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[ENTJ] Boyfriend is too CLINGY to be an ENTJ...

mrcockburn

Aquaria
Joined
Jan 3, 2010
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At this point are you no longer interested in dating him? Is this question about how to end it rather than how to fix these "problems"?

Yeah. I need to know how to fix these problems so that WHEN I break up with him, I won't come back on here as MrHeadChopped. (I'm female by the way, as both my forum name and real name are ambiguous).
 

Jonny

null
Joined
Sep 8, 2009
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3,134
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FREE
Do you really think he could be potentially dangerous? There are plenty of creepers out there who aren't dangerous at all. The reason I ask is because if he isn't likely to be a threat, it might be wise to end things straightforwardly, rather than attempt some sort of "attitude adjustment."
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
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This stood out to me:

When I jetted off to Brazil for 2 weeks without telling him, he went POSTAL, calling EVERYONE he knew I knew.

So knowing how possessive he is and how he obsessively checks on your location 24/7 you purposely did not tell him you were going somewhere? Were you already mentally breaking up with him or is this *before* he got super possessive? How long has he behaved this way towards you and how long have you been dating exclusively?

I'd be interested in hearing about how you two got together and if there were small things at the beginning that set him off - do you have a lot of male friends, do you usually not talk to your SO's everyday? Etc. Has he been cheated on in the past? And this sounds obvious, but did you ever cheat on him (and he found out)?
 

Lady_X

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i didn't even SEE that! was that added later? if you're the type to take off for 2 weeks w/o telling your bf you are with the worst possible guy for you! but...you probably really should tell people close to you that kind of info.
 

JustHer

Pumpernickel
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Aug 7, 2009
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1,954
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ENTJ
Sounds like he has some issues he needs to work out with his mother
 

Magic Poriferan

^He pronks, too!
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Sounds like he has some issues he needs to work out with his mother

sigmund-freud-med.jpg
 

Quiet

New member
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282
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CzeCze and Lady X have brought up some good questions and points. I wondered similarly myself.
 

tinkerbell

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Aug 31, 2008
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3,487
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The Jelousy thing is simple anthropology, men gaurd their mates.

He is insecure of your - he clearly into you more than you are into him hence his behaviour. It's likely you are doing something to drive or maintin the insececurity.

If you like him - then work at making him secure, remove what he is being OCD about. For instance if he is email all the time say I don't like it, reduce it down to 1 email a day and I will be content, we will see each other on the 4th etc. If not then breka it off

Draw strong boundaries and give him consiquences - if he doesn't follow the rules cancel dates.

You do sound as if you quite like him but he does need a firm hand. an ENTJ will respect you more for them
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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I'm with Elaur. I think his temporary insanity is literally due to overuse of his own frigging chemical coctail, also known as infatuation.

Fi is going mental coz he wants a strong bond with you but feels like you're constantly slithering away, and is giving Te the order to just gain control of the situation already..which he's desperately trying to do.

Personally (disclaimer: don't do this if you thin k he might actually harm you), I'd sit his ass down, tell him to shut up and explain him everything into detail of what's bugging you and how he will lose you if he keeps it up. Then, tell him how to keep you. Give him the outline, the rules on how you work, coz it's clear that he has no clue what to do to get you to return that affection he feels for you, and it's driving him mental.

Make it perfectly clear that if he ignores you on this, you're out the door. Then tell him he can speak. See what he says. If necessary, drive your point home. At this point, ask him what it is he needs to stop being this OCD. What it is that is making him do this. And how you can come to a win-win situation where both your needs are met, so he gets his say too.

If he's not open for adjustment and just keeps wanting to control you...dump his ass.

All in all, the way you described him though, I'd say the poor man has a case of being completely head over heels for you and not knowhing how to handle it properly ;)
Show him some understanding...Fi is a bitch that way :D
 
F

figsfiggyfigs

Guest
Kick him to the curb... seriously... This guy is a major control freak. You don't want an obsessive person like that in your life. I'm surprised he lasted this long. Why didn't you cut and run earlier?

I don't really know what to say about him caring. It DOES sound like he really cares for you, but it's to the point of wanting to own you/your time.


In my honest opinion. He sounds like Spencer Pratt....one in the world is enough.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
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I'm with Elaur. I think his temporary insanity is literally due to overuse of his own frigging chemical coctail, also known as infatuation.

Fi is going mental coz he wants a strong bond with you but feels like you're constantly slithering away, and is giving Te the order to just gain control of the situation already..which he's desperately trying to do.

Personally (disclaimer: don't do this if you thin k he might actually harm you), I'd sit his ass down, tell him to shut up and explain him everything into detail of what's bugging you and how he will lose you if he keeps it up. Then, tell him how to keep you. Give him the outline, the rules on how you work, coz it's clear that he has no clue what to do to get you to return that affection he feels for you, and it's driving him mental.

Make it perfectly clear that if he ignores you on this, you're out the door. Then tell him he can speak. See what he says. If necessary, drive your point home. At this point, ask him what it is he needs to stop being this OCD. What it is that is making him do this. And how you can come to a win-win situation where both your needs are met, so he gets his say too.

If he's not open for adjustment and just keeps wanting to control you...dump his ass.

All in all, the way you described him though, I'd say the poor man has a case of being completely head over heels for you and not knowhing how to handle it properly ;)
Show him some understanding...Fi is a bitch that way :D

okay...am i loosing it? did elaur even post? why do i feel like there's whole posts i'm not seeing.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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okay...am i loosing it? did elaur even post? why do i feel like there's whole posts i'm not seeing.

No, you're not, I am. I meant Tinkerbell :doh:
 

Lady_X

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wait...tinkerbell? who's that?
 

Lady_X

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oh...gamine?
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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The Jelousy thing is simple anthropology, men gaurd their mates.

He is insecure of your - he clearly into you more than you are into him hence his behaviour. It's likely you are doing something to drive or maintin the insececurity.

If you like him - then work at making him secure, remove what he is being OCD about. For instance if he is email all the time say I don't like it, reduce it down to 1 email a day and I will be content, we will see each other on the 4th etc. If not then breka it off

Draw strong boundaries and give him consiquences - if he doesn't follow the rules cancel dates.

You do sound as if you quite like him but he does need a firm hand. an ENTJ will respect you more for them


^ Tinkerbell :D
 

Lady_X

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oh!! tinkerbell! of course..why didn't you say so.... :blush:
 

Betty Blue

Let me count the ways
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Yes, he DID put "groom" on his to-do list. AND he wrote a time-slot to prepare the next day's to-do list. facepalm x infinity.

He is coming off as creepy to me now. I used to roll my eyes and let it go because I thought he'd get over it, but no.

In lieu of an outright breakup, should I just completely avoid him 100% and hope that we can drift away naturally? It's that chainsaw thing, ya know...


How long have you been seeing each other?
Sounds like he's very insecure regarding your relationship. Be honest with him, set up some boundries and let him go away and think about it. To be honest he sounds a lot like my SO (XSTJ) especially in the controlling sense but then i want to fix things not break up. Do you want to break up or fix things? If you take away the ocd and controlling factors does he measure up?
Everyone has difficulties in relationships at some point, it's about what you want though.
 

mrcockburn

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I've been seeing him for a year. I met him in an outdoor concert, when he had tripped over my friends and I lying on the grass. :devil:

He's intelligent, fun, and attractive in a quirky way (he looks almost *exactly* like Michael from the Sopranos, except he doesn't wear those 80s mafia gangsta suits). As for what my friends think? They're suspicious, though my astrology fiend friend says that he's "dominated by Scorpio", and that I'm "dominated by Aquarius", so the relationship is full of bad vibes.

What the hell she's talking about, I don't know.
 

Lady_X

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haha...i thought it funny that my ex istj kept a pen and paper in his pocket for to do lists but it had like 3 or 4 things just jotted down...this dude seems to have a serious issue of some kind.
 
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