be a pussycat against a crew of lions), but all you do when you're with me is stereotype and obsess about how they're a "violent reckless gang." Which is hilarious, because it's just five of us random people who like to take our motorcycles out for some fresh air. One of the guys is a DENTIST for screamin out loud...

* My ladies. Making degrading remarks about their looks, the things they like to do, and even THEIR LAUGH, is really disgusting. Sure, I've made you apologize to them and even buy them dinner to make up for it, and you managed to keep your eye rolling behind the scenes eventually, what am I doing with someone who inherently has that kind of attitude?

You're always telling me I spend too much time with my friends. If anything I've spent too much time with you. Think about it, you are only 1 person out of nearly 7,000,000,000 people. Why would I want you to monopolize all of my time? And you were never even all that willing to try new things. "Hey Luciano, let's go see a dogsledding race during winter break." You: "No, because we'll just freeze, & why do you care about watching vicious dogs pee and run?"

2. CLINGCLINGCLINGCLINGFKNCLING. "Alex where were you!?" "Alex I want to see you more" "Alex pick up your phone more" "Alex stay with me, don't leave" "Alex why didn't you invite me". AHHHHHHH. You're WORSE than having a 3 year old kid. You need to learn that EVERYONE (except you maybe) needs SOME personal space and some VARIETY. To be frank, if I was always with you, I'd be so sick of you I'd hate you and hate life. This applies to any person, not just you. You even told me to stop surfing. That'll NEVER happen. I practically surfed out of my mother's uterus. I love it, and I'm not going to change my activities just because you "feel neglected." I've always been quite clear about that kind of thing, so if you NEED someone connected to you ball-and-chain, you should have broken up with me instead of trying to change me.

3. UNWARRANTED JEALOUSY. It's really embarrassing in public when a guy looks my way and you automatically grab onto me and stare him down. You're like an old lady guarding her purse on the bus. This was a HUGE issue with my surfing friends. I am not a "cheating sociopath" (your words, fuckface) just because my surfing pals happen to pee standing up. FYI it's a lot of fun to do it with others, and it helps reduce the odds of a shark attack. You know how much I'm paranoid about being mistaken as a fishstick by a Great White. Bottom line, it's not all about you.

4. YOU ARE A LIABILITY TO MY PROFESSIONAL SUCCESS. It is COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE to contact me at work, unless the matter involves a hospital. I should've FIRED YOU the second time you pulled that bullshit. It is utterly incomprehensible how my boss actually had to reprimand YOU. Did you know that after she hung up,, she said to me: "Alex, I want to tell you, woman-to-woman...be careful with that young man." And you SHOWING UP? I could've KILLED you when you did that - twice. You could have gotten me FIRED. Have you seen the unemployment rate lately? It's not pretty.

5. CREEPINESS. I understand that people have the right to think what they want, but you're stealing my tapes, getting all spazzy when I announce I'm travelling somewhere (including calling Jess behind my back and convincing her to convince me not to go to Europe during spring break, when you don't even know her & I have no idea how you got her #), I have to question whether you're someone I want to be with. It's like you don't have a life of your own, and not only is that kind of gross to me, is it really a fun way for you to live?? Remember when I went to Brazil? If you were mentally sound, I would have gladly told you I'd be off on a trip. But every time I announce my departure, it's always another fight, so I thought, "Fuck it, you'll go bananas either way."


I know I'm not perfect. This was my first long term, exclusive relationship, so I may have screwed up some things in my own right, but the whole idea just seems to heavy and serious to me. I can't believe all the time I've spent bickering with you and even writing you this bye-bye email. It doesn't make sense, and it's just no fun. Fact is, we can bicker, we can compromise, but the fact is I'm just NOT your girl. :-/ I'm only 20, I don't want to invest so much into anything except school, work, and the enjoyment of life.


I therefore wish to discontinue my relationship with you. You must not call, email, write, visit, or send me anything.

The same rules apply to ALL the people I am affiliated with. If you fail to comply with this request of mine, I will impose a restraining order on you and file criminal charges as necessary.

Please respond now with with ALL OF and ONLY this phrase, in this exact order : "I have received, read, and fully understand the contents of this email I am responding to."

I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavours. You have many positive qualities, but in the case of our relationship, none of them are redeeming.


Best Regards,
Alex

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

That should do it.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Wow. After reading the first two lines I would have lost any residual or ingrained urge to behave like an adult.

 

[mrcockburn]

Wow. After reading the first two lines I would have lost any residual or ingrained urge to behave like an adult.

It sounds ridiculous and patronizing, but I needed to have legal "proof" in case he got crazy. I didn't know how he'd react.

BTW I know it's really long and emo sounding, but I don't think you guys can imagine what I've had to deal with. All this time I've had to sacrifice writing him and on here about him is the price I pay for not just dumping him instantly when he first annoyed me.

But, you know, the chainsaw...

 

[Amargith]

You..expected him to follow instructions, instructions that are in the first sentence of the email after...that?

I understand you needed to vent, and I even understand that you did it in this way I guess. You were naive to think however that this letter would do anything besides hurt him and make him seek answers and closure from you, I'm afraid

 

[Illict91]

Psycho Boyfriend

I understand that much has progressed since you first opened this thread (You've established a "legal" document)

Just wanted to say this isn't an MBTI-related problem with your boyfriend.
He has a serious disorder to be acting in such an irrational manner.

The document is a necessary step and you certainly need it as evidence, if anything negative (ugly) were to occur and the legal system were to be involved.

Needless to say, look after yourself.
If he attempts to make contact just ignore it, although hard to practice, it works out in the long-term as responding to his questions just feeds his controlling tendencies.
A person with any amount of commonsense should know that behaviour is childish from the minute it occurred.

I am curious minus the events that have recently emerged.
Do you respect him and still have feelings for him?

 

[paperoceans]

I'm always late...

 

[Lark]

You know that I dont think that e-mail was unreasonable if half of its content is on the level, its pretty good feedback too and he could decide to do what he wants with it and perhaps be a nicer, better person with the next individual he dates.

I've done that whole obsessive thing, clingy behaviour, I suspect I was getting played at the time because they complained about my lack of contact with them and the minute I got invested withdrew, that can be like the blue touch paper of relationships and if its not in the PUA play book it should be.

Speaking of which I read a not so nice book on seduction once which suggested that creating a dependency and trying to monopolise time and cut out friends is one of the ways to go about it, I didnt like that book but I dont doubt that its true, its something I'm wary off you know in relationships and advise others about.

Likewise any relationship shouldnt be the be all and end all for either party, I'd say they should have family, friends, pass times, interests, diversions besides the relationship.

 

[ObeyBunny]

He calls obsessively, everyday at least 3 times, will KEEP calling me until he can tape me down for a date. He'll show up at my job site, CALL me at work (when my boss answers, he has the audacity to bark at him to put me on the phone.) Every time he does it, I tell him that it's inappropriate for him to call/show up at my work, and that I'm busy, but he didn't stop until my BOSS PERSONALLY HAD TO CHEW HIM OUT. So now he emails my work email incessantly. :steam:

When I went to his place last week, I found a to-do list of his on top of his toilet. Listed on it, among the usual "7:00-8:00AM; gym :workout: " "8:00AM-8:30AM; groom" "8:30AM-9:00AM; commute to work" nonsense, I see about 5 entries listed on it about ME.

"12PM-1PM; lunch break -Find the ultimate diamond earrings online for Alex"
"7PM-7:30PM; brainstorm ways to convince Alex to switch gyms and join mine"
"9PM-10PM; write a song on guitar for Alex"

Oh, by the way, my name's Alex. Anyway, I forgot the other 2 things on it about me, but aside from his disarming OCD planning neuroticism, it's strange that at least 4 hours of his life (I assume by his list) is spent thinking about me. Sure it's kind of "cute", but it's more creepy. It is CU-REEEPY. Oh, and I found my personal SONG RECORDING TAPE in HIS APARTMENT, inside his stereo. He must have nabbed it from my place when I was taking a pee or something.

And jealousy. Every time I talk to guy friends, he'll step in and intrude, or worse, scare my friends off. And then I tell him to off, but he turns on me and accuses me of flirting. I tell him that his friends miss him, and to not rely on hanging out with me all the time = no avail.

When I jetted off to Brazil for 2 weeks without telling him, he went POSTAL, calling EVERYONE he knew I knew.

Okay, please read this.

I'm not joking or being sarcastic when I say that this guy sounds like a potential wife beater.


Here are some signs to look out for. The following are not my words, I took them from websites that tell you how to spot a wife beater:

1. Act overly jealous or possessive; accuse a woman of having affairs if she talks to another man; coerce her into sexual activity to prove her love;
   
2. Threaten, intimidate, harass, or punish a woman if she does not comply with her abusive partner's demands;
   
3. Isolate a woman from her friends, family, cultural or faith community, care providers, and prevent her from having independent activities such as work, English as a Second Language classes or other education;
   
4. Use the children to control a woman, for example undermine her authority as a parent or threaten to take them if she should leave;
   
5. Use a woman's disability or deafness to demean or control her;
   
6. Control the money - what is spent, how it is spent, not allow a woman access to financial resources, or conversely not contribute to any of the household expenses.

Commonly Asked Questions:

1. How many women are emotionally abused?
   -
   More women experience emotional abuse than physical violence. 35% of all women who are or have been in married or common-law relationships have experienced emotional abuse (1). In comparison, 29% of women have been physically assaulted by their male partners (2).
   -
2. Is emotional abuse a safety risk to women?
   -
   The presence of emotional abuse is the largest risk factor and greatest predictor of physical violence, especially where a woman is called names to put her down or make her feel bad (3). Emotionally abusive partners also commit murder or murder-suicide. Women are at most risk of being killed when they leave their partners (4). Women themselves can also be suicidal as a result of emotional abuse.
   -
3. How can emotional abuse be as hurtful or harmful as physical abuse?
   -
   Most women indicate that emotional abuse effects them as much, if not more than, physical violence. They report that emotional abuse is responsible for long-term problems with health, self-esteem, depression, and anxiety (5). In one study 72% of women reported that being ridiculed by their abusive partners had the greatest impact on them, followed by threats of abuse, jealousy, and restriction (or isolation). It was also found that the impact increased with the frequency of the emotional abuse (6). However, like women who are physically and sexually abused, emotionally abused women demonstrate incredible resilience and inner strength as they successfully balance the everyday demands of life such as children, school and work.
   -
4. Why don't women just leave?
   -
   Women generally do whatever they can to end the emotional abuse, whether directly or indirectly, such as trying to avoid, escape or resist their [abuser] in some way (8). Unfortunately, women who are emotionally abused often find that their experiences are minimized or misunderstood by those they turn to for help. In addition, beyond short-term emergency shelters and services, there are few long-term options available to abused women. The lack of accessible affordable housing, inadequate income support, legal aid, and day care prevent a woman from having the resources to live free from abuse. As a result of these and other barriers, an emotionally abused woman usually leaves her partner an average of five times before ending her relationship (9)
   -

I am not joking.

Abuse Signs

28 Signs of Abusers

Signs of a potential wife beater?? 10 POINTS BEST ANSWER!? - Yahoo! Answers

Symptoms of Emotional Abuse

Emotional Abuse Facts

 

[mrcockburn]

Hey thanks guys, but I've got it under control, and Swimfan is OUT of my life. (and nope, no 'feelings' about him except relief)

Just wondering how do I delete this thread? I don't need it anymore, and I don't really like that I'ze g0t @LL mAh BIZZZZ @ll Up 0n H3re...