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[NT] A Question for E/INTJ - what is the attraction?

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
2,062
MBTI Type
ENFP
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7w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Tell me what the NTJ attraction is with I/ENFP? Normally I'm quite good at looking at something from multiple perspectives, but I'm having trouble with this one. What I see in NTJ's that makes them attractive to me seems like it should be obvious to all : intelligence, personal power, logical thinking, strong adherence to what they believe is right, extraordinary loyalty to their loved ones, an ability to look at things without fear. But, when I try to reverse the angle, I just don't see it. My bestfriend (ENTJ) tells me she loves me because I'm "sweet without being sickening or saccharin", which I assume is a compliment.

Enlighten me please.
 

Usehername

On a mission
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
3,794
Tell me what the NTJ attraction is with I/ENFP? Normally I'm quite good at looking at something from multiple perspectives, but I'm having trouble with this one. What I see in NTJ's that makes them attractive to me seems like it should be obvious to all : intelligence, personal power, logical thinking, strong adherence to what they believe is right, extraordinary loyalty to their loved ones, an ability to look at things without fear. But, when I try to reverse the angle, I just don't see it. My bestfriend (ENTJ) tells me she loves me because I'm "sweet without being sickening or saccharin", which I assume is a compliment.

Enlighten me please.

I think NTJs gravitate to ENFPs when they recognize that one's life's priorities should include a childlike wonder and engagement with the world. We can't help but see life as a chessboard; we can't help but try to detach and predict and control. Getting zapped with NFP vibes communicating to us that we should chill and ride the waves of life helps us out.

EDIT in a story encapsulating :heart: for ENFP:

I keep few photos on display; one of the few that I will always keep in a frame is a grainy taken-at-dusk photo of ENFP friend because of what it represents to me. We were on a canoe trip and had set up camp on an island already. While we were paddling around the area fishing for the evening, ENFP, in mid-conversation and quite far out from land, stepped out of the canoe onto a single square foot of rock surrounded by water.

He cast his fishing line on that rock and we paddled far away from him, leaving him standing on his own. He never checked with words or even a glance, he just had faith that his friends were going to eventually paddle back and pick him up. He stood there, and cast his line, and fished without needing to control anything.

I want to grow to take on some of that character. I will always have that grainy photo on display to remind me of this.
 

thescientist

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2009
Messages
254
MBTI Type
INTJ
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5w4
Tell me what the NTJ attraction is with I/ENFP? Normally I'm quite good at looking at something from multiple perspectives, but I'm having trouble with this one. What I see in NTJ's that makes them attractive to me seems like it should be obvious to all : intelligence, personal power, logical thinking, strong adherence to what they believe is right, extraordinary loyalty to their loved ones, an ability to look at things without fear. But, when I try to reverse the angle, I just don't see it. My bestfriend (ENTJ) tells me she loves me because I'm "sweet without being sickening or saccharin", which I assume is a compliment.

Enlighten me please.

Because they're everything we're not. Adventurous, spontaneous, inspiring, unpredictable, intriguing, random, socially adept, child-like...
 

Coriolis

Si vis pacem, para bellum
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27,230
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sp/sx
An ENFP can bring an INTJ out of his shell as few others can. They are sensitive and perceptive enough (assuming they really care about the INTJ) to get the INTJ to override personal inhibitions, reservations, etc. and step out of their comfort zone without coming across as overbearing. The shared N enables the two to connect on a deep level. Shared Fi probably also helps. The two will often see the same thing from radically different angles, but then reach similar conclusions for different reasons. Yes, it is a good example of complementarity at work.
 

poppy

triple nerd score
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5
NFPs can actually chill out and not need everything to be categorized and defined. They thrive in the nebulous, and they're absolute humanists who won't nitpick us for our faults (we do that enough for the most part).

Also they're super thoughtful and take good care of us!

Geez. I could use some more of them in my life.
 

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
2,062
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ENFP
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7w6
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so/sx
EDIT in a story encapsulating :heart: for ENFP:

I keep few photos on display; one of the few that I will always keep in a frame is a grainy taken-at-dusk photo of ENFP friend because of what it represents to me. We were on a canoe trip and had set up camp on an island already. While we were paddling around the area fishing for the evening, ENFP, in mid-conversation and quite far out from land, stepped out of the canoe onto a single square foot of rock surrounded by water.

He cast his fishing line on that rock and we paddled far away from him, leaving him standing on his own. He never checked with words or even a glance, he just had faith that his friends were going to eventually paddle back and pick him up. He stood there, and cast his line, and fished without needing to control anything.

I want to grow to take on some of that character. I will always have that grainy photo on display to remind me of this.

:heart: Wonderful story. Of course, for me, I would have attempted to step out on the rock and ended up in the water with the fishes. lol



Because they're everything we're not. Adventurous, spontaneous, inspiring, unpredictable, intriguing, random, socially adept, child-like...

Very concisely said. :) And what it is about these aspects that you find appealing? I've seen an old INTJ male friend of mine get SO frustrated with me sometimes precisely because I'm so unlike him. I'd hate to think what I am is antagonizing to what he is.


An ENFP can bring an INTJ out of his shell as few others can. They are sensitive and perceptive enough (assuming they really care about the INTJ) to get the INTJ to override personal inhibitions, reservations, etc. and step out of their comfort zone without coming across as overbearing. The shared N enables the two to connect on a deep level. Shared Fi probably also helps. The two will often see the same thing from radically different angles, but then reach similar conclusions for different reasons. Yes, it is a good example of complementarity at work.

I used to take said INTJ male friend out with me a lot, because he would freeze up in social situations - sort of like a wingman, I guess. I enjoyed it - I didn't want people to miss out on how funny and smart he was. He just needed help getting over the hump. And in return, I got an evening of fascinating conversations. :)


NFPs can actually chill out and not need everything to be categorized and defined. They thrive in the nebulous, and they're absolute humanists who won't nitpick us for our faults (we do that enough for the most part).

Also they're super thoughtful and take good care of us!

Geez. I could use some more of them in my life.

Well! Consider yourself adopted. Now you can get the Twin Sandwich Hug treatment! If an ENFP/ ENFJ sandwich hug won't rip spacetime that is. But I'm up for trying it anyway. :D
 

poppy

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Well! Consider yourself adopted. Now you can get the Twin Sandwich Hug treatment! If an ENFP/ ENFJ sandwich hug won't rip spacetime that is. But I'm up for trying it anyway. :D

I think my mind just exploded imagining being hugged by you and Domino at the same time. Oh my goodness. It would be like being inside of a s'more.
 

FallsPioneer

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Dec 21, 2007
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INTJ
I've seen an old INTJ male friend of mine get SO frustrated with me sometimes precisely because I'm so unlike him. I'd hate to think what I am is antagonizing to what he is.

That's because it can go both ways. INTJ's could love ENFP's for who they are or hate them for who they are, and the same for ENFP's for INTJ's. I don't think it necessarily means anything that your friend got frustrated, as far as any universal dynamic between ENFP's and INTJ's.

What I like about ENFP's, the traits that can show up that I like include: they can both take things as they are and see the potential in things, their capacity for devotion and great emotional investment, and looking at things from others' perspectives.
 

murkrow

Branded with Satan
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Jul 19, 2008
Messages
1,635
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INTJ
ENFP enthusiasm is great, always ready to tempt the next step.
 

Uytuun

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nnnn
Because they're everything we're not. Adventurous, spontaneous, inspiring, unpredictable, intriguing, random, socially adept, child-like...

I resent this.

It's morphin' time!

ESFP9.jpg
 

runvardh

にゃん
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^ So maybe how a particular NTJ feels/thinks about NFPs in general may have something to do with their relationship with their tertiary and inferior functions?
 

Litvyak

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Enlighten me please.

I can only speak for myself: they're everything I'm not, without being shallow or stupid. This is an attractive feature in itself. We're different in almost every aspects, except for a few crucial points which makes the connection possible.

I think NTJs gravitate to ENFPs when they recognize that one's life's priorities should include a childlike wonder and engagement with the world. We can't help but see life as a chessboard; we can't help but try to detach and predict and control. Getting zapped with NFP vibes communicating to us that we should chill and ride the waves of life helps us out.

This.

ETA:

Because they're everything we're not.

Lol.
 

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
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That's because it can go both ways. INTJ's could love ENFP's for who they are or hate them for who they are, and the same for ENFP's for INTJ's. I don't think it necessarily means anything that your friend got frustrated, as far as any universal dynamic between ENFP's and INTJ's.

What I like about ENFP's, the traits that can show up that I like include: they can both take things as they are and see the potential in things, their capacity for devotion and great emotional investment, and looking at things from others' perspectives.

Well, he decided on an INTP girl to date, and everything is much calmer now. I think he just feels calmer around other Thinkers. Feelers make him want to "protect" us all the time, and it must really wear him out.

I resent this.

It's morphin' time!

ESFP9.jpg

WHOAwhoawhoa now! Were you standing in my room while I was getting dressed?! Privacy please!

My only real criticism of that outfit is that she's clearly afraid of color. Branch out, woman! :D

I can only speak for myself: they're everything I'm not, without being shallow or stupid. This is an attractive feature in itself. We're different in almost every aspects, except for a few crucial points which makes the connection possible.

I find it very gratifying to talk with INTJ's - they have such a broad subject range, with such deep knowledge, and don't seem to mind me asking a million questions. One of my INTJ friends was great to have around - I could point at anything, ask him what it was and what it was made of, and he could tell me. Fascinating.

So let me ask this : is delving into the Feeling realm ( by engaging an ENFP in a relationship ) a disturbing prospect? This isn't my point of reference ( it obviously doesn't frighten me at all ) so I'm curious to know. I've heard descriptions of being unnerved, or afraid of the vulnerability that feelings can create(?). I don't feel intimidated by their intelligence - I appreciate it. I'm not afraid of their logic. What would cause fear of emotions? Distrust perhaps? fear of looking foolish?
 

JustHer

Pumpernickel
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Aug 7, 2009
Messages
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NFPs are actually the types i am least likely to be attracted to.. i think enfp love is much more of an intj thing.
 

nynesneg

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Oct 18, 2009
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ENFJ
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I find it very gratifying to talk with INTJ's - they have such a broad subject range, with such deep knowledge, and don't seem to mind me asking a million questions. One of my INTJ friends was great to have around - I could point at anything, ask him what it was and what it was made of, and he could tell me. Fascinating.

So let me ask this : is delving into the Feeling realm ( by engaging an ENFP in a relationship ) a disturbing prospect? This isn't my point of reference ( it obviously doesn't frighten me at all ) so I'm curious to know. I've heard descriptions of being unnerved, or afraid of the vulnerability that feelings can create(?). I don't feel intimidated by their intelligence - I appreciate it. I'm not afraid of their logic. What would cause fear of emotions? Distrust perhaps? fear of looking foolish?
I think both of these can go hand in hand.

I LOVE intelligence in people. :D Akin to how you described it. Learning new things makes me feel invigorated and it's just fascinated.

However I have felt intimidated by very smart INTx type friends before when they state things very matter-of-factly which I had no clue about. In social circles usually I'm the expert in my specific areas, and people think I'm smart, so this type of interaction for an extended time can be unnerving.

On the flip side, if they have developed some of their lesser functions... the two types can create an incredibly rewarding dynamic.
 

Metamorphosis

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I find it very gratifying to talk with INTJ's - they have such a broad subject range, with such deep knowledge, and don't seem to mind me asking a million questions. One of my INTJ friends was great to have around - I could point at anything, ask him what it was and what it was made of, and he could tell me. Fascinating.

I think INTJs really enjoy teaching enthusiastic people and sharing knowledge in general. I've always felt somewhat mentor-ish around ENFPs.

The truth is that we are really mutually beneficial to each other. We give ENFPs stability and protection and help them reach their potential. ENFPs show us that it's ok to act crazy/spontaneously and care about people and life. It reminds me of Man On Fire :wubbie: when Christopher Walken says, "She showed him it was alright to live again." INTJs look at things and see the problems. We see what's wrong and fix it. ENFPs see what's already right and appreciate it. This is especially true with younger INTJs before we learn to do it on our own. It's easier for us to appreciate the beautiful things in life through an ENFPs enthusiasm, maybe, than doing it directly.

Plus, I think we like taking care of people and raising them up, and ENFPs are a lot like kids. They're open and honest and fun, but sometimes they need to be spanked and brought back to reality.

Likewise, there is something intoxicating about being out of our comfort zone. When simple eye contact can make you feel like you're being consumed and you become completely unaware of the rest of reality but you can't get enough, anyway. I'm used to having an intimidating, controlling presence, and it's nice when you meet someone that can look past that to how you really are.

Mostly, they show us what we didn't even realize we were missing. It's easy for an INTJ to be starved physically and emotionally and think of it as just the way things are.
 

SillySapienne

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I think INTJs really enjoy teaching enthusiastic people and sharing knowledge in general. I've always felt somewhat mentor-ish around ENFPs.

The truth is that we are really mutually beneficial to each other. We give ENFPs stability and protection and help them reach their potential. ENFPs show us that it's ok to act crazy/spontaneously and care about people and life. It reminds me of Man On Fire :wubbie: when Christopher Walken says, "She showed him it was alright to live again." INTJs look at things and see the problems. We see what's wrong and fix it. ENFPs see what's already right and appreciate it. This is especially true with younger INTJs before we learn to do it on our own. It's easier for us to appreciate the beautiful things in life through an ENFPs enthusiasm, maybe, than doing it directly.

Plus, I think we like taking care of people and raising them up, and ENFPs are a lot like kids. They're open and honest and fun, but sometimes they need to be spanked and brought back to reality.

Likewise, there is something intoxicating about being out of our comfort zone. When simple eye contact can make you feel like you're being consumed and you become completely unaware of the rest of reality but you can't get enough, anyway. I'm used to having an intimidating, controlling presence, and it's nice when you meet someone that can look past that to how you really are.

Mostly, they show us what we didn't even realize we were missing. It's easy for an INTJ to be starved physically and emotionally and think of it as just the way things are.

wow, just wow.
 

Rebe

New member
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Nov 15, 2009
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4sop
^ I am not sure if she means her wow as good or bad haha.

So I am reading a lot of ENFPs plus INTJs = potentially awesome, what about infps and intjs? I like em too. :( a lot.
 
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