[ENTJ] Boyfriend is too CLINGY to be an ENTJ...

[JHBowden]

How do I DECLINGIFY him, and what's his real type??

I know this guy's type: beta male.

That he'll be dumped is inevitable; no advice is necessary!

mrcockburn, the bf needs to grow a pair. He should have kicked your ass to the curb after your Brazil stunt. He sounds like a mangina trying to keep you and please you in every way, as if your value is 100x of his. You could give him advice, but he'd probably obey you and follow your advice fastidiously, which would make things even more pathetic.

In short, he's being gooey where the pimp hand is needed, and he's breaking out the pimp hand when nonchalance is required.

ornstar:

 

[mrcockburn]

I know this guy's type: beta male.

That he'll be dumped is inevitable; no advice is necessary!

mrcockburn, the bf needs to grow a pair. He should have kicked your ass to the curb after your Brazil stunt. He sounds like a mangina trying to keep you and please you in every way, as if your value is 100x of his. You could give him advice, but he'd probably obey you and follow your advice fastidiously, which would make things even more pathetic.

In short, he's being gooey where the pimp hand is needed, and he's breaking out the pimp hand when nonchalance is required.

ornstar:

I have a right to go where I want when I want without telling anyone (except for my boss of course). I'm not 7 years old, and he's not my dad...or pimp daddy.

 

[Fidelia]

You certainly have that right, but normally if a relationship is going well, you wouldn't want your SO to be worried about you and you also would just let them know so that they feel they are an important part of your life. In your case, I can understand why you didn't, but it should indicate to you that something in the relationship is not good.

 

[Lady_X]

I have a right to go where I want when I want without telling anyone (except for my boss of course). I'm not 7 years old, and he's not my dad...or pimp daddy.

sure...if you're casually dating someone and not in the habit of informing each other about your lives but in a relationship things are different and you do include each other in such things...i can't imagine many people feeling differently about it.

have you dated people in the past that would have no issue with it?

 

[mrcockburn]

I broke up with him via email, laid everything out, and told him to email me back ONCE only to confirm receipt of the email. I made it crystal clear - if he continues to attempt contact with me or anyone solely affiliated to me, I would report the matter to appropriate authorities.

I had in fact, discussed my issues with his clinginess with him, and he'd always chill for a while and then slowly start back up, getting even worse than before. I don't have the patience to deal with this anymore. I certainly am not perfect - I've been messing around a little bit with other guys, but that's only because he drove me so nuts.

Funny how one of you mentioned Spencer Pratt...three separate people commented on that about him too. LOL

And his name's not Luciano, it's another romance-language name.

 

[mrcockburn]

sure...if you're casually dating someone and not in the habit of informing each other about your lives but in a relationship things are different and you do include each other in such things...i can't imagine many people feeling differently about it.

have you dated people in the past that would have no issue with it?

Yeah, especially this one ESTP I used be involved with. It was what people would consider a "relationship", but both of us were big travelers, and it was to be expected that one of us would go wherever whenever we felt like it. It was great, lots of freedom. But even then we'd email each other sometimes when we stopped by an internet cafe - but that's because we didn't have to worry about the other going bonkershit mad because we left without them.

(OK, I probably butchered the shit out of the grammar in this paragraph, but it's too early for consistent direct objects or whatever lol...)

 

[chris1207]

I'd like to point out that it's T's that are clingy not F's. F's know their emotions, T's, especially those with inferior F cognative functions, don't. As a result they try to engage emotions as much as they can on their terms at times which may be inappropriate to others.

He makes lists and schedules? Are you sure he isn't an SJ? Do ENTJ's make lists? I sure as shit don't.

For me personally, when I'm away from women it's often out of site out of mind with me. I know that my Fe will pick up right where it left off, emotions are easy to deal with and Ni Se will see some brilliant solution to any pitfalls I may have with the other person.

When I'm alone, like right now I like to engage my Ni and Ti, a quest which has little to do with emotions and more to do with clarity of perception.

I know this was a little OT but I hope it helps!

 

[tcda]

Yeah, especially this one ESTP I used be involved with. It was what people would consider a "relationship", but both of us were big travelers, and it was to be expected that one of us would go wherever whenever we felt like it. It was great, lots of freedom. But even then we'd email each other sometimes when we stopped by an internet cafe - but that's because we didn't have to worry about the other going bonkershit mad because we left without them.

(OK, I probably butchered the shit out of the grammar in this paragraph, but it's too early for consistent direct objects or whatever lol...)

That was an exception. going to Brazil for two weeks and not telling your partner is not very normal. I would consider it a deliberate provocation - which seeing his behaviour is perhaps what you intended it as?

Just sayin'.

 

[chris1207]

Lol, brazil. I thought you guys where talking about sleeping around rather than traveling. I was like, "I know perceivers can be nonchalant about many things but seriously! Who are these ppl I'm talking to? No wonder that guy is going off the deep end if his girl is sleeping around!" Teaches me that I should read more of the posts before I come to conclusions

 

[ThatGirl]

Sounds to me like you did him a favor.

*Sorry was just deleting some old posts and stumbled on this thread.

What stuck out in your OP to me was the fact that he didn't act like this with other people. Then as I read through the thread I started noticing a theme of you jumping on the defense every time someone has called you out on anything. I also noticed that everything you referenced was as it pertained to you.

I think you probably both contributed to a toxic cycle. I get the idea that you are attracted to his obsession when you want it. You probably alternate between appreciation and pushing. Example, encourage his behavior when you want it around, keeping him in place while you fuck around on the side. I also think he probably gets frustrated, specially if you know he needs/wants more from you and is a regimented control freak.

Eh, I am not going to get too much into it, but the whole situation wreaks of ick.

 

[chris1207]

"he was more focused on work." Yes he was and now he's developing his lower-down Fi. It's like me going crazy for mp3 players and audio equipment a few years ago (Se) and now being preoccupied with parsing things (Ti - I like to sit at work when I don't have customers and make distinctions between different products of the same type (very helpful for sales) - Though admittedly I suck at it, I just don't give it enough time.)

 

[JHBowden]

mrcockburn: I have a right to go where I want when I want

[YOUTUBE="lZLVi4v7lSM"]what evah! i do what i want![/YOUTUBE]

 

[mrcockburn]

Yeah, I probably just made things worse, because I had no idea what to do with the guy. My attitude with him is like, "I like your good qualities, so I'll have fun with you when I want to, but I'll do what I want to do, whether you like it or not". So I finally just axed him today, as that is probably the easiest solution in the long run. His negative qualities are now eeping in far too much.

 

[miss fortune]

I'd like to point out that it's T's that are clingy not F's. F's know their emotions, T's, especially those with inferior F cognative functions, don't. As a result they try to engage emotions as much as they can on their terms at times which may be inappropriate to others.

He makes lists and schedules? Are you sure he isn't an SJ? Do ENTJ's make lists? I sure as shit don't.

For me personally, when I'm away from women it's often out of site out of mind with me. I know that my Fe will pick up right where it left off, emotions are easy to deal with and Ni Se will see some brilliant solution to any pitfalls I may have with the other person.

When I'm alone, like right now I like to engage my Ni and Ti, a quest which has little to do with emotions and more to do with clarity of perception.

I know this was a little OT but I hope it helps!

maybe healthy ones (and that applies to either type!) but I know some incredibly clingy unhealthy Fs (including an ENFJ )

 

[mrcockburn]

[YOUTUBE="lZLVi4v7lSM"]what evah! i do what i want![/YOUTUBE]

ROFL :yim_rolling_on_the_:

I suspected I might come off like that. Damn you for calling me out on it!

 

[CzeCze]

^^ It's good you can keep a sense of humor about it and take the criticism. I've skimmed through the first and last few pages and it seems like while your bf might have had some latent tendencies you also made him crazy.

I think in the future if you want to avoid similar scenarios, give a lot more thought to someone's baseline personality/expectations/behavior *before* you start a relationship with them. And think about how much you are willing to adapt/flex with them. I think with anyone this kind of attitude

"I like your good qualities, so I'll have fun with you when I want to, but I'll do what I want to do, whether you like it or not"

Is pretty much setting out to to create problems in their relationship from the get-go or hasten a break-up. That's not really a relationship mentality, it's a fwb or casual fling mentality.

Because usually people show you early on who they are and what they are about (being blindsided is one thing, but this wasn't the case in your current ex situation). Character traits, habits, and idiosyncrasies you don't like only get *worse* not better on their own. When they do improve, it's because both people in the relationship worked on it together. So if you know from the get go that you don't want to deal with [xxx] at all, don't get serious with someone because it'll just get worse later until the relationship reaches the breaking point.

Or you can keep dating ESTPs who like to travel alot.

 

[Lady_X]

Yeah, especially this one ESTP I used be involved with. It was what people would consider a "relationship", but both of us were big travelers, and it was to be expected that one of us would go wherever whenever we felt like it. It was great, lots of freedom. But even then we'd email each other sometimes when we stopped by an internet cafe - but that's because we didn't have to worry about the other going bonkershit mad because we left without them.

(OK, I probably butchered the shit out of the grammar in this paragraph, but it's too early for consistent direct objects or whatever lol...)

yeah not a thing wrong with that but it isn't typical so you might want to just realize that when you get involved with other people and if it's a need tell them about it beforehand...just sayin his reaction doesn't seem all that crazy in that context...everything else...totally nuts tho.

so...is he taking it well?

 

[mrcockburn]

yeah not a thing wrong with that but it isn't typical so you might want to just realize that when you get involved with other people and if it's a need tell them about it beforehand...just sayin his reaction doesn't seem all that crazy in that context...everything else...totally nuts tho.

so...is he taking it well?

No. :steam: He hasn't responded to my email, and he keeps calling my home number like nothing happened. I'm not answering it, though.

He's the first ENTJ I've ever dated, but I imagine most ENTJs would take a breakup by responding like this: "Fair enough. In that case, I wish you the best." Mature and direct.

Perhaps I'll call HIM, and if he answers (most likely), I'll tell him in a girly voice to hang up, because I want to leave a sexy surprise on his voicemail. Then I'll read aloud the email I sent to him on his voicemail. Good idea?

 

[King sns]

No. :steam: He hasn't responded to my email, and he keeps calling my home number like nothing happened. I'm not answering it, though.

He's the first ENTJ I've ever dated, but I imagine most ENTJs would take a breakup by responding like this: "Fair enough. In that case, I wish you the best." Mature and direct.

Perhaps I'll call HIM, and if he answers (most likely), I'll tell him in a girly voice to hang up, because I want to leave a sexy surprise on his voicemail. Then I'll read aloud the email I sent to him on his voicemail. Good idea?

I dated an ENTJ, and he was actually not cool, calm, or collected at all. He wasn't stalky or creepy like the one that you mentioned, but one thing I did notice, was that he was a little bit relationship retarded. He was really intense in his loving and didn't always know how to act appropriately. Some tertiary Fi stuff going on, maybe? I don't know. I didn't find him to be all that mature and direct in every situation. Current conlcusion: ENTJ's can be weird in love. They are very intense people that are used to going after what they want in life, and receiving it. They are not used to gray areas like relationships.

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

I dated an ENTJ, and he was actually not cool, calm, or collected at all. He wasn't stalky or creepy like the one that you mentioned, but one thing I did notice, was that he was a little bit relationship retarded. He was really intense in his loving and didn't always know how to act appropriately. Some tertiary Fi stuff going on, maybe? I don't know. I didn't find him to be all that mature and direct in every situation. Current conlcusion: ENTJ's can be weird in love. They are very intense people that are used to going after what they want in life, and receiving it. They are not used to gray areas like relationships.

TRUE.

I HATE gray areas. I want to know where I'm standing. On water or land so to speak. Relationships are a HUGE gray area.

I know I hate when guys ask me " so where is this going". However, I do like to know where things are going, I just don't like being put on the spot like that. Openly discussing the future as we're having a comfortable and enjoyable conversation is ALWAYS a great way to do it.... It darkens the shade a bit.. : )

Like you said, if something isn't going the way we expect it to, we'll be surprised. Something is "wrong", and we'll try to improve it. If it continues to discourse, that will be extremely irritating. Especially if we fall in love. I think, I would freak out if I ever fell in love. I'd hate to lose control of my emotions/heart/"feelings". Losing control of a situation is a nightmare. I doubt that I will lose control, but I fear my judgment might be blurred, maybe even blinded at times.

I'm intense in the sense that I'm very careful with myself, and will try to contort a situation so that I'm "safe" from losing control or taking a path that will lead me that way. I would hate falling, without someone falling along with me, otherwise, I think I acutally might come off as "intense". I hope that won't be the case, since it hasn't happened to me before. But circumstance change I guess....

I believe this guy feels like he lost control of himself and the situation and is trying everything to salvage whats left without realizing that he's only sabotaging it more.