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[ENTJ] Boyfriend is too CLINGY to be an ENTJ...

CzeCze

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No. :steam: He hasn't responded to my email, and he keeps calling my home number like nothing happened. I'm not answering it, though.

He's the first ENTJ I've ever dated, but I imagine most ENTJs would take a breakup by responding like this: "Fair enough. In that case, I wish you the best." Mature and direct.

Perhaps I'll call HIM, and if he answers (most likely), I'll tell him in a girly voice to hang up, because I want to leave a sexy surprise on his voicemail. Then I'll read aloud the email I sent to him on his voicemail. Good idea?

Breaking up by email is neither mature nor direct. I read your post in another thread about how he has proposed to you twice amongst other things (not sure if you posted that here already).

Someone who has invested that much emotional expenditure in you and imagined a life together is not going to accept an email buh-bye. It's extremely unrealistic to think anybody - especially someone who's already shown possessiveness and jealousy and with whom you've shown inconsistency - would take that at face value and move on without trying to find out from the source (you) what's going on.

He's not calling you like "nothing happened" he's calling you because he wants to know exactly what happened and he feels he deserves an answer from you directly - in person or over the phone.
 

tinkerbell

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^^ ++

mrcockburn - You are the one that is driving the ENTJ guy nuts, its your actions that are causing him to be a fruit looper. Maybe you need to look closer to home are really understand your own responcibilities in a relationship.

You've been seeing the guy for a year and you are giving it the credibility of someone you've casually dated. It's pretty harsh to then come on the board slagging him off because you've behaved in a way that has created such insecurity. Of course part of his desire is probably driven from that insecurity rather than really knowing you so you are defo making your own problems.

I'm totall with the email break up being really imature on your part, more so if he had proposed a few times. Its ok for you not to like breaking, but don't pretend its him that has the problem here. Likely to be your NT failing to recognise other peoples emotional signals and doing anything about them.
 

Thalassa

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^^ ++

mrcockburn - You are the one that is driving the ENTJ guy nuts, its your actions that are causing him to be a fruit looper. Maybe you need to look closer to home are really understand your own responcibilities in a relationship.

You've been seeing the guy for a year and you are giving it the credibility of someone you've casually dated. It's pretty harsh to then come on the board slagging him off because you've behaved in a way that has created such insecurity. Of course part of his desire is probably driven from that insecurity rather than really knowing you so you are defo making your own problems.

I'm totall with the email break up being really imature on your part, more so if he had proposed a few times. Its ok for you not to like breaking, but don't pretend its him that has the problem here. Likely to be your NT failing to recognise other peoples emotional signals and doing anything about them.

Yeah that's pretty much what I thought too...
 

Venom

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Shes clearly not telling the whole story...

Things HAD TO HAVE BEEN more normal for them to even REACH a point of "boyfriend and girlfriend". If he had been this nuts from the start, then she would never have let him in her her pants. Therefore, she must have done something to make him so insecure.

Its sad really, because now he'll get blamed. This is why apathy is a nice love strategy. There's never any reason to convince anyone to like you...because instead you're just apathetic about the whole thing :laugh:
 

tinkerbell

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Shes clearly not telling the whole story...

Things HAD TO HAVE BEEN more normal for them to even REACH a point of "boyfriend and girlfriend". If he had been this nuts from the start, then she would never have let him in her her pants. Therefore, she must have done something to make him so insecure.

Its sad really, because now he'll get blamed. This is why apathy is a nice love strategy. There's never any reason to convince anyone to like you...because instead you're just apathetic about the whole thing :laugh:

Exactly you don't spend a year deciding he is a nutter, insecurity is a product of lack of certainty and direction, firm footedness etc. The guys been screwed around.
 
D

Dali

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Breaking up by email is neither mature nor direct. I read your post in another thread about how he has proposed to you twice amongst other things (not sure if you posted that here already).

Someone who has invested that much emotional expenditure in you and imagined a life together is not going to accept an email buh-bye. It's extremely unrealistic to think anybody - especially someone who's already shown possessiveness and jealousy and with whom you've shown inconsistency - would take that at face value and move on without trying to find out from the source (you) what's going on.

He's not calling you like "nothing happened" he's calling you because he wants to know exactly what happened and he feels he deserves an answer from you directly - in person or over the phone.

^^ ++

mrcockburn - You are the one that is driving the ENTJ guy nuts, its your actions that are causing him to be a fruit looper. Maybe you need to look closer to home are really understand your own responcibilities in a relationship.

You've been seeing the guy for a year and you are giving it the credibility of someone you've casually dated. It's pretty harsh to then come on the board slagging him off because you've behaved in a way that has created such insecurity. Of course part of his desire is probably driven from that insecurity rather than really knowing you so you are defo making your own problems.

I'm totall with the email break up being really imature on your part, more so if he had proposed a few times. Its ok for you not to like breaking, but don't pretend its him that has the problem here. Likely to be your NT failing to recognise other peoples emotional signals and doing anything about them.

+1

I feel really sorry for the guy.
 

Thalassa

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+1

I feel really sorry for the guy.

I said that several pages ago when she was talking about jetting off to Brazil for two weeks without telling him, then expressing surprise that her bf of a year freaked out. WTF.
 

mrcockburn

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Well, sounds like I'm the BIG BAD WOLF now.

Seriously I had to do it through email, because he's such a wonkerpath that I need to have documented evidence that I clearly stated to terminate our relationship and eliminate all further contact.

And no, he wasn't this bad from the get-go. He always was a frequent caller, but he got worse, and with all the nonsense coming to light (like his FREAKING LISTS good god...), I had to do something.

And as for the Brazil thing, I wanted to take off and party for a little bit (I know a guy down there and some friends of his). It's no big deal, I do it all the time.

If my behavior was such ants in his pants, he should've just broken up with me instead of harrassing me. Any normal person would take a hint when they're being intrusive and mellow out.

I really would've expected that an ENTJ wouldn't carry on this nonsense, but he STILL hasn't responded to my email and KEEPS CALLING. DAMN. I think I'll tell him that I cheated on him...multiple times. That should work.

Look, this is my first "real relationship" (as opposed to fun fun flings), I suppose I'm just not good at it. Doesn't make me the villain here.
 
T

ThatGirl

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I don't think you are the "Big Bad Wolf."


Actually I think the dynamic that is happening in this thread is exactly the one that goes on between you and your ex man. Who is justified who isn't.

Fact is, it doesn't matter. It did work, or it didn't. Thats how realationships and dating are supposed to go.
 

mrcockburn

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I don't think you are the "Big Bad Wolf."


Actually I think the dynamic that is happening in this thread is exactly the one that goes on between you and your ex man. Who is justified who isn't.

Fact is, it doesn't matter. It did work, or it didn't. Thats how realationships and dating are supposed to go.

EXACTLY. I wouldn't even be on here ranting talking about it if he could just move on and accept my decision.
 

Thalassa

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Well, sounds like I'm the BIG BAD WOLF now.

Seriously I had to do it through email, because he's such a wonkerpath that I need to have documented evidence that I clearly stated to terminate our relationship and eliminate all further contact.

And no, he wasn't this bad from the get-go. He always was a frequent caller, but he got worse, and with all the nonsense coming to light (like his FREAKING LISTS good god...), I had to do something.

And as for the Brazil thing, I wanted to take off and party for a little bit (I know a guy down there and some friends of his). It's no big deal, I do it all the time.

If my behavior was such ants in his pants, he should've just broken up with me instead of harrassing me. Any normal person would take a hint when they're being intrusive and mellow out.

I really would've expected that an ENTJ wouldn't carry on this nonsense, but he STILL hasn't responded to my email and KEEPS CALLING. DAMN. I think I'll tell him that I cheated on him...multiple times. That should work.

Look, this is my first "real relationship" (as opposed to fun fun flings), I suppose I'm just not good at it. Doesn't make me the villain here.

You're not neccessarily a villian...and you should examine that he's not necessarily "crazy" either...yes "knowing a guy" down in Brazil and going to party with him and his friends without telling your boyfriend is not something adults usually do in a serious relationship, and the fact that you think that this is normal clues me in to what your perceptions might be and why you see things the way you do...there's nothing unreasonable about a guy who you've been in a relationship with for a year wanting to ask you why you broke up with him in an email.

It sounds to me like you're not ready for a committed relationship. And even if you were, this guy sounds like he's not your ideal. There's nothing wrong with that. Realistically, I'm sure you're both better off apart to find someone more suitable.
 

Amargith

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Well, sounds like I'm the BIG BAD WOLF now.

Seriously I had to do it through email, because he's such a wonkerpath that I need to have documented evidence that I clearly stated to terminate our relationship and eliminate all further contact.

And no, he wasn't this bad from the get-go. He always was a frequent caller, but he got worse, and with all the nonsense coming to light (like his FREAKING LISTS good god...), I had to do something.

And as for the Brazil thing, I wanted to take off and party for a little bit (I know a guy down there and some friends of his). It's no big deal, I do it all the time.

If my behavior was such ants in his pants, he should've just broken up with me instead of harrassing me. Any normal person would take a hint when they're being intrusive and mellow out.

I really would've expected that an ENTJ wouldn't carry on this nonsense, but he STILL hasn't responded to my email and KEEPS CALLING. DAMN. I think I'll tell him that I cheated on him...multiple times. That should work.

Look, this is my first "real relationship" (as opposed to fun fun flings), I suppose I'm just not good at it. Doesn't make me the villain here.

Look, the thing is that you're both acting equally immature. You're being evasive and non-committal, which is pushing his buttons and insecurities into overdrive and making him act like a total control freak, which makes your need to flee even bigger. You're probably both not ready for a long term relationship. Nothing wrong with that, it's just too bad you're both hurting each other also in the process.

Is there any way you could try and do this properly? You've got your written proof now, just answer his calls instead of ducking him, tell him once more that this isnt working for you and explain to him why. You owe him that much as you're the one breaking up. Right now you're probably causing him unnecessary stress (perhaps he hasn't even read the email and even if he has, he's bound to have questions as to the suddenness of this and wonder what the hell happened as you did put up with it before, which you can hardly blame him for). Also, telling him you cheated on him is like ripping out his heart. Plz don't inflict that much pain on someone else unnecessarily.

Just have the balls to tell him that this just aint working for you. Stop projecting blame and accountability on him only. You were in this together. If you can just clearly state why you think you're not compatible, and deal with the mess you both got yourselves into, this will go a lot smoother, I think. It's part of the learning curve, unfortunately. And purely from a practical pov, if you do handle this properly and give him closure, you're way more likely to have a clean break that won't breed resentment with both parties afterwards. I'd say opt for the short, uncomfortable and painful solution now and be done with it.
 

tinkerbell

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I'm with the others on the whole - your not the big bad wolf, but you are certainyl not the innocent nor the injured party here.

Mature responce would have bene to drop him 9 months ago if you weren't interested. He is insecure because you are making him so. SADLY sometimes such things not only make a recipient of that behaviour insecure it also heightens their desire for the person messing them around... hence you end up in the shoes you are in. He is not crazy just responding badly to what you are doing.
 

mrcockburn

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The deed is done!! :)

Just got home from a bar toniight, but when I was there, Mr. ENTJ called A-FUCKING-GAIN. I'd left my phone with my friend when it happened (using the toilet) and SHE ANSWERED IT (w/o my permission, but she actually did me a favor...) and basically told him, "Just fuck off, bro. Alex DOESN'T WANT YOU, get OVER it. She said she emailed your sorry ass to call it quits. And she already met someone else." Supposedly he went batshit calling back, but now the message has been delivered without me needing to converse with him anymore. I'm not answering the phone and I'm even crashing at her house for a few days...just until I'm sure he mellows out and moves on.

Problem solved! :D
 

Thalassa

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The deed is done!! :)

Just got home from a bar toniight, but when I was there, Mr. ENTJ called A-FUCKING-GAIN. I'd left my phone with my friend when it happened (using the toilet) and SHE ANSWERED IT (w/o my permission, but she actually did me a favor...) and basically told him, "Just fuck off, bro. Alex DOESN'T WANT YOU, get OVER it. She said she emailed your sorry ass to call it quits. And she already met someone else." Supposedly he went batshit calling back, but now the message has been delivered without me needing to converse with him anymore. I'm not answering the phone and I'm even crashing at her house for a few days...just until I'm sure he mellows out and moves on.

Problem solved! :D

:shock:
 
F

figsfiggyfigs

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The deed is done!! :)

Just got home from a bar toniight, but when I was there, Mr. ENTJ called A-FUCKING-GAIN. I'd left my phone with my friend when it happened (using the toilet) and SHE ANSWERED IT (w/o my permission, but she actually did me a favor...) and basically told him, "Just fuck off, bro. Alex DOESN'T WANT YOU, get OVER it. She said she emailed your sorry ass to call it quits. And she already met someone else." Supposedly he went batshit calling back, but now the message has been delivered without me needing to converse with him anymore. I'm not answering the phone and I'm even crashing at her house for a few days...just until I'm sure he mellows out and moves on.

Problem solved! :D

Umm... That's extremely immature. You need to deal with it YOURSELF, not have someone else do your dirty work.

Unless you do it yourself, in a matter which he will respect and take you seriously. This issue isn't going to be solved properly.

I'm surprised he hasn't kicked your ass to the curb yet... O_O


Seriously. You need to give him a proper farewell... closure. He deserves that much from you.
 
D

Dali

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The deed is done!! :)

Just got home from a bar toniight, but when I was there, Mr. ENTJ called A-FUCKING-GAIN. I'd left my phone with my friend when it happened (using the toilet) and SHE ANSWERED IT (w/o my permission, but she actually did me a favor...) and basically told him, "Just fuck off, bro. Alex DOESN'T WANT YOU, get OVER it. She said she emailed your sorry ass to call it quits. And she already met someone else." Supposedly he went batshit calling back, but now the message has been delivered without me needing to converse with him anymore. I'm not answering the phone and I'm even crashing at her house for a few days...just until I'm sure he mellows out and moves on.

Problem solved! :D

What a bitch move.
 
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